Office romance.. don't do it!

[Shada]

I am such a mess right now.

I was stupid. Very stupid. I made a huge mistake in letting a co-worker into my personal life. Something I do not believe in, have never done before.. but this guy was good. He wormed himself into my life believing he was special..

A litttle background. I have worked at the same place for over 20 years. Never have I gotten involved with anybody I work with. Seen too many office romances that are public and people talking about.. never did I want to have myself a a part of that discussion. Never. Many people I work with jump from man to man, or woman to woman, and continue on.. sick to me. There is one person who is known as the company 'whore' for lack of a better word. She is married, but has, and will, sleep with anyone who pays her any attention. Many men. She has no morals, sex to her is just a game. And she plays a lot of games.

Now my story.

A new man got a job, management position. His home is 3 1/2 hours away. He stayed in town to work during the week and went home for weekends. Very private man. Daily he came to me and spoke.. over little things, just making polite conversation, but over time, approx. 9 months, I started to think this guy was different from anyone I had known before and I would like to get to know better.

So, against my better judgement, I asked him if I would be out of line to ask him over for dinner. He accepted my invitation, and we had a wonderful evening speaking of our lives, what we believed in, what we wanted out of life..
and it started. For the past year and a half I have been seeing him. I fell in love. Totally unlike anything I have felt before.

But remember, this was work related. He was in top management. Our relationship had to be hid because of his position. Prior to seeing him, I had not been in any type of relationship for 3 years. I do not believe in a casual relationship, casual sex.. for me feelings have to be there, and it had been years since I had cared for anyone. I had not even dated, and he knew this.

The company 'whore' had been chasing after him since day one. We spoke of her. He was the one to bring her up. He told me how she would call him, stop over to ask him if 'he wanted company' and he would slam the door in her face.. hang up on her when she called.. He hated her. So he said. I hated her for continueing to try to seduce him. Thought she finally found the one guy who turned her down and she would not give up.. and I had to work with her and hear from others about how she wanted him..and I could say nothing. Because I was living this big secret with him, loving him, and not telling anyone because of his position.

Then.. he lost his job.
He left town, went back to his home town.. did not call me. I called him.. never returned my calls.

I started hearing rumors. About him and her. I spoke to her. Oh she gladly told me, for she had heard rumors about him and I. Rumors that I had denied for I wanted to protect his job. His image. She told me how she had been seeing him for the last 2 years. Having sex with him. She told me how she had sex with him at least twice a week, then she would go home to her husband.

So there is a very good chance that he had sex with her, then came to my home.
That makes me so sick... to think he would do that.. could do that.. when I had no idea.. and I invited him into my home not knowing!!

I emailed him with the information she gave me, he told me it was a stupid rumor, he would not respond to a 'she said' then he basically told me his personal life was none of my business, and he wished for me to have a long fulfulling life.

I have heard nothing from him since. It has been over a month, and I know I will never hear from him again. I have not, and will not, try to contact him again.

But oh how I hurt. I love this man. I have to go to work daily looking at this woman, seeing images I do not want to think about.. I see her, and think about him with her....
and I cannot get him out of my mind.

I truly thought he was special. Honest. A man of character. What a fool I was.


Oh, he was special all right. He taught me a huge life lesson. One I hope to never repeat.

So here I am, alone again, and wondering what I did wrong, knowing I did nothing wrong. I believed and trusted. He was the one who deceived me.

I let him into my life, asked him into my life.
I go to sleep thinking of him, wake up thinking of him, so many good memories, now so many tainted memories..

I know time will ease my pain, but for now..
I have to hurt alone, for I lied to my family, my friends, about my situation. I have to handle it on my own. I will. I have been.

I know I will be alright. I will get over this.

I will!!!

But right now.. I hurt.

[Mandy]

Im sorry if this sounds harsh, but in my opinion, that "man" is not worth hurting for! He had a good time while it lasted, had hes cake and are it. :thumbdwn:

He needs to be deleted out of your mind!

[Janet]

He may not be worth 'hurting for', but you're still hurting. Most likely, because the ending of this relationship had no closure whatsoever. Maybe it would help if you could write a letter, telling him exactly how you felt about him, how you feel about how he treated you, and what you really think of men who treat women that way. You don't have to send the letter, but maybe, writing it all out, will help you close this chapter so you can move on.

[Lindsey]

I know I'm young but I do know how it feels to be betrayed like that. I was in a 3-year relationship and when it ended I found out that he had cheated on me the whole time. I know it hurts. You deserve better than that, and I pray that you will stay strong and don't try to make contact no matter how hard it is. It's easier said than done, I know just recently going through a breakup myself. I'm glad you found this forum, the women here are a great support system.

[Shada]

Lindsey, thank you for your kind words, I have also read your posts and know you yourself are going thru a hard time.
Believe this: You and I will become stronger, we will survive and in time will be able to look back and be thankful we are no longer with a man who would treat us this way.

They on the other hand have to look back with regret that they treated a person who only wanted to love them, make them happy, in such a cheap shabby way.

Janet, funny you should mention I should put it down in words just how he made me feel. I did just that a week ago. Wrote him a long email explaining how I thought he was such a man of character, honesty, integrity.
How he made me feel, leaving town like a coward, and leaving me to hear the truth from others.
Then I deleted it.

Thank you all for your replys.

This is a nice forum and I am glad I discovered it.

[Gina]

Sorry to hear about this story and the hurt that he created. You had put your trust in him. Just curious did he ever tell you that he wanted more out of this relationship? I don't know about the office hoe, would you think that she would lie? What reason would she have to. I believe he was dishonest with you from the get go, and he preyed on your kind character..

You have been working on the job for over 20 years , I am assuming that you are an older woman and he was a older man. I am sorry to say but by him leaving without a goodbye tells me he his not a nice person. For you to email him and for his response to be none of your business, he is so wrong, he lead you on for 18 mts. you deserve more than that. Like Janet said write him a letter, but I would email it to him. Just put your cards on the table and let him know what a despeciable person that he is, and what goes around, comes around. I am sorry but he sounds like a player not a decent person. I think once you write your thoughts and send it to him, it will be a satisfaction, I know when I am fuming I need to vent to get it off my chest. I don't think this relationship will resurect and I don't think you should want it to. You need to move forward and remember that you are a decent person and good things will come to you.. Good luck! :)

[Gina]

Sorry about the smiley on top, I couldnt delete it after I submited it..

[Tink]

Shada, the best revenge is to go on and be happy without him. You loved the man he pretended to be... not the butthead lowlife he really is. No man worth having would treat a woman the way he treated you.

I hope your heart heals soon and you're able to find love with a man who truly deserves you.

Hugs

[AngieDoogles]

Shada, the best revenge is to go on and be happy without him. You loved the man he pretended to be... not the butthead lowlife he really is. No man worth having would treat a woman the way he treated you.

I hope your heart heals soon and you're able to find love with a man who truly deserves you.

Hugs

Shada, I agree with everything Tink said! You just go out there and live your life and be happy. It's better this way anyway. You didn't want to be stuck with a jerk like that for the rest of your life, that's for sure!

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Some people are just so inconsiderate of the feelings of others. With time, you will look back on this and be so glad that you have moved on! I hope you feel better soon girl!

[Chandra Amaya]

Lindsey, thank you for your kind words, I have also read your posts and know you yourself are going thru a hard time.
Believe this: You and I will become stronger, we will survive and in time will be able to look back and be thankful we are no longer with a man who would treat us this way.

They on the other hand have to look back with regret that they treated a person who only wanted to love them, make them happy, in such a cheap shabby way.

Janet, funny you should mention I should put it down in words just how he made me feel. I did just that a week ago. Wrote him a long email explaining how I thought he was such a man of character, honesty, integrity.
How he made me feel, leaving town like a coward, and leaving me to hear the truth from others.
Then I deleted it.

Thank you all for your replys.

This is a nice forum and I am glad I discovered it.
Shada it sounds like you have answered your own questions. You know you deserve better & you know you will find that someday. You also know that he (they) WILL regret it one day after you have found true happiness. I wish speed in your heart healing & hope for you to find a real man in your next relationship.

[Marilyn]

Everyone is expressing the same thoughts that I had when reading your post. You deserve so much better. So horrible that there are such deceptive, hurtful people in this world. Wishing you well and healing after such a disappointing and painful experience. Hugs!!!

[rivermom]

I don't think you made a mistake at all. What wrong is falling in love? What wrong is trusting someone? What wrong is opening up your heart? Nothing.

Don't blame yourself, don't blame him. Life is full of journey's and you've found another to add to your list of many you will experience in your lifetime.

Remember, everything happens for a reason.

Don't allow this to stop you again from loving someone.

[Chandra Amaya]

I don't think you made a mistake at all. What wrong is falling in love? What wrong is trusting someone? What wrong is opening up your heart? Nothing.

Don't blame yourself, don't blame him. Life is full of journey's and you've found another to add to your list of many you will experience in your lifetime.

Remember, everything happens for a reason.

Don't allow this to stop you again from loving someone.
Sheryl you always have the most beautiful, thought provoking things to say. So true.

[rivermom]

Sheryl you always have the most beautiful, thought provoking things to say. So true.


No dear, not always but thank you! ;) Ask Mandy how I am when I'm pissed off at somebody! :D

[Shada]

I don't think you made a mistake at all. What wrong is falling in love? What wrong is trusting someone? What wrong is opening up your heart? Nothing.

Don't blame yourself, don't blame him. Life is full of journey's and you've found another to add to your list of many you will experience in your lifetime.

Remember, everything happens for a reason.

Don't allow this to stop you again from loving someone.


You are so right.
Thank you for your wisdom!!

[Shada]

I don't think you made a mistake at all. What wrong is falling in love? What wrong is trusting someone? What wrong is opening up your heart? Nothing.

Don't blame yourself, don't blame him. Life is full of journey's and you've found another to add to your list of many you will experience in your lifetime.

Remember, everything happens for a reason.

Don't allow this to stop you again from loving someone.


You are so right.
Thank you for your wisdom!!

Reminds of this email I received a while back.
From here on out, this is how I will think about my life's journeys:


Let it go for 2007...

By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk
away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into
staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you,
coming to see you, staying attached to
you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us
that it might be made manifest that they were not for
us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have
continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just
means that their part in the story is over And you've got
to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep
trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over... Let me tell you
something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm
faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to
have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too
much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong
to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and
see your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take
you to a new level in Him......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken
relationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try
to help themselves.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself
and God is saying "take your hands off of it,"
then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for 2007!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then .

LET IT GO!!!

[AngieDoogles]

That's a great email Shada. Thanks for sharing it with us! :)

[rivermom]

Oh I LOVE that email Shada. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.

I wish you happy thoughts.

[Janet]

That was a great email they sent you. Alot easier said than done, but worth trying anyway.

[AngieDoogles]

That was a great email they sent you. Alot easier said than done, but worth trying anyway.

So many things are easier said than done, unfortunately...

[Mandy]

That IS a beautiful email! Thanks for sharing.

[Mandy]

Shada, i love it so much i have to share with a few people, hope you dont mind! :)

[Shada]

Shada, i love it so much i have to share with a few people, hope you dont mind! :)

Of course I don't mind!

Very glad to know so many like it, it is meant to be shared.
Something we all should live by.

[Mandy]

Shada, how are you feeling? Thought i would ask to see if you are OK! ;) Come talk to us girl :) :thumbup:

[Shada]

Thanks for asking about me...

I am doing good.
Still hurting... but... I will be ok. I know time will help, and it has.

But... like an idiot I still care. Doesn't mean I will do anything stupid.. haven't heard from him, know I won't.
I refuse to try to get in touch with him. His silence tells me more than words could. Although I wish he would call to give me closure and to explain. So many unanswered questions I have... biggest one being 'why'?

I have to live with the knowledge that I was weak in believing in a man I knew nothing about other than what little he was willing to share with me..

But I also have to thank him for showing me that I am capable of loving and caring again.. I truly thought I would never meet a man I could think strongly about again. But I did. I will again. God permitting.

Hopefully the next man will be worthy of my love and will love me back as I deserve. Time will tell.

Untill then, I am content to be on my own.

I have the support of friends and family. The support of this forum I was so forunate to find.

I have a good life. I will continue to live it as I have, honestly and with respect for those I care about.

[Mandy]

Glad you are ok Shada! Its great that you are seeing the positive side of it, keep going girl. Nice to hear from you! :) :thumbup:

[AngieDoogles]

Shada, I can tell you are still hurting, but it seems you've come such a long way since your first post! I'm so happy for you! Someday, probably when you least expect it, you will meet the man of your dreams and none of this will even matter anymore. :)

[Taurus Babe]

Ugh! Men can be such dirt balls!!!!
I'm so sorry for the deep pain that you are experiencing right now. I know that pain, and you are right that time will heal. You sounds like a very level headed woman, and you will get over him. Good for you for being so smart about this and realizing that he is NOT worthy of you. Neither is that whore at your work. Chin up around her. She is a scum bag too. Let them have each other, they only deserve one another!! I hope your prince swoops you off your feet when the time is right...of course, what a lucky man that will be!