Prayers for my Dad

[2tiredmom]

My dad is 82 yrs old. Back in September we had to put him in a nursing home because he lived alone and fell. Ended up fracturing his pelvis. So he went in for rehab. We ended up getting him out on Thanksgiving because he was doing so well.
He is a small man but can be very strong when he wants to be. We lost my oldest brother almost 8 years ago he was 45 and still lived at home with my parents.
Then 6 years ago we lost my mom. SO dad has lived alone for almost 6 years.
My youngest and only other living sibling took him home to live with him and his family. I could not have him living up here with us because I have to work and he was in need of full time supervision. So my SIL!!!! My brothers 3rd wife, does not work. But she is one of those people that KNOWS IT ALL! Any way my dad can get violent. SO they have a health nurse that comes in 2 times a week to check up on him. TOday my SIL was watching her3 yr old grandson and my dad cornered him and was being a bully. The nurse thinks it may be his meds. But he was talking out of his head and was talking about how they better watch out for when my deceased brother gets home he was going to throw a fit. They are coming tomorrow to re-evaluate him. He may end up going to a Mental facility. SO if you would please say a prayer for the doctors to figure out whats going on and can help him. Thanks so much.

[Janet]

So sorry to hear this Linda. Hopefully it's just the meds and a change in them will make the violent tendencies go away. He may not have to go to a mental facility, maybe just a nursing home where his meds
can be monitored. I will keep you and your dad in my prayers.

[2tiredmom]

Talked to my brother last night. Dad is suffering form dementica (sp). A hospice nurse came out last night. SO he will need to be evaluated by a doctor and will
have to go from there. She told my brother to make sure someone is with him at all times. He could very easily walk out of the house and no one would know when he left.. so they have to put a bell on all the doors. Thats the scoop for now. Thanks
Janet.

[Janet]

I wish there was someway I could help or at least give you a hug. It so hard when our parents are failing. Keep us posted.

[Blueyes]

It's just so hard! I dealt with a lot of that with my father-in-law. He finally had to go to a nursing home with a wing that locked down, because he was an escape artist,lol.

[DianaB]

That's too bad, Linda. I just hate to hear of our parents having problems. I hope that a change in his meds will take care of it. It's surprising the effects some meds can have. I'll be praying.

[JJJ]

I'm so sorry. I know it must be really hard to hear that. All you can do is be supportive. Big cyber hugs going your way.

[2tiredmom]

Thanks girls, I talked to my brother again this evening. The hospise nurse told him totake him to the emergency room since his dr is on vacation. I have not heard from him yet. He was mean again today. It's like something all of a sudden snapped. Will let you know when i hear more. Thanks so much for all your thoughts and prayers.

[Janet]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Linda.

[DianaB]

Hugs, Linda.

[judy]

I am so sorry, Linda. He is in my prayers.

My friend's 97 year old Mom just went into a nursing home for dementia. Yesterday was the first time she was violent. That's a symptom of dementia, and they are talking about medication. My friend doesn't want her Mom too sedated though. She is mobile, and, when she remembers, has a group of "the girls" she sits with. She does have a safety bracelet on so that she cannot escape though. It sets off an alarm.

The most difficult part is when the person realizes that their thinking and memory are gone. Hopefully, your Dad does not have those moments. Just love him the way he is, and do not expect him to be lucid for long.

[2tiredmom]

Thank you all.

[gja1000]

I'm so sorry Linda. Somehow I missed this thread. It is so hard. Dementia is so cruel. There are some meds that really help with violent behavior. I hope they find something that helps your dad.

[Janet]

My husband's aunt Janet has dementia (in her 80') also and her husband (my husbands favorite uncle) just passed away on Friday. They had to tell her again Saturday and this morning he was gone. How horrible a thing to go through. Sending positive thoughts and prayers to your Dad and you Linda.

[2tiredmom]

2012 is not looking so great...my brother called last night. i was in bed of course.My dad fell going to the bathroom. He ended up breaking his hip. so at 1:00 AM my brother calls me back and tells me that they are taking him to Indy. It's going to be a long week. Will be going that way maybe today. Thank you girls for being here for me.

[JJJ]

Oh goodness, that's not good. I'm so sorry all of this is happening back to back. Sending more positive thoughts and energy your way. XOXO

[DianaB]

Linda, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad falling. He and your family are in my prayers!! Keep us posted!

[Janet]

I'm so sorry to read that Linda. You're a strong woman, but we're here for you. If you need anything even just to talk you know my number. Try to stay positive. (((((hugs))))

[judy]

Poor Dad! Have a safe trip, and keep us posted please. You are all in my prayers.

[gja1000]

It is so hard, Linda. I hope things go really well for his surgery and rehab. My mom fell and broke her leg in Oct. and it is very very hard. You just have to do the best you can. Take care of yourself, you can't run yourself ragged.

[gja1000]

Linda, you will need to find a rehab facility that will take patients with dementia. That may take a bit of looking since not all of them will. It is important to get him in a facility that knows how to do rehab with someone with dementia. Without proper rehab, he may never walk again.

[Janet]

Linda...how are you doing? Your Dad?

[2tiredmom]

ok. just got home then had to make the usual calls to people to let them know i was home. this may take a minute to type. Sorry. I had to unwind from my 2 1/2 hour drive home. back in september dad was living by himself and fell and fractured his pelvis. So they put him in a nursing home for rehab. That was september. They let him out on Thanksgiving He had 100 days before medicade would start. So he got out then went to live with my brother and SIL because he lives near them.
Any way. My brother want's my dads house. So the drs today said he needed to go to rehab again at nursinghome. Well i went today and checked on it. he can only be there for 22 days because that's how many days he had left from the last time he was there. if he had done this the middle of Feb. he would have had the 100 days again. Anyway. if he is there longer than 22 days it's S$160.00 a day for room and board. Does not count meds or supplies. Then medicaid will kick in after a while.
He will have to sell his home. My brother is mad does not want to sell the house as I said he wants the house. but he does not have the money to buy it and he couldn't any way because in Indiana if we had put it in our names 5 years ago they could not touch it. BUt they can now if we were to sell it to my brother. As I was saying he does not have the money any way. So him and my SIL don't care for me much right now. I just want what''s best for my dad. They just want the house.
SO go figure. Sorry but I needed to VENT. Thaks for reading. Dad may get out on THursday. will write more later after i have calmed down a bit. Back to work tomorrow so I can get my mind off things. Thanks again.
:)

[gja1000]

Linda, I'm so sorry to hear all of this. It is so hard when family doesn't agree on things and it sounds like your brother is being very selfish. It is just so hard to manage aging parents along with aging selves!

[DianaB]

So sorry that you're dealing with this. Kansas is the same way. If you sell something they can come back and take it somehow to pay for their nursing home payments. I'm not sure how you get around it. Your brother will have to pay fair market value for the house I'm afraid to be able to buy it. We're here if you need us. Hugs!!!

[2tiredmom]

Well Dad may not get out tomorrow. He had different nurses today and they never even got him out of bed. He was suppose to do therapy every day and sit in a chair. They were suppose to take out his cathiter today too. He ended up getting 1 pt of blood his count was down. But that is normal. My brother stopped in to see him after he got off work and found out they had not done anything forhim all day except for the blood. SO he was upset. He waited around for the dr to come in but he never did. Even though he was there. So he had to talk to him on the phone. He just blew my brother off. That's what I get for being so far away and having to work. But with gas being what it is it really sucks....
Okay. well i hope to have better news tomorrow.

[DianaB]

Sorry, Linda. Try not to worry about your Dad and let your brother handle it. You know that he's doing the best that he can and he understands that you can't stay there for long because of responsibilities at home. I know that's hard but you need to take care of Linda as well. Hugs, GF!!!

[Janet]

I'm sorry you have to go through all this Linda. I know how hard it is. Your brother just needs to understand that the house was your dad's and an investment for his future....not your brothers. Both of mine gave me hard times too, I guess it just comes with the territory being the only daughter, but it sucks.

[judy]

This is too bad, Linda! What alternative does your brother have to offer? It doesn't sound like he has any! It is too bad he will lose the house, but this is such a common thing. My ex MIL went through the same thing, but didn't have to sell the house. They might have taken the money owed from the sale of the house after she passed on.

I have the papers to fill out and have to find out how to put my house in Jessica's name. I would like to have control over it, but I have no idea what the laws are. My union will help me for free, so I betteer get to it.

I sure hope your Dad feels better soon. That's really the only important thing.

[Janet]

Linda....any update on your Dad? Has he been released to rehab yet? My prayers are with you!

[2tiredmom]

Thanks everyone. Dad is in the Nursing home now. He is taking therapy twice a day for 6 days. Then rest on Sunday. The first couple of days there were tough. He didn't remember being in the Hospital and having surgery. My brother seems to think he can go bck to living by himself. THere is noway. Only time will tell. Thanks again everyone for your support.

[JJJ]

I'm sure everyone is relief his in a safe place. XOXO

[Janet]

What nursing home is he in Linda? I think your brother is in denial, don't you think? As times goes on and he gets reports from the staff, he come to realize that it wouldn't be safe for your dad to be anywhere else. I'm sorry you have to go through this. ((((hugs))))

[2tiredmom]

Janet, Dad is at Clinton House. SThey called my brother today at 2 saying that dad had a dr appt in lafayette with a specialist at 4. My brother drives a semi. They never called me. SO it upset him so he told them to call his wife. They did and they said they would call back with more info. They never did. So tina my sil called again and they took him by ambulance to Lafayette to ER>>>>>>He has an infection of his prosrate from the cathiter from the hospital. he was not in any pain and was not complaining. I'm a little torked that they never called me. SO when I got home I called them to find out why and of course got the run around. SO there goes more money out for an ambulance run there and back. Don't mean to vent. Just tired of all the crap Old people have to go though....

[Janet]

Linda, this is somewhat the norm when they are in a nursing home, especially when there are siblings. They are suppose to have a main person to call. Does he have a power of attorney and one for his medical? It's so hard when our parents age and for me....I just didn't know who to call.

Gayle was a Godsend for me with information and then others that had experience with this type of thing were also a great help. If you need me for anything or just want to talk...call me anytime, I'm usually always here of an evening.

[gja1000]

Oh Linda, I can so relate. I would be VERY upset too and I would be at that nursing home, meeting with the director, the director of nursing, the social worker and anyone else I could meet with. That just cannot happen!!! I think Medicare will pay for the ambulance, but it was unnecessary, if they had just notified the family in a timely manner. That is unacceptable. The best way to get things done is to make your voice known. Go to the NH, meet with everyone, make sure they know who you are. If you want to get things done, you have to make some noise. I wish it weren't like that, but it is.

[2tiredmom]

Thanks again ladies. Janet. I have all the paper work. We did all the paper work before my mom died back in 2006. I am the one that had it all done and paid for it. All the medical papers and poa. My brother is on all of it too.
Gayle I am the one that talked to all of the people the first time he went in and this time too. So they know me and they have my numbers. They just made excuses as to why they didn't call me.
I made noise so there better not be anymore problems but I won't hold my breath either. They just kept passing the buck. I just can't get down there unless they give me a few hours notice since I live 2 1/2 hours away. :)

[Janet]

Since your brother is on the paperwork too, how does that work? You both can make the decisions? What if you don't agree? I didn't mean to be nosey, but with me and my two brothers, it would have been to hard to come to an agreement so Mom left me in charge of all of it.

The advice you rec'd from the others was right on. Make sure they know you are on top of things and won't put up with excuses. If things don't work out there at Clinton House, Mulberry has a great place for people suffering from dementia. You can always switch if they have room.

You're in my thoughts and prayers Linda!

[DianaB]

I agree with Janet. If the NH isn't going to let you know in advance of appointments and what's going on then I would check into another one. There's no reason to send out an ambulance to go to an appointment when all they needed to do was let the family know in advance. Let them know that if something like that happens again that you'll be moving him......that you EXPECT communication with you or your brother!!!!

[2tiredmom]

ok I give up. They had my dad to the ER twice in 24 hrs. Come to find out he fell.
I am calling tomorrow to talk to the director of nursing. I wish i lived closer but i don't i am sure i will get the runaround and if i do we will make sure he gets to go somewhere else.2012 is really starting to SUCK. Sorry. there i go again.

[Blueyes]

I'm so sorry he fell. How is he? In Texas, all falls have to be reported to the family, no matter how minor. You can also sign something that says they can't take them to the hospital without your permission.

Janet, on my parents MPOA, I made the decisions unless I wasn't able to be reached, then my brother did it. We were both on the papers.

[Janet]

I wondered how that worked....thanks Betsi.

Linda...Mulberry is so much better than Clinton House, plus, it's closer to the Lafayette Hospitals. It's always ones personal preference, but Clinton House wasn't even on our list to choose from. I don't mean that to be rude, but it's not one of the better ones. We did have Mom in Milner's at Rossville for about a week before she was sent to the hospital and passed and I've regretted it ever since. She rec'd much better, compassionate care at Mulberry.

[DianaB]

I hope you're able to accomplish something when you call, Linda. I would be so upset too. I think that I'd be checking into moving him.

[judy]

How awful, Linda! I hope you get all this straightened out without a lot of aggravation!

[JJJ]

If your not happy with him in there, move him ASAP. Let them know that is unacceptable.

[2tiredmom]

I WANT TO SCREAM. I AM TO NICE OF A PERSON. WELL NOT NO MORE. My lovely
SIL finally found the straw that broke the camels back. dad was in the hospital again for pain. come to find out he did not fall at the NH. When he fell and broke his hip he fractured his pevis.......AGAIN. no wonder why he is in so much pain. i am trying to do my best. I'm sorry to vent. my sil called the VA today to see about getting him into the Va home. She told my brother that they would not take the house if he went there. SO at work this afternoon. I went to talk to the VA Adm in our building at work. He said they would take everything in assets that he has. SO I get to STRESS more and call the VA Adm down where he lives and see if i get the same story. IF she would Just Stay out of our business. My husband does not go around nosing into their crap. Sorry. I know right now I will not sleep tonight. I will be on the phone tomorrow at WORK. MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY HERE.....I have already started the MEDICAID process.

Thanks Girls. The story continues.............................

[Janet]

You're doing everything right Linda. I had the same hassle with my brothers, not fun. Is there anyway you can move him up closer to you? That way it would be so much easier on you. Sell his assets here to be able to take care of him, but there should be someplace a lot closer to you. If there is anything I can help you with, let me know. I'm sorry you have to do all this and do it long distance too.

[Blueyes]

I'm so sorry all of this is so stressful. It's bad enough when our parents health fails and they are in pain, much less adding in a "not so helpful" sil! I hope you get some sleep tonight.

[gja1000]

It's so very very hard. NH care is so expensive and it's so hard when there isn't enough money to pay for it. There is a way to protect the assets but it must be done 5 years prior to the need for a nursing home. It won't help you now, but you and your husband can plan for your care to help your children avoid this kind of problem in the future.

[DianaB]

I'm sorry, Linda. I'm so late in reading this.....How is everything going?

[2tiredmom]

Well i got all the paper work for Medicaid faxed in today. Now just have towait and see. it cost $1120. for 1 week at the nursinghome. so that broke the bank. thank you all for putting up with my additude. God Bless you all.

[gja1000]

I'm glad you got the paperwork done - that is a pain I'm sure! $1140 for one week in the nursing home, unfortunately, is about average. The average nursing home cost is about $5000 per month. It is just so expensive, it's just sad.

[DianaB]

I knew that nursing homes were expensive!! How can anyone be expected to pay for that? Crazy world!!!

[Janet]

I wonder if a nursing home makes very much profit? I know they have to put money back for building maintenance, staff, food, equipment, etc., but you'd think after such a time with so many people in them, they'd be able to lower prices some. I know my friend pays about $5000 a month for her mother.

[2tiredmom]

Hello Ladies. Hope everyone is enjoying the Early Spring.
Update on my Dad. Medicaid denied him. So i get to file the paperwork
all over again. Got a call from the nursing home today. He has a UTI and so they
did testing. He now is being treated for Mrsa.........I have not been down there
in a month. I can't afford the Dam Gas. Sorry. Will be going down now to
check on things and find out what needs to be done. My brother lives right there
and does not go see him. I could write a book. Ha Ha. As I am sure everyone else
could too. When I find out more I will let you all know. Please keep him in your prayers.
Thanks so much everyone.

[gja1000]

Did Medicaid say why they denied him? Doesn't seem right, if he needs nursing home care and doesn't have enough money to pay. I just don't understand the system these days. I'm sorry you have to do the paperwork again. I went through that when my husband became disabled and he had to file for Social Security disability and VA disability. I thought my hand would drop off and my eyeballs fall out before I got all that paperwork filled out multiple times! It's a royal pain.

[Janet]

Be sure you keep a copy of everything, it really helps, especially if you have to fill something out over again.

[2tiredmom]

LOL I have so many copies of everything I could start a bon fire. Thanks girls.

[gja1000]

LOL I have so many copies of everything I could start a bon fire. Thanks girls.

Lol! I know what you mean Linda. I still have copies of everything i used 8 years ago to apply for Gary's disability. It's all in a big 4 drawer file cabinet.

[judy]

4 drawers, Gayle? OMG!

I think they just charge whatever they can until the patient has no more capitol. He still owns the house doesn't he? They will then put him onto Medicaid. That's what happened to my MIL.

[DianaB]

So sorry, Linda. I don't understand how they can deny people who really need it......but then we have people on welfare that DON'T need it........plus keep having kids to get more money. Ok......I'm off of my soap box!!! Here's a big hug, Linda!! :ghug:

[Janet]

I know what you mean Diana. Don't understand how it could be denied to Linda's dad who needs it. Also makes me very angry to see people on their iPhones or any other cell phone in line at the grocery store with their food stamps. I've actually seen this... grrrrr!

[DianaB]

We have a family that comes to church that is very poor......but the older kids have the most up-to-date phones......and they have a really large tv. I don't feel like I can afford the phones that connect to the internet!!! I don't think that they spend their money wisely because the kids are always hungry.

[Janet]

I want a phone with internet, but I really just can't put it in the budget right now. I have other things I'm saving for and I have internet at home of course and most place I go have Wi-Fi so I can use my iPad2. Maybe one of these days when I hit the lottery... :)





Linda...how is your Dad doing? Did you make it down to get things straightened out? If I can do anything to help give me a call. Let me know when you're in town next so we can meet up somewhere.