What a jerk!!!!!!!

[Cribal]

Please tell me if I'm over-reacting but I think my husband is being a complete a-hole (excuse my french but I'm really pissed off right now).

Last winter hubby was gone every Wed. and Thurs. to bowl on his thursday night league and he substituted on Weednesdays. Well he would be gone until midnight and then on fidays and sat.s he would be gone all day hunting so I felt like I would never see him and it put a real strain on the first few months of our marriage.

Well winter league bowling is starting up and we made an agreement that we would only substitute for a team ONCE a month. I didn't want to make the agreement b/c I knew he wouldn't keep his word but he said he PROMISED he would only bowl once a month and he wouldn't ask or beg to bowl any more than that.

Well, he bowled the first Wed. of this month(6th.) and he just came in from work and asked if I wanted to come and watch him bowl tonight. I said no b/c you have already subbed for someone this month. And he was like well he begged me so I couldn't say no.... Why can he not hurt his friends feeling but he can hurt mine by breaking a promise he made me. We even talked and I said do you remember promising me that and he said yes but he doesn't understand why I'm so mad about it. WTF... Sorry I just had to vent and I'm soooo freaking pissed right now.

[rivermom]

I understand and can appreciate your feelings towards this. It's not an easy situation.

Hopefully he will realize himself that being away so much is putting a strain on your relationship and he'll want to be home more. I think that if he doesn't come to terms with this on his own, he will only resent being home anyway just cuz you wanted him to. This can be a no win situation.

So...as I said, hopefully he will WANT to be home to WANT to please you. Then you BOTH win.

Good luck.

[Cribal]

Yea, I'm not a person to demand him to not go. I really wish he would want to spend more time at home but I'm not gonna make him be there if he doesn't want to.

Example: Our anniversary was two Sunday's ago. We had plans to spend the day together and go out on the boat just the two of us and then Sat. night he remember's that football was starting up and it comes on, on Sunday so he asked if I would invite my best friend out to go with me instead..... So, I had a fun 1 year anniversary with my best friend out on the boat getting drunk b/c I was so depressed that he wanted to watch football instead of spending our anniversary with me. Damn, what did I ever see in him..

[RLC12345678]

Don't bitch about it....just teach him a lesson. I think on the nights that he isn't busy, you should spend those doing something you enjoy so he has to sit at home alone. See how he likes it.

[rivermom]

Yea, I'm not a person to demand him to not go. I really wish he would want to spend more time at home but I'm not gonna make him be there if he doesn't want to.

Example: Our anniversary was two Sunday's ago. We had plans to spend the day together and go out on the boat just the two of us and then Sat. night he remember's that football was starting up and it comes on, on Sunday so he asked if I would invite my best friend out to go with me instead..... So, I had a fun 1 year anniversary with my best friend out on the boat getting drunk b/c I was so depressed that he wanted to watch football instead of spending our anniversary with me. Damn, what did I ever see in him..


That is sooooo sad. Oh my goodness I bet you were so heartbroken. :(

[RLC12345678]

This is my philosophy, and my husband thinks I'm so evil to have this as my philosophy, but it works EVERY SINGLE TIME:

"Don't get mad....get even."

[Cribal]

Don't bitch about it....just teach him a lesson. I think on the nights that he isn't busy, you should spend those doing something you enjoy so he has to sit at home alone. See how he likes it.

That's what I normally do but we're on such a tight budget that I really can't right now if I wanna be able to pay my bills. Like that's why I just called up my friend adn we went out on the boat drinking. I'm all about getting payback and showing him what it feels like but I'm really getting tired of doindg the whole spiteful thing. (I admit I am VERY spiteful)

[Cribal]

This is my philosophy, and my husband thinks I'm so evil to have this as my philosophy, but it works EVERY SINGLE TIME:

"Don't get mad....get even."

Yes, I live by this also. I sometimes tend to take it overboard even...

[RLC12345678]

That's what I normally do but we're on such a tight budget that I really can't right now if I wanna be able to pay my bills. Like that's why I just called up my friend adn we went out on the boat drinking. I'm all about getting payback and showing him what it feels like but I'm really getting tired of doindg the whole spiteful thing. (I admit I am VERY spiteful)


You don't have to spend any money. Just go to a friend's house or something. But don't tell hubby where you're going. Tell him you're going "out."

[Cribal]

You don't have to spend any money. Just go to a friend's house or something. But don't tell hubby where you're going. Tell him you're going "out."

Yea, maybe that's what I need to do tomorrow night. I don't want to do it tonight b/c the pups would be left alone for too long. I'll do it tomorrow when he's going to be at home and he can stay with the dogs.

Well, it's almost 5:00 and I'm gonna start locking the office to go home. I don't even want to go home and see him. I guess I'll just go in a get a beer and sit at the computer and come back to here and bitch some more....LOL

[rivermom]

Yea, maybe that's what I need to do tomorrow night. I don't want to do it tonight b/c the pups would be left alone for too long. I'll do it tomorrow when he's going to be at home and he can stay with the dogs.

Well, it's almost 5:00 and I'm gonna start locking the office to go home. I don't even want to go home and see him. I guess I'll just go in a get a beer and sit at the computer and come back to here and bitch some more....LOL


We'll be here. I don't think any of us have bowling or football tonight. :D

[Ponyup]

I'd give it time. The one year anniversary thing would of really pissed me off because it was a broken promise he made plans & then cancelled, bad move. However, his bowling & hunting are probably habits he's had forever & are hard to change. The first year of marriage is really tough & the 2nd isn't a whole lot better. I would just continue to be honest with him about how you feel. Make sure you don't place blame. It will take him a while to learn to take your feeling into account when he makes plans. There is an adjustment period. It's not that he doesn't love you or what to spend time with you it's just that he's used to a certain routine & things like that take time to change.

[rivermom]

I'd give it time. The one year anniversary thing would of really pissed me off because it was a broken promise he made plans & then cancelled, bad move. However, his bowling & hunting are probably habits he's had forever & are hard to change. The first year of marriage is really tough & the 2nd isn't a whole lot better. I would just continue to be honest with him about how you feel. Make sure you don't place blame. It will take him a while to learn to take your feeling into account when he makes plans. There is an adjustment period. It's not that he doesn't love you or what to spend time with you it's just that he's used to a certain routine & things like that take time to change.


Great advise Ponyup !!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

[Cribal]

We'll be here. I don't think any of us have bowling or football tonight. :D

So now here I am sitting here waiting for his ass to leave. I stopped and rented me a movie to watch. I guess it's me, a movie and some beer tonight.

[rivermom]

So now here I am sitting here waiting for his ass to leave. I stopped and rented me a movie to watch. I guess it's me, a movie and some beer tonight.

Boye! You got home quick. :p

[Cribal]

I'd give it time. The one year anniversary thing would of really pissed me off because it was a broken promise he made plans & then cancelled, bad move. However, his bowling & hunting are probably habits he's had forever & are hard to change. The first year of marriage is really tough & the 2nd isn't a whole lot better. I would just continue to be honest with him about how you feel. Make sure you don't place blame. It will take him a while to learn to take your feeling into account when he makes plans. There is an adjustment period. It's not that he doesn't love you or what to spend time with you it's just that he's used to a certain routine & things like that take time to change.

Yea I don't think it's that he doesn't love me or anything but I just don't like living like this. I don't feel like I come first in anything in his life. His hunting or fishing or golfing or bowling or football or all of that shit always comes b4 my feelings. By no means have I said that he couldn't do any of these things, all I ask is that he limit it a little so that we have time together but no matter how much I ask he just doesn't seem to care..... It would be different if he were like this when we were dating or engaged but he was ALL about me and doing things with me b4 we got married. I kinda feel like he knows he has me so he doesn't have to work at anything or spend any time with me anymore. I don't know if it pisses me off more or it it hurts my feelings more.

[Cribal]

Boye! You got home quick. :p

I only live about 15 min. from work and the movie store is on the way home. I just came straight inside payed with the pups for a min. and got on the computer. Normally I don't even get on the computer when I'm home. I normally only chat when I'm at work.

[Janet]

Just don't play games......with each other.

Let him know how you honestly feel and then just know in your heart of hearts





MEN ARE PIGS!!

[Ponyup]

Trust me men are really thick & it takes a while for things to sink in. why don't you tell him what you just told us that you feel like he's taking you for granted & that you aren't a priority. I would also start making a standing date. Like every tues night just the 2 of you have a dinner together (no t.v. or go out). Also why don't you try & find some things to do on those nights that he's out like do you enjoy any sports, or join a book club, or take a yoga class, if you are not sitting at home fuming & doing something you enjoy instead you both will be happier. Also why don't you go with him to bowling on wed. I understand if you don't want to stay the whole time, but go & watch. If he ignores you then let him know that that hurt your feelings. I know you wanna stand your ground, but he'll just buck heads with you. Men can be very thick he'll think you are trying to control or change him they don't understand that you feel lonely & unwanted. Also I would be more mad about the hunting, but I've never gotten the need to sit in a tree for 12 hours. My husband does it too, I have a lovely stuffed turkey I've hidden in my basement, it's totally creepy. Keep your chin up. Don't get upset just keep telling him calmly that you would like him to spend more time with you & keep promises he makes & when he breaks promises he really makes you feel like you aren't important to him. He'll get it eventually, but it will take time. My husband & I were married 18 months before I finally started liking him again. Now things are better, but it still takes forever to get through to him. Plus in a couple years you may want him to get out of the house & leave you alone.