I think it's over.

[Lindsey]

I don't know where to start. Last weekend I went home to visit my parents for the first time in months. I was on the computer, showing them on Google Earth all the places I want to travel, the places I am travelling (Mexico and NYC next year) and I decided I'm really really sick of where I live and it was always my dream to move places and travel around. It still is my dream. I decided I'm going to do it. I'm staying here for another year, and then I'm gone.
I got back here on Sunday night and called Kyle. He was in a bad mood and didn't want to see me. I felt like it was all my fault and I begged for him to come over. Finally, he did. I answered the door holding my dog, and he didn't even say hello, just walked right past me and up the stairs. Later he said he didn't want to hug me when I was holding "that" I told him I've decided to follow my dreams and go places, and he freaked out and asked what's the point of even dating then, because I know he won't ever leave his friends and family here.
We haven't seen each other all week, and we've barely talked. We just fight when we do. He says "Go then, be with your dog and meet some random guy and get married" And I'm SO sick of him not putting up with my dog. Last night I said "We're a package, if you want me, you need to want her"
This morning I emailed him and asked if we're still on for supper tomorrow night. He said "I don't think so, they won't let your dog into Red Lobster." and I ignored it. My roommate was getting on my nerves later and I asked him if we could go out tonight, and he said "I'm busy, go take your dog out somewhere" so I snapped and said "If you have anything else to say, keep it to yourself because I'm done."
We haven't spoken since.
I cried a little at work. I cried all the way home in my car. I've been sitting in my room now for 3 hours crying.
I'm sick of relationships. I'm sick of having nowhere to turn. I'm sick of my roommate being home and knowing what's going on and not even caring enough to knock on my door to see if I'm doing okay. I wish I could move tomorrow.

[Tink]

{{{Lindsey}}}
I'm sorry you're so unhappy. You're right though... if he can't accept your pet, he's not the guy for you. If a dog bothers him so badly can you imagine how he'd react if something really big got in the way? You deserve better... and it will come along when you least expect it.

[Lindsey]

I know inside that this relationship isn't going to last forever. I just always want to hold out for a little longer. But it's not fair to Layla to be scared of him, and it's not fair to me to feel controlled. I miss making decisions on my own without thinking about how he's going to react. I've had the chance to travel since I was 15 and had all my papers and medical stuff filled out to become an exchange student. My boyfriend didn't want me to go, so I didn't. I went to the university in the city where my boyfriend lived. I moved back here for a boyfriend, when I planned on moving to Arizona after graduating college in December. I'm 23 years old and I have so many regrets about not seeing the world yet. I'm not going to stay here just for another guy. I'm not married and I don't have children, this is MY TIME. I know I have to do what I want to do. Today he said "You would rather be with your dog than me" and yeah, I would.

[rivermom]

What's stopping you then? Go for it girl, just you and Layla. You said yourself this is your time. You are not married, you have no children, and most of all you said this has always been a dream of yours and were going to do it in a year.

It doesn't work when we depend on others for our happiness. As they say if we do that then we allow ourselves to depend on others for our unhappiness too.

This is your life. Only you know what's best for you.

[Lindsey]

I miss him.

[Tink]

Lindsey, you miss what you HOPED he meant to you... not who/what he really is.
You wouldn't miss the criticism or the jealousy of your dog. You wouldn't miss the moodiness and negativity he brought with him. Sometimes we miss the dreams when they fade... but you can't live with a dream when he keeps slapping you awake with negativity.

Go where you want to go and when the time is right someone will find you there... or will follow you there... it's someone who shares YOUR dreams that will make you happiest anyway.

[Lindsey]

Thanks for the support. I really don't know what I'd do without this forum!
I finally got out of my room to watch tv for an hour. You can imagine what my face looked like after crying for 4 hours straight. My roommate came upstairs, knowing what went on, obviously seeing how distressed I was, and she gushed that her deadbeat boyfriend finally called her and told me every detail of their wonderful conversation.
My lack of real friends here is so frustrating. Sometimes this forum seems like all I have. I just feel like I vent so much that I'm a huge downer around here :(

[Fairydust125]

I am so sorry Lindsey. The way you describe him, what he says, how he treats you he sounds like an awful guy. I'm sure there is a lot of good about him that you did not mention but to me it just doesn't seem like he is the one for you. I mean i don't know much about your relationship and you're the one that knows but im just saying that from what you've mentioned so far. If you want to travel the world, which i think is GREAT btw then do it. You are young now and may never be able to do it again. You prob. will get married and may have kids and it will be harder to do by then. I say now is the best time. He just doesn't sound like the best guy to stick around for. Has he called you? If he hasn't i say forget him. You don't need someone controlling you like that. Are you going to be taking Layla when you travel the world? J/a cause i also want to travel and was wondering if it's possible to take my dogs. I have a bf too and hope that when i travel it will be possible to do it together, if we can't then idk what i will do. I really want to go to Europe, South America, central america, etc. just all over!! And i think your roomate stinks too, she should be caring enough to listen to you and be there, not talk about herself.

[Mandy]

Lindsey, you are no downer to anyone here, we are all here to support you. Now girl, if he doesnt like your Layla, give him the boot! Dont be silly, follow your dreams, there are many, many older woman, that wish they had the chance that you have, live your life, go places, travel, and meet REAL people, that WILL be your friends. Dont let some guy mess with your life, you have to look after yourself, you owe this to you!

[katepoet]

Hey Lindsey,
You are worth so much more than Kyle. Spend some time not in any relationship with anyone except yourself, and when you know what you really want in a man, not just in life (which sounds wonderful, by the way!) then, and only then, let yourself date. Keep in mind what you have to have to feel respected and loved and don't ever settle for less. They're out there - I know, I have one of these great guys, and our son is another one of them.
Meanwhile, enjoy your puppy's affection! He sounds like a true gentle soul.

[Gina]

Lindsey, As usual the women here have given you wonderful advice. Most of us are mature women and have been there and done that, with the exception speaking for myself of traveling the world. Now my mother speech will come out! lol

At your age you do not I REPEAT DO NOT!! need an man whom from what you mention is controlling. If you would marry him that would be considered abuse. He doesn't like your dog, that's ok many people do not like dogs. But Layla is a part of your life. If he can't accept her then it will not work. That is your fur baby.
I am sure that he has good qualities, but the controlling aspect is less to be desired. Right now you think its ok, your swayed by his looks I am assuming that he is a good looking guy and wanting someone in your life. As you get older looks start to fade and what you are left with is the personality.

Lindsey rewrite this chapter go persue your dreams of traveling, like many mentioned you only live Once so make it the best that you can.Your young and will meet a man who is meant to be down the road. Don't dwell on meeting someone it will happen when you least expect it. As far as your roommate she doesn't sound like a friend to me. Maybe she is jealous of you and likes when you are feeling down. Friends should uplift you and be there for you....

You can always vent, just knowing you have so many surrogate moms on here who listen...lol. :thumbup:

[Lindsey]

Thank you guys so much. I'm at work now, and I just felt like crying so I came to check here and I feel better. Today and tonight are going to be especially hard because we were having a special date tonight. I don't know if he realizes yet that we're DONE done, not just done talking about it. But he didn't call or text or anything last night. We email every day from work, and I doubt he will today but if he doesn't I won't know how to handle it. Do I respond? Do I leave it?
It has been pointed out to me a lot that since he can't handle a little dog with a lot of energy who can sometimes become annoying, how will he ever handle babies, toddlers, or even teenagers? He has a temper which can be seen when Layla has an accident on the floor, or gets sick and throws up on the floor, or even when we're out together and another guy looks at me. I don't feel he would ever physically hurt a woman, but he is scary when he yells.
He is a good guy besides his temper and his hate of Layla. He does cute things for me to make me happy. It's not even really physical attraction with him, I'm attracted to him because I can be myself completely and not be judged when I act silly. He doesn't do drugs, he's very family-oriented, and his life isn't based on partying all the time (like every other ex). If it wasn't for the Layla thing, and him refusing to leave the city, he would be perfect.

[Lindsey]

IAre you going to be taking Layla when you travel the world? J/a cause i also want to travel and was wondering if it's possible to take my dogs. I have a bf too and hope that when i travel it will be possible to do it together, if we can't then idk what i will do. I really want to go to Europe, South America, central america, etc. just all over!! And i think your roomate stinks too, she should be caring enough to listen to you and be there, not talk about herself.

When I'm moving to places, I will take her. I think I'd like to go to the Maritimes for a couple of years, and maybe to the US for awhile. I'd like to go to Europe for a month (and maybe move somewhere there... I've always wanted to live in Scotland). I think for most foreign countries, animals have to be quarantined for a little while. If I was just travelling to visit and tour around, I think I'd just leave her with my parents.
And yeah, I know, my roommate has problems NOT being the center of attention. We've been friends since I was about 8 years old, and I thought she had changed before she moved in with me in June. Apparently not. We actually went camping with Kyle and his friends in July, and Kyle and I had a big fight and I talked to her for a bit and she didn't even move to hug me or anything, she just said "that sucks" So I walked off and she stayed back to party with him and his friends. They said later she just talked about herself for hours.

[rivermom]

Sometimes it's difficult to remember that we can never change others, only ourselves. Our actions, thought processes, attitudes, etc...

[Mandy]

Lindsey, if you plan on traveling, and bringing the little one across, but are worried about the quarantine, let me know, i can help you.

[Mandy]

Sometimes it's difficult to remember that we can never change others, only ourselves. Our actions, thought processes, attitudes, etc...


Too true, we tend to forget that other people think differently, and cant change their thoughts, or ways of thinking ;)

[Lindsey]

Lindsey, if you plan on traveling, and bringing the little one across, but are worried about the quarantine, let me know, i can help you.

Thanks Mandy! As soon as I get the money to go to Europe, I'll be there!

[Mandy]

Thanks Mandy! As soon as I get the money to go to Europe, I'll be there!

:thumbup: ;)

[Lindsey]

He emailed me.
He asked what's the deal with us and I told him "I told you want I want. That's your decision." And it turned into a big fight basically me defending why I want to move and him saying that's stupid. He said he has friends and family here and he won't leave just to go to "the yukon or the maritimes or whatever your dream place is" I told him I'm not happy here and I don't want to settle and be sitting here 10 or 20 or 30 years down the road wondering what else I could have done with my life. He said "whatever". I asked him to understand where I'm coming from, I'm not happy here and I need to go places and see things. He said it would be stupid for him to get up and leave everything he's ever known. I said "then it looks like our lives are taking different paths."
and that's it. no reply.

[katepoet]

I found a man who was willing to follow me anywhere. Life intervened and we haven't gone very far but I know the deal still holds, 26 years later. He will always back me up and put me first. I have to recommend it. Of course, it's a two-way street, but I am the one with the career and travel plans - I really expected to spend a lot of time in Africa and South America. Still might get to do some of that, just differently than I planned originally. But I would not have allowed myself to get serious with someone who didn't put me first. We still took care of his mom, my dad, whatever we needed to do, but we did it together, making decisions that were best for the two of us, and eventually, our son. (and don't forget, the dog!)

[rivermom]

Lindsey - By all you wrote it sorta seems you've already shown yourself where this relationship is going. I think you have your answers to realize which road you need to take girl. ;)

My heart goes out to you. I admire you for realizing what you want out of your life. Many people wander forever and have not a clue. You are one step ahead of the game!! :thumbup:

[Lindsey]

I got home after work yesterday and packed up all his stuff and took it to his house and he wanted to talk. I left it all in my car. He made me smile and he said he didn't want to lose me and we should still have our date night. We went to red lobster and we watched the bee movie, then he came back to my house. We went straight to bed. This morning we fought again about the dog. I told him "leave" and he got up and started getting dressed and I said "I'll get your stuff from my car" and he said "whatever" and ran out the door before I could even put jeans on. I got outside and he was already ripping down the street. I got in my car and followed him home. I got to his house and he wouldn't look at me as he was walking inside. I threw his bag in front of his front steps and went back to my car. He picked it up and started walking towards the dumpster. Every memory of us is in there. Everything he ever bought for me. I hurt so bad. My heart feels like it was just torn out. I can't breathe.

[katepoet]

So hard - but look at him - he got you to pack, move and carry all his crap home to him. He let you wait on him. He talked you into romance and sex without committing to your well-being. He was not worth you, Lindsey, really and truly. You are a strong, vibrant woman - you will go through this grieving the loss and come to the other end full of joy in the knowledge that you are great without him. Life will be better, you'll see. Don't ever let him bother you again.

Now, what are you going to do to get through this weekend? What can you do for yourself to help you to cope?

[Lindsey]

He told me to just throw it all out myself. I couldn't do it. So I took it to him and he threw it out right in front of me.
My roommate and I are putting up Christmas lights outside today because it's really nice out. That might take my mind off of things.
Tonight I had plans with one of my best guy friends that I haven't seen in months, I really hope he doesn't cancel on me. For the rest of the weekend, I don't know. I might just sit here and cuddle with Layla to feel better. I think it'll be worse at work on Tuesday (long weekend here) because I'm running out of stuff to do, so I usually just emailed him all day.

[rivermom]

He told me to just throw it all out myself. I couldn't do it. So I took it to him and he threw it out right in front of me.
My roommate and I are putting up Christmas lights outside today because it's really nice out. That might take my mind off of things.
Tonight I had plans with one of my best guy friends that I haven't seen in months, I really hope he doesn't cancel on me. For the rest of the weekend, I don't know. I might just sit here and cuddle with Layla to feel better. I think it'll be worse at work on Tuesday (long weekend here) because I'm running out of stuff to do, so I usually just emailed him all day.


Christmas lights are fun!! Well girl....time to get yourself a new man.

[katepoet]

Oh... time to count on yourself for awhile and to heck with men until you have healed a bit from this one!

So, instead of emailing him, post here and keep us up on how you are, fill us in on who you are, tell us your dreams and share your herstory (to he$$ with his!). If you close your eyes and imagine a future that centers on you, who and what surround you? Career, love, children, a house, an RV, a boat, music, travel to where???

Christmas lights? Post a pic when you are done if you feel like it - I don't get to do that anymore so I'd love to share your decorations.

[Lindsey]

I feel like I made a big mistake. I'm filled with regret.
I tried to talk to him but he doesn't really want to talk. He's with his friends today at a football game. He said maybe we'll talk tomorrow.
I DO like him. I love his family, his friends, his dogs, his hugs, his kisses, his cuddles when we're sleeping in the middle of the night. I miss him laughing. I miss him making me laugh. I miss dates.
I am to blame for a lot of what goes on between us, and I just never want to admit it. If I'm in a bad mood I start fights. I bring up the topic of my dog. I bring up things that bother me, even if they're just little, and I turn them into something huge.
He has been doing better with Layla lately. If he's in a bad mood he doesn't want to be around her. But if he's in a good mood he tries to just be indifferent, and sometimes he'll pet her or try to play with her.
This might sound really shallow, but I worry that my friends or family won't think he's attractive enough for me. It shouldn't matter. If I'm happy on the inside, why does the outside matter? Sometimes I feel like I have to prove something. When I left his house yesterday morning I noticed I had 2 text messages on my phone from an ex. A really really attractive and wealthy ex. I was so drawn to his looks and charm I was with him on and off for about 2 years... even though I knew he did a lot of drugs, and he was cheating on me. He openly admitted it. He even cheated with strippers. But I was like, just LOOK at this eye candy I've got on my arm! But on the inside I was so depressed. I hated myself, I could barely even make myself eat. I was 5'8 and 112 lbs. His text message yesterday said he was hanging out with a girl who had my smile, and he thought of me, and he just wanted to say hi. It made me feel sick.
So why is Kyle so bad? Why am I trying to not let myself be happy with him? He treats me well, his family treats me well, his friends love me. My parents love him.
I think the root of us fighting so much is that we talk so much. We talk every day at work over email, then on the phone at night, and usually see each other 3 or 4 nights of the week and then we're usually together ALL weekend. We don't have seperate lives. We run out of things to talk about, so we fight.
If he's willing to give it another try (because I think I am... and most people probably think that's a mistake) I think we should just give ourselves one night a week to hang out. A designated date night. And then one weekend day and night. I need a day to myself to unwind and spend time with Layla or my friends and just get things done. And the emails at work have to stop. I'd like us to actually be able to talk about things when we get together. We pretty much know every detailed hour of each other's lives.
So what does everyone think? Is it worth another chance? Should I talk to him about it tomorrow?

[katepoet]

In all honesty, I don't think you are ready to be with Kyle or with anyone else right now. I think you need to spend time getting to know yourself and really taking care of your needs all by yourself until you can stand on your own and feel content. When that happens, the right man, be it Kyle or someone else, will walk into your life.

It sounds as if you get involved with men who are not truly good for you. From what you have said, Kyle is one of them. I know you have mixed feelings. You can love a lot of people, you know, there is something lovable in each of us, but that doesn't mean you should get involved with each person for that lovable part. Sure, some parts of Kyle are lovable but some parts of him don't work with some parts of you.

Don't kick yourself for how you have been in this relationship. You have room to grow but feeling "fault" is not a good way to go. You are a good person, a loving person, a creative and joyful person. So why should you have to edit yourself so much to be with a man. Not a way to start life with someone.

Please, take a break from any love relationships except with yourself. Go to some counseling or read books about how to accept who you are, to love and like yourself. You are worth it, Lindsey.

I always doubted myself at the ending of a relationship, always missed whatever I had that was good with each man. It was lonely and depressing. It wasn't until I took the time to focus on making my life good, independent of men, that I became someone who could make a relationship truly work, someone who was ready to meet and keep a really, truly nice guy. It's been true for so many of my friends, too.

Give yourself a chance, Lindsey. Get through one day, and then add the next. Life will get better.

[Lindsey]

Each day is getting worse and worse and worse. I can't stand not having him to talk to. I can't stop crying. I made a mistake.

[Lindsey]

I am going to his house in 15 minutes to talk. I know nobody here agrees with it. I just feel I need to.

[rivermom]

I am going to his house in 15 minutes to talk. I know nobody here agrees with it. I just feel I need to.


Ya know Lindsey...I am pretty much guessing that none of us members can agree with 100% of what each of us does. But it doesn't mean we are never here to listen if that's what ya need.

[Mandy]

Lindsey, most of us are MUCH older than you, and most of us have had the experience, and think "been there, done that" BUT only you know what you feel, and only you know the finer details. The advice most of us have given you, is from our own experience, and want to guard you from bumping your head like we have done. Bottom line is, these are things that you have to experience yourself, and we are here for you no matter what, you have to do, what you feel is right.

Good luck ;)

[rivermom]

Lindsey, most of us are MUCH older than you, and most of us have had the experience, and think "been there, done that" BUT only you know what you feel, and only you know the finer details. The advice most of us have given you, is from our own experience, and want to guard you from bumping your head like we have done. Bottom line is, these are things that you have to experience yourself, and we are here for you no matter what, you have to do, what you feel is right.

Good luck ;)



Beautifully said Mandy! :thumbup:

[Marilyn]

Lindsey, we are here for you, and we do have lots of life experience with relationships and we do care very much for you and are very concerned about you. I really think you need counseling. You have issues that you need to work out with someone who can give you an objective viewpoint and help you sort things out.

You are a very worthwhile person. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet and not be defined by who you are with. You need to find ways to enjoy life on your own without depending on someone else to be with you all the time.

You need to be able to say goodbye to a man who does not share you goals and interests. He is setting too many priorities over you. Why would you want to spend the rest or even the next few months of your life with someone who treats you like he does. He's sweet one minute and cold the next.

You deserve more than this!!!!!! Please find a counselor to talk to. Maybe a pastor could help, or could advise who you can go to. We all need a little help from time to time.

Know that we are always here for you and that I'm writing this out of care and concern for you wellbeing.

[katepoet]

Hey Lindsey
No matter how the rest of us feel about protecting you and nurturing you so you become all that we can see in you (which is a lot!) you are the one who has to live your life moment to moment. Do what you need to do and we will still be here. It's OK. I get the feeling you don't have anyone else to support you emotionally and are really feeling lonely. What's happening with other people in your life?

[Lindsey]

Okay, I'm going to give you all an update. I made this stupid little card on my computer this morning, saying I miss us being happy, and I want us to try to do what we can to get back to that. Then I drew a little stick person with my hair and a sad face, and an arrow pointing to it that said "me" :rolleyes: I went to his house and he wasn't being very receptive for a minute, and then I gave him the card and he tried really hard not to smile, and he said "you're a geek" and he smiled and we talked about everything. We're not going to talk ALL THE TIME anymore, no emails at work or anything, and we're not going to see each other as much as we do, so the time we do have together is a little more special and we'll have things to talk about. This way it's easier for us to do our own activities and have our own lives with our own friends, because I think I was starting to feel smothered by the relationship. I was losing myself.
I know I have to get back into "me" mode. I need to find myself some NEW better friends here. My best friend Tyler hasn't been around much, but lately we've talked more and more and he's a good support for me. He doesn't tell me what to do, but he lets me talk out my problems and he gives advice but never in the "you should do this" sort of way. It's nice to just have a guy's viewpoint on a lot of things, and to know that none of what he says is influenced by jealousy or insecurity or anything that I get from a lot of girl friends around here. Tyler and I have been close since we were 17. He knows me better than I know myself! I really want to spend more time with him.
Another thing I want to do for myself is guitar lessons. I have a guitar but I've never learned to play well. I don't have money for lessons right now, but I'm going to see if I can persuade my parents to pay for a month of lessons for a Christmas present :) There's a place that does lessons about 2 minutes from my house! I also want to get back into shape. I luckily have my mom's metabolism so I could eat bags chips and chocolate bars for months on end and never gain a pound, but I don't FEEL as good as I used to. I have so much exercise equipment that I never use. I also want to start doing yoga again to feel more in tune with my inner self.
I don't open up to people well, so I've never really been able to push myself to go to counselling. One thing that helps me see things in perspective is writing. I have a journal I used to write in every single night, and now it's more like once every 6 months. I think I owe it to myself to take a few minutes before I go to bed to write in there again. Getting out my feelings and hopes and dreams and frustrations on paper really helps unjumble my mind and sort of destresses my whole life.
I really do appreciate all of your advice and support. I owe a lot to everyone here!
Oh yeah, and after he threw everything in the dumpster, he went back and dug to the bottom of the dumpster to get the bag back. He went through that to get the little bulldog stuffed animal he won for me at the fair this summer, and he gave it back to me tonight.

[katepoet]

How sweet, Lindsey. Maybe there's hope for him after all! lol!

Sounds like you have a plan that can help things defuse and settle down, and take care of yourself at the same time. I will be thinking of you and sending you all my best thoughts.

Guitar sounds like fun. I used to enjoy it a lot. Don't forget to check your local craigslist for classes, too. I found our Japanese classes there - we get lessons from a really nice Japanese woman for $10! Amazing! Just make sure you meet in a public place so you are safe with whoever it is - and ask for references first - even personal references so you can make sure whoever it is is known by someone you know or can check out.

Tyler sounds like a good buddy to have. I get tired of my friends who are always trying to give me advice - I just want to be heard and acknowledged. I know what I need to do- just need to talk through the ideas sometimes.

I found new friends when I moved by joining a book group. I also found some great friends through www.meetup.com - have you ever checked that out? There's a local ghost hunting group that is pretty cool, a writing group, a Boston terrier group - lots of folks for me to meet. Meetup is everywhere, I think.

Anyway, glad to hear you feeling better. Hugs!

[Marilyn]

Lindsey, please be careful. I'm very glad that you are better, but I can't help but let the mom come out a bit here. From what you've told us over the last few months, this guy does not sound like the person you need to be counting on to be there for you. All we see of him is the view we have from our computer chairs, but just be careful, okay!? When you hurt, we all feel for you, and are there with you. Try to have a good day, and I still think if you could find a really good counselor, it could make a big difference.:heart:

[Ponyup]

Lyndsey, I'm happy things are better, but you sound a lot like the girl I used to be. I didn't feel complete unless I was someone's girlfriend. All i ever wanted to do was get married & have children & I was so afraid that I would be alone & no one would love me. I almost married an aweful man that was very controlling & abusive because I didn't want to be alone & felt i had to be someone's wife to be something. When things got particular bad I met a guy while on vacation with my parents who was sweet & caring & excepted me for me. Things with that guy didn't go anywhere but it made me realize that there are many fish in the sea. There are guys out there that would care about me unconditionally & not be mean to me. I dumped the loser on the way back from that trip, I wanted to wait til I got home, but he put me on the spot. & i spend the next three years in college just getting to know myself. I figured out that I didn't need a man, I could be happy & support myself & be on my own forever & be just fine. Once I got to this place I found a wonderful man that complimented me. We're married now & spend all our time together. I mean all our time, we work at the same place, we take lunches together, there are very few moments we are apart & we almost never fight. It sounds to me like you're making excuses for him. I used to do this, I used to see the good in people & ignore the bad, & it got me in bad situations with bad people. You need to open your eyes & focus on yourself & truely examine whether you miss him or just miss being with someone. I'm sorry if this is harsh, you can take it or leave it, but I believe i've been where you are & I don't want you to go down that path & marry a bad guy. Be true to yourself & your dog, she truely loves you unconditionally. And any man that's jealous of a dog may have some problems.

[Lindsey]

The thing is, I don't feel that I'm at all the type of person who likes to be in a relationship. I'm my dad's daughter, very independent, and that I think is why I felt smothered. I was single for about 3 years and had the time of my life, and then I dated Ryden for 8 or 9 months. I was single again for 4 months after that and then I started seeing Kyle. We had been friends for a year and a half before dating, and when I'm not with him I miss having him in my life. I really don't think it's just missing having someone there.
I don't want to seem like I'm defending him, but honestly I come here to vent when I'm angry or stressed, and that's why a lot of what everyone sees is one-sided. He really is a great guy. If there was a 4ManTalk and he went there when we argued and told them about me getting angry at him for, I don't know, drinking too much with his friends one night, I'm sure he'd have a bunch of guys telling him to dump that crazy girl.

[katepoet]

Yeah - it's easy for grousing and grumbling to get so one-sided. But we got your back girlfriend, whatever you do!

[vainchick5]

I feel like I made a big mistake. I'm filled with regret.
I tried to talk to him but he doesn't really want to talk. He's with his friends today at a football game. He said maybe we'll talk tomorrow.
I DO like him. I love his family, his friends, his dogs, his hugs, his kisses, his cuddles when we're sleeping in the middle of the night. I miss him laughing. I miss him making me laugh. I miss dates.
I am to blame for a lot of what goes on between us, and I just never want to admit it. If I'm in a bad mood I start fights. I bring up the topic of my dog. I bring up things that bother me, even if they're just little, and I turn them into something huge.
He has been doing better with Layla lately. If he's in a bad mood he doesn't want to be around her. But if he's in a good mood he tries to just be indifferent, and sometimes he'll pet her or try to play with her.
This might sound really shallow, but I worry that my friends or family won't think he's attractive enough for me. It shouldn't matter. If I'm happy on the inside, why does the outside matter? Sometimes I feel like I have to prove something. When I left his house yesterday morning I noticed I had 2 text messages on my phone from an ex. A really really attractive and wealthy ex. I was so drawn to his looks and charm I was with him on and off for about 2 years... even though I knew he did a lot of drugs, and he was cheating on me. He openly admitted it. He even cheated with strippers. But I was like, just LOOK at this eye candy I've got on my arm! But on the inside I was so depressed. I hated myself, I could barely even make myself eat. I was 5'8 and 112 lbs. His text message yesterday said he was hanging out with a girl who had my smile, and he thought of me, and he just wanted to say hi. It made me feel sick.
So why is Kyle so bad? Why am I trying to not let myself be happy with him? He treats me well, his family treats me well, his friends love me. My parents love him.
I think the root of us fighting so much is that we talk so much. We talk every day at work over email, then on the phone at night, and usually see each other 3 or 4 nights of the week and then we're usually together ALL weekend. We don't have seperate lives. We run out of things to talk about, so we fight.
If he's willing to give it another try (because I think I am... and most people probably think that's a mistake) I think we should just give ourselves one night a week to hang out. A designated date night. And then one weekend day and night. I need a day to myself to unwind and spend time with Layla or my friends and just get things done. And the emails at work have to stop. I'd like us to actually be able to talk about things when we get together. We pretty much know every detailed hour of each other's lives.
So what does everyone think? Is it worth another chance? Should I talk to him about it tomorrow?

Personally I wouldn't. You deserve someone who understands you and loves you for who you are. Clearly this guy is just playing with your emotions. Just my opinion. Seems like he used you for one night of fun, and then went back to his jerky behavior. Sorry if I'm blunt but I wouldn't put up with this BS

[judy]

Hi Lindsey,

So are you on or off? It seems you're back on. If that's what you want, we're behind you.

I wanted to travel too when I was your age, didn't want to marry until I was about 30, and was also very independent. I wasn't brought up to think I could really get away with doing that. Marriage was a must! So, I got married, had my daughter, and got divorced. Then I spent 11 years doing what I wanted, give or take, since I had a child. I went back to college, began my doctoral studies, and was on my way to being the scientist I always wanted to be. I left for a number of reasons (all good ones). Then, for some reason I wanted to get married again.
I think I wanted a father for mu daughter and I found one. He's a great dad, not a good husband.

Now I'm divorced again and completely free to do whatever I want. I seem to keep going back to that original plan and when I get my freedom, I'm so happy. So, I think that no matter how hard we try to fit ourselves into what we think we should be, we always return to who we really are.


It's the cycle of life.

Love ya,

Judy

[katcarasella]

Hi Nicole, saw you just joined, Welcome to 4WT!!!! We're all Yorkie Lovers here!!

[NicoleMarcelle]

Hi Nicole, saw you just joined, Welcome to 4WT!!!! We're all Yorkie Lovers here!!

me? whoa how did you know i was on this thread?...lol:confused: :D

[katcarasella]

me? whoa how did you know i was on this thread?...lol:confused: :D
Go to the top of the screen, dark purple section and hit (Quick Links) It tell you who's online. He-he

[NicoleMarcelle]

Go to the top of the screen, dark purple section and hit (Quick Links) It tell you who's online. He-he


lol...learn something new every day huh... i was like...am i being watched??:eek: teehee :rolleyes: silly mee... :D

[pearl]

just two cents, don't want to throw a monkey wrench, but if it's over for good you think sometime, travel! see all you want to see. do different jobs, meet different people. you're way young and this is the time.
i didn't get married till i was 36, had my daughter at almost 39. i did a lot of stuff and don't regret it. got divorced after 5 years and didn't date for 7 years. now, at age 54, am in a wonderful relationship that has give and take and independence.
so, it's true being single is fine. being married is fine. it's up to you.

[Lindsey]

just two cents, don't want to throw a monkey wrench, but if it's over for good you think sometime, travel! see all you want to see. do different jobs, meet different people. you're way young and this is the time.
i didn't get married till i was 36, had my daughter at almost 39. i did a lot of stuff and don't regret it. got divorced after 5 years and didn't date for 7 years. now, at age 54, am in a wonderful relationship that has give and take and independence.
so, it's true being single is fine. being married is fine. it's up to you.

:) Wow, old thread. Kyle and I have stayed together, but he knows I'm trying to get a job in Australia next year, so we're just not making any long-term plans. We've had rough patches but we do have fun together and we know each other really well, and I think we're both learning from each other. I guess knowing that it won't last forever, I've been able to let some things go that would really bother me if I thought we would be getting more serious. No matter what, I won't be giving up my dreams to travel. He can think what he wants about it but it's my life and he doesn't own me. I need to make my own path and do my own thing and be my own person!

[pearl]

oh dear, guess i need to check dates! saw a new post and read the whole thing LOL...

[Brooke]

My daughter went through a relationship with a guy for 3 years.. Before they started dating they knew each other from 5th grade. After he broke up with her for the second or third time... we were talking. It is the relationship and the fun of having a partner she missed... not so much the person. it is very different being single after having a partner. Being single again is tough, but if you arent with the right person you can learn to be single again. How else will you find the right guy? Now my daughter is turning guys down left and right because she wants to make her own choices and she wants to find the right guy. I'm proud of her.

[CoyoteQueen]

lol! pearl, I just read the whole thread too! lindsey, did he ever adjust to layla? Pearl and I have a friend whose dogs name is layla! About all the drama, the only thing I want to say is since I have gotten older, my dreams have changed. Every relationship I have had has taught me something and I dont regret them. Even the bad ones! but I have found that I dont always end up wanting the things I thought I did. Whether you travel or stay with the bf, I think happiness is something you choose. So be happy girl!!!!!! :)

[judy]

I am so proud of you Lindsey! You're traveling, growing, and it looks like you're going to live out your dreams!

Hurray for you!

[judy]

Hi Nicole. Welcome to 4WT.

[NicoleMarcelle]

thanks judy!!! :D