Time For Separate Rooms

[Janet]

If I can get the nerve up...it's time to talk again about separate rooms. I couldn't fall asleep last night because of the snoring and then I woke up between 3:30 anad 4 this morning because of the snoring. I wake up so angry everyday and I'm tired of it. It's either separate rooms or separate houses. I just don't feel I can take it much longer. I'm tired of being angry and I'm tired of being tired. Wintertime is bad enough for me, but with a lack of sleep it will make it even worse. I'm calling the phone company on Monday and see what it takes to move the internet cable to our room and then I'm going to try my best to get him moved to where the computer is now.

I know this sounds awful, but I need some sleep and really not that much..just 7-8 hours...preferable 8, but I just can't survive and function on 3-5 hours each night. I am so tired of being a b*t**.

[Lindsey]

Does your husband know how bad his snoring is? Has he tried nose strips or anything to control it? I had a boyfriend once who would snore so loud he would wake HIMSELF up! I couldn't get any sleep even just being in the same house as him overnight. Are there no other options? A friend of mine was looking into surgery to have her snoring corrected, but I guess surgery is pretty expensive in the US.

[Janet]

Lindsey, he has tried the strips and the sprays and a few other odds and ends, but doesn't like them so he makes me miserable instead. Some of the things (strips and a spray) actually worked pretty good...not all the time, but good. He just won't use them. I've even reminded him, put them on his nightstand and he just won't.

I just feel now it's time to do something about it. I know of quite a few other couples that have separate rooms for the same reason. They 'come together' when they want to, but have a good nights sleep separately. I feel sometimes like I could lose my mind.

He looks at it as rejection I think...it's not that (totally)..I just want my much needed uninterruupted sleep.

[gja1000]

Janet,
You really do need to sleep in separate rooms, and yes, I can understand why he might see it as rejection. But that is just him being a "man" LOL! For some reason, men just don't get it. Hmmmm.... that didn't come out right. LOL! But you know what I mean!

I have friends who got married a few years ago, third marriage for her, second for him. They slept together one week - and then moved into separate rooms. They said in order to live together, then needed to sleep separately. It just makes sense.

My hubby has various health problems including very severe restless leg syndrome. Sometimes he has to sleep with the head of the bed elevated a lot, in order to breathe. We spent several thousands of dollars on a tempurpedic bed with split twin king mattresses with adjustable bed frames that work separately. Thus, he can raise up the head of his bed, and I can lie flat. Also, with the tempurpedic mattress and the split mattresses, I cannot feel his restless legs (he takes meds which greatly help, but do not completely stop it). Anyway, it's more difficult for me to snuggle up to him or visa versa (with all his health problems, snuggling is the max ;)) - so sometimes he pouts, but he and I both know that we both sleep better. WE LOVE OUR BED.

Unfortunately, your hubby won't perceive the separate rooms as HIM sleeping better, but if he can just get past the rejection nonsense, it will be so much better for you.

[Janet]

Janet,
You really do need to sleep in separate rooms, and yes, I can understand why he might see it as rejection. But that is just him being a "man" LOL! For some reason, men just don't get it. Hmmmm.... that didn't come out right. LOL! But you know what I mean!

I have friends who got married a few years ago, third marriage for her, second for him. They slept together one week - and then moved into separate rooms. They said in order to live together, then needed to sleep separately. It just makes sense.

My hubby has various health problems including very severe restless leg syndrome. Sometimes he has to sleep with the head of the bed elevated a lot, in order to breathe. We spent several thousands of dollars on a tempurpedic bed with split twin king mattresses with adjustable bed frames that work separately. Thus, he can raise up the head of his bed, and I can lie flat. Also, with the tempurpedic mattress and the split mattresses, I cannot feel his restless legs (he takes meds which greatly help, but do not completely stop it). Anyway, it's more difficult for me to snuggle up to him or visa versa (with all his health problems, snuggling is the max ;)) - so sometimes he pouts, but he and I both know that we both sleep better. WE LOVE OUR BED.

Unfortunately, your hubby won't perceive the separate rooms as HIM sleeping better, but if he can just get past the rejection nonsense, it will be so much better for you.

Thanks Gayle..I appreciate your opinion so much. I tried to tell him it must be something that runs in the family because both sets of grandparents slept in separate rooms because of the snoring. They stayed married a long, long time...until their passing. One of these days, he'll come home and find I've moved him to another room and he'll just have to live with it. I just can't continue like this with his snoring. It has nothing to do with anything else. When he has a night that he doesn't snore....we both sleep just fine and restful.

[jrsygal37]

Janet has your husband tried a bipap machine. I know what you mean because I went through this with my husband. I wanted to kill him. It turned out he has a sleep apnea and he would actually stop breathing then come up snoring. It's very dangerous. Have him checked by a sleep center or sleep doctor. Elaine

[Janet]

It is quite obvious that he has sleep apnea Elaine, but he won't do anything about it. I figure if he doen't want to do anything, then he can go to another room.

He has woke up before almost running down the hall in the middle of the night sounding like a goose trying to breath. I can't make him go to the Dr. I tell him he should go, but he doesn't. I just don't feel I should have to suffer and lose sleep because he won't do anything at all about the snoring. I'm sorry you went through the snoring thing too. I would love to shove the TV remote down his throat when he does it....lol.

[gja1000]

You are right Janet, you can't MAKE him get treatment. Some men are like that - they just will not go to the doctor. My hubby has sleep apnea too and he says he just can't wear the c-pap machine. He says it makes him feel like he is suffocating. He gets panicky. So he wears oxygen at night. It's not as good as c-pap, but it helps.

Anyway, I understand that you can't make your husband get help for the snoring - so the only solution for you (because he's not going to help himself) is for you to have separate rooms.

Good luck!

[Janet]

Thanks...I'm going to need the luck. He is one of those guys that puts off going to the Dr. unti the very last minute. He was in so much pain for years with his back and finally got tired of it. Good thing, the Drs said if he waited much longer they wouldn't have been able to do anything for him.

I posted on another thread..forgot about this one..that last night after I left the chat room, he got his camping mat and slept on the living room floor. I slept so good last night and didn't wake up until 10 minutes before 8. That is some kind of record for me...I never sleep that late. I must have needed it because I feel so rested this morning.

This really should prove to him how much he is distrubing my sleep. I mean, after all these years the man knows my sleep pattern...lol.

It still may take a little while...I don't want him to be too upset, but it will happen.

[Dobie]

Do you have a tape recorder? If so, tape him when he's snoring and play it for him - maybe then he'll realize how difficult it is for you to sleep.

Best of luck with this!

[Janet]

Thanks Dobie...yes...we've recorded him many times before (son and I) and even video taped him. He knows...he's just a man..lol

[Shada]

I feel so bad for you... I hate snoring. Cannot imagine trying to sleep night after night with somebody next to me snoring away...

If he won't move into other room.... then why not you?
I would have to.. one should move! If he won't, then sorry.. it has to be you.

I am sure he will appreciate the new you after a few nights of good sleep!!

Good luck!!! I hope he does make the move.. and soon.

[donna1990]

He sounds just like my husband. "Hard headed as hell"! Mine snores also but not as severe as yours. Maybe if you move to another room, he will go see a Doctor, he could die. I have to wake mine up at night when he is on his back and stops breathing.
The only thing he takes care of is his PSA, because he did have cancer, free now for 5 years, but that is all he worries about.

[donna1990]

Wonder is there is a 4MENTALK website? Would be interesting to see how different they are.

[Janet]

That would definietly be an interesting read...lol.

Oh...the laundry room and a bathroom is right off our bedroom so I won't move. That bathroom in the hall is the one the boys use and the one in our room is mine...with the washer and dryer. I will not move....believe me...LOLOL

[Shada]

Wonder is there is a 4MENTALK website? Would be interesting to see how different they are.

I think that is a fantastic idea!
Now that would be interesting!

[Shada]

Look what I found!
http://boards.askmen.com/viewforum.php?f=3

[Shada]

http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/index.php?

Another one... sorry if these shocked anyone.. I am shocked!!!

What a difference from this forum to those!!

[gja1000]

Just for you Janet! :D

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/09/12/lw.sleep.alone.when.married/index.html

[Janet]

Thanks Gayle...that was nice of you to find. Think I'll try and get the nerve up to send it to my husband...lol.


I thought a mens site would be an interesting read...,but Shada....I was soooo totally wrong...lol.

[DianaB]

Sorry that you're having problems, Janet. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with sleeping in separate bedrooms. I have an aunt and uncle that sleep separately. He snores and moves constantly during the night. You really need to have your rest. Good luck!!


Galyle, I take Calcium/Magnesium supplements and it helps my restless legs. I don't usually have any trouble as long as I take the supplement but once in a while I'll have problems and as soon as I take another one I'm fine. You can also take Dolomite which is a natural Calcium/Magnesium supplement. I hope that it helps your husband.

[HALEY]

Janet, you need your sleep,,, i have a hard time sleeping some nights, especially when Micah and the two dogs are in bed, and 1/2 the time Mike sleeps in the chair or on the couch in the living-room... he is also snores very loud. i'm happy sometimes when he sleeps in the livingroom... i get a good nights sleep :)

[gja1000]

Sorry that you're having problems, Janet. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with sleeping in separate bedrooms. I have an aunt and uncle that sleep separately. He snores and moves constantly during the night. You really need to have your rest. Good luck!!


Galyle, I take Calcium/Magnesium supplements and it helps my restless legs. I don't usually have any trouble as long as I take the supplement but once in a while I'll have problems and as soon as I take another one I'm fine. You can also take Dolomite which is a natural Calcium/Magnesium supplement. I hope that it helps your husband.

Thanks Diana! I take Magnesium/Calcium for my high blood pressure (magnesium) and osteopenia (Calcium). I think I'll start giving it to him too!!! I take the SloMag - is that what you take? He takes prescription Mirapex for his restless legs. It is a medication for Parkinsons (which he does not have). It helps a lot, but I bet the Magnesium/Calcium would help too.

[2tiredmom]

Janet,
I hope he comes to his senses soon. I know how hard it is. Gary doesn't do it as much anymore thank goodness. But I would have to go to the other end of the house to get away from it and I could still hear him.

[Janet]

That's the way it is here Linda. If Rick goes to bed early...he's snoring within 10 minues and he's at one of the house, Ricky and I are at the other end, with the TV on and still here him. Drives us nuts. I just have to take this step slow and easy or he'l be an a$$.

[judy]

Lots of couples have separate rooms. My ex and I had 2 twin beds together with a king size headboard (not my choice! When we were getting along, falling into that crack in the middle when you're cuddling sucks).

A while before I finally threw him out, I took one of the beds and put it into the other bedroom while he was at work. Imagine his face when he came home and went into the bedroom to see the king size headboard with one twin bed on his side!

By the way "I would love to shove the TV remote down his throat when he does it....lol." never waste a good remote! A washcloth maybe.

Good luck with your plan. You'll do it.

[HALEY]

Janet did you ever try ear plugs?

[donna1990]

That's the way it is here Linda. If Rick goes to bed early...he's snoring within 10 minues and he's at one of the house, Ricky and I are at the other end, with the TV on and still here him. Drives us nuts. I just have to take this step slow and easy or he'l be an a$$.

He sounds just like mine about the a$$!!:eek::eek:
Was just wondering if you had move out yet, guess not.
I tried ear plugs but they didn't help much.

[HALEY]

Donna i use to bring them home from work, but your right they don't help to much, these are even the good commerical ones... Thank God he usually falls asleep on the chair in the livingroom, he's been working so much now sometimes he falls asleep at the kitchen table eating, i never saw anyone in my life do that until i married Mike.... but working 10-11 hours almost everyday will do that to you.

[donna1990]

Donna i use to bring them home from work, but your right they don't help to much, these are even the good commerical ones... Thank God he usually falls asleep on the chair in the livingroom, he's been working so much now sometimes he falls asleep at the kitchen table eating, i never saw anyone in my life do that until i married Mike.... but working 10-11 hours almost everyday will do that to you.

God bless him, falling a sleep at the kitchen table:(.
That is one place mine would never fall asleep, he loves food too much.
He is 69 and works 10 to 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. Not because he has too, he loves working. Hope I have that much energy when I get up there.:D

[HALEY]

donna its a shame todays society forces us to work these hours to support a family, i been putting money in the savings account, for gas this winter to heat the house sometimes our gas bills are 300 or more a month... :(

[Nina]

My husband also snores (LOUDLY), so I understand! I'd love to have my own room. I sometimes have to get up and go in another room because it keeps me awake. It even bothers the dogs lol

[Janet]

I didn't realize that we have a couple friends that sleep in separate rooms because of snoring. I am finding out that it is much more common than I thought.

[Marilyn]

Janet, hubby has even built a home with two master bedrooms so the couple could each have their own very nice bedrooms and bathrooms. I saw something on the news a while back about it becoming more and more common. Often couples work different schedules and do not wish to bother each other in the morning. There can be many reasons for a couple to decide on separate bedrooms. It does not indicate that there is any problem with the marriage.

[Janet]

That is another good reason too. I am a little tired of getting things ready in the dark. I mean I take most everything to the bathroom where I can have light, but as usual, lol, I'll forget something.