I am single

[Lindsey]

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I have known for quite a while it had to end. I have such a great time with Kyle, and that's what made it so hard. He has tried so hard lately to be everything I want. But it was too little too late. We've drifted apart, I don't have any romantic feelings for him anymore. I love his friends, I love his family, and he's one of my best friends, but I don't love him as a boyfriend. Even kissing him felt awkward.
We hadn't spoken much since getting back from Winnipeg. I had lunch with him last Thursday, and we didn't talk until this morning when he emailed me. He asked what's going on, if I'm mad at him. I said no. Finally I said we need to talk, and he said "I figured you might say that" And then he was angry - which I expected. He said he did everything for me and I didn't appreciate it, why would I waste his time, why did I go to winnipeg with him, on and on... I actually had to go to the bathroom and cry for a little while.
I went home for lunch and there he was on facebook, saying he doesn't want this to happen, everything in his house reminds him of me and he cried today for the first time in a long time... but he eventually accepted that it is what it is. He's going to miss me, and I'm going to miss him, but it's not working.
For him, I feel badly. I don't want to hurt anyone. For me, it's just relief. I think I've been "over" him for awhile, and okay with being by myself.

[celstu1]

I don't know if this appropriate but Congrads I guess. I know its hard and it will probably hit you a little different as the days go on, but I am happy that you have taken control of that relationship and did what was best for you. I am also glad that it sounds like you parted from him on good terms.

[Lindsey]

Thanks. It has taken me ages to get the courage to do it. And I feel terrible for him because I've been in the same situation before, where someone else just stops feeling. But everyone has told me they understand, it has been iminent for a while. I'm so drained, my eyes are all puffy, but I'm trying to get through my afternoon at work.
My roommate just gave a letter of resignation to her boss today, and she got hit on her way to work this morning. Good ol' Mondays! We are going to meet at a gym after work to get memberships, and then we're going home to have a drink and think happy thoughts. I think we both deserve it!

[Mandy]

Lindsey, i think this was to happen. For a long time, you werent really happy in the relationship, i am happy to read that you are looking after yourself!!!! Glad you are feeling fine with it all.

[Lindsey]

Thanks Mandy. I just all of a sudden feel FREE. I really do like Kyle and I hope someday we can be friends, and with all my heart I hope he finds someone better for him than I am. I want him to be happy more than anything. That's my one comfort in seeing how badly he's hurt now... I was hurting him anyway by not giving him what he wanted and needed because I COULDN'T, my heart just wasn't in it. He is a good guy. He had problems with anger and jealousy, but he can change and he DID change. He just changed at the wrong time. I hope it won't be too long until he's happy again.

[Janet]

Lindsey this has really been in the workings for quite some time. We all knew you were not very content in the relationship anymore. It's best to move on and let him move on as well. Might be kind of rough going, but it will get better.

[2tiredmom]

Lindsay,

Sometimes we have to hurt people in order for us to feel better about ourselves.
I know it's rough but he will survive and so will you. I wish you the best.

[Lindsey]

At lunch he decided he didn't want to see me to talk things over, because if he saw me he'd be a mess. That was fine with me, because I didn't want to deal with telling him in person again, and seeing how upset he is. But he just emailed me again and asked me if I could come over after work so we could talk about it. I know he will probably try to talk me out of it, but I think after dating almost a year and a half I owe it to him to meet face to face :( I hope I stay strong.

[gja1000]

It's the right thing - I've known for quite a while now - just by the way you write about Kyle and your relationship. It's time, even if you cave tonight, it's time........

[Lindsey]

I got through it, it's done

[gja1000]

It's hard, take care.

[judy]

Feeling free is a wonderful thing. Congratulations Lindsey! I know it's hard, but you did it!

[Dobie]

I'm happy to see that you are taking care of yourself and trying to move on from a relationship that wasn't working for you - I wish you the best of luck as you move forward!!

[Lindsey]

So yesterday when we had our talk he was like "I'm going to be so lonely at lunch. Seeing you for every lunch was like the only thing that could get me through the day" and he started crying. Later, after everything was said and done, I got home and he texted me saying "I would still really like it if you would come over for lunch" and I said "I can't right away. We need a break for awhile" and he said "Oh."
This morning I got to work and he had already emailed me asking how I'm doing and how my night was, and that everything sucks for him and he doesn't know how to deal with it. I replied, but kind of just answered his questions, and then he asked if he should just leave me alone because it seems like I don't want to hear from him anymore. I told him I'd love to be his friend, I meant what I said, but that the transition from dating to friends is going to be a lot harder on him if we don't take a break at all.
His sadness is just breaking my heart. I know my feelings are more important, and I feel like my life has moved on and I was over him before the relationship was done, so there is no getting back together, but I just wish he could get over me faster :( I've been in his shoes and I know it sucks and I know it hurts and I hate that I made someone feel that terrible.

[gja1000]

Yes, of course you hate it that you have hurt him - but it is the way it has to be and they are HIS feelings to deal with. You are not responsible for him working through his feelings. I know you hate it that you had to hurt him, but you had to do it, there was no other way.

[DianaB]

There is just not an easy way to break up with someone. I'm sorry that things didn't work out.

[HALEY]

Be glad its over Lindsey, when you get married and have kids it only gets worse for you girl, look for a guy you can openly talk to, that's so important in a relationship.. i miss the days Mike and i use to talk, theres not to much anymore. all we talk about is the baby. and i'll take that for now.

[celstu1]

Oh man! I do know how hard it is to break up with someone. Its almost as bad as being broken up with. It will get easier for you Lindsay! Kyle will get through it also, he is an adult and he'll realize one day that even though you are a great person, you and him didn't have or make the greatest couple. Its ok though! (((HUGS))) to you! I hope you still feel strong and secure in your decision!

[Lindsey]

I still know I made the right decision, but it sucks that he's sooooooooo sad, he said he hasn't eaten in days and if he does he throws up and he wishes he could have changed something and blah blah blah... I don't know, it's just really tough. I'm used to being dumped, not dumping someone. I know exactly how he feels. I do miss him, but I think I miss him out of the habit of being with him constantly. I had a dream last night that his family hated me for making him so sad!!

[celstu1]

These are the things he shouldn't be telling you :( You already feel bad, you don't need to know the details of what his sadness is doing to him. It's not fair to you. You should tell him that soon you guys will need to not talk for awhile, a month or so... just to get used to not leaning on each other. Its a hard adjustment, but there is one thing he needs to realize, the one who caused him the pain (no offence) cannot be the one to fix his pain. In other words you comforting him from the pain of you breaking up with him will not help him in anyway at all to move on.

[Dobie]

I agree, allowing him to talk to you is just prolonging this for him - it's probably giving him hope that you will get back together. In the long run, you would be being kinder to him by insisting there is a complete break for a while.

[pope1982]

I am glad you finally feel better, but you know me and that fact that I have to say, what took you so long!? The way you spoke about your relationship when I first joined, it seemed like it has been done for you for a while, or at least you knew exactly where it was headed which I hate to say, sounds like you guys were stringing one another along for fear of being alone...:confused:

At least now you each have the chance to move on. I agree these aren't the type of things he should be burdening you with, but I was sort of stunned to read "blah blah blah" towards the end of your last post.
The ladies are right, for now, do not except his phone calls. Cut all ties as difficult as that may seem for the sake of both of your mental well being.
Good luck Lindsey, I hope things start looking brighter for the both of you, and one day it is possible for you to have your friend back! :hug:

[judy]

I still know I made the right decision, but it sucks that he's sooooooooo sad, he said he hasn't eaten in days and if he does he throws up and he wishes he could have changed something and blah blah blah... I don't know, it's just really tough. I'm used to being dumped, not dumping someone. I know exactly how he feels. I do miss him, but I think I miss him out of the habit of being with him constantly. I had a dream last night that his family hated me for making him so sad!!

It does suck to break up with someone. I ended my second marriage. It was one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do. According to him, I broke his heart, which broke mine.

At the end of the day, I will always feel guilty and sad for hurting somebody I have loved for years. I am now happy though. I could not have been happy had I stayed with him.

It does get easier, especially if you break contact as much as possible with him.

I'm sorry you're going through this Lindsey. You'll be happy in the end.

[Lindsey]

Thanks everyone :) I haven't heard from him in 2 days and I feel GREAT. My roommate told me that one of her friends saw him out last night getting a lot of attention from girls and I said "GOOD!" I am honestly so glad he's getting out and not just moping around his house.
I can honestly say I am so happy right now, more happy than I've been in a long long time.
Pope, you're right, the relationship was over long ago. I had checked out a long time ago. I just need the strength to really end it. Everytime I tried, he would make me feel so guilty for trying to hurt him. Or on the other hand he would make me feel like dirt, like I'd never get anyone better than him so why even try to leave. And that used to work, but not now. I love myself too much to keep hurting myself by being in a relationship that I know is not going anywhere.
I am so glad my eyes were opened by my friends who are in happy healthy relationships. I want what they have. I don't want to be held down, I want to be supported. I want to feel attractive and loved.
And my eyes may have been opened by someone else too. It's just a little premature to talk about right now ;) I'm not jumping into anything at the moment, because I'm for sure going to still be a single girl for NYC :D
But right now the bottom line is I'm happy, my family is happy, and my friends are happy. You should have seen the relief when I told my roommate! And my mom told me she figured he wasn't right for me all along. Everything just seems to be going right for me now.

[Marilyn]

Lindsey, so glad you were strong and are feeling better now. You deserve to be happy!!!!! Enjoy your freedom!!! And watch out in NYC, there are probably a LOT of single guys there!!