is cyber sex cheating?

[sashajade]

ok my friend has been with her other half for 10 years and over the last few years things are not good, hes never been romantic or loving which b4 she didnt mind but now for some reason it does, i think its cos shes always been a big girl but since having kids shes put a lot of weight on and feels fat.
he touches her bottom and calls her sexy but she says it makes her made cos he knows she doesnt like it, but no matter how many times i say to her well he must still fancy her if he does it she wont have it and says she thinks hes doing to make her feel bad.
i never thought he would cheat as he doesnt seem the type but the things shes been telling me have set alarm bells ringing in my head.
ok this man has never been bothered how he looks and will wear the same clothes for days, he even does it when he has mettings at work but all of a sudden hes buying new clothes, going to the gym, and she found he hid some of those build you up milkshakes behind the sofa, he said he wasnt hiding them but why were they behind the sofa?
he goes to his friends pub once a week and wont let her go, he says its cos she doesnt like his friend, but a while ago they split up and her other half left for 3 days and then when he came back he told her that he was with this friend but when she texted him he wouldnt reply. so she thinks thats why he wont let her see this friend as he lied.
well when he goes to his friends he showers which he hardly ever does normaly, shaves dresses nice and seems to make a real effort.
he has also all of a sudden er how should i say this? started shaving down below, he also has a bottle of shower gel in his car.
he wont let her on the computer and gets up in the night and goes on it.
i think hes cheating which ive told her, i think maybe hes had cyber sex with someone then met them, or at the very least had cyber sex.
hes said to her b4 that cyber sex is not cheating, i think it is but what do you think ? do you think hes cheating?
do you think cyber sex is cheating?
she also thinks hes looked at amature porn vidoes on the net.
how would you feel if your other half had looked at amature porn?
ive told her i will come with her to the pub he says hes at and see if we can catch her out but i think shes scared what she might see, she has 3 kids with him, its such a shame.

[Janet]

I sure hope this doesn't sound to awful, but 3 kids or not....why is she staying with someone who sets such a poor example for her children on how to treat women??? Saying she can't go with him, not keeping clean for her...I personally would kick his butt to the curb. And YES.....cyber sex IS cheating, I don't care what anyone else says. If he has to get his jollies off somewhere else...it's cheating.

[blowry]

Just by what you have said, I would say all the signs lead to...he is cheating on her. And for Cyber sex and cheating....YUCK!.....You don't need to have physical contact to be cheating...(as far as I'm concerned)..doesn't sound like a very good relationship.. And I agree with Janet...these children don't need this in their life but, your friend is the only one that can make that decision. I also agree with you...I would get a babysitter for the children, take your friend and go to the bar that he doesn't want her at....this is the only way she will know for sure...but, with the text messaging, shaving, gym, shower gels and all the other signs...I would say...DEFINATLEY cheating..

[RLC12345678]

I sure hope this doesn't sound to awful, but 3 kids or not....why is she staying with someone who sets such a poor example for her children on how to treat women??? Saying she can't go with him, not keeping clean for her...I personally would kick his butt to the curb. And YES.....cyber sex IS cheating, I don't care what anyone else says. If he has to get his jollies off somewhere else...it's cheating.

I agree with everything Janet said.

[sashajade]

yep i think he is to:mad: i think she does really but she doesnt want to bealive it.
im gonna get her to go to the pub cos shes got to face up to things cos it wont go away, and she comes here every week upset about it but when i tell her to do something about she says she will but doesnt.
i think cyber is cheating.

[Lissa]

Any form of lustful or affectionate motions geared toward someone other than a significant other and are carried out is cheating. (I was in a relationship where I had to explain this to my boyfriend...luckily it didn't last much longer after that point)

Personally I'm a bit of a snoop so I would go to the pub and check it out for myself before taking her along, that way you will know for sure before she goes there and you can console her if the worst is true but don't confront him yourself, that's for her to do. His actions are VERY suspicious, but I try to err toward the good side and hope that he's just being misunderstood.

Or recommend marriage counseling, if he's cheating then he's finding something lacking in the relationship and with a counselor they can talk about it, maybe then he'll come clean on his own and they can decide then what they want to do and what would be best for their children.

I'd recommend the counseling before anything else now that I think about it. He's keeping stuff from her and there aren't supposed to be secrets in a marriage, that wall needs to be broken down if any semblance if a relationship is to be salvaged.

[sashajade]

shes coming over on monday so im gonna talk to her then.
i cant go to the pub without her as i dont drive and its a long way from where i live.
she has asked him whats going on but he says nothing.
he says hes happy and the only problem they have is shes not, i couldnt belive it when she told me that,:eek: he doesnt understand that if in a partnership one of you isnt happy there IS a problem.

[sashajade]

the thing with the amature porn got me thinking, i have always said if my other half looked at porn it wouldnt bother me aslong as i knew about it and he didnt hide it but i must admitt when i think about porn i think the glossy proper porn with girls who do it for a living, girls that he would never get to talk to and never get to meet but it never entered my head about amature porn.
for some reason i wouldnt be happy if my partner looked at that, i guess cos they are just the girl next door, you can get to talk to them and i would proberly guess meet them as they cant be the kind of girls who care much about there pride.
i was wondering if my friends other half has met one of these girls.
it would all make sence.
how would any of you feel if your partner looked at amature porn?
if you are fine with them looking at normal porn would you feel different about amature porn like me?
or am i turning in to a prude?

[blowry]

the thing with the amature porn got me thinking, i have always said if my other half looked at porn it wouldnt bother me aslong as i knew about it and he didnt hide it but i must admitt when i think about porn i think the glossy proper porn with girls who do it for a living, girls that he would never get to talk to and never get to meet but it never entered my head about amature porn.
for some reason i wouldnt be happy if my partner looked at that, i guess cos they are just the girl next door, you can get to talk to them and i would proberly guess meet them as they cant be the kind of girls who care much about there pride.
i was wondering if my friends other half has met one of these girls.
it would all make sence.
how would any of you feel if your partner looked at amature porn?
if you are fine with them looking at normal porn would you feel different about amature porn like me?
or am i turning in to a prude?


I don't think you are turning into a prude. I am 49 yrs YOUNG and although I do have an open mind I don't care for porn, and it really bothered me when my husband would look at it...He never bought it (off the internet) but, he would go to sites..I guess, being a woman, I just don't understand why a man has to look a crap like that...especially when they are married or, involved with a woman. Porn makes me sick! I know men love to look woman having sex but, I wouldn't want to sit and look at men having sex (with woman OR A MAN!) Doesn't do a damn thing for me. And when my husband would look at it (he would close the screen when I came into the room like he was doing something wrong) it made ME feel insecure about myself...but, men just don't get it or,,,,they just don't care.

[sashajade]

ok update, my friend found out whats been going on, hes been looking at porn, she walked in on him, shes now told him how she feels and hes now taken notice.
hes promised her hes not cheated, hes gonna have a mobile so she can phone him any time, she can go to the pub with him, hes given her the number for the pub so she can phone and make sure hes there.
hes now taking her out once a week and making a fuss of her.
he said he started to feel like a slob and that she didnt fancy him anymore so thats why he started making an effort with how he looks.
for over a year after she had her last child she pushed him away all the time and didnt want sex so he was also feeling bad.
she has also admitted that its as much her problem as his as she feels insercure and tells him not to do things so he then does them behind her back cos he knows she will go mad if she finds out, silly things like she told him to stop going to the gym so he went but lied about where he was going so she then started to think he was cheating.
i hope they do sort things out, fingers crossed.

[Chandra Amaya]

ok update, my friend found out whats been going on, hes been looking at porn, she walked in on him, shes now told him how she feels and hes now taken notice.
hes promised her hes not cheated, hes gonna have a mobile so she can phone him any time, she can go to the pub with him, hes given her the number for the pub so she can phone and make sure hes there.
hes now taking her out once a week and making a fuss of her.
he said he started to feel like a slob and that she didnt fancy him anymore so thats why he started making an effort with how he looks.
for over a year after she had her last child she pushed him away all the time and didnt want sex so he was also feeling bad.
she has also admitted that its as much her problem as his as she feels insercure and tells him not to do things so he then does them behind her back cos he knows she will go mad if she finds out, silly things like she told him to stop going to the gym so he went but lied about where he was going so she then started to think he was cheating.
i hope they do sort things out, fingers crossed.
I hope everything does work out for them...but still the shaving down below part...makes me think he is cheating. If I'm wrong (I hope) then hey...congrats to him for finally showing some initiative & cleaning himself up. This may make her strive to lose the weight she hates & will be great for her self image. Not to mention how great both of them having more confidence will be to their three kids :D

[sashajade]

I hope everything does work out for them...but still the shaving down below part...makes me think he is cheating. If I'm wrong (I hope) then hey...congrats to him for finally showing some initiative & cleaning himself up. This may make her strive to lose the weight she hates & will be great for her self image. Not to mention how great both of them having more confidence will be to their three kids :D yep thats the only thing i still think is funny the shaving thing but shes happy with him at the moment so i will just be there for her if things get bad again:thumbup:

[Lissa]

It's great that things are looking up!!! I hope that he's truly being honest with her and that things will work out!!!!