Update on my mother

[Janet]

It's has been quite some time since I've given you all an update on my 84 year old mother. Recently she had her eyes checked. A few years ago, she had an aneurysm in her right eye. The eye Dr. suggested she have an ultra sound done on the arteries in her neck to make sure all was clear and that she wouldn't have the same thing happen to the other eye.

The ultrasound showed a 50-70% blockage in the right side and 50% on the left. They want her to have a CT A scan done where they insert the dye. That's all well and good, except for her kidneys. The dye can do damage.

If you remember her kidneys are functioning at 20% right now. The Drs. have told her that within a year to two years, she will most likely be on dialysis.

If she does not have the surgery to clear these arteries in her neck, she risks having a stroke that could possibly render her in bad shape of course or just affect her eyes. OR nothing may happen and she can just let nature take it's course in her aging.

If she does have the surgery to clear the arteries in her neck, she risks a stroke if some of the 'whatever it is that is clogging the artery, (I forget what he called it) breaks off while they are cleaning it out. PLUS the dye can cause severe damage to her already compromised kidneys and she could end up on dialysis right after the surgery instead of a couple years down the road.

She is very scared...I think more scared of this stuff she has to drink before the surgery to help save her kidneys. They told her it smells and tastes like rotten eggs, but it will help her kidneys. She doesn't know what to do and I have no suggestion for her. I help her go over the options, but it is ultimately up to her.

She asked what I would do and I told her at my age...52, I would probably have the surgery done, but I really didn't know if I was in the same health arena with bad kidneys if I would have it done at her age. I told her I would support whatever decision she makes.

She is thinking of going ahead with the surgery and get it over with so she can still go to Florida in January. I know this is pretty selfiish, but I almost wish if she's going to have it done she wait till she comes back in April. I know that is a long time, but if something were to happen to her over the holidays, heaven forbid, it would make the light of the holidays a little dimmer every year from now on.

Still....I will support whatever decision she makes.

[rivermom]

You are such a good daughter supporting your Mom like you do. And in no means should you be feeling selfish by wanting your Mom to wait till April for the surgery.

I wish her well and thanks for giving us an update.

[AngieDoogles]

Janet, you really are a great daughter! Your mom is lucky to have you in her life. I'm sorry that there are so many health problems that your mom is dealing with. It must be so tough for you to watch. As for being selfish, you are FAR from it! It makes perfect sense to want to wait until after the holidays. You don't want things to be more stressful than they already are. Completely understandable!

Good luck to you and your mom. I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*

[Mandy]

Your mom is very lucky to have you in her life! You are a wonderful daughter to take care of her the way you do, and no ways are you selfish, i completly understand your reasoning!

Keeping your mom in my thoughts.

[katepoet]

The most I can offer is an idea about the rotten egg smell and taste. First we tend to taste less of something if we drink it through a straw. You can put the straw a little further back in your mouth and avoid some of the taste buds. Second, why not try to overwhelm the taste buds before drinking it? Get some altoids of whatever flavor she likes best and have her suck or crunch one up right before taking it. If she can't eat before the test, check with the doctor but she should be able to suck on it for a minute, then drink, then suck, then drink - might make it a lot easier. Also be prepared with a swimmer's nose clip or a cotton ball. Blocking off the nose minimizes taste. Or try the scent of an orange or vanilla on a hankie for her to hold in front of her nose between sips. Orange wakes up the brain, vanilla is calming - both are strong scents that can help and both give a sense of well-being.

[DianaB]

My MIL recently went through something similar. She needed a hernia surgery (it was the size of a basketball!) but had put it off because her heart was too weak to have it done. She'd been having severe pains when something got twisted inside and eventually she'd have had to have the surgery but it would have been in an emergency setting. Her daughter finally found a doctor that said he could do it when all the other doctors said that she wouldn't survive the surgery. Anyway, she was talked into having it done and everything has gone well. I was totally surprised because I didn't think that it would improve her quality of life but I've been proven wrong, it's very minimal but she IS better.

Your Mom has a big decision ahead. Maybe a second opinion might help with her decision. I'll be praying that she makes the right decision.

[Gina]

Janet you are far from a selfish person. I understand your reasons. Speak to the doctor and ask him if she can postpone the surgery until the Spring and take it from there. The decision in the end will be her's to make. You have my prayers...

[judy]

Dear Janet,

You are so far from selfish! Whatever the doctor says - whether you can postpone it or not - is probably (hopefully) what your Mom will do. She has a right to her
own decisions anyway. At her age, she's earned it.

You have us for support and you'll do the right thing I'm sure.

[Forgivenmom5]

Janet I'm sorry your Mom has to go through this. I know it is hard on both of you. I know she is grateful to have you there for her no matter what her decision.

[rivermom]

My MIL recently went through something similar. She needed a hernia surgery (it was the size of a basketball!) but had put it off because her heart was too weak to have it done. She'd been having severe pains when something got twisted inside and eventually she'd have had to have the surgery but it would have been in an emergency setting. Her daughter finally found a doctor that said he could do it when all the other doctors said that she wouldn't survive the surgery. Anyway, she was talked into having it done and everything has gone well. I was totally surprised because I didn't think that it would improve her quality of life but I've been proven wrong, it's very minimal but she IS better.

Your Mom has a big decision ahead. Maybe a second opinion might help with her decision. I'll be praying that she makes the right decision.

Oh my Diana! :eek: That is such great news that the surgery went well for her and her quality of life has improved somewhat. Sometimes, even being minimal is better than nothing. Hope she continues to feel even better.

[Janet]

Thanks everyone...she's still thinking about it, so I'll let you know when and what she decides.

[DianaB]

Oh my Diana! :eek: That is such great news that the surgery went well for her and her quality of life has improved somewhat. Sometimes, even being minimal is better than nothing. Hope she continues to feel even better.

Thanks, Sheryl. I didn't know that hernia's could get that big!!! She'd had it for years but was afraid of surgery but when it got strangulated she was in ALOT of pain. She just got out of the hospital again on Monday because her lungs started filling up with fluid. She's been with her daughter in Nebraska and I don't know when she's coming home or if she'll even be able to care for herself when she does come home. It's been really hard on my husband's family trying to make decisons from a different state.

[DianaB]

Thanks everyone...she's still thinking about it, so I'll let you know when and what she decides.

That's a hard decision and I'm sure that it will take her some time to make it. Getting older is no fun!

[Tink]

Janet, my prayers are with you both. I wouldn't want to have to be the one making that decision for someone else either, so can certainly understand where you're at.
Thank God she's got a clear mind so is able to decide for herself.

My Mother is actually in better shape than I am right now, so I've not had to deal with any of this yet. My dad died many years ago suddenly, so there was nothing to decide with him. I dread the day when I find myself in your position. HUGS

[judy]

Being the caregiver for our parents is a fear most of us have. You're doing an exemplary job Janet. You do things from the heart

[Janet]

Yes, I am very thankful that she still has a clear mind. Granted when it comes to the Dr. telling her everything, it confuses her. That's why I go with her. She's never had to go to a Dr. or be in a hospital (except for having us kids) until 2 years ago. Mom has been blessed with great health her whole life, so I guess it's not unusual for this to happen as she ages.

[Marilyn]

Janet, I know your relationship with your mother has not been the best. It is wonderful that you can be there for her when she and you are going through all of this. She obviously values your opinion, even if she may be asking so she won't have to be the one to decide. I'm sure whatever the decision, all will workout for the best. One thing to consider is that as you age, healing is much slower. Even if she has the surgery now, she my not feel up to making the trip to Florida in January. She may want to make the trip before the surgery just in case.

There is so much to consider, but over all, remember you are being a wonderful daughter!!!!!!!! You are not being selfish at all!!!