new friend... or not

[Lindsey]

Well you guys know about the new friend I found. Yesterday we went for lunch together, went shopping, and then had a little martini party here at my house. During our conversations, I found out that she's very... well I guess almost addicted to sex. My brother and his friend were here for a little while and she kept telling me "Oh your brother is flirting with me! He's cute!" but he's my brother, and that's kind of off limits, right?
Well she had his number because I left my cell phone at home so I had to use hers to call him. He called back and asked for me and she said "What do you want to talk to her for? You can just talk to me" So she got him to come to the bar we were at, and pick us up so we could go to another bar with them. They were holding hands in the car. They left me alone in the next bar to go dancing all night. She came home with us and I felt so awkward. She was on the couch and my brother just went and sat on the floor beside her until I went to bed. They made me bring my dog into my room and close the door so they wouldn't be bothered, so I did. Then I realized I forgot to bring in a pee pad so I went back out to do that and all I heard when i got out was them squirming and my friend saying "see, i told you!" When I got up this morning, I guess they had both moved downstairs so I wouldn't hear them. She's still here, and acting like nothing's wrong. I'm so angry.

[Chandra Amaya]

I don't blame you at all Lindsey. It sounds like she maybe one of the "preditors" who pretend to be "just like you" to get close & use you for thier own wishes. I would be very weary of this girl.*hugs*

[Janet]

She sure doesn't sound like someone I would want to be friends with. I always worried when I was younger that THEIR reputation would follow ME. I just don't understand how some young ladies can behave this way...especially in this day and age with all the diseases running rampant.

[Lindsey]

I know... yesterday she was like "so guess how many guys I've slept with? It's kind of a lot!" I was going to say 10, but I said 15 because she had already told me a lot of stories... then she was like "Are you serious? Now I feel bad! Actually, 27!" I think my jaw dropped. She's 23 years old. She was in a two year relationship and engaged, so there were 26 outside of that. She's even told me that she's slept with all her guy friends and it's no problem, they all still hang out like normal. I couldn't believe it.

[Chandra Amaya]

yeah I would say she doesn't sound like someone you would enjoy being with for very long. You seem like a wonderful person & can find friends with more morals than this girl & I know this sounds mean but I think your brother should go for STD testing.

[Lindsey]

It means a lot for you to just say that I seem like a wonderful person, I'm actually in tears right now. Last night, the first bar we were at was just down the street from my ex's house where he was having a party with all his (and my old) friends. I still miss him. My friend was trying to flirt with some jerk at a pool table and he rode a bike so she told him she did too, and introduced me and told him about my bike. He said he drove a yamaha so I was like "oh just like my ex" and he said "yeah he's a smart man. That's why he's your ex." I was so angry I actually felt like i was going to cry right there, and especially after the friend just giggled and flirted with him some more. At the second bar after I got ditched, I actually did go into the little room with a phone in it, closed the door, and cried there. I hate crying in public and I'm usually a stronger person than that but it feels like now I just can't hold anything in anymore.

[Chandra Amaya]

I understand what you mean about normally being strong & not being able to hold it in. I am normally one to hide my feelings as well. I try to never cry infront of my kids esp. but there have been a few times over the past 5 yrs that I just couldn't take it. We all have the time in life when we feel like we can't take it anymore & it doesn't make you weaker to cry. It just helps get it out so you can continue pushing on. :)

[AngieDoogles]

Lindsey, I'm so sorry! She sounds like she is definitely not someone you want to be around. Having a bad friend is really a lot more trouble than it's worth. I hope you are able to find someone worthy of your friendship who can help you through this difficult time. We are here for you anytime you need to vent. *Hugs*

[Lindsey]

My best friend from back home is supposed to be making the 6 hour trip down here to see me either next weekend or the weekend after. When I found out last night I was so excited and I told the girl who was here, and she was like "It better not be in two weeks, you have to come to Regina with me!" She wants me to go to this other city with her, two hours away, to meet a bunch of sportbike guys from the forum we're on, because she thinks one of them is cute. After last night, there's no way I'm going.
She's not going to be an easy person to not talk to either... we haven't even known each other a week and she calls me every day and wants to go out for coffee every night. I'm also not the kind of person who can just get mad. I guess I'll just be making excuses for a long time...

[Chandra Amaya]

awww how sweet of her to come see you. I hope you have a wonderful time. Maybe she will tell the new girl to back off ;)

[AngieDoogles]

That's great Lindsey! I hope you have a wonderful time with your best friend!!

[Mandy]

Get out of that friendship before there are too many strings attached, you know bad rumors travel faster then good ones. She doesnt sound like the friend you would want to be around.
You know how people think "birds of a feather" and seriously, you do not want to be classed down to her level.

[Marilyn]

Get out of that friendship before there are too many strings attached, you know bad rumors travel faster then good ones. She doesnt sound like the friend you would want to be around.
You know how people think "birds of a feather" and seriously, you do not want to be classed down to her level.

I totally agree with Mandy here!! And everyone else with similiar opinions. You are a very sweet girl, and it's hard to find good friends, but you will. There are others with good values out there.

[AngieDoogles]

That's great Lindsey! I hope you have a wonderful time with your best friend!!

I just wanted to clarify that I meant your friend from your hometown and not the one who has been treating you so badly...

Have a great weekend!

[Mandy]

I just wanted to clarify that I meant your friend from your hometown and not the one who has been treating you so badly...

Have a great weekend!

We know it was meant the right way ;)

[Lindsey]

Sometimes I don't know where I'd be without this forum! Thank you all so much for being here for me.
My ex who I dated for just over a year when I was 18/19 years old is still a very good friend of mine. I talked to him today about how upset I was so he took me out for lunch in a fancy restaurant and then we went for a drive. I came home and slept for a few hours, and calmed down a little. The girl started talking to me over msn and asked me to go to her house for coffee tonight but I declined. She then asked if I wanted to go for coffee tomorrow and see her new bike, so I said I'd see if I would wake up in time. Then she told me she was cleaning out her closet and found a bunch of clothes that don't fit her anymore, so they're mine if I want them. She just seems so DESPERATE for a friend, but I just don't think she knows how to be a friend...
Anyways, the ex from lunch called again tonight and said he wanted ice cream and he'd pick me up if I wanted to join him so we went and got some ice cream and hung out for awhile again, and then I talked to my best friend on the phone for an hour. It's good to know that even when people move away and grow apart in their new lives, when you really need someone your true friends will always come back if you need them.

[Janet]

You know Lindsey, you could always be honest with this 'friend' and in a kind way let her know how you're feeling about where the friendship is going. It would be sad for you to just keep putting her off, I mean she'll figure it out eventually, but why keep putting yourself in that position, to keep making excuses. You can be honest with her without being unkind.

[Chandra Amaya]

sounds like you have alot of old friends that were much better to be around. I'm glad you are having fun. Keep it up. :thumbup: Everytime you laugh you make the next one come more easily. ;)

[rivermom]

Awww Lindsey, I just read this entire story and I am sorry you've met the wrong kind of girl friend. It clearly sounds like she has no respect for you because of getting to close to your brother.

Id stay clear from her, I think it's in your best interest.

You have fun with your "true" friends.

[AngieDoogles]

It's good to know that even when people move away and grow apart in their new lives, when you really need someone your true friends will always come back if you need them.

That's great Lindsey! I'm glad you've had some good support the past few days. Sounds like you've got some good friends in your life. :)

[Marilyn]

LIndsey, we are all thinking of you, and we know that you are a very intelligent young lady who will make the right decision and do the right thing. So glad you have 4WT to help you and your dear true friends who are stepping up to support you!!!

[Chandra Amaya]

LIndsey, we are all thinking of you, and we know that you are a very intelligent young lady who will make the right decision and do the right thing. So glad you have 4WT to help you and your dear true friends who are stepping up to support you!!!
:) very true Marilyn. Great post!!

[Mandy]

LIndsey, we are all thinking of you, and we know that you are a very intelligent young lady who will make the right decision and do the right thing. So glad you have 4WT to help you and your dear true friends who are stepping up to support you!!!

I agree with Marilyn. Treasure the good friends you have Lindsey, and let go of the others, you dont need people in your life that drag you down, you really dont.

[Lindsey]

I know I need to hang on to the friends who have always been around for me, but I really really wish for some girl friends here in my city. The only girl friends I have live hours away and it's so hard sometimes to even get them on the phone because we all have our busy lives. I guess I just jumped the gun with this new girl because I wanted a friend here so badly...

[Chandra Amaya]

I know I need to hang on to the friends who have always been around for me, but I really really wish for some girl friends here in my city. The only girl friends I have live hours away and it's so hard sometimes to even get them on the phone because we all have our busy lives. I guess I just jumped the gun with this new girl because I wanted a friend here so badly...
aww I understand what you mean. I have made several "friends" just because they lived near me. I have found one good one & several that were a waste of time.

[Lindsey]

I've got quite a few guy friends here, and they're great to hang out with. They just aren't the kind of people I can cry in front of, and talk about how badly my heart is broken. And really, that's all I want to vent about right now. I've done a lot of venting here already, and I know that I should be over it and I thought I was for awhile but I think I was just denying to myself that it still hurt. I opened up and spilled everything to this girl on the first night we met! I need to be more careful about who i trust.

[Chandra Amaya]

that's so hard to do though when you just need someone to talk to. I have no friends here either. When you have 4 kids people stop wanting to come visit you. That's one reason I was so glad Angie told me about 4WT. It helps tremendously but its still not quite the same.

[Gina]

Lindsey I agree with the other ladies, you have to disassociate yourself real soon, You will get a reputation hanging out with her, she is not a moral person if she slept with that many guys and she is only 23 yrs. old. This girl has big issues, I think that she is using sex to hide something in her life. She slept with your brother knowing him one night, imagine if you are dating someone , would you trust her? If you don't want to continue to stay with her just be upfront and tell her that you don't want to go away with her and for now that you are busy. Let her off easy without hurting her feelings.

[Lindsey]

I am horrible at confronting people. I always want everyone to like me, and I know I shouldn't let myself be walked over my whole life but it's tough to change.

[Lindsey]

Okay so she's talking to me now... she just asked out of nowhere if I'm mad at her. I told her "Honestly, I was pretty upset over the brother thing." I'm going to copy and paste what she said... "k, and that was totally stupid of me to do, ive never done taht before, but he inniciated everything,(which is no excuse) and i feel really bad and i dont wanna lose a friend over that. so IM SOOOOOOOO SORRY. can we still be friends and best friends" I told her it would just be awkward for me to be friends with her and have my brother around and she said "then he doesnt have to be around, come to my place, HAHAHAHA I FINALLY CLEANED IT. and dont feel awkward when your bro is around, hes the only one that should feel awkward. ok, now that we have said that, and your good??????? (send back yes or no)"
I don't know what to do. Give her another chance? Or is it not worth it?

[Lindsey]

She's really upset right now... when we were out on Thursday night somebody texted her and said "Drop to 125 lbs and then we'll talk" and she was so upset and didn't know who it was. Tonight the guy she likes changed his name on msn to "125 lbs max" so it was obviously him and she's really feeling bad... I can't just not talk to her, she needs a friend right now too. Maybe she really is sorry for what happened. I don't know..

[Janet]

All people, I think deserve a second chance, but there has to be rules to abide by. Be honest with her and tell her that you do not want to associate with someone that will bring your reputation down. That you like her and want to be friends, but if the rules are broken, so is the friendship.

There should be rules and boundaries in every relationship. Some should be negotiated others are moral and religious and there is no negotiation. It's really up to you Lindsey what you are willing to tolerate.

[toodles]

oye...it is so hard to find good friends these days that you dont' have to worry about stuff like this. I cherish the close friends that I do have but I do know how hard it is. I hope things get better for you. You really should consider wether or not this is the kind of friend you want around long term. that is so hard...I'm sorry you are going through this...

[Lindsey]

I don't really know if I buy her apology. Being drunk is no excuse for anything, and "he started it" is no excuse for anything. She knew she was at my house, with my brother, and i was the only other person here. Why could she not just say no? And her little "Can we still be friends? best friends?" thing just kind of creeped me out... she keeps calling me her best friend, and she doesn't even know me. I don't know... she's going to call me in an hour to go to her place and see her new bike and have coffee. Should I go?
EDIT: I just asked one of my guy friends about it and he was like "she seems kind of weird, i probably wouldn't talk to her again... borderline psychotic"

[Janet]

Lindsey, from the tone of your post, I think you've answered your own question. Girl, it's time to move on.

[Lindsey]

She didn't call, but she just texted me and said "Hun? Do you have a spare helmet I coud borrow?" I'm not going to reply. She still has stuff at my house so I guess I'm going to see her at least one more time

[Forgivenmom5]

Lyndsay, sounds like this relationship would just cause more stress in your life which is something none of us need.

[AngieDoogles]

Lyndsay, sounds like this relationship would just cause more stress in your life which is something none of us need.

I agree. She doesn't sound like the kind of person you want to be in your life. Sometimes it's best to just cut ties. I hope you are having a wonderful Easter!

[Lindsey]

I wish I was having a wonderful easter... my ex just came on msn and told me to say happy easter to my family for him, he's with his family right now, about to go to his grandma's house... and that's where I should be. I miss them so much. My family doesn't do stuff, I was part of his family. I'm spending easter sitting in my bedroom crying.

[Mandy]

Awwww Lindsey, cheer up girl. We are here for you, and i promise that in time to come, the right man will find you to share everything with.

[Forgivenmom5]

Remember Lyndsey-when God closes a door he opens up a window.

[Lindsey]

I've said it before but you ladies have been so great to me. I know I need to learn to love myself again. I used to be the girl who didn't need a man in my life for anything! Then I got one and started to lose myself. I was part of his group so I didn't branch out on my own. All of a sudden it was over and there was nobody. I need to build myself up again before I try to rely on others to make me feel good. I put faith and trust in a girl I hardly knew and it feels like I just got dumped all over again.

[Chandra Amaya]

I've said it before but you ladies have been so great to me. I know I need to learn to love myself again. I used to be the girl who didn't need a man in my life for anything! Then I got one and started to lose myself. I was part of his group so I didn't branch out on my own. All of a sudden it was over and there was nobody. I need to build myself up again before I try to rely on others to make me feel good. I put faith and trust in a girl I hardly knew and it feels like I just got dumped all over again.
I definitely understand what you mean. I lost myself with my ex as well. It became "US & THE KIDS" instead of "me". So when he cheated on me & we split up I was lost. I started hanging out with old freimds & a really fun guy (someone I knew I wouldn't fall for) I taught myself how to have fun again. How to be me. I hope you find that again too very soon hon. :justahug:

[Lissa]

She definitely doesn't sound like a good girl to be around, so your decision to distance yourself from her is a good one.

Give it time, it's gonna hurt for a little while, but something good will come when you least expect it!!

[Lindsey]

I got so upset last night I decided to first block, and then delete my ex from my msn contact list. This seems so high school! But mine is on all day, and since we broke up his is on all day and his name is always changed to what he's doing. I just decided, I DON'T CARE WHAT HE'S DOING, and I don't need that constant reminder that his life is going on without me. It's easier to think he just doesn't exist anymore.
I think I've decided to stay civil with the girl. I'm not going to go out with her and her friends anymore. I will still go for rides with her on our bikes because we're both learners and it's nice to have someone to learn with.

[Lissa]

That's not high school, or at least I hope not because that's exactly what I would do. It's painful now, so to have the constant reminder hurts, especially if it seems like what's happened doesn't bother him. So removing him from your contact list isn't a bad decision at all.

[Chandra Amaya]

That's not high school, or at least I hope not because that's exactly what I would do. It's painful now, so to have the constant reminder hurts, especially if it seems like what's happened doesn't bother him. So removing him from your contact list isn't a bad decision at all.
I completely agree. I blocked my ex when we split up just because I didn't want to see his name.

[AngieDoogles]

That's not high school, or at least I hope not because that's exactly what I would do. It's painful now, so to have the constant reminder hurts, especially if it seems like what's happened doesn't bother him. So removing him from your contact list isn't a bad decision at all.

I agree. I'd probably do the same thing. You don't need the extra pain Lindsey.

[Lindsey]

I feel better today. I didn't think about him as much. I talked to his friend today (we e-mail each other all day at work... I met him the same time I met Ryden) and he talked about Ryden a little... asked if I knew about their big party last week and why I didn't show up. I said I wasn't invited and I had other plans anyway. I don't want them to think it bothers me, because Ryden will find out. As far as any of them know, I cried over him for one day, and then I was over it! I still like those guys, and I still like hanging out with them. It's less weird for them I think if they don't know anything has changed with me, and I'm still the same girl they've always known. I don't want them to think I'm so upset over one stupid guy. Besides, why am I upset over one stupid guy?

[Chandra Amaya]

Besides, why am I upset over one stupid guy?
Very good :thumbup: . You are getting there girl. One day at a time. :D

[AngieDoogles]

Very good :thumbup: . You are getting there girl. One day at a time. :D

I agree! Way to go Lindsey!!!

[Mandy]

Ahhhhh there ya go!!! GOOD for you girl :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

[Lindsey]

Well, I think he found out that I deleted him on msn, so instead of making all his plans clear there, he posted on the sportbike forum that we're both part of about 5 times today about what his plans are for parties and that people should join him for a good time and stuff. And to bring this post back around again, I went for coffee with the girl tonight. She basically told me I'm way too cute for him anyway and really, who needs a guy? I got my learners license today for my bike, and she is taking me out tomorrow afer work. I came up with my new motto tonight... "Replacin' boys with toys!" :D

[Chandra Amaya]

"Replacin' boys with toys!" :D
:sidesplit: THat is great! I love it! :thumbup:

[Mandy]

ROFLMAO - replacin boys with toys :bravo: :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao: :sidesplit: