Housewarming Gift

[Tiramisu]

My 32yo single daughter bought her first house last month and her friends are throwing her a housewarming party tomorrow. She didn't tell us anything about the house until the day she closed because she knew we would try to talk her out of it.

As her three siblings have gotten married and bought their first houses, we gave them very nice gifts (a refrigerator, a freezer, a new stove, etc.). This one calls to tell us that she bought a house - what are you going to buy me for it, like you did the others.

After we got over feeling like a bill collector had called us, we did pay to have mini blinds put in and took her shopping to buy ceiling fans, a cute dining chandelier, a small gas grill, and a few other essentials. Well, she totalled that up and called to ask if we would pay to sod her backyard and come put the fans and lights up.

MY QUESTION: I don't even want to go to the party tomorrow, but hubby says we should go. Do, we take yet another gift or would it be acceptable to give her a card and list the gifts we've given her already?

[judy]

It sounds like you're upset about her buying the house. I don't know the history, but she may not get married and this house is as important to her as the other houses were to the other children.

I would go to the party. You never know how you're going to feel later on, and it's best to have no regrets.

[Tiramisu]

But, do I take another gift - flowers, wine? That's it! I'll gladly go and take wine.

I'm not sure upset is the right word, but it's not all about the fact that she bought a house. There's her other debts (old and new), employment record, price of the house, location of the house, and her responsibility level.

Get my drift - can't hold a job, moves when the apartment is dirty, not responsible.

[DianaB]

Since you've already done so much for her I would just get a card to take. Maybe inside offer to hang the fans up or something like that that won't cost you.

You're a mother of older children so I'm sure that you've already learned that they make their own decisions and live their lives the way they want. It's hard to sit back and watch your children make what you feel like might be a mistake. Good or bad the responsibility is all hers.

[Janet]

It sure sound like you're disappointed in her choices. If she can keep the house..job...etc., it will be a great investment. Since you know her history, all you can do is let her go. Kids, no matter how old are never going to learn if we parents help them all the time (not that you do.)

I think you were more than generous with gifts. No one in our families bought anyone gifts when they bought a house...she should consider herself very fortunate to have parents who were able to do that for her.

[goofywife]

I would go to the party (no gift). She knows, you have done so much already. If she was grown up enough to buy the house, she now needs to know the responibilies that come with it. You have done enough, let her start learning.

[Tiramisu]

The party went well. She called to ask me to bring a cheese dip I make. I found me a comfy spot and held the 4mo g-daughter, while sipping wine. She sounded like a very appreciative broken record, as she showed everybody her house - My parents gave me this fan, this lamp, don't you love my chandelier, my parents made that trunk. I'm thinking/hoping the house might be her turning point.

[judy]

The party went well. She called to ask me to bring a cheese dip I make. I found me a comfy spot and held the 4mo g-daughter, while sipping wine. She sounded like a very appreciative broken record, as she showed everybody her house - My parents gave me this fan, this lamp, don't you love my chandelier, my parents made that trunk. I'm thinking/hoping the house might be her turning point.

I'm happy for you! She did recognize what you've done for her.
Hang in there - you never know where she'll end up. She may turn out to be quite happy and (maybe) responsible.

I must say that I have been downthe same road. My expctations are completely different now and I'm very happy with my daughter
and her family.

[Chandra Amaya]

I would go to the party (no gift). She knows, you have done so much already. If she was grown up enough to buy the house, she now needs to know the responibilies that come with it. You have done enough, let her start learning.

I completely agree. I think it to be very rude to call and ask what you were getting her. Now granted I live in an apartment and am still working on having credit and income to ever have a house, but I would NEVER call and ask someone what they are getting me. You may regret it if you do not go, but she has to learn to do things on her own. Is she going to expect you to pay for every needed repair as well? Owning a home means suppling it with what it needs and maintaining it. This is one of the reasons we do not have one.

[Tiramisu]

I completely agree. I think it to be very rude to call and ask what you were getting her. Now granted I live in an apartment and am still working on having credit and income to ever have a house, but I would NEVER call and ask someone what they are getting me. You may regret it if you do not go, but she has to learn to do things on her own. Is she going to expect you to pay for every needed repair as well? Owning a home means suppling it with what it needs and maintaining it. This is one of the reasons we do not have one.

That's one of our main fears - that she won't be able to maintain repairs. But, we're taking it as it comes. THANKS