Feeling like a Loser

[Ponyup]

I know I don't post too much anymore, but I still come & read. You ladies are the greatest & have a lot of knowledge.
My mom said something to me on sat. that the more I think about it the worst it makes me feel.
When my dad convinced me to come work for him it was in a customer service job. They had just bought another company & taken on a new type of customer (automotive). I was sent to this other company to learn about the customers. I had never done customer service before. I was nervous about actually interacting with the customers. But I was told I was just gathering information on the customers that they wouldn't all be mine & I would be trained when I returned, so that's what I did. Well that's not what happened when I returned. I was given all these customers. Automotive customers are very demanding. I asked for help & training weekly with no results. After about a month of 12hour days, sleepless nights, & weight loss. I decided I couldn't do this. So I told my dad, in tears & was moved to another place.

Well now everytime I mention wanting to do more with my life, my mom throws in my face the fact that I was given more & I couldn't handle it. Right now I work in a data entry type position. I wanna do more I just don't know what yet. But from what my mom said I will never get that chance in this company because I was given the oportunity & i couldn't handle it. I personally don't think this is fair. I feel with the right training & preparation I would of been fine. But I wasn't going to continue beating my head against a wall & costing the company money.

I guess I just needed to vent. I guess it just hurts because she continues to throw this one preceived failure in my face & i don't know how to handle it. I really wanna tell her to stick it & move on, but I was raised better than that.

[blowry]

You are NOT a loser. Customer Service isn't for everyone. I am 50 yrs old and done some sort of a customer service my entire working life. Not everyone is cut out for the stress that can come along with Customer Service. You have to be tough on the outside and not take what they say to heart. People can be very demanding and, some don't care how they make you feel...It's all about them...which it is.....because we wouldn't have jobs if it wasn't for the customers. However, being a Mom of 2 grown girls myself, I WOULD NEVER tell them anything like that. I give you A LOT of credit for trying...This just isn't the position for you. Could you talk to your Mom and tell her how she made you feel? and if that doesn't work then maybe your Dad? Explain to him that you need more training and that you don't want to give up.

Hang in there kiddo! Everything will work out for you

Hugs,
Brenda

[Ponyup]

You are NOT a loser. Customer Service isn't for everyone. I am 50 yrs old and done some sort of a customer service my entire working life. Not everyone is cut out for the stress that can come along with Customer Service. You have to be tough on the outside and not take what they say to heart. People can be very demanding and, some don't care how they make you feel...It's all about them...which it is.....because we wouldn't have jobs if it wasn't for the customers. However, being a Mom of 2 grown girls myself, I WOULD NEVER tell them anything like that. I give you A LOT of credit for trying...This just isn't the position for you. Could you talk to your Mom and tell her how she made you feel? and if that doesn't work then maybe your Dad? Explain to him that you need more training and that you don't want to give up.

Hang in there kiddo! Everything will work out for you

Hugs,
Brenda

I guess I didn't make it clear, but I moved out of customer service 3 years ago. Now I'm looking to move up, I want more responsibility, but she keeps throwing this in my face. Talking to my mom is pointless. Most of the time we get on just fine, but when she feels she's right about something there is no changing her mind. I actually considered speaking with my dad, but we don't have the closet relationship....I'm terrified to talk to him, in fact. I'm afraid of wasting his time with mindless chatter, he's a very busy man who seems to find my chatty ness annoying. I have a management degree & am considering moving forward with it, but because of this one incident my mom feels I'm not emotionally tough enough to handle the pressure that would come with it. I'm not sure if that's true or not. I think if I were prepared I would do just fine....that seems to be how it has worked for me in the past. I'm just afraid I might not have that opportunity here because I've given the impression that I can't handle it.

[blowry]

I guess I didn't make it clear, but I moved out of customer service 3 years ago. Now I'm looking to move up, I want more responsibility, but she keeps throwing this in my face. Talking to my mom is pointless. Most of the time we get on just fine, but when she feels she's right about something there is no changing her mind. I actually considered speaking with my dad, but we don't have the closet relationship....I'm terrified to talk to him, in fact. I'm afraid of wasting his time with mindless chatter, he's a very busy man who seems to find my chatty ness annoying. I have a management degree & am considering moving forward with it, but because of this one incident my mom feels I'm not emotionally tough enough to handle the pressure that would come with it. I'm not sure if that's true or not. I think if I were prepared I would do just fine....that seems to be how it has worked for me in the past. I'm just afraid I might not have that opportunity here because I've given the impression that I can't handle it.

OHHHH! I thought you were doing CS now!!! so sorry...my mistake!
If you don't mind me saying so...it doesn't sound like you have a very good relationship with your parents. My suggestion to you would be to move on....out of your fathers company and use your management skills. Start out with another company and work your way up the ladder. I have always told my daughters.."Don't say you CAN'T do something unless you have tried and failed" this is the only way you will know. If you set your mind to ANYTHING you will succeed. Tell yourself that you can, and will, do it and you will. Show your Mom you can do it.

Good Luck!

[Ponyup]

OHHHH! I thought you were doing CS now!!! so sorry...my mistake!
If you don't mind me saying so...it doesn't sound like you have a very good relationship with your parents. My suggestion to you would be to move on....out of your fathers company and use your management skills. Start out with another company and work your way up the ladder. I have always told my daughters.."Don't say you CAN'T do something unless you have tried and failed" this is the only way you will know. If you set your mind to ANYTHING you will succeed. Tell yourself that you can, and will, do it and you will. Show your Mom you can do it.

Good Luck!

You are correct, my relationship with the parents is strained at best. My dad worked a lot as a kid so I never really got to know him. And in my mom's eyes I was a very distant second to my wonderful brother. I'm scared to try to find something else. I'm have a hard time selling myself. Plus I have no idea what I really want to pursue. But I have a few days off this week & i think I'm going to do some major soul searching. Going back to school is also an option. I just need to find a direction. Plus a little therapy to help with my self esteem probably wouldn't hurt either.

Thanks, for listening & being so supportive.

[blowry]

You are correct, my relationship with the parents is strained at best. My dad worked a lot as a kid so I never really got to know him. And in my mom's eyes I was a very distant second to my wonderful brother. I'm scared to try to find something else. I'm have a hard time selling myself. Plus I have no idea what I really want to pursue. But I have a few days off this week & i think I'm going to do some major soul searching. Going back to school is also an option. I just need to find a direction. Plus a little therapy to help with my self esteem probably wouldn't hurt either.

Thanks, for listening & being so supportive.


I was going to suggest maybe seeing someone. It never hurts to talk to someone that is a professional..I am assuming that you are young...and if so...you have many years ahead of you to do and be what you want. I sorry to hear that your Mom has put your second to your brother...all the more reason to show her that you can do ANYTHING!! Anytime you want to talk or need someone to listen I will be here for you...just remember Blowry...you can pm me anytime you want...Good luck to you and NEVER give up!


Big Hugs!
Brenda

[Marilyn]

Ponyup, it's hard to make a judgment with the information that you provided. There is definitely a lot more to the story than we are seeing here. My suggestion would be for you to first find a good councelor who can help you with your self esteem issues. You have to feel good about yourself to have the confidence to in order to improve your situation. If you really want to stay in the family business, you must first realize your worth and the contribution that you have to make. Then you must convince your parents that there is more to you than they think there is. The best way to do this is to do more than your position requires, go above and beyond. It will be an uphill climb, and is not for the faint hearted. You can change even their perception of you if you set your mind to it and realize that you are somebody who they can depend on.

This means getting to work early, and staying late. Asking for more work to do than you are assigned. You have to be driven in your attitude and not lose heart when they criticize. It will take time and they will be critical of you and be watching you. You will have to do your job so well that they will be ready to give you more responsibility. They probably won't just hand you another more challenging position, you will have to work your way up to it over time.

If you are not ready to get the counseling that is needed and not willing to work hard to change their perception of you, then if you want to improve your situation, your only choice is to move on and work somewhere else or go back to school and try to get to a position to be able to work somewhere else.

Bottomline, you are in charge. You have control of your destiny and a huge part of it is building your self confidence so you are ready to handle the challenges that your work and life place in your path.

You are stronger than you think you are!!! You can do it, and we are here to cheer you on!!!!!!!! Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. We do care very much!!!

[goofywife]

I agree with what everyone said. I will add that everyone has different strengths and talents. There is a book called discover your strengths. I would recommend that you read it and take the personality test, to help you discover what would be the best position for you.

We give a test very similar to it to every applicant. This helps us with finding the person for each job (it takes a different type of person to do data entry than to do sales). Getting the wrong job can make you miserable as well as anyone arround you.

The same goes for going into management. Being the manager of a sales (or customer service) team is different than being the manager of a data entry, marketing or accounting. However; being a manager of any department means you have to have some management skills. You have to know how to motivate people, communicate, and lead.

Personally, I think its time for you to go to work for someone else in order to grow and gain new skills with out this thing at the family business hanging over you.

Once you have spent a few years working for someone else and hone your management skills with them (instead of at your family business where they will be watching you like a hawk), go back to work at the family business.

I do not believe you will be able to grow and become who you can be in that environment.

Good Luck!!!

[Ponyup]

Thanks you guys. I guess my big problem is I never had a dream. I never wanted to do anything besides being a mother, but things have changed in that area. I need to figure out what type of job would fit me. I have a book called finding your own north star that's supposed to help. I also might try the discover your strengths book. I do like to read. I plan to read the North star book over the vacation time I have coming up. Once I figure out the direction I want to go then I can set up a goal & work towards that goal. I know I am strong & capable. I just have trouble getting motivated some times.

My husband told me not to worry about it that my mom doesn't know what she's talking about. Goodness it would be so easy to be a man sometimes.

And I am relatively young I guess. I'm 27 now. Maybe I need to go back to school & get my teaching degree. That's what I started out in. I wanted to be a math teacher, but the math requirements got too demanding so I gave up in search of an easier major. I am capable just lazy. The more I think about the more I think I'd make a good teacher. I've always been a late bloomer so it just may take me a while to figure out what I really want to do.

Thank you all for the encouragement & advice. I'll let you know what I figure out.

[judy]

I can't think of anything else to add to what everyone else said!

Yes, I can - don't ever take anyone else's assessment of you too seriously; everybody has their own agenda. Your mom may need to defend your dad, who knows. It's your life and if you want to be lazy, or spend it skydiving, or become ambitious and move up, take control and do whatever you want.

I think the therapy idea is really a good one. Your self esteem needs a good kick in the butt, and that's too hard to begin by yourself.