Living Together Before Marriage?

[NewTopics]

What is your view on a couple living together before marriage?

[Ponyup]

I decided it wasn't something I wanted to do. I know my parents wouldn't of approved, but it was a personal choice & the best thing for our situation. I'm glad we didn't the first 18months we were married were pretty tough. My husband & I are both loner types & getting used to living with someone was very hard for us. Had we not been married we might have thrown in the towell. But being married we stuck it out & it has turned out for the best.

[rivermom]

I myself have done it and it worked out well. I am not saying that every couple should, but each to decide what is best for themself and their partner.

[Janet]

I didn't do it, but don't really like the idea. My personal opinion is why isn't the union worth being married. Too easy to walk away, although too many walk away in marriage also. I think a promise to God means something. To each their own, that's just how I feel.

[cindy0721]

I decided it wasn't something I wanted to do. I know my parents wouldn't of approved, but it was a personal choice & the best thing for our situation. I'm glad we didn't the first 18months we were married were pretty tough. My husband & I are both loner types & getting used to living with someone was very hard for us. Had we not been married we might have thrown in the towell. But being married we stuck it out & it has turned out for the best.


gotta agree with the above post on this one.... I'm not saying "get married" or anything like that, but I too think if it had not been for us being married we too would have just walked out..... but I am glad we didn't and are still together... We married young and all the odds were against but we made it and now this June it will be 5 years married!:p

[AngieDoogles]

gotta agree with the above post on this one.... I'm not saying "get married" or anything like that, but I too think if it had not been for us being married we too would have just walked out..... but I am glad we didn't and are still together... We married young and all the odds were against but we made it and now this June it will be 5 years married!:p

We married young as well. I was 18, but I'm SO glad we did. As for living together before marriage, my mom would've killed me, lol! Hubby's mom, on the other hand, suggested that he go to seminary and that we live together without getting married. I don't think that would've gone over very well!! She was just concerned because she got married young to his father and it was a bad marriage. She didn't want that for her son. I personally wouldn't do it, but as others have said, to each his own.

[DianaB]

I don't think that it's a good idea to live together before getting married. I think that people jump into relationships without really knowing the person that they're involved with. It takes a lot of time to REALLY get to know someone. By living together it makes it difficult to leave a relationship that's not right for you and move on and find the relationship that IS right for you. I think that finding the one person who is right for you takes alot of time and shouldn't be a decision that you take lightly. It is one of the most important decisions in your life.

[Mandy]

I have done it, and for us it worked out great! When we got married we got the "butterfly's" again, that was 16 years ago, almost 3 years ago we renewd our vows, and did it all over again, fell in love, were on cloud 9, had a huge wedding :thumbup: Keeps life interesting LOL

[Chandra Amaya]

I think it is always different for different situations & different people. With my first hubby we didn't. We were very young & I wish I had known alittle more about him before I had married him. Living together might have helped. He was a drug addict. My second hubby & I did. We lived together for a month before getting married. I think it was exactly what I needed to show me all men are not the same.

[Marilyn]

My opinion on this question does not matter. God gave us his Word as our guide and His opinion is the only one that does matter. He said that man should leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, not go live with his girlfriend. Sorry ladies, but if we are to be God's faithful children, we need to do what He says. He knows what is best for us and He loves us.

It's not my intention to offend anyone, but God is often very specific on issues, and if we are striving to be like His son, we need to be specific as well and speak when the Bible speaks and be silent when it is silent.

[Janet]

Totally agree with you Marilyn. I knew you'd be able to put it simply in black and white so to speak.

[Lissa]

Well, obviously if I did live with him before we got married my mom would kill me :p

But really, even if you don't take what the Bible has to say, I think living together should be one of those things you get to experience after getting married. I don't see what would be different other than knowing that if he wants to leave he'll have to go to court and it makes it more difficult. Living together is almost symbolic of the marriage, you both live your seperate lives in seperate places, but when you get married its no longer "my life" its "our life" so you go from "my place" to "our place." Though I wouldn't mind coming home and seeing my boyfriend there or being home when he gets off from work and having that guarentee I'll get to see him everyday, that'll have to wait for if we get married.

[DianaB]

My opinion on this question does not matter. God gave us his Word as our guide and His opinion is the only one that does matter. He said that man should leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, not go live with his girlfriend. Sorry ladies, but if we are to be God's faithful children, we need to do what He says. He knows what is best for us and He loves us.

It's not my intention to offend anyone, but God is often very specific on issues, and if we are striving to be like His son, we need to be specific as well and speak when the Bible speaks and be silent when it is silent.

I agree with you 100% :bravo: :bravo: :bravo:

[rivermom]

It clearly shows that everybody has their own thinking/opinion towards this subject.

It clearly shows that everybody has their own beliefs towards how they feel their life should be lived.

[Janet]

And isn't it wonderful that in this forum, no one is made to feel they are wrong, just because we all may believe differently? I've said it before, I'll say it again...4WT Rocks!!!!

[Tink]

Greg and I lived together 3 years before marrying. I'd had a really BAD 1st marriage, and there was no way I was subjecting myself or my daughter to that again. It took greg 3 yrs to convince me to marry him; and I seriously don't think I'd have ever built that trust if we hadn't lived together first.

Once I said yes, we were married within weeks. We've been married 21 yrs. I wouldn't say it's for everyone, but it obviously worked for us.

[Chandra Amaya]

Greg and I lived together 3 years before marrying. I'd had a really BAD 1st marriage, and there was no way I was subjecting myself or my daughter to that again. It took greg 3 yrs to convince me to marry him; and I seriously don't think I'd have ever built that trust if we hadn't lived together first.

Once I said yes, we were married within weeks. We've been married 21 yrs. I wouldn't say it's for everyone, but it obviously worked for us.
exactly. I did the exact same thing. Wasn't sure I ever wanted to get married again.felt that all men are the same. only been married 3 years but congrats on finding a long happy marriage after a bad one Tink :)

[ILuvShoes]

Hubby and I lived together for 6 months before we got engaged, were engaged for a year and have been happily married for almost 4 years. It worked out great for us! :)

[Gina]

Greg and I lived together 3 years before marrying. I'd had a really BAD 1st marriage, and there was no way I was subjecting myself or my daughter to that again. It took greg 3 yrs to convince me to marry him; and I seriously don't think I'd have ever built that trust if we hadn't lived together first.

Once I said yes, we were married within weeks. We've been married 21 yrs. I wouldn't say it's for everyone, but it obviously worked for us.


Tink thats great, statically they say that couples who live together then marry usually break up. I find this to be true with couples that I know that have. Sad you would think that living together that they would be happy. Sometimes that piece of paper means something. I was raised pretty strict my parents would have killed me lol but I believe to each his own.

[bkessler]

I am currently living with my BF and its been great!! Reallly taught me how to share space and responsiblity.. I think all people should live together before getting married (JMO)

[goofywife]

I was married before. When I met Adam, I lived in Texas he lived in OK. When we decied that we were done with the long distance thing, my family said live together don't get married. In fact they were pretty admit about it.

It really was't for me. If I wsas going to uproot my daughter and I from Texas and our family, it was only going to happen if we got married. So rather than make waves with my family, I said ok, we will just live together. Mean while we planned a small ceremony. Just us, the witness, and the preacher. We got married the weekend I moved up.

About a year later, my mom and sisters came to visit for my GF wedding. We were at the bridal shower and someone said, Who is the one who married Adam. Needless to say Mom and Sisters turned around looked at me and said "do you have something to tell us".

We have been married for 13 years now.

[lisa]

I lived with my now Husband for 11 years before we were married. I wouldnt do it again and I would be very disapointed if My Daughter lived with a guy

[judy]

I lived with my ex for about 5 years before we got married. I also had a bad first marriage and really didn't want to ever get married again. It took Joel a long time to talk me into marriage. When we got married, it was a very different commitment, which I took very seriously. It didn't work out, but we tried very hard to stay together. I don't think we would have done that if we weren't married.

[Rae]

My boyfriend and I own a townhouse together. Some people think that owning is so final, but I know if things don't work out (knock on wood) we can always sell the house, and my mom's assured me I'm always welcome back home. I love living with him, and were learning so much about each other each day. We've only been together for 2years, which yeah that is kinda quick, but sometimes things happen faster for some people, sometimes slower. I don't plan on getting married until afte, r school, and when I'm in my later 20's, and I don't want to stay at my parents until I'm that old. And there's no way I want to live by myself. Our living together works out perfect, plus it's not like we see eachother all the time, like you would think we do since we live together. We both have very busy schedules, so our only time together is usually a couple hours before we go to sleep at night. I think it just depends on the person.

[sashajade]

i live with my partner but we are now engaged, i would never marry someone without living with them first as i think only when you live with someone do you really truely know them and when i marry i want it to be for life.
but as its been said each to there own.:)

[bkessler]

My boyfriend and I own a townhouse together. Some people think that owning is so final, but I know if things don't work out (knock on wood) we can always sell the house, and my mom's assured me I'm always welcome back home. I love living with him, and were learning so much about each other each day. We've only been together for 2years, which yeah that is kinda quick, but sometimes things happen faster for some people, sometimes slower. I don't plan on getting married until afte, r school, and when I'm in my later 20's, and I don't want to stay at my parents until I'm that old. And there's no way I want to live by myself. Our living together works out perfect, plus it's not like we see eachother all the time, like you would think we do since we live together. We both have very busy schedules, so our only time together is usually a couple hours before we go to sleep at night. I think it just depends on the person.

My BF Jody and I actually moved in together after only dating 8 months... Pretty quick but its been amazing!! He and I get along so well and I wouldn't change a thing.. Since we discuss marriage and I'll probably be engaged by next year (i am guessing) i think it was for the best.. He lived with an ex GF and it didn't work out and i think he was a bit nervous but we get along so well.. Its been the best descision i've ever made!!

[Taurus Babe]

I think that it's fine. If that's what you want to do. I think you learn a LOT about someone living with them even if you think you know them before you move in with them. I've learned SO much living with my bf. We only were with each other 9 times before I moved in with him!! It was love at first sight:p It totally depends on the people involved...I think that living with together before marriage is one less 'shock' you have to deal with after you tie the knot!

[blowry]

According to todays standards, I was married young, I was 21 when I married my first husband (that was 29 yrs ago). I had my first daughter 15 months after we got married. Then 5 yrs later we had another daughter. My marriage to Bob was not a good one. He was an abusive alcoholic. A decision was made for me to not work and stay home and raise our 2 beautiful daughters. I'm not really sure if I loved him when I married him or was in love with the idea of being married and having a family. After manys unhappy years I decided to end the marriage...which, wasn't an easy thing to do, even though I was the one that wanted it. I had been married for 19 yrs when I decided it was time to leave. It was the hardest thing in my life I have ever done. I feel that if we had lived together (my parents would have disowned me if I had done this) we probably wouldn't have gotten married. I dealt with my unhappy marriage because of the children...which wasnt' fair for them either.
I have been married to a wonderful man now for 8 yrs. We dated for a yr, lived together for a year then got married. We have our ups and downs like everyone else does but, we love and cherish each other.
I feel you don't really know a person unless you live with them.

[highlans]

I think when I married 33 years ago liveing together was not really done,I belive if you truely love your partner then it has to be marriage.

So another question to this is what about sex before marriage?

[DianeW]

My Husband And I Have Been Happily Married For 22 Years, We Have A Daughter Who Is 21, And We Lived Together For About 1 Year Before We Were Married.

We Had Bought Our First House And Only Decided To Get Married When We Decided To Have Our Daughter. Though We Knew We Would Get Married Some Day....

I Think It Is A Very Personal Decision, But I Am Glad We Did It This Way, And Would Be Happy If My Daughter Were To Live With Someone Before Making Thatfinal Commitment Of Marriage - Which To Me Is For Ever...

[Lissa]

So another question to this is what about sex before marriage?

I'm against it. I think that's an intimacy that should be shared only in marriage. I know people my age are in shock that someone wouldn't sleep with their boyfriend. But I don't think that people take it as seriously as they should. Just look at the pregnancy rates in schools today. A recent graduating class of a high school in my area graduated 64 people, 37 of then girls, and 26 of them pregnant or mothers. There were even pregnant girls in my junior high school.

I know that there are all kinds of bc out today, but the only fool-proof way to prevent pregnancy is hysterecomy, vasectomy, or just to not do it. I know for one that I'm definately not ready to have kids, and many of the people I know that have children aren't mature enough to be parents.

I know being married doesn't necessarily make you mature, but there has to be a certain level of maturity that you obtain within the bonds of marriage because you learn how to share your life with another person and to take another person's needs into consideration. That can somewhat prepare you for having kids.

Of course there's also my religious beliefs that simply state that you do not sleep together before you're married.

[dustiey]

I did live with my husband before we were married - it just sorted happened it really wasn't a conscious decision. When we did decide to get married, I was the one with the cold feet and I did not want to go through with it, but that was 8 years ago and here I am today. Would I do it again - ???