Feeling very sad tonight

[AngieDoogles]

I've just been feeling very down tonight, almost to the point of tears. I was looking through old pictures and I really miss some parts of my life that have changed. I don't really understand why it changed and I doubt it'll ever be the same again, but something in me really wishes I could go back to that time. I've moved on, and my life is good, so why do I still miss how it used to be?

I wish I didn't feel this way.

[Marilyn]

Awww, Angie, we all do this from time to time. I've looked back at the first 6 months of our 33 year marriage and remembered how simple things were, just the two of us in our pretty little one bedroom apartment with all our new stuff from our wedding showers, just setting up house. It was such a nice time.

I think back to when our girls were small and they were so cute and fun to dress up and play with and explore with. That was such a nice time that I miss.

But actually, though we can look back with fondness and miss that time, this is as you said a good time. There are special things happening right now that we will fondly look back to someday. We need to grasp the now and look to the future.

In reality, I don't want to go back. I like now, and if I went back, something might change and now would not be what it is. It could be different in a bad way.

Now is what we make of it, and we have the power to make it the best time of our lives. Embrace the present.

[Gina]

Aww Angie , this is part of life, and like Marilyn said if you went back and you made changes now would not be part of it. Your young but there is a singer Paul Anka he sang a beautiful song called Do You Remember The Times of Your Times...In this song he sings about memories that you make along the way. Yes this is true, I think back to when my parents and one of my older brothers were alive and tears do come to my eyes. Many of times I would love to have those days back, but we are thrown many curve balls along the way good and bad.

I like the person I am today, I love my children and happy they are here. Other things in life I wish I knew what I do today, but it could be worse. Angie smile and when you look at those photos and reflect back to that time, cherish those memories . For they are memories and hold them dear to your heart..:) Today the present you will make new ones and may they be happy ones.

[Tink]

Angie, I'm sorry you're feeling blue.
I think Marilyn said it beautifully, as usual. We all go through different phases of life that are meaningful (and ever changing). Sometimes where we've been and what we've done seem better than where we're heading, but that's just because we can't see the future as clearly as the past. You have to keep going or you'll miss the NEXT wonderful picture taking moment!

There's a neat story I think about when I'm pondering the future. I hope it will help you too. I realize you're young and far from the stage the woman in the story is at, but she is so right...
"Hang on to your fork, 'cause You haven't had desert yet! "




The sound of Martha's voice on the other end of the telephone always brought a smile to Pastor Jim's face. She was not only one of the oldest members of the congregation, but one of the most faithful. Aunt Martie, as all of the children called her, just seemed to ooze faith, hope, and love wherever she went. This time, however, there seemed to be an unusual tone to her words.

"Preacher, could you stop be this afternoon? I need to talk with you."

"Of course, I'll be there around three. Is that OK?" It didn't take long for Jim to discover the reason for what he had only sensed in her voice before. As they sat facing each other in the quiet of her small living room. Martha shared the news that her doctor had just discovered a previously undetected tumor.

"He says I probably have six months to live". Martha's words were naturally serious, yet there was a definite calm about her.

"I'm so sorry to .." but before Jim could finish, Martha interrupted.

"Don't be. The Lord has been good. I have lived a long life. I'm ready to go. You know that."

"I know," Jim whispered with a reassuring nod.

"But I do want to talk with you about my funeral. I have been thinking about it, and there are things that I know I want."

The two talked quietly for a long time. They talked about Martha's favorite hymns, the passages of Scripture that have meant so much to her through the years, and the many memories they shared from the five years Jim had been with Central Church.

When it seemed that they had covered just about everything, Aunt Martie paused, looked up at Jim with a twinkle in her eye, and then added, "One more thing, preacher. When they bury me, I want my old Bible in one hand and a fork in the other".

"A fork? Jim was sure he had heard everything, but this caught him by surprise. "Why do you want to be buried with a fork?"

"I have been thinking about all of the church dinners and banquets that I attended through the years," she explained, "I couldn't begin to count them all. But one thing sticks in my mind, at those really nice get-togethers, when the meal was almost finished, a server or maybe the hostess would come by to collect the dirty dishes. I can hear the words now. Sometimes, at the best ones, somebody would lean over my shoulder and whisper, 'You can keep your fork.' and do you know what that meant? Dessert was coming! It didn't mean a cup of Jell-O or pudding or even a dish of ice cream. You don't need a fork for that. It meant the good stuff, like chocolate cake or cherry pie! When they told me I could keep my fork, I knew the best was yet to come! That's exactly what I want people to talk about at my funeral. Oh, they can talk about all the good times we had together. That would be nice. But when they walk by my casket and look at my pretty blue dress, I want them to turn to one another and say, 'Why the fork'? That's what I want you to say, I want you to tell them, that I kept my fork because the best is yet to come!"

[AngieDoogles]

Thank you so much ladies. Your responses really touched me.

I'm sad again just thinking about this situation. I kind of wish this one aspect of my life could be like it was and everything else stay the same, but like you all have said, it wouldn't be the same. I'm not trying to be cryptic, I promise. It's just that I don't have the words to describe the emotions I'm feeling (how can you ever truly convey something you feel so strongly?). I thought things were getting better for a brief period of time and then without warning, it suddenly got worse again with no explanation.

I sat down this morning and started writing an email. I wanted to really put my heart into it so that the words I said would convey exactly what I wanted them to (and the depth of the emotion I'm feeling as well). I wrote a lot, cried a lot, and then deleted it. It just wasn't enough. It wasn't what I wanted it to be, and it wouldn't change anything anyway so why try?

I wish I could be happy with my life, but so often I find myself thinking about this situation. I don't even know why I go back to look at those pictures in the first place. Maybe I should just delete them and get rid of everything else that brings back those memories. Maybe that would keep me from feeling so sad and hopeless...

[goofywife]

Angie,

Back in the day (when I was younger) I was in a situation that made me feel like you are describing, I found my solice in running and talking with the lord, and when I thought, I couldn't run any more, is when I felt closest to God. This helped me through it. Now, when I look back, I that situation is what helped make me who I am today.

So, as the others have said it so beautifully, take heart, sometime in your future you will look back with fondness and see what came out of the situation.

Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers.

Michelle

Thank you so much ladies. Your responses really touched me.

I'm sad again just thinking about this situation. I kind of wish this one aspect of my life could be like it was and everything else stay the same, but like you all have said, it wouldn't be the same. I'm not trying to be cryptic, I promise. It's just that I don't have the words to describe the emotions I'm feeling (how can you ever truly convey something you feel so strongly?). I thought things were getting better for a brief period of time and then without warning, it suddenly got worse again with no explanation.

I sat down this morning and started writing an email. I wanted to really put my heart into it so that the words I said would convey exactly what I wanted them to (and the depth of the emotion I'm feeling as well). I wrote a lot, cried a lot, and then deleted it. It just wasn't enough. It wasn't what I wanted it to be, and it wouldn't change anything anyway so why try?

I wish I could be happy with my life, but so often I find myself thinking about this situation. I don't even know why I go back to look at those pictures in the first place. Maybe I should just delete them and get rid of everything else that brings back those memories. Maybe that would keep me from feeling so sad and hopeless...

[Janet]

Marilyn, your response was just beautiful. I think, at times, I know how you feel Angie. I'll keep you close in prayer.

[AngieDoogles]

Marilyn, your response was just beautiful. I think, at times, I know how you feel Angie. I'll keep you close in prayer.

I'm sorry that you have to feel that way Janet. I thank you and Michelle (and the others) for all of your prayers.

[Janet]

Oh Angie, I don't feel that way all the time and you won't either. I just meant I know how you feel. Pictures...a song...a story...sometimes will take us back, but that's only because we're remembering the good stuff in those memories and not the bad..... I hope you feel better soon.

[judy]

Dear Angie,

You can't delete the feelings, even if you delete the pictures honey. I used to lead a group for divorced and separated women and our theme was "You can't get through it until you go though it." Sadly, this is the absolute truth. You're strong and good and you'll work it through in your own mind until you make peace with yourself.

In the meantime, I'm sending you prayers and lots of hugs,

Judy

[AngieDoogles]

Oh Angie, I don't feel that way all the time and you won't either. I just meant I know how you feel. Pictures...a song...a story...sometimes will take us back, but that's only because we're remembering the good stuff in those memories and not the bad..... I hope you feel better soon.

I know you don't feel that way all the time. I just hate it that you do on occasion. You are such a sweet lady and I hate to think of anything making you sad or upset.

Remembering the good makes you sad that things have changed though...does that make sense? That's what I'm feeling, I guess.

[AngieDoogles]

Dear Angie,

You can't delete the feelings, even if you delete the pictures honey. I used to lead a group for divorced and separated women and our theme was "You can't get through it until you go though it." Sadly, this is the absolute truth. You're strong and good and you'll work it through in your own mind until you make peace with yourself.

In the meantime, I'm sending you prayers and lots of hugs,

Judy

So you don't think deleting those pictures will help? I thought maybe it would help me to not dwell on things that won't change. My thinking was that if I have nothing to remind me of it, then I won't think about it as much and won't feel as sad. I already got rid of all of the pictures in my house, just not the ones on my computer yet (or old emails, I'm really bad about reading those and making myself sad again).

Thank you for your advice, prayers, and hugs! I really appreciate it.

[Janet]

I would hate for you to throw away..delete...whatever, any kind of picture. Someday you will be ready to look at them again and you won't have them.

[AngieDoogles]

I would hate for you to throw away..delete...whatever, any kind of picture. Someday you will be ready to look at them again and you won't have them.

I understand. That's why I haven't gotten rid of them yet. It's just that at this point I'm willing to do whatever needs to be done to not feel this way anymore. Is it worth it to regret it later? :(

[Mandy]

Girl girl girl, i am so sorry you are feeling down. I do agree with Judy's post, deleting pictures, and emails wont wipe out any memories. Angie, try to file those emails, and pictures in a hotmail file, or yahoo, or something, thats what i did years ago, as i had to go thru a similar experience, i made a little file, gave it a name, and closed it, till i was ready to open it, and look at it again. It helps not having to see it everytime you open your mailbox, yet comforting to know they there when you want to see them.

Hope you will feel better soon, and hugs to you! ;)

[judy]

Girl girl girl, i am so sorry you are feeling down. I do agree with Judy's post, deleting pictures, and emails wont wipe out any memories. Angie, try to file those emails, and pictures in a hotmail file, or yahoo, or something, thats what i did years ago, as i had to go thru a similar experience, i made a little file, gave it a name, and closed it, till i was ready to open it, and look at it again. It helps not having to see it everytime you open your mailbox, yet comforting to know they there when you want to see them.

Hope you will feel better soon, and hugs to you! ;)


Angie,

Mandy took the words right out of my mouth! File them on a dvd or whatever, and you can decide later. When I was deciding to divorce my second husband, I kept a few journals, which I hid at work. Several years later, I took them out and decided I didn't want to go back to revisit those feelings. I threw them into a dumpster somewhere in Brooklyn. You might decide that or you might want to deal with them - and once you do file them, maybe you can put them out of your mind for now.

Hugs and prayers,

Judy

[AngieDoogles]

That is a wonderful idea ladies!! Thank you so much! I will definitely consider this...

[AngieDoogles]

Grr...I may not have a problem anymore! :mad: My external hard-drive (where I keep ALL of my pictures) is no longer being recognized by either of our computers. My hubby, being the awesomely geeky computer nerd that he is, thinks he can retrieve all of the data without a problem, but it will have to wait a week until we get back from Pittsburgh...so no pictures for me for a while... :(

[Tink]

Angie, those pictures were haunting you and taking your emotions to a place that made you unhappy. Now fate has forced you to take a break from them and focus on your trip instead. I really believe things happen for a reason, and the more we fight it, the harder it is on us. This might bejust the break you need from them to put things into a happier perspective.

I hope you're able to leave the sadness associated with them behind as you go make some new memories. Whether your dh is able to get them back for you later or not, you still have the memories in your mind to call up when you want to.

[judy]

The Lord does work in mysterious ways, doesn't he?

Enjoy Pittsburgh.

Judy

[AngieDoogles]

I'll try to enjoy the trip. Our friend that we were really excited about seeing is going to be in Alaska while we are there...He left today so we are a little disappointed that we barely missed him. I love Brendon's family, but they are quite a group and they don't always get along very well so I don't know how I'll handle staying at his Mom's house the whole time rather than with our friend. We'll see how it goes...

Either way, it'll be nice to be away from day to day life for a while.