I Am So Sad

[Janet]

This may be long, so it's okay if you don't want to respond or read it all.

I've mentioned before that I've had the same best friend for over 25 years. There were a few years in between that we didn't speak. We found our way back to each other about 7 or more years ago. I love this friend more than I could ever descibe, she means the world to me. She knows me better than anyone ever possibly could.

I can't even remember when, but it's probaby been since late August, early September since we've spoken. I've called and called, but she is never able to come to the phone. I've sent her a few emails and received only one reply. I had asked her if I had done or said something to upset her or make her mad at me. She replied that I had not done anything and she was not mad at me, but that she had just been nervous.

Without going into a lot of detail, she is 2 months older than I and has not been in the greatest of health. She lost her mother quite a few years back and her father (whom she lived with and took care of) last year. She does get nervous, worried about her health, does not go out anywhere much unless it is a good day health wise.

Sincer her father's passing, she has lived with her daughter and her family. Her two grandkids ride my bus. I was talking with her granddaughter this morning and asked how Grandma (my friend) was. She said they all went shopping the day after Thanksgiving. So, I know my friend has felt good enough at different times to shop, but why hasn't she called me?

I haven't stopped crying since I got off the bus route. Oh, maybe for a minute or two, but then the tears just fall. I miss her and I am so miserable without her in my life. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to push myself on her, but I don't want to give up either. I have been so sad for so many months, sure I have my happy moments, but mostly I want my best friend.

I just needed to get this out of me by writing, but I know it won't help. The only thing that will help, will be for her to call me and want me back in her life too.

[DianaB]

Why don't you just stop by the house and have a visit with her and then suggest going out and having lunch in a few days. You might ask again if you've done something to offend her. Maybe she's depressed or something. Just ask her if everything is alright and tell her that you've missed her. Good luck.

[RLC12345678]

JANET! Don't be so hard on yourself!!!!!!!!! Your friend sounds almost exactly like my best friend that I have had since she and I were 8 years old. We are still the bestest of friends, but as we have grown older, we don't talk that much and we rarely see each other because we live in different towns now and I'm married now. As we get older, we change. With the passing of your friend's parents, I am sure she has changed a whole lot. That doesn't mean that she doesn't like you anymore or that she isn't friends with your anymore, it just means that she probably has different priorities now. With her health declining, she probably wants to spend a lot of time with her familiy. I do the same thing.....my parents live in the same town as my best friend does. However, when I get off work for a couple of days and am able to go home to see my family, I don't go see my friend. I'm a really bad friend in that respect, but when I get some time off to go visit my family, I want to spend as much time with them as possible, and even though my best friend lives close to my parents, I rarely leave my family to go visit her. We talk on the phone probably twice a month, but she is not really a computer person, so whenever I email her she rarely answers. But even though we aren't as close as we used to be in terms of staying in contact with each other, we both know that we are each other's very best and closest friend. And having a best friend doesn't mean that you have to be butt buddies...it just means that we are there for each other if one of us needs it. If she has something wrong, she knows that she can call me and talk to me for hours about it and I'll always be there for her....same with me.....I know she'll always be there for me.

Thus, what I would suggest you doing is send her a nice "Thinking of You" card.....write a little note in there telling her that you have been thinking about her lately and let her know that you love her like a sister and that you miss her but you understand that your lives are changing and that even though yall don't get to spend as much time together as you would like, that you will always be there for her if she ever needs you. People just change as they grow older....Like I said earlier, with the death of her parents, I am sure your friend has made some big changes in her life. When she IS well enough to get out of the house, I am sure she would rather spend that time wtih her family....no offense to you, but that is the same way I am. When I have enough time off work to travel to see my family, I only see them...I don't go see my friend....bu that does not mean that we aren't still the bestest of friends. A friend is more than just "seeing" or "talking" to each other often...it is about being there if one of you should need the other for any reason.


Edit: I like the lunch idea. Maybe in your "Thinking of You" card to her, say that you would love to take her to lunch one day. Or if she is in bad health, maybe call her house and offer to cook dinner for her and bring it to her. She may be just really depressed. If she is, she will need her best friend to be there for her, you know?

[Janet]

You both are probably right, but for the last 6 or 7 years, we've talked darn never everyday, sometimes more. I guess we are all different, but I could never get tired of her, or not find time for her.

I just feel so lost, because this came about so suddenly. I could maybe understand if it was a gradual thing, but it was like one day she is no longer available. She only lives about 4 miles from me, but I could never just drop in. She has never appreciated anyone, even family doing that. I guess I'll just have to come to terms that she doesn't need me near as much as I need her..but it makes my heart ache so much!!

[RLC12345678]

You both are probably right, but for the last 6 or 7 years, we've talked darn never everyday, sometimes more. I guess we are all different, but I could never get tired of her, or not find time for her.

I just feel so lost, because this came about so suddenly. I could maybe understand if it was a gradual thing, but it was like one day she is no longer available. She only lives about 4 miles from me, but I could never just drop in. She has never appreciated anyone, even family doing that. I guess I'll just have to come to terms that she doesn't need me near as much as I need her..but it makes my heart ache so much!!

Just send her a nice card! She may be going through a tough time personally right now. If she is, she would probably really appreciate a nice card from her best friend to brighten her day.

[Tink]

(((Janet))) I wish I had some good idea for you, but I find myself in a very similar spot. Julie and I had been very close friends from jr high on up. We were in each others weddings, babysat each others kids, etc. We moved out of the area for 3 yrs and she grew more and more distant during that time. Now that we're back, she hardly talks to me. I did manage to get her to go out with me once in the past 2 yrs, but she never calls, and if I do, shes not available either.

I have no clue why! So While I can't offer any words of wisdom, I can say I feel your pain.

[Janet]

(((Janet))) I wish I had some good idea for you, but I find myself in a very similar spot. Julie and I had been very close friends from jr high on up. We were in each others weddings, babysat each others kids, etc. We moved out of the area for 3 yrs and she grew more and more distant during that time. Now that we're back, she hardly talks to me. I did manage to get her to go out with me once in the past 2 yrs, but she never calls, and if I do, shes not available either.

I have no clue why! So While I can't offer any words of wisdom, I can say I feel your pain.


I am sorry you are going through something very similiar, it sounds. I can't help to think, she is more important to me than I am to her. I have no clue either. I do know that it just hurts an awful lot!

[Mandy]

Janet, why don't you send her a nice bunch of flowers for Christmas with a card, just to let her know you thinking of her.
Maybe she's just going through a "quiet period" it happens with friends, she will find her way back to you ;)

[khardy57]

Janet, I have a friend like that. We may not see each other for a long time because she has serious health problems, but we've been friends forever. We both know that no matter the time frame, we always pick up where we left off.

I agree with Diana, I think you should send her a "Thinking of You" card. Just to let her know that you're still on the map and that you miss her. I think it would be a very nice gesture and maybe an ice breaker.

I haven't seen my friend in a while now, but it's because I don't leave home once I get in each evening. When I go somewhere, it usually involves family. Nothing against my friend, but I find myself drawn more to my family now.

She may be going thru something similar.


Kim

[red98vett]

oh wow. I haven't had that kind of experience but I would send her a nice long letter and the card idea sounded good too or the flowers...and see what happens. Sometimes we can say alot more in a letter than we can to someones face and she'll at least READ the letter since she isn't coming to the phone. How sad for you - she sounds like she's missing out on a great friendship and that is really HER loss.....ALL THE BEST TO YOU and I hope she comes out of her shell and talks to you - that' what friends DO.

[Janet]

I am going to write a letter. I'm not going to hurry and write it, but take a few days to complete it. That way I can be sure to get all my feelings out. I always get her a Christmas present, I mean after all, she's my bestest friend in the whole world. I do like the letter idea though. Thanks ladies. Hopefully she'll be my Christmas present.

[khardy57]

I am going to write a letter. I'm not going to hurry and write it, but take a few days to complete it. That way I can be sure to get all my feelings out. I always get her a Christmas present, I mean after all, she's my bestest friend in the whole world. I do like the letter idea though. Thanks ladies. Hopefully she'll be my Christmas present.

Good:) I think that's a great idea! I really hope it works out that you two can get together soon.

[Gina]

Janet don't take it personally as the others have said. I do to have a best friend whom I am friends with since I am 5 yrs. old so we talking 45 yrs..lol We live in different states, she in NY, I am in NJ. We speak about once a mt. sometimes we go longer. But when we do speak its like we just spoke a day ago. We have different live styles , she is divorced, raising a young daughter of 13, I have college age childrenand I am married. We get together a few times a year. We will be seeing each other over the Christmas season.. I to do wish we lived closer but this is what happens in life..

Like you mentioned that you will be writing her put the letter in a pretty card, like Diana said invite her to lunch and see what happens, maybe she is just busy with her family and since her dad died she may be feeling down, does she have a husband? If she does maybe you can get together as couples and go to dinner.. Good luck and let us know what happens.

[MarisaK]

I agreed with everyone dont take it personal. I suffer from depression and sometimes I don't feel like talking to anybody. Maybe she feels the same way. I think that the idea of the letter and card are good. That might cheer her up and hopefully she will contact you and keep in touch. Hugs to you.

[Janet]

I agreed with everyone dont take it personal. I suffer from depression and sometimes I don't feel like talking to anybody. Maybe she feels the same way. I think that the idea of the letter and card are good. That might cheer her up and hopefully she will contact you and keep in touch. Hugs to you.

I think you're right also...she does get really down thinking about her parents and her health. I know she's tired of not feeling well. I'll just keep letting her know I love and miss her.

[Tink]

Thank You Janet, for sharing your life on this thread. After having read it and seeing what others suggested, I too decided to not give up hope. I sent a Christmas card to my friend with a note in it telling her how much I miss her and inviting her to call me anytime. I hope she does!

IF she does, it's because I got the idea from you and our great ladies here. It's easy to just give up, but there's nothing to be gained if we don't at least try.

HUGS

[Janet]

Isn't this just the greatest site? We have so many caring, compassionate people here to help us through our struggles and to celebrate our triumphs!! :)

[Marilyn]

I agree. Wonderful site. Janet and Tink, please let us know how this works out.

[Emmsmom]

I understand how you feel. It is VERY VERY hard not to take it personally.I have a friend from back home. We had been through a lot together and yet EVERY time I call she is never home! Now come on. She can't be gone that much. I have tried to call her for almost a year and she is NEVER there. I won't be calling back. Llike you I just don't understande it. I know I ahven't done a thing so go figure. I wish I could help.

((HUGS))

[Janet]

I still haven't heard from her yet, not even a Christmas card. I will be patient and wait. She is such a wonderful friend that I will not give up....ever. She would have to tell me to go take a flying leap, before I would ever give up on our friendship. Hopefully it is just something she has to work her way through.

[Tink]

I got a Christmas card from Julie!

She wrote in it that she will be working fewer hours after the new year and I should call her to see if we can't find a time to get together then. :) I really hope we can find time to rebuild our friendship! She was SUCH a good friend and I've truly missed her.

Janet, I hope you hear from your friend soon! HUGS

[Janet]

I got a Christmas card from Julie!

She wrote in it that she will be working fewer hours after the new year and I should call her to see if we can't find a time to get together then. :) I really hope we can find time to rebuild our friendship! She was SUCH a good friend and I've truly missed her.

Janet, I hope you hear from your friend soon! HUGS


I sent my friend an email today....I don't think it will happen for me Tink...but I sure am glad it's happening for you!!