My Dad

[MelissaS]

He died September 20 of Pancreatic cancer. He fought for 11 months defeating the odds.

I miss him terrible and don't know how to move on. My Dad was my rock, my hero..my everything. He was my security. I feel like I have noone I can really depend on now. My husband is a great man but if he decides to walk oneday nothing is stopping him...My dad would have never walked.

[katepoet]

I am so sorry about your father's death, Melissa. It is incredibly hard, I know. It was a tough fight against incredible odds. I am glad you had time to be with him, after his diagnosis.

My father died from pancreatic cancer also. It's been nine years this month. I miss him almost every day still but I don't cry often anymore. My mother's death from endocrine system tumors was harder as we didn't know she had cancer or was dying until the last day. It took me years to stop crying from my broken heart when I lost her. You are not alone.

I am imagining a hug and sending it to you. My shoulder is available for tears and I am listening to you.

One thing my mother always said about losing someone close to you is that the pain never goes away, it is just further from daily life as time goes by. When I lost her, keeping that in mind helped. Friends asked after 6 months or a year why I was still so sad about her death, wasn't I over it already?!? They didn't understand or share the experience. But knowing that it doesn't go away means I didn't have to fight my grief. If I felt sad and at a loss, it was the way I felt and I allowed myself to be in that space.

So my advice is that you do the same. It is OK to grieve, to feel such strong loss. Don't let them tell you differently. Some days it will be hard to get up and keep going. Please do, though. Your father would surely want you to find your way forward and to find joy in your life again. You will honor him with both your grief and your joy.

I am sorry you are worried about your husband being there for you. Maybe that is something to talk about with him. Sometimes, we have to ask for the greater commitment just to find out if it is there. It is a hard time for marriage, when we begin to deal with our parents' deaths, but your marriage will become stronger for going through the fire.

Love and hugs.

[Marilyn]

Melissa, glad you found us!!! We are a group of caring ladies, so feel free to join in. Sooooo sorry to hear of your loss. My father passed away from a massive heart attack. It was not his first, so we were sorta prepared, but then again, we weren't. It is really hard to lose our parents especially if we are really close to them. Now is the time to turn to your husband and try to make your relationship even stronger. He is your family now.

Wish you well and look forward to getting to know you better.

Hugs!!

[Gina]

Melissa, I am sorry to hear about your dads passing. I to have lost both my parents within two years of each other. It is hard as Kate mentioned, when my mom died I did lose my best friend. There are times when I wish she was alive to share in my happiness and sadness. As Marilyn mentioned it is your husbands turn. He will be your support and guide you through life. If you have children they will turn to you and you will be there for them. Your the mommy now... We are all here for you ..... hugs to you.

[AngieDoogles]

Melissa, I am so very sorry for you loss. I can't even imagine how sad you must be. We are here for you if you ever need anything.

[Janet]

Hi Melissa, I'm so sorry to learn of your fathers' passing. My father passed when I was 18 years old of a massive heart attack, that was 34 years ago. I was my daddy's girl and he was everything to me. I will be honest with you...sometimes it hurt so bad, the missing him, that I wanted to die too. I really didn't think it would ever get better. But I promise you, it does with time.

Oh, you will still miss him and wish you could call him up to share your joys and sadness, to be able run to him just to throw your arms around his strong neck, but the pain, the sharpness, the desperation will not cut as deeply. I find when I want to talk with my dad and I do still after all this time...I find a quiet spot and talk. I know he is with me always and I know without a doubt that he sends butterflies to me. They may not always be flying around me, but they'll be there in pictures or I'll see one on someone's shirt, or hanging on wall somewhere.

The only way your father will ever leave you, is if you never think of him....from your post...you'll never have to worry about that.

[judy]

Dear Melissa,

I'm so sorry about your Dad. MY Father dies about 11 years ago of lung cancer.
I feel the same way as Janet does. He's not gone, I still talk to him, and he's still never going to leave me. He watches over me just like when he was alive.

But, the pain is new for you, and it does hurt so much. Please come here and talk about whatever you need to. We'll always support you and your feelings.

My deepest condolences.

[HNB]

Melissa,

I too lost my father January 27, 2006 from liver cancer. I understand how you feel and my heart goes out to you. I know how difficult it is and I am not over it either. I still wake up some mornings and think he's still a live and reality sets in. My dad has a heavy drug/alcohol user and I really wasn't close to him and I have so many regrets and I've said horrible things to him. I'm thankful that we did forgive each other for all of our mistakes. I can't even beleive that in 10 days it will be a year. Sometimes I wonder how life goes on and why God would do such a thing. I've learned to stop questioning God and that he did it for a reason. The only advice I have is to turn to God and let him heal your broken heart! My heart goes out to you and your not alone!