It's going to be an awkward night

[Lindsey]

Well, tonight I'm going to a steak night to raise money for Kyle's hockey team. I was really excited about it until I found out my ex has decided to go, along with his new girlfriend. I don't know if I SHOULD care, but I do. I don't want to see him. It's not that I'm not over him because I definitely am. I don't like to say that I hate anybody, but I have a lot of angry feelings for him.
I didn't know how he treated me until after we were over and done with. Then I found out about all the things he was telling his friends about me WHILE we were together. Stuff he swore he wouldn't tell anyone, somehow all his friends knew about! Things tend to slip out of Kyle sometimes. A couple weeks ago we had a big fight and almost broke up in the parking lot of a restaurant where we met for lunch. He said that Ryden just told him that I'm not over him yet! I haven't talked to him in 6 months! Anyways, Kyle got over that I guess, but I had to come back to work with red eyes from crying. It just feels like Ryden being around in general just creates drama, and I feel that all of our mutual friends have completely untrue ideas of me now.
I'm feeling sick about tonight. If I talk to Kyle about it, he just thinks I'm not over Ryden. I just don't want him in my life. I don't know if I'm going to be able to grin and bear it tonight, or if I'm going to say something to him, or what. I want to be the bigger person and just let it go. Kyle can't stand his new girlfriend or the new group of friends they hang out with so luckily we probably won't have to sit with them.

[Lindsey]

Ugh I just reread that and it seems kinda whiny and childish :rolleyes: sorry guys.
I guess, I just really can't stand him and I don't want to see him and I don't know how I should deal with it. Any suggestions? Should I just ignore and pretend he's not there? Should I be super friendly and say hi to them? I don't know what to do!

[Tink]

Lindsey, you don't sound childish at all.

If he was such a rat, the best revenge is to live well without him. Let people make their own decision on who to believe... I dare bet his friends know him for the lout he is. I doubt ANY would want him to date their little sister! And that speaks volumes.

I don't know why you should be obligated to even say hello to him. I think knowing what you know about him, if you think about it, you might even end up feeling a bit sorry for his new girl. He's most likely not any better to her than he was to you.

If you really want to get him sweating, be nice to her and ignore him completely. ;) I'm sure he's just hoping you're still crying in your pillow over him. Thank God you got out when you did! He's not worth worrying over.

HUGS

[Lindsey]

Well, for starters his new girlfriend HATES me. She always did, even when we were dating. We would all hang out together and she wouldn't even say hello to me. In fact, Kyle said she hasn't ever said a word to him either. She will only talk to HER friends. I really don't feel like being nice to her at all, and I'm happy for them being together, I think they probably deserve each other.
My older brother actually loved that I was dating him. He was the only boyfriend my brother got along with and liked hanging out with. He still tries to be friends with him, talks to him when he sees him out, etc. I HATE it. But I can't control it. And his new girlfriend... when I first met her I thought her brother was her boyfriend. They're very very close, do everything together, basically hold hands through life. Ryden and her brother are really really good friends and I guess everyone is happy. Maybe he was just like that to ME. Maybe he really didn't like me that much and just wanted to use me for awhile.

[Mandy]

Lindsey, you dont sound weird or childish at all!! The best meds for that guy would be silent treatment, and for you to ignore him completly! If he comes to you for a chat, or whatever, give him the "do i know u?" look.
Good luck, you CAN do it!!

[Lindsey]

Thanks for the support! We have to be there an hour early because Kyle has to help set up... maybe I can get a drink or two in me before he shows up and it might be a little easier! My roommate is coming along for support, so I can always just talk to her, even if Kyle is talking to Ryden. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I've been anticipating!

[Mandy]

Thanks for the support! We have to be there an hour early because Kyle has to help set up... maybe I can get a drink or two in me before he shows up and it might be a little easier! My roommate is coming along for support, so I can always just talk to her, even if Kyle is talking to Ryden. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I've been anticipating!



*Friendly warning* Try not to drink too much, you could end up saying things you might regret later.
Glad your roommate is going with you, when he walks in, or walks up to you, turn your back, and walk away. If he says, he wants to talk to you, tell him straight, you have nothing in commen with him, and you dont feel the need to discuss anything with him.

[judy]

Good luck, be strong, have courage and you're so right - it won't be as bad as you're
anticipating.

[AngieDoogles]

Hope everything went well last night Lindsey!

[Lindsey]

Ugh, I don't know what to say about last night.
He was there with his girlfriend before we even showed up. I ignored them. I was sitting down with my roommate while Kyle went over to talk to Ryden's group. Ryden came down later to talk to some people I was talking to, so I put an invisible wall there, and just talked to my roommate. Ryden kept trying to get my attention, and he even lightly kicked my leg so he could say hi. I didn't even look at him and he finally just went away. I went outside to find Kyle at one point and Ryden was out there with his girlfriend. The guys Kyle was talking to were like "Oh this is Ryden's ex, right? So you're just the rebound!" and by this time I had quite a bit to drink and I got a little angry, and as soon as that talk started, Ryden and his girlfriend got up and left.
Kyle got mad about something, I don't remember, but I was pretty upset and I started talking to his friend who I'd never met before, but he was just trying to console me and whatever. We were inside sitting at a booth and all of a sudden Ryden and his girlfriend come and sit with us. We were talking about Kyle so I felt uncomfortable and Ryden kept trying to cut in and talk to me and I was still trying to ignore him and I kind of just lost it, ran to the bathroom to cry a little. I came back with red eyes and told the guy let's find another booth to talk. After awhile, Kyle came and talked to me and everything was good.
Ryden was just around me constantly and finally I was like "Okay, let's just try to be friends then." So I asked Kyle if he would mind if I just asked Ryden about how to change oil in my bike. So I did ask. His girlfriend stood beside him shooting me nasty looks. He said something like "I don't know why you're ignoring me so much, what's going on" and I shouldn't have said anything but I said "Okay there's a lot of things on my mind that I just really want to get out if we had a minute alone" And his girlfriend STOMPED off.
So I told him I don't appreciate everything he's said about me. He apologized. He said he treated me like a princess, never cheated never lied. I said "You did too lie, you swore to me you weren't saying anything to anyone" and he was like "Okay one little lie, I'm sorry I hurt you" and I don't know he kept just pleading for me to be his friend and I basically said I can't really do that. Kyle eventually came over to say that his girlfriend was fuming so he should go talk to her. And then Kyle was mad again, saying he told me I could go talk about my bike, not start talking about anything else. I don't know, Kyle went outside without me and his other friend who I'm pretty close with was talking to me about it, saying he KNEW this was going to happen. I was crying, his friend was hugging me... Just really not a good night all around.
:(

[Lindsey]

.... and last night Kyle broke up with me over Ryden.
Great weekend.

[judy]

Give him a few days. You know he's a big baby and is so insecure.

I think your telling Ryden what you had to see and him being sorry was a very good thing for you. He sounds like he cares for you as a person, and that's important.

Chocolate will make you feel better.

Kisses,

Judy

[Lindsey]

Thanks Judy.
We did talk yesterday, and smoothed things over somewhat. I think basically we just avoid talking about the big subjects. It's not working out, and I know it, and I've known it for a long time. I was talking (okay, crying) to a girlfriend yesterday morning before I saw him, and she was like "He might be a nice guy, but not the guy for you. You don't deserve this stress and you are too young to feel like you have to settle down." And I completely agree, but when I'm with him, I can't end it. I'll miss him too much, and I'll miss his family too much. I'm not ready to let go.
What I think bothers me the most about the Ryden thing is, yeah, maybe he does care about me as a person, but he doesn't make an effort to try to be my friend. In fact, he never talks to ANY of his old friends anymore. He's just obsessed with his new girlfriend, and why does he deserve to be so happy after he made me feel so bad and even my new relationship isn't happy?

[AngieDoogles]

Lindsey, I'm so sorry!!! Breaking up is one of the hardest things to go through, but almost always, you're glad in the end. Over time you seem to realize more and more that it's actually a good thing. I know this doesn't help now, but I guess I just want you to remember that there IS a brighter future for you. You DON'T want to be in a relationship that makes you unhappy...

Like Judy said, eat some chocolate! Hope you feel better soon!

[Mandy]

Oh Lindsey, im sorry your going through another break up, that sux! Obviously he is very insecure. Every relationship is based on trust, if you dont have that, it's bound to be unstable. Give yourself time, and like Judy, and Angie said.... treat yourself to some nice chocolates, they work like magic ;)

[Lindsey]

I think I need lots of chocolate, ice cream, and puppy kisses. I'm still just PRAYING that all of a sudden he will change and I will start having feelings for him and it won't have to end.

[judy]

Now you're talking Lindsey! He most certainly does not deserve to move on, be happy, nor have a (crazy, jealous) new girlfriend. In fact, he should be in bed most of the day crying and the rest of the time either throwing up or having the runs (you choose). It wouldn't hurt if he got acne and gained about 25 pounds either.

I love thoughts of revenge. A dash of self-pity is good too. I think they're healthy and honest. Just don't stay there too long.

I still stand behind my cure - chocolate.

[Lindsey]

Hahaha awww that put a big smile on my face. And if I had a choice, I'd choose throwing up AND the runs at the same time. That just makes it more interesting.
Actually, on Friday he said he cried for days over me when we broke up. I know he cried that night because he did it right in front of me, but to admit crying for days was impressive for a guy. I don't know if I believe it though, considering he slept with another girl not even a week later.
I know that I was a big loss for him. None of his friends can stand his new girl and they're all still friends with me! Even my friends have said, out of nowhere "I just saw Ryden with his new girlfriend... I'm not being biased because I'm your friend, you seriously are so much prettier!" And I know it's mean to judge someone on their looks, but I know she's an ugly person on the inside, and she thinks she's the hottest girl alive! So comments like that lift me up a little too :)

[judy]

"I don't know if I believe it though, considering he slept with another girl not even a week later. "





But you were on a break!

[Lindsey]

Right! Ugh I can't believe how fast guys can just get over someone! Or at least don't feel guilty about using someone else to get over someone!

[Gina]

Lindsey help me out here.lol Kyle broke up with you because of the incident the other night with Ryden? So who is sleeping with a new girl within a week of knowing her? Kyle or Ryden? geezeeeee I can't keep up here...lol

Well apparently you still have feelings over Ryden and I am sorry I saw this post after the fact that you ran into him at the function. He went out of his way to speak to you looks like to clear the air and his own guilt from what you had said in the past of him bad mouthing you. Honesty I would have heard him out and nothing more, and continue to have been cold to him that night. He doesn't deserve your friendship. As far as Kyle he was just jealous and hurt, guys at that age have an macho image to protect. He is acting childish in breaking up with you, if he truly cares he will be back and men need to be reassured that they are the only one in your life. But you are young don't settle for any bs...Anyway I hope I got part of the story right..

Judy is right chocolate always does it for me!! lol

[Lindsey]

Sorry for the confusion! Ryden said he cried over me for weeks... although a lot of people have told me he was already with a new girl within a week of breaking up with me. He tries to portray himself as the perfect caring boyfriend, but there were countless times he looked me in the eye to tell me he hadn't touched drugs when he was obviously high, plus all the stuff he told his friends about me. Then he tries to tell me he didn't lie to me throughout our whole relationship.
Kyle and I talked it over yesterday and as of now we are together, but I don't think I have much hope for us. We never come to a compromise on anything, we just eventually try to stop fighting about it until it comes up again. I don't want to settle with someone who's not right for me, but I also don't want to be lonely.

[Gina]

Lindsey time for the mother talk!! You are a young beautiful girl with so much life ahead of you. No reason for you to settle, just because you don't want to be lonely. Go out there and live life, it goes by to quickly and one day you will be a middle aged woman saying where did time go... Do fun stuff it doesn't always have to be with a boyfriend, go out with the girls , play the field . My friend's mom use to always tell us and I am passing it to you. When the right guy comes along you will know and he will not let you go.:) So until then don't go looking it will come to you..

[Lindsey]

I played the field for 3 years before I gave in and started dating Ryden and I realized I really REALLY like that there was someone who was just always going to be there for me. My friends are all in long-term relationships with live-in boyfriends, or married. I only have a couple of single girlfriends that I don't really see a whole lot.
I really don't know what I want right now. I really do LIKE Kyle, but I don't know if I could love him. Lately I almost even dread anything intimate at all, even kissing. I'm just not into it. I love to be with him and cuddle and hold his hand and hug him. He's not afraid to just act silly with me and I'm completely myself with him. I don't want to lose his friendship, and all of his friends, and all of his family, but that's inevitable if I break his heart.

[judy]

Put on your red shoes Mama and get your young little butt back out there. If I have to do it, so do you! Anyway, these 2 guys are too into drama to be bothered with.

Do not play the victim, which is something we do as young women. Here's the truth - line up 10 men and bring in one woman. She can have any one of them she wants, even if it's only for one night.

Line up 10 women and bring in 1 man. If he's really really lucky, one or two might have a conversation with him.

We are not victims - they are at our beck and call. They do hav4 commitment issues, but if it's meant to be, they get over those issues at some point.

[Mandy]

I played the field for 3 years before I gave in and started dating Ryden and I realized I really REALLY like that there was someone who was just always going to be there for me. My friends are all in long-term relationships with live-in boyfriends, or married. I only have a couple of single girlfriends that I don't really see a whole lot.
I really don't know what I want right now. I really do LIKE Kyle, but I don't know if I could love him. Lately I almost even dread anything intimate at all, even kissing. I'm just not into it. I love to be with him and cuddle and hold his hand and hug him. He's not afraid to just act silly with me and I'm completely myself with him. I don't want to lose his friendship, and all of his friends, and all of his family, but that's inevitable if I break his heart.


Dont worry about breaking hes heart - save yours from heartbreak!! Live life Lindsey, you have one life, and thats a good one, go and enjoy yourself!! If you dont, you'll regret it in 20 years from now ;)

[Lindsey]

Thanks everyone for all your support! I can't begin to tell you all how much it means to me. I'm not close at all to my own mom so I'm really happy for any advice you give me.
I just think I need to give it one more chance. Maybe that's not a good thing but I can't just end it right now. I don't know why. He wants to see me tonight and I just want to see how it goes.

[Mandy]

Thanks everyone for all your support! I can't begin to tell you all how much it means to me. I'm not close at all to my own mom so I'm really happy for any advice you give me.
I just think I need to give it one more chance. Maybe that's not a good thing but I can't just end it right now. I don't know why. He wants to see me tonight and I just want to see how it goes.


Well, you have lotsa mom's and big sisters here that love you lots!

Lindsey, do what you have to do, but stay truthful with yourself, dont get into anything thats bound to go stale (does that make sense) ?

[Lindsey]

It does make sense. I am never EVER the one who has to break up with someone... in fact I've only ever done it once. After 5 months of dating a guy I knew it wouldn't work, and I stuck it out for over a year.
Just yesterday I was wondering which is worse, being crazy about someone you think you'll be with forever and having them break up with you out of nowhere, or knowing someone really wants to be with you and you just can't have feelings back for them. That's basically my last relationship and my current relationship.

[Mandy]

It does make sense. I am never EVER the one who has to break up with someone... in fact I've only ever done it once. After 5 months of dating a guy I knew it wouldn't work, and I stuck it out for over a year.
Just yesterday I was wondering which is worse, being crazy about someone you think you'll be with forever and having them break up with you out of nowhere, or knowing someone really wants to be with you and you just can't have feelings back for them. That's basically my last relationship and my current relationship.


Wish i was closer to show you the ropes, Lindsey. Dont ever get "stuck" in any relationship, that is the worste feeling.
Breaking up is never easy, either way.

[judy]

Lindsey,

I had to end my second marriage and I did break his heart. He took an apartment in my building, and still lives here! (Everybody has a stalker in their lifetime). My first husband, on the other hand, left me with a 7 month old baby, for my best friend.

The truth is, it is easier to be the one who is left. You get to feel heart, cry, everybody feels sorry for you, they buy you presents, take care of you, etc., etc. You're better off in the end either way, of course.

Breaking up my my second ex was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I had to be happy. That's my responsibility, and I take it very seriously. I feel that God gave me the gift of life. If I do anything but live it the best way I can, it's almost a sin.

But, I really, really understand your not wanting to break somebody's heart. It's so hard to do. It is better for both of you in the end.

Good luck with seeing him,

Judy

[Lindsey]

Thanks for sharing that, Judy. I think, sometimes, I just don't like myself enough to feel that need to be happy. I measure my happiness by how happy I make other people.
Last night went really well with Kyle. Times like that make me really not want to break up with him. We talked and laughed and joked around, then he fixed me some food and we cuddled in the dark, watching a movie. I hate that it's not like that all the time.