His Girlfriend.......

[Janet]

What can I say....she's still in the picture. I'm trying to be tolerant and trying to be nice, but this girl is not the one for my son or my family. I know I really just have to accept whatever happens, but it's not been easy.

She brings so much baggage with her for only being 18 years old. Here is a text Ricky sent me yesterday:

[Janet]

I honestly can't believe he asked me that in a text....what was he thinking?????

When he got home we discussed it. Seems this girl had a previous boyfriend for two years. He supposedly was verbally and emotionally abusive to her. (Where were her parents? since she was only 16 when it all started) Said he raped her a couple of times and now she doesn't trust guys. (Where were her parents?) Said the marks on her arms...I haven't noticed but will look...are from her cutting herself. (Where were her parents?)

I told Ricky this girl needs some help but he can't be the one. She needs more than he can offer. This girl has a mother, a father and step-mother and two sets of grandparents and a number of siblings (whole, step and half). Where were these people for this girl?

I guess the reason she wants to stay the night is because her ex-boyfriend is coming back to town and he knows where her family lives, but not us. I told Ricky that is she going to expect to stay here everytime he comes to town? I then told him no....she can't stay. She needs to speak with her parents to get this young man to leave her alone or go to the police. I don't want her problems bringing my family down anymore than what it is. I just couldn't handle any more at this time.

I keep asking myself what Jesus would want me to do. I don't have the knowledge or experience to help this girl. I think she could be a big problem for Ricky later on and just wish she would move on to someone other than my son.

She sent Ricky a text telling him that if I knew all the things she's been through I'd let her stay, so she proceeded to send all the info in a text to Ricky so I could read it. That's when I told Ricky no, she couldn't stay. She needed more than we had to offer.

I just pray everyday that something permanent doesn't happen, like marriage or a baby that will bind them together. I'm really worried, but have to let him live his life. I was just hoping he'd make better choices.

[JJJ]

Janet, why don't you find a women shelter for this girl. That way your boy knows that your not being cold and want whats best for her. I had to hide from my ex and this wonderful lady help me because I couldn't go to my family since my ex knew there address. So I stayed at a women's shelter for a few weeks. They provide food, shelter and have security and help women go to school and find work. If she doesn't want to go then you guys know she is just bluffing. I was not happy to go there but I would have done everything to get away from my ex.

Your son's support should mean alot to her but like you said, it's not something she should involve him in. Tell him that he needs to give her grown up advise but it is her that needs to pull herself through. They might even have counseling in there that she can go to for her suicidal thoughts.

[JJJ]

Couple of women shelters in Indianapolis. Might be more but I did a quick search.

http://beaconofhopeindy.org/newsite/contact-us/

http://www.coburnplace.org/

Ricky can help by being the driver.

[JJJ]

OOps forgot this one

http://www.volunteermatch.org/search/org174810.jsp

[Janet]

Thank you Jess....that is a really good idea. I will give her the info and see what happens. Only thing is Ricky can't be her driver. Indianapolis is an hour south of us and Ricky works 30 minutes east of us. If her family can't take her then I don't know what she'll do. I really don't want it to be his problem too. She has plenty of family to help her.

[DianaB]

I agree. Her problems are NOT your or your son's problems.......and it sounds like she has a lot! I would firmly stand my ground on this. Obviously the cutting proves that there is some emotional problems as well and this girl needs help. She needs to confide in her Mom or Dad and let them know what's going on with this ex-boyfriend.

I know that Ricky would like to have a girlfriend but this is something that I used to tell Dae Lynn before she married Damon. "There are worse things than being single!" Sadly she found that out the hard way.

Keep praying......and pray that God would remove this girl from Ricky's like and bring a good girl to him. I'll be praying too.

[Janet]

Thank you Diana. I've been praying so hard. Literally on my knees.

[Janet]

3:37 in the morning. My son didn't come home. Sent me a text earlier today that said "if she can't stay all night here, can I stay at her house?" He came home from work and we talked for a bit and I told him
I didn't think it was right, but obviously he doesn't give a crap what his dad and I think. So....she will no longer be allowed in our house. He made his bed now he can lie in it. If he wants her and her drama damned life, he can have her.....I am no longer allowing toxic people in my life. He will always be welcome and loved.....but I don't need, want or desire trash like her.

[Janet]

3:49 pm....still haven't heard from my son. I honestly feel as though my heart is bleeding.

[Blueyes]

Janet, I'm sure we've all felt this way from time to time about our children. Sometimes our sons can absolutely lose their minds over a girl. It's extra hard on you because Ricky lives at home and you know when he's out of pocket and you worry about him. I'm so sorry you have to go thru this. I wish our kids would just take our advice when it comes to a bad choice concerning a girlfriend, but it's too hard for them to see. I wish I had listened closer to my mother about certain things, but when you're young and "in love" your brain stops functioning.

[DianaB]

Betsi, you are so right.

Here's a big hug, Janet!!:hug: I'm praying too.

[JJJ]

His not thinking with his brain right now like many young people. If it was my kid I would pack his things and tell him his old enough to make his decisions so be it. Your not disowning him your just letting him be a man. Sooner or later this girl will make a mistake and he will see what you meant.

[Janet]

Thought I'd catch you all up a bit. He came home around 6 PM or so on Sunday after my husband texted him and asked when he would be home because his mother was a mess. He was home within 45 minutes I think. Needless to say when he came in, I sobbed...not just cried. Told him how bad he hurt his dad and I. Asked what we had ever done to deserve such disrespect and cruelty.

I've printed out several home listings for him to check out and he has. Says he will be calling to schedule a time to see the ones he was most impressed with. They are not going to be the best of course, he can't afford the best, but he can work on it and make it his own. We didn't start out with a nice home either so why should he.

He does understand that we have house rules and that they must be followed. We haven't seen his GF and I did tell him that since I'm starting spring break (vacation) tomorrow I didn't want to see her at the house. That they can just stay in town for dates. I don't want to deal with her while I'm off.

Diana and I spoke for over an hour and she is a very wise, Christian woman and a friend I just don't ever want to be without. She gave me wonderful advice and listened. I really believe we're going to be okay here....

[DianaB]

Oh, Janet, I'm so glad that our talk helped. You give me too much credit. I raised my kids and I will say, not perfectly.......just ask them!!

I hope with all of my heart that things work out for the best and that Ricky will make wise decisions for now.....and his future!! I'm praying!!

[Shada]

I wish I had words of advice and wisdom to share.... but...
You are a amazing mother. You have shown him love and acceptance. You have always had his back. You still do. I pray he comes to realize that you have his best interest at heart. Stay strong Janet. Stay firm.
But also let him know how much you love him.

Hopefully he will give this time. To think. To respond to what her needs are. To know he is just a way out for her.. a means to use and let him take care of her.. I am sure if he can't rescue her quickly, she will find another.
Does she work? Is she trying to improve her lot in life? Or is she just looking for someone to take care of her?

I feel so bad for you... for Ricky too. The poor kid will probably come out of this with a broken heart. But hopefully a little wiser too. My prayers are with you all.

[Janet]

Thank you so much Shada!!

Rick is still seeing her and I just keep my mouth shut. He has mentioned a few things he's tired of so maybe he's been with her long enough to see some of the things I mentioned before. I accept her, but still don't really care for her. I just have to remember, it's Rick's decision, his life, his heart. I can only be there to gently guide and pick up the pieces should they fall.

[Janet]

We're into May now and Rick is still seeing this girl Audra. AND yes...I'm still not thrilled...lolol Oh well, looks like she may be around for awhile although I can see signs and Rick tells me himself that she's always getting mad about something and it's getting on his nerves. YAY....hope she keeps it up.. :D

[Janet]

The GIRLFRIEND is still in the picture. Not sure what to do but wait it out. Ricky does know that his father and I do not care for her at all. We learn more negatives about her and her family everyday it seems. So, he can see her, but not here. We don't want to pretend to want her here. I know it doesn't sound very Christian, but this relationship is a train wreck waiting to happen. When it does, we'll be here to help him through it.