Eco-friendly funeral/burial

[Janet]

This article was in the Lafayette Journal and Courier newspaper that we get on Sundays. It really struck me as something I'm really interested in. It made me feel really peaceful. What do you all think?

http://www.jconline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2012201220328

[JJJ]

I'm not religious at all so I can be cremated with no problem. I think that is more green than anything. I think the asking price for their green funeral is high considering some choose no casket.

[DianaB]

Sounds really nice. I suggest that you have what you want written and placed with your will so your family knows exactly what you want.

We own an old small cemetery on one of our farms. It's very pretty with wild orange lilies all over it in the summer. My FIL had mentioned to us several times that he wanted to be buried there........I heard him.....and Glen heard him.......but he failed to let the rest of the family know so he's at another cemetery.

We used to have a friend that worked in a funeral home and we asked him questions. In Kansas, at that time, you didn't have to be embalmed or buried in a casket but you DID have to be buried within 24 hours of dying. You probably wouldn't even have to be buried in a special cemetery if you checked into what your funeral home or you can actually do.

Funeral homes are a rip-off!!! They play on your......."this is the last thing I will ever do for this family member". They have certain terminology that they use to hit your heart strings.......they did that when my Dad passed away. We bought a "package" deal but that DIDN'T include the little paper handouts that you recieve at funerals!!! That was an EXTRA fee!!! I couldn't believe that one......so I ended up printing my own........I've never seen or heard of ANYONE ever doing that!!! A friend of mine had a funeral for her grandmother and it was a graveside like Dad's was and they paid half of what we paid!!! I will NEVER use that funeral home again!!! It still makes my blood boil!!!!

I do like the concept of this cemetery and I think that you'd be wise to check into it!!

[judy]

I have picked out this for my funeral too!

http://naturalburial.org/index.php

It is a couple of hours away from Jessie, but who knows where she will be living when I'm gone anyway. I do not like the idea of being put in a coffin at all! I used to think I wanted to be cremated, but I would prefer to be put in the ground. It seems so natural. I even have some of the music I want picked out!

The cost of this seems to vary. I am going to be making out a will, living will, etc., in the next week or so, and will really have to lok into this. I would want to prepay.

I also think it is a waste of money to pay for embalming, fancy coffins, etc. This is, of course, my personal opinion for me.

[DianaB]

That's a lot like what Janet found. I think that it's a good idea to have things planned ahead of time.

[Janet]

I just thought when I read it that it sounded so right...so peaceful and not so commercial. There are special places to be buried and they let them grow naturally. I really hadn't thought about it that much, but when I read that article in the newspaper....it sounded so right.

[Tiramisu]

I'll be buried in a pine box (hopefully made by my son) not embalmed, buried in a comfortable cotton gown, no funeral, no long wake. I LOVE this idea!

[Blueyes]

Around here you have to be buried in a casket with a vault. I didn't have my mom embalmed because I couldn't stand the thought of it, and my dad and my brothers let me choose everything. You have to be buried in a certain time frame if you aren't embalmed. I do not for the life of me understand how people can be persuaded to buy a bug free, moisture free specially sealed vault. I surely understand how you liked this idea, Janet. I like it, too!

[gja1000]

Isn't it so ironic that so many of us want the exact same thing!!! I actually would prefer my body be donated to science or a medical school, but my daughter has a problem with that so I probably won't. In the absence of that, I want the exact same thing, either cremation or buried in a plain pine box with no embalming, no expensive anything, no funeral, no wake. I would like my friends/family to get together (not necessarily at the time of my death) and enjoy each other at the lake, a restaurant, a park, any place, just NOT a funeral. And the only reason I would like them to get together at some point is how many times have you said, "oh it's so good to see you, we seem to only see each other at weddings and funerals........."

My daughter's dad died a couple of years ago and he had no money for any type of burial, so my daughter had to pay the bill. She had him cremated and bought the urn and little heart necklaces for her and his wife to put a few of his ashes in it. I think it was still $1500.00!!! The family just got together at a restaurant and they ate and talked. She said it was nice.

[Blueyes]

Mike just said today that he wanted his body donated to science, since he has so many different health problems maybe they could learn something from studying him. It's fine with me, so that's what we will do. I am an organ donor, myself... if there is anything not worn out on me when I die, lol!

[gja1000]

How weird Betsi, that Mike would say that TODAY as we are having this conversation.

Diana, you were talking about how funeral homes take advantage of grieving families and that is so true. Gary's mom died very unexpectedly back in the early 80's. The family was so shocked they couldn't make very good decisions. I saw the same thing happen to them at the funeral home. It was just awful. They paid for a funeral and things they had no money for. I don't know how it was ever paid off. I swore I would never allow that to happen to my family. My daughter knows I'd like to have my body donated to science, but since it is weird for her, I told her to do whatever she wanted with me, but NOT to spend a lot of money. Since she went through this with her dad, she understands what to do and not to do, so it will be OK. If she wants to bury me, that's fine, if she wants to cremate me that's fine too. I think though I will tell her if she wants to bury me, I'd like to go the "green" route. I didn't even know such a thing existed!

[Janet]

I guess the green burial is becominbmore and more popular. There are only a few green cemeteries here in Indian, but one just happens to be near Lafayette and thTs not far from us at all.

[gja1000]

http://www.walletblog.com/2010/04/are-eco-friendly-funerals-more-cost-effective/

This is a link to some info on green burials.

[DianaB]

Here's an interesting site on home burial. In Indiana and Texas you have to have a funeral home director but in 44 other states you don't have to. I can't imagine living in town and having my neighbor bury his wife in the back yard!!!

http://www.ehow.com/info_7817474_laws-burial-home-property.html

[Lindsey]

Since I just went to a funeral yesterday, I have been thinking about it (you never know when it might happen!) and I want to talk to Scott about what I want. We don't have wills yet, but we will do that after we're married. So weird that this thread is here today!

I think the natural burial is a great idea. Nothing lasts forever, and all the chemicals not only in the body, but even in the coffin, don't need to be leaking into the soil. There is enough contamination on earth as it is!

On top of that, I've been thinking of how I want my funeral to be. I found out yesterday that my family and Scott's family do funerals WAY differently. For Scott's grandmother's funeral yesterday, we had to be at the funeral home 3 hours before the funeral in the church. We spent probably at least an hour in a room with the open coffin. Everyone was bawling and it was really tough for me to sit through. I was trying to comfort Scott and his mom and his aunts but it really got to me too, and I just needed to get out of there. I can not sit there and look at the dead body of a woman I used to know for an hour. Maybe some people need that for closure, but I know I do not want my family's last memory of me to be my lifeless body in a casket. It was really tough. The whole day just seemed so long and drawn out and I've never been to a funeral that was so somber. Everyone was just dragged down and focusing on death all day long.

Of course funerals are sad, but every funeral I've been to in my family has been a short service, usually including funny stories from the person's life and remembering how they were when they were alive, and later we would visit with family and remember the good times and talk and laugh! That's how I want it to be when I go. I don't want to make people so upset!

[DianaB]

I think that each family's funeral services are different. It sometimes depends on how sudden the death was. If the person died suddenly and no one got to say their good-byes then it's a lot harder than if they were sick or expected to die.

For me and other Christians there is the expectation of Heaven and seeing each other again. That makes a difference in funeral services for me.

Personally, I want a "Celebration of Life" service when I go. I'm going to be in Heaven and I want people to celebrate that I'm there!!!

For my Dad's funeral I had people wear bright colors......because we weren't celebrating his death......we were celebrating his life. I didn't want anything to be morbid or sad. It was still hard to tell him good-bye. I placed a card in the casket with my Dad telling him how much I loved him and that I would always be a "Daddy's girl" and my brother put a couple of cigarettes and matches in his pocket because my Dad wouldn't give up smoking. We had a laugh over that one!!

[gja1000]

Sorry the above link doesn't go to the page about eco friending burials. I'm going to try another link - hope it works, but if it doesn't I googled eco-friendly funerals austin, tx and the link came up - it's actually on a site called WalletBlog.

http://www.walletblog.com/2010/04/are-eco-friendly-funerals-more-cost-effective/

[gja1000]

Diana, your dad's funeral sounds so perfect! Thanks so much for sharing that with us. that is exactly what I would want!

[Lindsey]

Diana, I think your dad's funeral sounds like a wonderful celebration of his life! That is exactly what I want... don't think about me being DEAD, think of how much fun we had together when we were alive! Memories will last forever. I love that you got to have a little laugh that day. I think that makes all the difference.

[gja1000]

Here is a link to a non-profit organization, AMBIS, the Austin Memorial Burial & Information Society (AMBIS) is a non-profit, volunteer-run organization of area residents dedicated to helping our neighbors make funeral and memorial arrangements that are dignified, meaningful and affordable.

It has really good information about affordable funerals.

http://fcaambis.org/

[Blueyes]

We have a running joke with our friends that own the ranch that we go to, Mark and Jan. If anybody gets deathly sick, we are suppose to take a pillow and blanket to the bucket of the tractor. If we get well, that's great, but if we die, our bodies will get dumped off a steep bluff. It's really a sick joke, lol! Anytime anybody complains about feeling bad, somebody tells them to just go get in the bucket:eek:

[Janet]

I know already that as soon as all this estate stuff is over with, I'm going to start planning a green service for myself. I know the people that handled my parents funerals well so I will find out all I can from them.

[Blueyes]

That's a great idea Janet. It will give you peace of mind, and when the time comes, Ricky won't have to do it. You are a wise woman!

[gja1000]

Betsi, my mom and her sister (who is gone now) always said that when they got old and sick they were going to ride the gondola to the middle of the Royal Gorge and jump out. That's not quite as morbid as a pillow and blanket in the bucket, but in the same vein. LOL! Gary sometimes says when he is too sick to be happy, he's gonna do like the old Indians did - just go out in the woods, sit down till he dies.

[Blueyes]

Go sit in the woods... Go get in the bucket... Some days around here Mike says he may just ride to the ranch and get in the bucket. Just his way of saying he feels really bad, and I bet Gary just says he's going to the woods. Frightening how similar they are, lol!

[DianaB]

Glen's Dad used to say that when he got too old to go duck hunting that he wanted the boys to take him out ONE last time.........so every winter they would ask him if this was the year!!!! We always got a big laugh out of that!!

We had a guy that lived out our direction years ago that got really old.....didn't have any family except a brother who lived with him........and he went on a death walk.......he hid his body and has never been found. A lot of people went out looking for him but he knew the land so well.....every well, hole, and whatever. No one ever figured out exactly what happened to him but it was known that he had taken care of himself somehow. No foul play was ever thought of. Very weird!!

Glen and I have both told each other that we'd like to be buried in our little cemetery. Baker's have a back hoe and we can be buried 20 feet deep if we need to be!!! I have no problems being buried in a blanket or whatever beccause I'm not going to be here to worry about it. What ever's easy and doesn't cost much!!! However I DO want a funeral service. I want people to hear that I was a Christian and how I'm going to be in Heaven......and how I loved Jesus with all of my heart. I want it to be a celebration!!

[judy]

That is a wild story, Diana! Did his brother know he was not going to come back after his walk?

You should be buried in your own cemetery. I wrote to a local funeral home, and got this response:

"Thank you for inquiry. With respect for your question about cemetery- the closest "Green Cemetery" is located near Utica, NY and although we have not had the oportunity to have a burial- if you wish I can gather the information. Also there has been conversation that Rhinebeck Cemetery is going to open a "Green Section" or allow "Green Burials"- what the specifics are and fees associated with that are still unknown- that is in the works.
As for other local cemeteries- see next paragraph.

As for the cost of the "Green Burial" there are a number of different factors that go into determining that. One being...what type of "Green Burial" are we talking about: is it the one that is associated with the Green Burial Association-where the deceased is shrouded or placed in a bio-casket and it is a simple graveside service, or one that is a slight variation and is a more traditional service (i.e.: viewing...which can include formaldehyde free embalming, church or funeral service, and buried in a traditional plot). With that the question always arrives at - "how can it be a green burial when the cemetery requires a vault"? The short answer is that we have arrangements with some of the local cemeteries, where the concrete liner ( which still allows moisture to enter) is simple placed upside down over the bio-casket. Therefore meeting the cemetery requirement- which is essentially for maintenance purposes- while still allowing the burial to be "Green". So as you can see the idea of "green burials" is great, it is simply a bit harder to pinpoint a final cost without knowing all of the variables.

I hope this helps to clarify and not muddy up the waters- so to speak.

Let me know your thoughts and thank you once again for asking,"

[Janet]

Of course I haven't had a chance to check into it too much yet with everything else going on, but as soon as it quiets down and I can do more research that is what I'm planning to do. I don't want a vault of any shape or form, just one of the biodegradable weave type baskets. I just feel so comfortable about this.

[judy]

I have all of the papers for my will, dnr, ETC., ETC. I just hafve not wanted to sit down and do it! I also have to find out if I can transfer my house to Jessie, while still being able to have control over it. What if I want to sell it? I don't like the idea of anyone else having control over my stuff, but I will be 65. I am (Thank God!) very healthy, but everything has to be transferred 5 years before you end up with medical care bills. I'll only be 70 in 5 years, but yoou really never know. It's not like I'm only 55 anymore!

[Janet]

Why not just gift it to her in your will. Not sure about other states, but we can gift up to one hundred thousand dollars before having to pay inheritance tax. So my brothers nor I will have to pay a tax. I know it's crazy for us to wait, but once everything is settled with Mom's estate in April, Rick and I are going to do our Will. Our attorney does it all at once, Will, POA and Medical Power (forget exactly what it's called). It's very possible with our 3 houses it could add up to over the tax amount, so we would have to gift it to him a little at a time or save it so it can be used to pay our living expenses in a nursing home which aren't cheap and if there is any left, it can go to him.

[judy]

It's not the taxes as much as going to pay for nursing home care, or whatever. If I don't have anything in my name, Medicare will pay. If I do, they will take my money first, then go into Medicare. I would much rather Jessie got the house than the nursing home.

[gja1000]

Judy is right. If she has to go into a nursing home and doesnt have enough money to pay the monthly nursing home bill, Medicaid (not Medicare) will pay for it, if she doesn't have any other assets that could be sold to pay for nursing home care. If Judy still owned her home, then it would have to be sold and the money used to pay for the nursing home. When that money ran out, then Medicaid would pay. In order to keep the home, Judy would have to put the home in Jesse's name 5 years before money would be needed for a nursing home.

[Janet]

oh yes....I knew that...duh me. There has to be away around all that...there is for just about everything else it seems.

[gja1000]

You would think there is a way around that, but other than giving the house to Jesse right now, I don't know of any - but there might be.

[DianaB]

That's the way it is here too. I know that it stinks but before people are put on the state they should have to use their assets first. I don't like that idea especially if it were my Mom or family member but that is fair. I think that deeding over your house and assets ahead of time is a good idea if you want to leave things to your kids.

[Janet]

I wonder if you could deed a house or whatever to your child/children and then have them sign some kind of legal agreement that you could live there until your death or placement in a nursing home? There has to be some way to do it. Yes...I'm still trying to figure out a way...lol

[DianaB]

It's something to ask a lawyer. I don't know how it works.