My Son Didn't Hold Back

[Janet]

I've been wanting to share this, to help get it off my mind, but I have been putting it off. Seems like all I ever do is rag on my husband so I just kept quiet about it. Anyway...here goes: Ricky bought him a Chevy Cavalier to drive to work so he could save on gas. He also kept his truck. Ricky and his dad had been working on it in the garage and one evening Ricky came in crying. I was shocked and asked what had happened.

He said that his dad was acting like a shit and finally, Ricky couldn't take it any longer and laid into his dad big time. Told him he was tired of hearing a tab popping off a beer can every 10 minutes. Said that he drinks too much and then finds fault with everything he does. Ricky then told him that the reason he doesn't want to drink is because he doesn't want to be like him. I think it hurt Ricky saying it as much as it hurt Rick hearing it. Rick did tell him that he knew he was an alcoholic and tried to put part of the blame on me, but Ricky told him not to even go there. That maybe I'd feel better if I wasn't trying to make ends meet while he was out buying anything he wanted and buying so much beer all the time. Ricky found three thirty gallon trash bags full of empty beer cans that his dad drank in a two week period. I guess Ricky had been keeping track of it.

Then Rick told him he would try and get help. I don't know if he will or not, but I've not seen signs of it yet unless he's getting help sometime during the day. Whether he gets help or not....I don't care, I'm done and he knows it. Neither of us talk about it, but we basically are just sharing a house. I'm also saving up as much as I can so when the time does come, I'll have a bit to help me. If I could just find another job that would help out soooo much. (to get me outta here)

So, that's what has been happening around here. Just thought you were all tired of reading about it as much as I am living it so I kept quiet. I do want to say that Ricky did feel very bad about telling his dad he didn't want to be like him and he apologized to him for saying that. I'm glad he did, but it's still on my mind that it came to that point. Okay...enough said.

[DianaB]

It's really hard to "get onto" your parents. We're taught to respect them and not to speak back. I know that when I had to deal with my Dad I had to step outside of my comfort zone and tell him a few things too. I felt so bad but I said what I needed to say......and I had to do it more than once. I understand how Ricky felt but what he said needed to be said. You raised a good boy!!

[Blueyes]

I'm proud of Ricky! He stood up for himself and told Rick the truth. Maybe Rick will listen to him and it will make a difference. Respect can't be demanded, it must be learned.

[Blueyes]

EARNED, not learned:rolleyes:

[2tiredmom]

Janet I am so sorry you and Ricky have to go though this. I can't see how Ri ck can function with all that drinking. I'm sorry I can't help you except to lend an ear. You are always in my prayers. I'm just a skype away..

[DianaB]

EARNED, not learned:rolleyes:

I was thinking ???????.........ROFL

[Blueyes]

Duhhhhh:confuse2:

[Janet]

Thanks all. Not sure if Rick has had a drink, but I'm glad they are getting along a bit better. Rick is really helping Ricky with getting the car inspected and getting the paperwork done. Rick is off work today and will be leaving first thing in the morning and won't be back till Sunday. Yay!!!! I think Ricky and I are going to go to Red Lobster...lol. He said either there or Outback....that's my boy!

[Marilyn]

Oh, Janet, it hurts my heart that you and Ricky are having to go through this. Rick has made a life decision that is sooo destructive to him and his family. It's good that Ricky stood up to him. Even if it doesn't cause a change, it needed to be said for several reasons.

[Janet]

It did need to be said and now I think they've moved on. I hope Rick gets the help he needs and I hope Ricky knows that his Dad needed to hear it from him too.

[DianaB]

Since Rick drinks so much it's not going to be an easy fix. To quit cold turkey would be almost impossible to do. He really needs to find some help.

[gja1000]

Janet, I was wondering how things are going.

[Janet]

So far so good. There have been 3 beers in the fridge ever since they had their 'moment' so not sure if he has stopped or not. No cans in the garage either. He's quit before for a short time and I believe Diana is right, he'll need to get help if he really wants to kick this.

He and Ricky still have their arguments, me....I just stay in my room out of the way. Thanks for asking Gayle.

[gja1000]

I'm glad to hear that Janet. I hope he really has stopped. It's sure to make it better for everyone.

[Janet]

Thanks Gayle. It seems he has at least cut back, not sure what he does when he's not around us. He's been a bit grumpy, so maybe he hasn't had much to drink, I just don't know.

[judy]

Good for Ricky! It must have hurt him plenty to say those things to his Dad, but I think it is healthier for him to get them off of his chest. The fact that Rick owned up to it is even better for Ricky. That doesn't happen so often, but it is the best outcome for now.

Whether or not he stops drinking nis up to him. Sounds like you don't care much anymore. At least it's out in the open between Ricky and his Dad though. He is a good young man, Janet!

[DianaB]

That's good that he's cut back but he still needs help. I'm sure that Ricky's words had an impact with Rick. Maybe someone should suggest AA.

[Janet]

We have suggested it many times, but so far he won't go. The 3 beers that were in the refridgerator are gone. I didn't drink them and Ricky said he didn't, but saw Dad in the garage with one. So....guess we know how hard he is trying.