so angry!!

[aarnold808]

Hi,
I've been a lurker forawhile, but I haven't posted. Soo... here's my dilemma..

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years... we were planning on getting married, I was shopping for my wedding dress, picking out my ring, and even dining halls. (I'm only 22 by the way, he's 23) but throughout our entire relationship we've always had issues with his phone.

1st incidient: (8 months)
I always wrote them off as maybe I was being a little too jealous. But he would always carry his phone with him, he would never leave me alone with the phone, he took it in the shower with him, when he went to the bathroom, even when he went into the kitchen to cook. It was weird, and throughout our 3 years it never stopped. But whenever I would look at the phone I would find girls numbers in his phone. He said his cousin put numbers in his phone.. and since I didn't like his cousins (because they have done and said really shady things to me) I believed him. After that.. I had issues with a girl being in his house. He said the girl was for his cousin.. but I always found something weird about that, since he called me 6x that day to let me know EXACTLY what he was doing.. and how he repeatedly told me I shouldn't come over. I called the house phone, this girl answered and said they had been dating for a year... I asked him about it, and he was like, the girl was for his cousin.

2nd incident: (1st year)
We were still trying to work things out, and then some girl got ahold of my number and began prank calling me. She said this my boyfriend was her man, and that I wasn't the only girl he was with.

3rd incident: (1st year)
Some girl comes up to my sister (she was a girl who we had went to school with and we were all friends) and said to my sister that "Ashley should be careful, josh has been known to go out with more than one girl." So, of course my sister told me, and I went up there to talk to the girl and she said, "j has always been dating more than one girl at a time. I'd be careful. I'm not telling you want to do.. but my friend who dated him had to deal with what you're going thru."

4th incident: (2nd year)
I found a ton of nearly naked girls pictures in his phone. He blamed it on his cousins.

5h incident: (3rd year)
I found text messages with him and another girl. I called the girl, she said they had been going out for a year. He and I were practically living together at this point. He told my parents he wanted to marry me, and asked for their permission, etc. And she said, that when she saw my name in his phone, she asked him who I was and i was only "just a friend." He told me not to believe her because women lie. But I did, and asked her if she could send me a picture of them together. SHE DID. I sent him the pic, he first denied he was in it. Denied that he knew her. Then said, it was a pic taken a long time ago.

So, after this.. i broke up with him. But I still talk to him..am I justified in breaking up with him? I just don't know why I can't let go.. But I know the feelings I used to have with him aren't there for him. There's this guy in my criminal justice class, that I really do like.. but for some reason despite everything I don't want to let go of my ex boyfriend. what do I do?
Sorry for it being so long!

Ashley

[AngieDoogles]

I noticed this user online earlier and so I sent her a PM welcoming her to the community. She PM'ed me back saying that she was having difficulty getting a thread to submit, so I'm doing it for her. Here is what she said:

Hi,
I've been a lurker forawhile, but I haven't posted. Soo... here's my dilemma..

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years... we were planning on getting married, I was shopping for my wedding dress, picking out my ring, and even dining halls. (I'm only 22 by the way, he's 23) but throughout our entire relationship we've always had issues with his phone.

1st incidient: (8 months)
I always wrote them off as maybe I was being a little too jealous. But he would always carry his phone with him, he would never leave me alone with the phone, he took it in the shower with him, when he went to the bathroom, even when he went into the kitchen to cook. It was weird, and throughout our 3 years it never stopped. But whenever I would look at the phone I would find girls numbers in his phone. He said his cousin put numbers in his phone.. and since I didn't like his cousins (because they have done and said really shady things to me) I believed him. After that.. I had issues with a girl being in his house. He said the girl was for his cousin.. but I always found something weird about that, since he called me 6x that day to let me know EXACTLY what he was doing.. and how he repeatedly told me I shouldn't come over. I called the house phone, this girl answered and said they had been dating for a year... I asked him about it, and he was like, the girl was for his cousin.

2nd incident: (1st year)
We were still trying to work things out, and then some girl got ahold of my number and began prank calling me. She said this my boyfriend was her man, and that I wasn't the only girl he was with.

3rd incident: (1st year)
Some girl comes up to my sister (she was a girl who we had went to school with and we were all friends) and said to my sister that "Ashley should be careful, josh has been known to go out with more than one girl." So, of course my sister told me, and I went up there to talk to the girl and she said, "j has always been dating more than one girl at a time. I'd be careful. I'm not telling you want to do.. but my friend who dated him had to deal with what you're going thru."

4th incident: (2nd year)
I found a ton of nearly naked girls pictures in his phone. He blamed it on his cousins.

5h incident: (3rd year)
I found text messages with him and another girl. I called the girl, she said they had been going out for a year. He and I were practically living together at this point. He told my parents he wanted to marry me, and asked for their permission, etc. And she said, that when she saw my name in his phone, she asked him who I was and i was only "just a friend." He told me not to believe her because women lie. But I did, and asked her if she could send me a picture of them together. SHE DID. I sent him the pic, he first denied he was in it. Denied that he knew her. Then said, it was a pic taken a long time ago.

So, after this.. i broke up with him. But I still talk to him..am I justified in breaking up with him? I just don't know why I can't let go.. But I know the feelings I used to have with him aren't there for him. There's this guy in my criminal justice class, that I really do like.. but for some reason despite everything I don't want to let go of my ex boyfriend. what do I do?
Sorry for it being so long!

Ashley

I hope she comes back to see the responses...

[Tink]

Ashley, I'm sorry you've had such a time with a cheater.
If this guy has such a "thing" about his phone, how did he explain his cousin having access to it? It simply makes no sense.

I think you're doing the only reasonable thing in getting away from him. No one deserves to be cheated on, yet sadly many put up with it out of fer of being alone. I'm so glad you aren't that desperate.

I hope you're able to post here with us soon. This site is filled with a bunch of really terrific ladies who I think you'd really enjoy.

HUGS

[Mandy]

Hi Ashley, sorry you going thru this. But its better to find out before you marry him. You did the right thing, give yourself time to deal with it, and move on.
You deserve much better, and the right man is out there for you.
Him blaming hes cousin with hes phone sounds very shady, why would hes cousin have acces to hes phone :confused:

Stay strong girl, we are here for you - we care!

[Janet]

After all that time, all the incidents....RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!

[DianaB]

You've had too many instances with others telling you that he's running around on you and they've been from different people. Listen to what they're telling you and what you've already figured out. Is this the kind of life that you want if you should marry him? All the secrets? Always wondering if he's telling you the truth? It doesn't sound like he's been honest with you or you wouldn't have questions about his behavior. My suggestion is like everyone else"s---RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK! It sounds like a really bad idea to marry this guy!

[AngieDoogles]

Oh you got it to work! That's awesome!

As for your boyfriend, I definitely agree with the others. You DO NOT want to end up married to a man like that. If the lying and cheating is this bad already, imagine how it would feel to be married to him. You deserve SO much more, girl! And the the perfect guy for you is out there waiting for you to find him. Keep searching and don't waste any more time on this guy. Just my opinion...

[aarnold808]

Yeah, you're probably right. But he keeps saying.. whenever I bring the past up.. that I'm looking for something to be mad at him with. He's like, "Ashley would I give a key to someone I didn't love? I gave you a key to my house, I wouldn't do that to someone I didn't care about." etc etc. I don't know what to do. I do love him, but I hate the fact that its three years I've wasted. I absolutely, hate that the most.
I just don't know how to break it off with him. He threatens to come to my house, and make a huge scene if I decide to break up with him. I bought 384 tickets to my christina aguilera concert and we had to leave early because he argued with me in the concert arena in front of everyone... all because I was texting my sister (who was also there) So I told him (to save any more humiliation) that we need to just go. Then he made a complete a$$ out of himself outside and yelled at me as went to go look for my car... I guess, as I write this, I know that our relationship needs to end.
What I don't know how to do is figure out how to completely erase him from my life?

[Mandy]

Its easy for us to say, but you are the one thathas to deal with it, and im so sorry.
He sounds like he is insecure, by threatening you that if you break up with him, he will do so and so. if he truely loves you, he will see you are unhappy, and out of love he will want to work on himself, or let you go.
You wont ever be able to erase him out of your mind, you have both shared 3 years of life together. He needs to grow up, and take responsebility for hes actions! Making a fool of himself at the concert is just ridiculous, simply because you were texting your sister? PUHULEEEZZzz - IMO its the guilt in him talking.

[AngieDoogles]

Ashley, I hate to say this but he sounds SO controlling and usually guys who are controlling when you are dating, only get worse when they are married...often to the point of physical abuse. I'd hate for you to get into a situation like that. You are in a very critical point in your life right now and I hope you are incredibly careful about the decisions you make. It would be better to leave, feeling that you've wasted three years of your life, than to stay and waste the rest of your life.

Good luck Ashley. Please keep us updated.

[Chandra Amaya]

I agree with what everyone else has said hon. You are lucky to get out before you married this guy. To try to ease the pain, try hanging out with some fun freinds. You need to remember that you are a fun person & don't need him to feel loved or cared for. I hope you feel better soon & we are always here.:)

[Janet]

Are you absolute sure you "love" him or is he just someone you're use to? Sometimes it can be really confusing those two. I would walk away and never look back. There is so much more out there, no one should let someone treat them that way......EVER!!

[Forgivenmom5]

Ashley, you need to trust your instincts. I have been in this situation twice and tried to lie to myself that it was just me-I was just being insecure they wouldn't cheat. I was right all along I just didn't want to face it. It takes a while to get over it but in time the peace of mind is worth more than having them and wondering what's going
on every time their phone rings or they go out the door. You deserve better than this.

[Janet]

See Ashley...not only have people given you advice, but some that have actually been through it. He won't change, only you can, by not allowing yourself to be treated this way. You need to tell yourself that you deserve more, then walk away!

[Gina]

After all that time, all the incidents....RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!


Ashley cant say it better than JANET JUST DID!! Better now than being married for a few mts. and he decides marriage is not for him. My nephew is going through this but @ 30 he and is wife. They had a beautiful fairy tale wedding in Oct.06, she tells him last week that its over. No counceling , no nothing.. So honey you are young and he is to. .Move on...

[Lindsey]

Leave him. You know deep down it's the right thing to do. Who cares if he makes a scene? Guys like that like to manipulate and be in control. Yeah, he'll be angry but it's nothing compared to how angry YOU'VE been. He's not worth it. One thing I've just had to make myself believe recently is that relationships aren't the only thing in life... I was just looking for someone to take my ex's place and now I've realized I just want to live for ME for awhile. You and I are the same age. You're still young! You don't need to be worrying about some guy who is treating you like dirt! Go out and live your life, and someday another guy will come along who will treat you like a princess... and that's what you deserve!

[aarnold808]

Well you guys, I spent all of yesterday trying to figure out how to break up with him. I don't want it to be nasty. I thought about what Janet (I think) said, and I think it is more because I was used to being with him, and not because I'm actually in love with him. I think that changed within the last year.
I am going to tell him today. I read all of your words, and seeing as women like yourselves have been through this once before, I know that I am doing the right thing. This was what my mother was talking about. She fears that he's going to get worse, and since she does work for the Police Department she says, she doesn't trust me being alone with him. I couldn't understand why she would say that but now I do.
I'm just trying to graduate from college and start law school in the fall. That's it. I don't want any more drama with him. I just don't want him making a scene because my mom will have him arrested. She has already told me so. And then can you only imagine what will happen after that? But I'm going to tell him right after I post this. (He's at church right now.. go figure) Hopefully, he won't be driving up to my house. (he's done that three or four times now). I will let you know how it all goes.


Ashley

[Lindsey]

Good luck! He's probably not going to just let it go, so please stay strong!

[Janet]

Well you guys, I spent all of yesterday trying to figure out how to break up with him. I don't want it to be nasty. I thought about what Janet (I think) said, and I think it is more because I was used to being with him, and not because I'm actually in love with him. I think that changed within the last year.
I am going to tell him today. I read all of your words, and seeing as women like yourselves have been through this once before, I know that I am doing the right thing. This was what my mother was talking about. She fears that he's going to get worse, and since she does work for the Police Department she says, she doesn't trust me being alone with him. I couldn't understand why she would say that but now I do.
I'm just trying to graduate from college and start law school in the fall. That's it. I don't want any more drama with him. I just don't want him making a scene because my mom will have him arrested. She has already told me so. And then can you only imagine what will happen after that? But I'm going to tell him right after I post this. (He's at church right now.. go figure) Hopefully, he won't be driving up to my house. (he's done that three or four times now). I will let you know how it all goes.


Ashley

Ashley, I am so proud of you for thinking of yourself and your future first. I think you are making the right decision and your mother probably thinks so too. She has probably seen classic cases of guys like him and what ends up happening to the women they 'supposedly' love. Keep us informed, and know you are doing what's best for you.

[DianaB]

I'm glad to hear that your Mom knows what's going on and don't hesitate to let her know if you have trouble with this guy. It sounds like she's been worried about him for a while. I think that you're doing the right thing. Even if he makes a scene, don't back down. It's another manipulation trick and don't fall for it. I hope all goes well when you talk to him. Keep us posted on how it goes.

[Chandra Amaya]

I'm glad to hear that your Mom knows what's going on and don't hesitate to let her know if you have trouble with this guy. It sounds like she's been worried about him for a while. I think that you're doing the right thing. Even if he makes a scene, don't back down. It's another manipulation trick and don't fall for it. I hope all goes well when you talk to him. Keep us posted on how it goes.
I completely agree. & very good for you for endind it. Don't let him use you & the love you have for your daughter anymore. If you need to have him arrested please do. That is much better than putting you or your daughter though him becoming violent.

[Marilyn]

How did it go?????

[DianaB]

I completely agree. & very good for you for endind it. Don't let him use you & the love you have for your daughter anymore. If you need to have him arrested please do. That is much better than putting you or your daughter though him becoming violent.

Traci, are you lost? I'm not her Mom. I was just giving advice.

[aarnold808]

Well,
He came by my house just as he said he would.. and told me he wanted to talk to my mom and sister to find out why nobody likes him. He stayed at my house nearly an hour shouting "ashley I didn't cheat on you." and "I gave you three years of my life. I have never been with someone that long. I love you so much." And then he told me I was making the decision to end things with him because my family doesn't like him. He has been calling since the split.. more so that its at least 20 to 30 times within a few hours. But, I've been trying not to break down. It's his crying that has me bothered, however. He has never cried in his life, and he broke down and started crying once I told him it was over. I felt so bad. I never wanted to hurt him, and it seems that that is what I have done. I just want us to be alright, I didn't want to end things like this...
I miss him so much. I didn't think it would be this bad...

Ashley

[AngieDoogles]

Ashley, I sent you a PM since we were already talking that way. Just wanted to let you know.

[Mandy]

Well,
He came by my house just as he said he would.. and told me he wanted to talk to my mom and sister to find out why nobody likes him. He stayed at my house nearly an hour shouting "ashley I didn't cheat on you." and "I gave you three years of my life. I have never been with someone that long. I love you so much." And then he told me I was making the decision to end things with him because my family doesn't like him. He has been calling since the split.. more so that its at least 20 to 30 times within a few hours. But, I've been trying not to break down. It's his crying that has me bothered, however. He has never cried in his life, and he broke down and started crying once I told him it was over. I felt so bad. I never wanted to hurt him, and it seems that that is what I have done. I just want us to be alright, I didn't want to end things like this...
I miss him so much. I didn't think it would be this bad...

Ashley


Stay strong Ashley! You know in your heart it was the right decision. Keeping you both in my thoughts, yes him too, he needs "happy thoughts" right now. ;)

[Janet]

Ashley, the worst case women abusers cry to manipulate. Don't fall for this tactic. It's like turning on and off a faucett It probably worked for him as a young boy with his mother and he figures it will work for you too. Keep yourself busy and just don't answer the phone. He sounds like trouble and I sure wouldn't want you stuck in a relationship that is so manipulative. There is definitely something wrong if he is calling you this often more so that its at least 20 to 30 times within a few hours. You really need to be strong and walk away.

[Ponyup]

Ashley, the worst case women abusers cry to manipulate. Don't fall for this tactic. It's like turning on and off a faucett It probably worked for him as a young boy with his mother and he figures it will work for you too. Keep yourself busy and just don't answer the phone. He sounds like trouble and I sure wouldn't want you stuck in a relationship that is so manipulative. There is definitely something wrong if he is calling you this often . You really need to be strong and walk away.

I was gonna say a similar thing. He's not crying because he's sad, he's crying because he got caught & the woman he thought he could walk all over finally got wise & stood up to him. Do not answer your phone. I would turn my phone off or change the number & give others another way to contact me. I dated a manipulative man in high school. I know how you feel. He cheated on me & used very personal things I had told him to get me upset so I would come home from college to see him. I lost 15lbs my freshman year at college (this was something i didn't need to do). My roommate used to find me hiding in my closet crying because i didn't want anyone to know how bad he made me feel. I met a nice guy when I went to florida & realized i didn't need someone like this to treat me bad the rest of my life, i could do better & deserved better. You deserve the same, we all do. Stay strong.

[Janet]

I was gonna say a similar thing. He's not crying because he's sad, he's crying because he got caught & the woman he thought he could walk all over finally got wise & stood up to him. Do not answer your phone. I would turn my phone off or change the number & give others another way to contact me. I dated a manipulative man in high school. I know how you feel. He cheated on me & used very personal things I had told him to get me upset so I would come home from college to see him. I lost 15lbs my freshman year at college (this was something i didn't need to do). My roommate used to find me hiding in my closet crying because i didn't want anyone to know how bad he made me feel. I met a nice guy when I went to florida & realized i didn't need someone like this to treat me bad the rest of my life, i could do better & deserved better. You deserve the same, we all do. Stay strong.


:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

[Chandra Amaya]

Traci, are you lost? I'm not her Mom. I was just giving advice.
No I was using your quote & saying I agree then going on to say more to her.

[Janet]

How are you Ashley...everything okay?

[aarnold808]

Oh no.. I'm not good at all.

I'm just really surprised..for lack of a better word. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with this man, and even though I said I wouldn't be talking to him, I picked up the phone and we do have normal civilized conversations. I mention that he has hurt me, and he's like "aint nobody hurt you.." etc. I'm thinking to myself where was the man I fell in love with? I just can't seem to fathom how for the last three years you think you know someone, and then all of a sudden, every trait, every characteristic about them is suddenly foreign and different to you? He doesn't treat me the right way anymore.. he swears at me, and tells me "I'm just looking for a problem." He had the nerve to tell me yesterday, "your mother didn't raise you right." He has issues with my mom because she doesn't like him.

I'm thinking to myself.. I think I turned out alright. I just got one of two law school recommendations yesterday. My teacher told me to keep in contact with him, to let him know if he could help me with anything else, if the school needed another rec. from him. I have people here trying to help me, I mean how bad could I have turned out?

Then we will be okay for a little while. We will talk like we used to.. and then he will start telling me, "ashley, if we ever had children, I don't want you always leaving us to go visit your family." (the gist of what he said, not word for word) He said we would be moving to TX and all my fam lives in Cali. He said, "I don't think you'd be a good mother because you would leave your husband and children for your family." And then he went on to state that, "If we do have children, I'm going to tell them how fake your aunt is (my sister)" My sister also does not like him.

A. I know, we're broken up. B. He still talks to me as if there's hope of a reconciliation. I'm not quite sure what to do. But, my gran says that maybe I need to cease contact with him all together. Not sure if I can do that. But I know its not healthy for me to continue talking to him in this manner. He's just different.. the things he says, and how he says them. One minute he's sorry, and the next he says he didn't do anything wrong. I don't know what to do..

I was always taught you stick by something. I feel like I betrayed him in the worst way possible. I told him I would never leave him, but I didn't think he would be like this.. Maybe this is what everyone warned me about. He and his ex had a nasty breakup (i went to high school with her) and both of them had to put restraining orders on each other. My gran says that could be indicative of the type of person he is. But I still remember him as my honeybunny. It's just he hasn't been that for a long time...


I'm in so much turmoil right now. I know I made the right decision, but why do I still feel so bad??

Ashley

[AngieDoogles]

all of a sudden, every trait, every characteristic about them is suddenly foreign and different to you?

I understand this statement SO well Ashley, you have no idea.

As for your problem, I know it's tough, but the signs were so negative. You made your decision and though it's hard, you should stick to it. He is not right for you. There is an amazing guy out there waiting for you and I'm just positive you will find him. Concentrate on yourself and your school for now. The rest will take care of itself in time.

*hugs*

I'm here if you need to talk.

[Tink]

Ashley, he sounds so typical of a controling personality. Is he also an alcoholic? That often goes hand in hand.

YOU didn't hurt him! I wish you could believe that. You simply stopped letting him control you... that's not hurtful, it's HEALTHY. He is likely using your families faults (as HE sees them) to make you side with him and take you away from them so he can gain further control. Please don't do it! I have the creeps just reding about him... it's too familiar to how some of the guys at the drug/alcohol treatment center I worked at were. They'd lay on the charm to get their way, then refuse to take responsibility for anything. It's not safe to be with someone like that!

I have to agree with your Mom that he has the potential to become abusive physically in the future. He's already playing mind games to manipulate.

You're a smart lady, please don't settle for this.

[aarnold808]

Ashley, he sounds so typical of a controling personality. Is he also an alcoholic? That often goes hand in hand.

YOU didn't hurt him! I wish you could believe that. You simply stopped letting him control you... that's not hurtful, it's HEALTHY. He is likely using your families faults (as HE sees them) to make you side with him and take you away from them so he can gain further control. Please don't do it! I have the creeps just reding about him... it's too familiar to how some of the guys at the drug/alcohol treatment center I worked at were. They'd lay on the charm to get their way, then refuse to take responsibility for anything. It's not safe to be with someone like that!

I have to agree with your Mom that he has the potential to become abusive physically in the future. He's already playing mind games to manipulate.

You're a smart lady, please don't settle for this.


No, actually he doesn't smoke or drink. I think you're absolutely right. I just don't know what to do. If I say something to make him angry like "stop calling me," he will leave work, and come straight to my house. He's done this 2x already. It's difficult. I do not like confrontation, so I try to appease him so he can leave the premises. However, although he has never hit me, he has withheld me from leaving a room when we argue. I never told my mom about it because she would have him arrested in a second.
I don't know how to keep him out of my life. I've already changed my number, I don't want to do that again. I don't want to go thru the restraining order process because that is just way too much drama. How do I get him to leave me alone? Because somewhere in the back of his mind, he thinks that this is just a "little problem" and that we are still together?

Ashley

[Janet]

Ashley, he sounds so dangerous. One classic sign is he wants to take you to Texas away from your family's influence. Next you won't be able to have any friends to talk with, he won't want to take the chance they would talk you into leaving him. You need to be strong and not speak with him at all. Walk, no run away and don't look back. You have a bright future ahead of you in law, and he will ruin everything you've worked for. No person will try to control another person in the name of love. He does not love you...he is losing control of you and pretty soon he'll lose control of himself. Ashley...quite honestly...you can end up dead. You know this as well! You need to be really honest with yourself....you can do soooo much better.

[AngieDoogles]

Ashley, he sounds so dangerous. One classic sign is he wants to take you to Texas away from your family's influence. Next you won't be able to have any friends to talk with, he won't want to take the chance they would talk you into leaving him. You need to be strong and not speak with him at all. Walk, no run away and don't look back. You have a bright future ahead of you in law, and he will ruin everything you've worked for. No person will try to control another person in the name of love. He does not love you...he is losing control of you and pretty soon he'll lose control of himself. Ashley...quite honestly...you can end up dead. You know this as well! You need to be really honest with yourself....you can do soooo much better.

I completely agree Janet. He sounds very dangerous. You are lucky that you were able to get out of this relationship early Ashley.

[DianaB]

I agree with Janet too. In everything that you're telling us we can see that he's trying to control you. It sounds like he's not too far from physical abuse, especially if he can get you away from family and friends. As Janet said, Run away from this guy! Maybe you should go and spend the summer with a grandparent or some friends and let things cool down a bit. Do NOT have contact with this guy! He sounds dangerous!

[Chandra Amaya]

I completely agree with what everyone else has said. Ashley I have been in this situation. I kept talking to the guy because I loved him & felt bad for him. I didn't want him to hurt. He held me hostage in my home. He kicked my door in & attacked my new boyfriend when I got one. (now my husband). He kept everything my kids & I owned trying to get me to come back to his house. I took out an order of protection & ended up giving him all of our stuff that was at his house (everything we owned) in court because the judge would not give me an escort to get it. BUT I cut all ties that day. It's the only way he would stop. He had made some threats & I was sure he would have followed through had I not stood up for myself & invovled the legal system. I know how scary it sounds but believe me you will feel much better once you have put a stop to his contact.

[Janet]

You've gotten good advice Ashley, please pay heed, we care!