Direction Please

[hkw8881]

I have a 15 yr old daughter.She keeps sneeking out at nite. She is in counseling.Her counselor said to set my alarm and get up at nite to check on her .The other nite i did that and she was aready gone.The police also have been called and there have been reports made.Nothing i do is working.Im at a loss on what to do anymore.:confuse2: :confuse2: :confuse2:

[CoyoteQueen]

can you sleep with her? I would keep her in counseling, and try that. Kudos to you for trying.

[Ponyup]

Where is her bedroom? When I was a kid my room was upstairs right above my parents. If I got up in the night they would hear me walk around. Can i ask why she's sneaking out, is it to meet friends, a boy? I think in order to stop her you have to come up with a way to catch her in the act & a punishment that makes her think twice about doing it. Right now it seems like she feels there are no consequences for her actions.

[hkw8881]

Her bedroom is above mine.Ido here her alot of the time getting up,i guess sometimes not.Meeting a boy.I have tried many thing cell phone is gone now,no time on the computer,no phone time ,no friends over .Just at my wits end

[hkw8881]

I was making her sleep with me .The counselor said to make her sleep in her own bed and check on her.

[Tink]

Have you talked to the boy or his parents? I would... so what if it embarrasses her... I bet she wouldn't easily forget it!

[Janet]

I would check with family services and maybe there is a place that can help you. Some work as 'outpatient' and others have the kids stay with them for a period of time. Worth checking into.

[DianaB]

I wish that I had a magic answer for you, but sadly I don't. We don't have enough information to even begin to answer your question about what to do to help your daughter. The trust between the two of you has disappeared and as a parent, I know, that it's really hard to get that trust back.

At this point communication is what is important. You need to point out to her that ultimately she is responsible for her own life and making her own decisions. Point out that the decisions that she makes may affect her for the rest of her life, such as pregnancy and aids. Tell her as a parent you're trying to do your best even though she may not realize it and you want her to have a happy childhood and future life because you love her and only want what's best for her.

I have kids from ages 33 to 15 so I've dealt with teenage problems. I never had one sneak out in the night because I would have beat them within an inch of their lives. I was one very strict mother! Be firm and be loving! Keep us posted.

[hkw8881]

i have spoken to his parents and they said if my daughter would leave him alone and stop calling him there would'nt be a problem. guess i'm not going to get much of anything out of them

[Tink]

I'm sorry his family isn't more help.

The bad thing about inviting social services into your life is that once they're IN, you're stuck with them. Out of desperation I tried that with one of mine and ended up regretting it majorly. So quite seriously I'd save that as a last resort... in our case they did more damage than good.

[hkw8881]

thank you so much for replying to me.the comments are great.i'm trying to do all i can to stop her from doing this.as one lady said she would have beat them with an inch of their life. thats one thing i won't do.so far i have done other things as i said in comments. i tell her that i love her and i want her to help me understand why she is doing this and hope there is something we can do to make changes together

[CoyoteQueen]

they make alarms you can put on the door. you might try that. However, irregardless of what the counselor said, I think I would put her on a pallet in my room until she grows up some. She may hate you for it, but she'll get over it. and truly even if she dont, as long as she is safe....
kids are like dogs, they need boundaries.
Are you married? Perhaps the dad and you can take turns sitting outside her room. I hope you come up with a plan!

[pearl]

i don't have any answers. just keep in counseling and do what you are doing. hormones and rebellion overtake them.
i would get her on birth control if possible. she may not be reliable taking the pill, but maybe the shot. it may sound like permission, but i believe it's protection at this stage.
some day she may wake up and take a better path.
you must be sleep deprived too!!!
i have been in the past on a "parents of teens" forum through ivillage.com. many many moms on there, they may have advice too!

[pearl]

that pallet idea is a good one! but make her sleep on it...LOL

[CoyoteQueen]

that pallet idea is a good one! but make her sleep on it...LOL

My thought EXACTLY!!!

[pearl]

wish they made electronic doors and windows like doggie doors, only unlocked by those wearing a collar. and you don't give the kid a collar.

[pope1982]

I don't disagree with spankings, but I think at the age she is at, and with her acting out, it would only exacerbate the situation and backfire possibly make more trouble for you.

What are the consequences when she waltzes in the door?

Let her think she has accomplished sneaking out, play bad cop... do a stake out. Follow her, embarrass the hell out of her when you drag her young, rebellious behind home. 15 is far to young and ignorant these days trying to pass as grown! Maybe 50 years ago...

Even go as far as to tell her you are driving her to the police station because you are not living like this.

Take everything from her room but the bare essentials. No tv, no music, no phone, no boy. Even go so far as to take away her favorite clothes or shoes if you have to. Make her get a job and increase responsibilities. Make your home a cozy little boot camp :)

I had a sister who acted out and ran away. I had to sit through family counseling a lot. Some of which she didn't even show up for! I know how frustrating it can be. Hang in there.

[CoyoteQueen]

I forgot to add, that if you work her really hard........... scrubbing walls and baseboards, mopping floors dusting the attic........she might be to tired to get uo in the night!

[goofywife]

I would never pretend to know the right answer. We went through this with my daughter.

The situation grew as she got older. We decided to take the tough love approach and stuck to our rules for the house. We turned it over to God. We raised her right, brought her up to believe in Jesus. That makes her one of his.

She ended up running away. We didn't have any contact with her for several years, then one day it happened we spoke and worked on our relationship.

Now years later, I have a daughter back, she gave me 2 wonderful grandchildren. When she speaks to teenagers, she tells them, she doesn't know why she did what she did, she tells them she had a great childhood and that they should appreciate thier parents and everything they do for them.

I don't think there is any one answer, each situation and child is different. Good luck.

[DianaB]

thank you so much for replying to me.the comments are great.i'm trying to do all i can to stop her from doing this.as one lady said she would have beat them with an inch of their life. thats one thing i won't do.so far i have done other things as i said in comments. i tell her that i love her and i want her to help me understand why she is doing this and hope there is something we can do to make changes together

I wasn't telling you to beat your daughter. I was a very strict parent to my children and the punishment for doing something like sneaking out would have been very harsh. My kids have often observed other children's behavior and commented that "We would have never acted like that. Mom would have killed us!" As I said, I was very strict but as my children grew I received many compliments on their behavior. We've never had drug, alcohol, or discipline problems.

[Gina]

I do sympathize with you. I have two children boy 23 , daughter will be 21. Like Diana thank God I never had problems with school , drugs, alcohol, or discipline problems. I to was a strict mom, and wouldn't tolerate answering back etc. to this day my daughter may get mouthy but I put her right in her place.

She never ran away, so I have not been in your shoes. How would I handle it, not very well . I think I would keep her in my room and if she did take off at that young of age, I probably would hit her or pull her hair, sorry sometimes they need that. I would put the fear of God into her. I don't understand with whats going on in the world don't these kids have fear? of whom they may meet up with and the horrible stories that you hear. I would sit and make her read the newspapers and watch the news and show her what can happened if she meets up with the wrong person. Just a suggestion.

[hkw8881]

thank you all very much for your help. she has'nt be sneaking out for two weeks now.working on the third week.counseling is going well.my daughter and i have been talking alot about her actions and working on solutions.so far so good. we pray and talk alot. every one here has been wonderful.its been great to have a place to vent.

[pearl]

i'm so glad to hear that!!!!! keep up the good work, it would be such a hard thing to deal with.

[DianaB]

thank you all very much for your help. she has'nt be sneaking out for two weeks now.working on the third week.counseling is going well.my daughter and i have been talking alot about her actions and working on solutions.so far so good. we pray and talk alot. every one here has been wonderful.its been great to have a place to vent.

It's good to hear that things are better. So many times people ask questions but never let us know how things are going. Communication is so important!

[katcarasella]

I'm so glad things are going smoother for you and your daughter.
When my girls were growing up, all I had to do was give them "That Look"
and they'd straighten up. I know it's hard when they reach your daughters age,
sounds like you're on the right track.
Good Luck!