Relying on your Husband/partner financially

[Taurus Babe]

I am more of the "independent type"and I guess that's just the way I was brought up...The way I think is I just need to be able to support myself no matter what arises (and you never know what could arise!) But my question is, what are the pros and cons of being in a relationship where there is one bread winner? How does it work, and how does it affect your relationship and self-esteem?

One day, I would like to be a stay at home mother, but I want a degree and experience under my belt just so I know I can hold my own. I hate asking for money from my parents (who make it clear that it's okay for them to give me money while I'm in school), or even just borrowing money from my friends. Money just makes me nervous and tense:eek: How have you ladies delt with this? Ever had the opportuny and not taken it? Why? I know there are some stay at home moms out there, so if you would like to enlighten me, please!

I am in a situation where I don't need to work and I would be fully supported by my bf when I move out there with him, but I most likely will end up working for Visa purposes (but that's another story).

[Amber_lv]

I to am very independent but after i had my second baby i just couldn't go back to work and my husband became the sole provider it's hard sometime because he gets an attitude like i bring home the bacon what do you do and i simply SLAP him upside the head with a frying pan and tell him i do nothing LOL hahahaha(evil laugh) No but he does get that attitude sometime and then i simply remind him of all i do and then threaten to go back to work and that always snaps him out of it. I truly love being home with my boys it's been way more fulfilling then any job I've ever had.

[Sherry Lynn]

I've worked all my adult life and lived on my own, so I took care of myself before meeting my husband. But a recent injury has me home now and I might not go back to work.

Hubby has always taken care of the bills, so I could spend my earnings however I wanted. I have a checking account.. he has one... and we have one together. Thankfully he's really generous so I never have to ask him for money. He always gives me cash and transfers money into my account. Usually I just pay with a credit card, though, and he pays the bill when it comes in.

I'd hate it if I had to ask for money all the time. I think I want to find a part-time job, though, so I don't get so bored this winter.

[Janet]

I to am very independent but after i had my second baby i just couldn't go back to work and my husband became the sole provider it's hard sometime because he gets an attitude like i bring home the bacon what do you do and i simply SLAP him upside the head with a frying pan and tell him i do nothing LOL hahahaha(evil laugh) No but he does get that attitude sometime and then i simply remind him of all i do and then threaten to go back to work and that always snaps him out of it. I truly love being home with my boys it's been way more fulfilling then any job I've ever had.


You just totally crack me up !!!!!

....:yelrotflmao:

[Amber_lv]

You just totally crack me up !!!!!

....:yelrotflmao:
I thought you'd like that one lol

[RLC12345678]

My husband has a fantastic job and I don't need to work. My hubby told me that if I didn't want to work and if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, or just a housewife until we have kids, that it is A-ok with him. But, I was raised to be independant. In this day in age, you just never know what will happen...Infidelity, death, sickness, the list goes on and on. I just prefer to work. I am not the housewife kind of person. I don't cook, I don't clean, I'm not having kids for awhile. I also don't want to have to ask hubby everytime I want something. I want the freedom to go out and buy things if I want them. I also want to have the feeling that I would be alright and I could stand on my own 2 feet if something ever happened to my hubby. Even if you have a degree and you are a housewife, if something happens to your hubby years and years down the road, you will have a hard time finding a job at an older age when you haven't had work experience in so many years.

Now, this is just my opinion and how I feel. Some women make GREAT stay-at-home moms and excellent housewives. It is just my personality that prefers the working world. I would not feel like I was fulfilled if I didn't work, and an unfulfilled woman makes a bad wife and a bad mother. So, working is just what is best for me. Also, our marriage counselor said that the best relationships are those in which both people have equal education levels. My hubby has a post-graduate degree, and that is what I am pursuing myself.

Sorry this is so long. I am sure whatever you decide will be the right choice for YOU and YOUR future and YOUR family. Everyone is different.

[Carolyn]

I'm a SAHM and for me it works. My husband takes care of all the bills and finances and he gives me money every week but if I need more I just ask and I always have the credit cards! :D But even though I am dependent on him I feel independent knowing that if I had to make money I could. I have to say that being home taking care of the house and kids is harder than any job I had. But I'm happy that I'm able to be home.

BUT now that the kids are in school all day I'm seriously thinking of getting something part time for something to do and get out of the house. I was thinking of something along the lines of a personal assistant/companion for an elderly person. That seems pretty flexible. The perfect job to me would be maybe 3 days a week from 10-2 pm.

[Luv2Teach]

I'm planning on working till I have kids. I would love to be able to stay home with them. If my bf and I would be financially stable, then yes I would. Since I started working, I've been saving money. I plan to use that as my spending money when I'm not working.

I personally could not imagine stayine home everyday without having kids. I think I'd go crazy cleaning the house everyday.

Good luck in what you decide to do.

[Sherry Lynn]

BUT now that the kids are in school all day I'm seriously thinking of getting something part time for something to do and get out of the house. I was thinking of something along the lines of a personal assistant/companion for an elderly person. That seems pretty flexible. The perfect job to me would be maybe 3 days a week from 10-2 pm.

That sounds perfect! Where can I get one?:p

[Janet]

I only drive a school bus, but it really is the perfect job. I work whenever my son is in school. It doesn't get us rich, but I do carry the health insurance and it is really good. I can make extra if I take extra-curricular trips and sports trips. Also, if I feel the need for extra I can substitute teach. I like being able to be home most of the time during the day. I'm usually gone 2 hours in the morning and then 2 hours in the afternoon.

It can also be very rewarding at times. Some of those kids needs someone who cares about them and I really do. It can also be the most frustrating with kids who know no discipline.

[Carolyn]

I only drive a school bus, but it really is the perfect job. I work whenever my son is in school. It doesn't get us rich, but I do carry the health insurance and it is really good. I can make extra if I take extra-curricular trips and sports trips. Also, if I feel the need for extra I can substitute teach. I like being able to be home most of the time during the day. I'm usually gone 2 hours in the morning and then 2 hours in the afternoon.

It can also be very rewarding at times. Some of those kids needs someone who cares about them and I really do. It can also be the most frustrating with kids who know no discipline.
That is perfect Janet! My kids have the best bus driver this year. You can tell she really cares about the kids. I can imagine how bad it must be though with those unruly kids on the bus. Standing and screaming the whole ride! UGH!

[Amber_lv]

I only drive a school bus, but it really is the perfect job. I work whenever my son is in school. It doesn't get us rich, but I do carry the health insurance and it is really good. I can make extra if I take extra-curricular trips and sports trips. Also, if I feel the need for extra I can substitute teach. I like being able to be home most of the time during the day. I'm usually gone 2 hours in the morning and then 2 hours in the afternoon.

It can also be very rewarding at times. Some of those kids needs someone who cares about them and I really do. It can also be the most frustrating with kids who know no discipline.
I have road rage and i don't think having a bunch of screaming kids would help that lol i'd be like don't make me turn this bus around as i flipping them all around with my nascar driving lol

[Mandy78]

I have road rage and i don't think having a bunch of screaming kids would help that lol i'd be like don't make me turn this bus around as i flipping them all around with my nascar driving lol

LOL!!! You are sooo silly! LOL!:yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao:

[Janet]

I have road rage and i don't think having a bunch of screaming kids would help that lol i'd be like don't make me turn this bus around as i flipping them all around with my nascar driving lol


You are just so funny...man I wish we lived closer to each other!!!

[Amber_lv]

LOL!!! You are sooo silly! LOL!:yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao:
mwahhahahahhaha (with my evil laugh)

[Amber_lv]

You are just so funny...man I wish we lived closer to each other!!!
I know we would be trouble!!!

[Janet]

That is perfect Janet! My kids have the best bus driver this year. You can tell she really cares about the kids. I can imagine how bad it must be though with those unruly kids on the bus. Standing and screaming the whole ride! UGH!


I truely love my kids. They're really good, most of the time. But the school has bus rules, and I have my own bus rules. I send a letter to each parent at the beginning of the school year outlining all the rules. So there is no excuse. The kids know I follow through on all the discipline, and since they know I mean business they follow the rules. I can be in ones face at one minute, but then tell them to have a great day at school the next. I never hold a grudge. They are just kids..from kindergarten to 12th grade. Sometimes I wonder why "this job", but I think God put his hand on my shoulder and led me to it. My encouragement may be the only encouragement they get and I won't let them down.

[Janet]

I do have one short story:

One of the students brought a friend on the bus to go to his house after school. After they got to their seat, I told Jade to tell his friend the rules...he looked at his friend and said: "ya can't do nothing"!!! I laughed so hard I about fell out of my seat.

[Amber_lv]

I do have one short story:

One of the students brought a friend on the bus to go to his house after school. After they got to their seat, I told Jade to tell his friend the rules...he looked at his friend and said: "ya can't do nothing"!!! I laughed so hard I about fell out of my seat.
:yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao: :yelrotflmao: those would be my rules lol thats a good one hahahaha

[Carolyn]

Sometimes I wonder why "this job", but I think God put his hand on my shoulder and led me to it. My encouragement may be the only encouragement they get and I won't let them down.

You are such a wonderful person Janet! We need more people like you!

[rivermom]

I too am very independant and along with that have a stubborn streak to no end when it comes to "taking care of myself". However...now that I have matured I find myself enjoying the ~comfort zone~ I now am in. I have worked my butt off since a teenager taking care of myself and a child. (Later came more children)

Always a survivor and bound and determined to be strong, self sufficient, etc. For once I no longer have to prove myself to me or others. It's such a peaceful feeling.

My husband and I now are self employeed, but he surely does most of the "bread winning" sorta speak. I take care of some things with the business but our home and the care of it is mainly my deal.

It is so nice being "under his wing" as one might say and I never take it for granted. God forbid something happens I know I can head back out into that work force and do it again.

When I was a stay at home Mom I did have self esteem issues, etc feeling as though I wasn't measuring up as much as the rest of the world. I wish I could have realized way back then that being a stay at home Mom is one of the most important jobs a woman could ever do IMO. It truly pays off in so many other ways rather than with cash.

If you have the opportunity to be a stay at home Mom please remember your worth, your importance, your ambitions that someday will be the most rewarding "job" you have ever accomplished.

[Carolyn]

I too am very independant and along with that have a stubborn streak to no end when it comes to "taking care of myself". However...now that I have matured I find myself enjoying the ~comfort zone~ I now am in. I have worked my butt off since a teenager taking care of myself and a child. (Later came more children)

Always a survivor and bound and determined to be strong, self sufficient, etc. For once I no longer have to prove myself to me or others. It's such a peaceful feeling.

My husband and I now are self employeed, but he surely does most of the "bread winning" sorta speak. I take care of some things with the business but our home and the care of it is mainly my deal.

It is so nice being "under his wing" as one might say and I never take it for granted. God forbid something happens I know I can head back out into that work force and do it again.

When I was a stay at home Mom I did have self esteem issues, etc feeling as though I wasn't measuring up as much as the rest of the world. I wish I could have realized way back then that being a stay at home Mom is one of the most important jobs a woman could ever do IMO. It truly pays off in so many other ways rather than with cash.

If you have the opportunity to be a stay at home Mom please remember your worth, your importance, your ambitions that someday will be the most rewarding "job" you have ever accomplished.


GREAT post Sheryl!

[Ponyup]

I had issues with being supported personally. When my husband & I first got married I couldn't find a job. I had a hard time getting motivated to clean house or do laundry. I was miserable most of the time & had to go on antidepressants. I also have a very bad shopping bug, but I hated to ask my hubby to spend his hard earned money on me. My parents are loaded so as a kid if I followed the rules I could have whatever they deamed okay. Well I wanted to be my own person so I started working early so I could do my own things. When I got married & didn't work I felt like I couldn't buy anything because I didn't earn the money. It really made me feel worthless. I feel worthless more times than not, but that's a different story. It might be different if we had kids, but to sit on my a** all day watching t.v. & then expecting my hubby to take me shopping was not something I was comfortable with. I did substitute teach which made me terrified of having children & did help some & gave me a bit of spending money. I like helping with the expenses, but if I had children it might be a different story. however I'm not sure I could stay at home all day without some social contact either.

[Taurus Babe]

This is very interesting. Like someone else mentioned, different things work for each of us. This is great insight and I would love to see the stories/experiences coming!