Help!!! Dating anxiety

[judy]

One of the men I've been emailing back and forth with asked me out in today's email! I'm going to go, but it's really hard to begin dating again. I'm scared about taking the risks relationships bring, plus having annoying bad dates!

I emailed him this morning and told him that I was not 51 (the age I put down in my profile). I said that if it was a problem, to please let me know.

I decided that I'm going to have to be honest. I am who I am - take it or leave it.
I will leave my profile age at 51 though. Otherwise nobody I want to be with is going to get in touch with me. It's just hows it is.

[gja1000]

I can share your anxiety - but I just can't imagine dating again. I will likely lose my dear sweet husband to a cruel illness in a few years (that is if I don't get hit by a bus and go first!LOL), and I cannot imagine dating again. I just can not wrap my head around it. I work in a women's profession and I really prefer women's company to men (except my husband, of course). I've said many times that when my husband is gone, I will never date or be involved in a relationship with a man. I have never been hurt by a man. I love my husband with all my heart and soul - but when he is gone, I just can't see myself ever having a close relationship with another man. Of course, you should never say never......but that's the way I feel right now.

So, I have no words or wisdom at all. I can't even imagine myself in your position. I do hope all goes well and that you find a wonderful companion!!! I can only imagine the stress/anxiety. Hey, maybe it will be great with no pain! That's my wish for you! :)

[Gina]

Ohhhh Judy , how wonderful your taking the plunge on the dating scene. Yes it probably will be scary, but they say its like riding a bike you never forget how. lol

You must tell us the details how did you start chatting with him? Did you join a dating site like match.com etc.? Yes inquiring minds want to know lol.. I have no clue as to what to tell you for I have been with my husband for so long I forgot what's it like to date...lol On the second hand I do have friends who are divorced and are back in the dating scene and they are in mid 50's they just enjoy going out and having a companion. No one should be alone...

Judy you are a very attractive woman and I am sure he is going to fall in love with you...lol my advice just be youself and at this stage of the game you have nothing to lose.. Just go out and have a good time and don't expect anything and that is when all good things happen.....

Let us know how it goes... Have fun!!!

[Mandy]

Any guy with a right mind would adore you!
You go girl, just be who you are, if he doesnt like it, it's hes loss.
You are a beautiful woman, in and out!

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[Marilyn]

Just wanted to wish you the best, and stay safe!!! Realize that he may not be what he described either. Hope you enjoy your time with him.

[Tiramisu]

You go girl!

[Janet]

Way to go my girl friend!!!! You just have a great time and then come here and tell us all about it. OR you have my number...LOL.

Like Gina said...come on..give us some more details how this all came about.

I wouldn't mind having a companion, but I need to get rid of my husband first....LOL... I do know I will never EVER marry again. Once is enough for me.

[Lindsey]

Judy, I'm so excited for you! :) Just have fun with it. Any guy would be lucky to have you!!

[Dobie]

How exciting - I hope the 2 of you really hit it off!

[Gina]

Way to go my girl friend!!!! You just have a great time and then come here and tell us all about it. OR you have my number...LOL.

Like Gina said...come on..give us some more details how this all came about.

I wouldn't mind having a companion, but I need to get rid of my husband first....LOL... I do know I will never EVER marry again. Once is enough for me.

Janet I am with you.. lol Companiship no marriage.. way to go!!! Judy have them wine and dine you my girlfriend.. lol :thumbup:

[judy]

I joined Match.com about 3 weeks ago. All 4 pictures have me holding Max!
My daughter commented on it - I didn't even realize.Well - love me, love my dogs. As I explained to Jessie, these are men who are looking at the pictures.
They see blond, boobs, somewhat nicely shaped. Anything else is of no importance to them.

I've been getting lots of "winks" and some emails. I think I winked at this guy first. We began emailing and I just wrote him back that coffee, brunch, lunch is a good idea.

I haven't heard from my Englishman in a few days. He was beginning to annoy me, so it's all good.

Bill is 52, has 2 teenage girls every other week? weekend? I don't know about that. We'll see. He just seems interesting and intelligent. He got involved in a government program to help waterfowl in his area, he built his own house, is divorced for 5 years, and looks good in his photos. I'm almost 10 years older than him. I'll let you know how that works out.

I'll keep you posted.

[Janet]

I think it sounds wonderful Judy. I wish my sister-in-law would have signed up on some program. She meets the first guy after a breakup and moves in with him. She drives me nuts.

If you think they are going after the hair and boobs...why not take a more conservative picture. Where a nuns habit or something...lol....j/k. Down play how attractive you are and you are ya know....a man would have to be blind not to want to go out with you. But they should go for you because of how smart, funny, witty ...you know....you are. Make sure they like Yorkies.

Also...don't let them pick you up...meet somewhere until you get to know them better. Ya don't need a stalker ya know. This is just so darn exciting...I can't wait to learn more. I'm living vicariously through you!!!

[Gina]

Judy most of my single girls friends have met wonderful guys on match.com.. Funny quick story my SIL sister is single and never married 53 yrs. old. She went on match and low and behold she found her future husband, get this now we knew him he grew up in Bklyn in our neighborhood was divorced, I knew his first wife and family , widowed and now marrying my SIL sister. Small world and good things to come about match.

Yes to what Janet said meet him at a public place no picking up from your home until you get to and like him . Janet I can fill you in on stories... lol Judy good luck when is your first date?

Btw Judy age is a number my girlfriend is 10 yrs older than her guy.

[Mandy]

Oh i wish we could go with you, and sit at another table just to be there for you incase you needed some moral support! Know you will be in our thoughts!
Like Gina said, age is a number.

[Marilyn]

I think we all need to be there. Judy, just picture us all at various tables around you when you are on your first date. J/k.

Knowing you met on Match.com should make it a little safer. Don't they check people out a bit?

[DianaB]

Drat!!! I wasn't on yesterday and missed all of this!!!! How exciting for you, Judy!!!! A date!!!! I think that the girls have given you good advice on being careful and not giving out too much information. Maybe we should all come to your house and help you pick out your outfit and help you style your hair!!! LOL It's been forever since I dated so I really don't have any advice for you there except to just take your time. There are all sorts of weirdo's out there but there's also some really nice guys too.

Just take a video camera and sit it up in an out of the way corner and just record the whole date for us then we'll be happy!!!! You know that curiosity is going to kill us!!!! I hope that everything goes really well for you! Hugs!!!!

[Janet]

Diana...what a great idea...the video... Oh Judy I can't wait...now when is this date anyway?

[Lindsey]

Judy, just take someone else to tape it for you, and tell the guy you're on a new reality show :D

[judy]

Can you imagine pulling out a video camera and explaining that my friends need to watch?

I am meeting him for lunch on Sunday. I always used to take my own car on dates.
That way, no stalkers, and if it's not working out - well, so long honey! I'm wearing jeans. I think they're the most flattering thing for my butt, and I don't even own any nice slacks. I'll wear heels and a pretty, casual top, some jewelry, a little make up, and I guess that's it.

I don't really care if he likes me at first for my looks. That doesn't last long, and, anyway, I'm more interested in whether I like him. They do say, however, that men are hooked by a woman's looks. Women are attracted to a sense of humor,
intelligence, sensitivity, etc.

I'll keep you posted.

[Tink]

Good luck Judy, just remember, if he passes YOUR inspection he still has to pass OURS! :D We have to make sure he's good enough for you. so if you decide on a second date let us know and we'll get our questionaire together for him to fill out. Oh, and maybe a lie detector test to be sure he's on the Up and up? lol

HUGS and have a great time.

[Janet]

My gosh the date is tomorrow!!!! Get a picture of this dude. Tell him you take a picture of ALL your dates so you can remember who is who....LOL.

I hope you like him, hope he's nice, rich, handsome and knows how to treat a beautiful woman. I'm so excited for you!! Do you think he'd notice if you took notes for us???

[Marilyn]

Wishing you well, dear friend!!!

[highlans]

Hope lunch went well:love048:

[DianaB]

Good luck Judy, just remember, if he passes YOUR inspection he still has to pass OURS! :D We have to make sure he's good enough for you. so if you decide on a second date let us know and we'll get our questionaire together for him to fill out. Oh, and maybe a lie detector test to be sure he's on the Up and up? lol

HUGS and have a great time.

I think that a questionaire is a wonderful idea, Tink!!!

Judy........ we're waiting to hear how things went!!!!!

[Gina]

Judy!!! Girlfriend time to check in with us.. We want the scoops??? How did it go?? Come on and tell us already!!!! lol geezeeee

[Marilyn]

Okay, it's 9:03 p.m. your time. Are you still on the date??? Sure hope he's nice.

[Janet]

Judy....you get back here now and tell us about the date!!!

[DianaB]

Judy.....oh, Judy......We're waiting!!!!!!

[Tink]

Ohoh, I hope he didn't run off with our Judy!
We should have given her a curfew to report back to us by.
I just know none of us will sleep until we hear from her! :confused:

[Shada]

Judy!!
Lunch was hours ago! Dinner was hours ago!!!

Where are you?? We are waiting for your report!
Hope all went well and you had a fantastic time.

[Gina]

Judy it's well past 24 hrs. since your date.. Where are you????? Geeze I hope that you didn't elope?? lol


Come on woman touch base with us!! We are dying to know the scooops....

[Janet]

Alright....we've had enough of this....Judy....front and center right now!!! Where are you?????

[DianaB]

I can't believe that you've left us hanging!!! Maybe we need to report her missing to the police!!!! How many hours are we suppose to wait?

[Shada]

JUDY!!!

Beginning to worry here... please check in with ASAP!!

[Gina]

Hmmmmmmmmm still no sight of Judy??? Either she had a great time and is recouping or the man was a nightmare and is lost for words. lol


Come on Judy now we are all thinking that you got kidnapped!! :confused:

[Gina]

Day 2 still nooo Judy!!!

[Ponyup]

Does anyone have her phone number? I'm a little worried she took off to meet a stranger & hasn't been back since. Judy....come back.

[Mandy]

It's not like Judy to stay away without updating us, unless she has no internet connection.
I hope all is well with her, and that theres nothing serious going on there, please if anyone has her # give her a call, or PM me the # and i will call.

[Janet]

I'll try to give her a call as soon as my phone is charged. I sure hope she's alright.

[DianaB]

Judy, we're all worried about you. I hope that this is just a case of your computer being down.

[Gina]

I am sure she is alright.. Janet call or shall I ?

[Marilyn]

Judy, OH, Judy.......:scratchhead:

Okay, I can't take it anymore!!! Maybe it was so special that she wants to keep it secret. Or on the other hand, maybe there just aren't words....

At least let us know you're okay!!!

[judy]

I'm so sorry! I was busy all day yesterday, and went to my grand children's school this morning. I promise I will keep you updated more quickly nest time.
(Unless I do elope)

The video of the date is at.......:yelrotflmao::yelrotflmao::yelrotflmao::y elrotflmao::yelrotflmao:I love the questionnaire idea though.

So - the date was really nice! I met him in Delhi, a nice town almost in the middle of where we both live. What a nice man! He's very good looking - salt and pepper wavy hair, blue eyes, not gorgeous, but nice looking. He's very intelligent, very laid back - what a nice quality! I had forgotten, but you really don't have to talk much on a date. Men love to talk about themselves. I didn't have that much I wanted to say anyway. I'm kind of bored listening to stories of my stuff - after all, I already know all about them. Believe it or not, I actually don'thave a lot to say when I first meet someone.

Anyway, we had lunch in a cute little cafe, and then went for a walk. The weather being so beautiful, we ended up sitting on a bench under a gorgeous tree and chatting. I don't think I'll be hearing from him again. He has 4 children from his ex-marriage. Two of them are in their twenties and live in Brooklyn!
His two teenage daughters live with him every other week. I like that - a family man, but when he said his youngest is twelve, I told him that my oldest granddaughter is 11. He didn't say anything, but when we parted to go home, he said he would write to me online. I would think the next step would be a phone call if there was interest.

I think he's very nice, but that we just are in two very different places in our lives. I don't really know what he thinks. He did say that he's very happy being single, wants to take things very slowly when he meets people, etc., etc. I like that too. Clingy men are to be avoided!

What I really got out of this was that I enjoy dating a lot, I like being with a man, there are some very wonderful people out there, and I'm looking forward to meeting someone else to go out with soon.

Sorry about the video - really!

[Tiramisu]

She was out there posting on all the threads except this one. What a tease!

[Mandy]

Glad to hear from you!!!!!
At least Judy, you have made a new friend, if things dont "work out" you will have a nice online buddy to chat with.:thumbup:
It's great, you had a nice time!

[Gina]

Wow ! Judy an ex Bklynite too.. I assume lol I wonder if I know him he is my age.. lol Anyway I am glad that you had a nice day out, and made a new friend, it does sound like your both going in different directions he with his young children.. You wanting to meet someone for companionship .


If nothing comes out of this at least your building your resume again lol enjoy your new life and when you least expect it you will meet someone. :)

[Shada]

Judy....

About darn time you got back here!!!!

Glad to hear it went well, that you enjoyed yourself..

Happy you are back with us! We were worried.. don't do that to us again!!

[Marilyn]

Judy, So glad you had a nice time!!!!! You are doing it right, slow and hoping to meet more guys. Sounds like he was very nice, and that you had a good day which you definitely deserve!!!!

Thank you for finally letting us all know.

[DianaB]

It sounds like you had a nice time and I think that going slow and easy to find a mate is perfect! It sounds like it was the perfect date for getting back into the dating scene and hopefully you've made a friend. What I don't understand is how you could leave us hanging like that!!!! You naughty girl!!!!!! You know that curiosity kills the cat!!!....................MEOW!!!!

[Janet]

Judy, Judy, Judy!!!! I'm glad you enjoyed your date. Maybe he will call later...who knows with men. Besides my dear....variety is the spice of life (while single anyway) so go out there and get some variety and have fun!

Oh and sweetie, you leave us hanging like that again.....we're all coming after you ...at your expense!!!