Changes

[Lindsey]

Things are changing quickly in my life! On top of all the condo renovations we're starting on AGAIN, Scott got a new job last week. He gave his resignation here on Friday, and said his last day would be the 20th (2 weeks). This morning we drove to work together, but he got called into a manager's office and was told to go home and use banked time for the remainder of his time here :( I was upset since he's an employee in MY department and I wasn't consulted at all about the amount of work we have to do. But anyways, he's at home now.

So now I'm dealing with being the only one in my department again. I just heard a rustle at his desk and my heart sunk when I turned around and he wasn't there! As much as I thought we were together too much, it's still hard to not be able to talk to someone all day. But now that he's home all day and I am at work, I did ask for some help with some household chores and making meals and that was met with a little resistance :(

In two weeks he will be at his new job. He has to take a bus because parking downtown is very very expensive. He'll leave home a half hour earlier and get home a half hour later. We won't have lunch together at home anymore.

I really hope it works out well in the long run because right now I'm feeling really lonely!

[Blueyes]

It will work out, and you'll enjoy your time together even more:) Give him a couple of days to do nothing, then put him to work at the house!!

[Janet]

Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open should anything come up. You two should be okay.

[DianaB]

That's too bad. It just means that you'll look even more forward to being with him in the evening!!!

[Shada]

That's too bad. It just means that you'll look even more forward to being with him in the evening!!!

What she said.. :)

[Marilyn]

Lindsey, hope the adjustment goes well. Wasn't Scott having to travel quite a bit. Maybe now, he will actually be home more even though you won't be working together, or maybe you can get a job where he is working. You've been looking for a change havent' you?

[gja1000]

Change is often stressful - but I bet it will turn out to be just fine! Keep us posted!

[Lindsey]

I am hoping it will make our evenings a little nicer together :) It's just a tough start right now.

Marilyn, yes he was having to travel a lot. When he was moved into my department he was told he would be a drafter and that's it. That didn't last very long though. Right before he handed in his resignation, he was asked to go out of town on another job for a couple of weeks and he had to start training for it the next day. He refused saying he has tickets for an event and he needed to be around to lay flooring with everyone coming into town to help over that weekend. He was told "We will reimburse you for the ticket, and you need to decide what's more important.. laying some floor or keeping your job" The tickets are for something he's going to with me and each ticket cost over $100... who cares if they reimburse him, we both want to go, and I'm not going to go alone! Everything just happens so last-minute here too. Not everyone can just drop their lives. Work is important, but life is important too. They really just walked all over him here!

So I'm really glad he got another opportunity. I think for now I'm going to stick with the job here because without me they won't get anything done. A year ago I did tell my manager I wanted to do design work and he said absolutely! He would get me started on it right away! It hasn't happened. Scott mentioned to our supervisor that he was going to this other job to do design and she said to him "That's good, because you'll never get to do that here"

I also applied at the company where he got his job. I was sure I'd be a shoe-in because they were looking for a minimum 4 years experience with the program we use, and I have 3 years plus two courses I've taken. Scott has less than one year, no courses or training, and he got an interview right away. Instead of a phone call, I got an email saying thanks for my interest, but they are going with other candidates instead. Sometimes I wish I was in a career that was more accepting of females in the workplace.

[judy]

Discrimination:mad::mad::mad:!!!

Play it by ear, Linds. Maybe he can get you in there now. Anyway, it might be better if you aren't together 24/7. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It does suck that you are the only one working in your department though.

[Lindsey]

Yeah Judy it does suck, but I'm glad I have looked into the labor standards here and found all of the illegal things that my company has been doing so I am more comfortable to refuse to do things they're asking of me. If I start work at 8 am, I can't work past midnight because I am required to have 8 consecutive hours of rest in a 24-hour period. None of this 4, 5, 6 am b.s. for this girl anymore!

And being so valuable to the company right now puts me in a pretty good place. They can't AFFORD to lose me. And I have to admit that as much of a headache this place can be sometimes, my position is still a pretty cushy job... especially for someone who is only 25 :) I think the biggest scare for me moving to another company is that I'd have to start at the bottom of the totem pole!

[judy]

Yeah Judy it does suck, but I'm glad I have looked into the labor standards here and found all of the illegal things that my company has been doing so I am more comfortable to refuse to do things they're asking of me. If I start work at 8 am, I can't work past midnight because I am required to have 8 consecutive hours of rest in a 24-hour period. None of this 4, 5, 6 am b.s. for this girl anymore!

And being so valuable to the company right now puts me in a pretty good place. They can't AFFORD to lose me. And I have to admit that as much of a headache this place can be sometimes, my position is still a pretty cushy job... especially for someone who is only 25 :) I think the biggest scare for me moving to another company is that I'd have to start at the bottom of the totem pole!

Smart girl!

[Gina]

Discrimination:mad::mad::mad:!!!

Play it by ear, Linds. Maybe he can get you in there now. Anyway, it might be better if you aren't together 24/7. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It does suck that you are the only one working in your department though.

Yes to what Judy said about absence makes the heart grow fonder.. It is much healthier for your relationship and you will have much more to talk about. He is young and the traveling time is not bad Lindsey.. My husband commutes to the city about a hr or so each way everyday.

Today its very hard to find a job so if your job is not perfect remember no job is.

[Lindsey]

Scott started his new job yesterday. The guy who does the hiring for his department took him out for lunch and they got to talking about everything and Scott mentioned that I had applied for a job there but was denied without even an interview. The hiring manager was bewildered. He said my resume never crossed his desk. If they get any application from a woman born in Saskatchewan, they basically get first dibs on jobs. There's no way I should have not even gotten an interview. They are still looking for 8-9 drafters and told Scott that if I still want a job, he'd give me one tomorrow!
Scott explained that the reason he found a new job is so we wouldn't have to work together. The hiring guy said he could put us on different projects... we'd work in the same building but never have to work together on anything. He said there are a lot of married couples and people who are dating and living together who all work there and it's not a problem at all with the company.
It's something to think about for sure. With it being so close to Christmas right now i don't want to give up my Christmas holidays or my trip to Mexico in February. Plus in January I'll find out what I'm getting for a raise and possibly a bonus. And I would feel terrible leaving my office without a drafter at all... me leaving would be REALLY detrimental to the company. But I'm still going to keep it in the back of my mind.

[judy]

Scott started his new job yesterday. The guy who does the hiring for his department took him out for lunch and they got to talking about everything and Scott mentioned that I had applied for a job there but was denied without even an interview. The hiring manager was bewildered. He said my resume never crossed his desk. If they get any application from a woman born in Saskatchewan, they basically get first dibs on jobs. There's no way I should have not even gotten an interview. They are still looking for 8-9 drafters and told Scott that if I still want a job, he'd give me one tomorrow!
Scott explained that the reason he found a new job is so we wouldn't have to work together. The hiring guy said he could put us on different projects... we'd work in the same building but never have to work together on anything. He said there are a lot of married couples and people who are dating and living together who all work there and it's not a problem at all with the company.
It's something to think about for sure. With it being so close to Christmas right now i don't want to give up my Christmas holidays or my trip to Mexico in February. Plus in January I'll find out what I'm getting for a raise and possibly a bonus. And I would feel terrible leaving my office without a drafter at all... me leaving would be REALLY detrimental to the company. But I'm still going to keep it in the back of my mind.

It is great that you have that option!!!

[gja1000]

I'm really glad to hear that Lindsay! It's always great to have options.

[DianaB]

That's great!! Maybe you should hint around about the other job and see if they give you a really good raise!!! It sounds like you're pretty important to them.

[Lindsey]

I have a feeling I will be getting just the minimum 3% raise and no bonus this year. I was talking with our receptionist yesterday and she has heard through the grapevine that our company is having trouble even making payroll... some expenses are being paid straight out of the CEO's pocket.

After Scott told his boss that I was going to stay put for the next couple of months, his boss insisted he get my resume anyway. So I sent it to Scott yesterday, he gave it to his boss, and his boss said it doesn't matter if I want to stay here right now, he's going to give me a call anyway!

Anyways, Scott's company just signed a contract with a major mining company for 6 years of work. They're looking at getting 200 people from Scott's company to work on that contract ALONE, which is why they're in a hiring frenzy. And guess what? Scott's company has turned around and hired MY company to help out with some of the work. They're looking at 20 people from our office to work on that contract alone. We don't even HAVE 20 people in our office so hopefully it will mean more money, more upgrades, and more help.

I really don't mind staying here if I can. We've had one bad year but I think things are looking up now. I may get a small raise in January but if I get all the drafting work from this new contract I can really show how much I'm worth and hopefully get something more later in the year. Besides, even with my minimum raise I'll still be making more than Scott. I might take a pay cut if I switch jobs.

I hope if Scott's boss calls me, he's not too pushy. I'd like to leave the whole thing alone for now. Scott's Christmas party isn't until January so maybe I can schmooze and make some contacts then if I'm not happy here at that point.

[gja1000]

Sounds like a plan, Lindsay!

[Lindsey]

So now his boss is taking me out for lunch next Wednesday so we can chat. He seems really nice, and I have to say the whole taking me out for lunch thing is a nice touch lol. But I still need to explain to him that it's going to be really tough for me to leave my company right now.

[Lindsey]

Oh yeah and I want to add... I'm really embarrassed and I feel like this might just be a "saving face" kind of deal... Scott told him that I thought I didn't get an interview just because I'm a girl. Obviously it's the first thing that popped into my head because I see that a LOT with engineering companies around here. But really, I can't believe he told him that. On the phone yesterday he said he wanted to make it clear that that wasn't the case at all and they have a recruiting firm that decides what they see and what they don't see. Anyways, I'm going to feel pretty weird now.

[judy]

I can see what you mean, but, if you get the job, and decide you want it, it's all water under the bridge anyway!

[Marilyn]

Lindsey, it's very noble of you to want to stay where you are to help your company, however, business is business. You don't want to burn any bridges, but if a better offer comes along, you owe it to yourself to do what you need to do for you. You're a smart young lady, and I know that you know this, but someone had to say it.

Enjoy your lunch Wednesday and be sure and let us know how it goes!!

[highlans]

Lindsey, it's very noble of you to want to stay where you are to help your company, however, business is business. You don't want to burn any bridges, but if a better offer comes along, you owe it to yourself to do what you need to do for you. You're a smart young lady, and I know that you know this, but someone had to say it.

Enjoy your lunch Wednesday and be sure and let us know how it goes!!

I agree with Marilyn when I was working was totally loyal ( my boss was also a good friend) but when it came to the number crunching was out on my arse not a second look. My husband has just changed jobs the money originally on offer was lower than he was used to but they soon matched his pay when he said no. See what it is all about at least.

[Lindsey]

Okay.... that guy was REALLY convincing. He was very friendly, and we recognized each other from a course we had both taken together about 2 years ago.

He got right into it... basically saying he's sorry for the resume mishap and that he called the recruiting firm and gave them heck for throwing mine out before sending it to him. He said my resume is better than 90% of the ones that came through to him. He is having trouble finding ANYONE with my experience with this program. So he really really wants me there.

They have offices EVERYWHERE and I can request a transfer anytime and it's no problem. They're just opening an office in Perth, Australia, and he said "If you want to go work from Perth for a month, we'll send you there" and I said "I don't think I'd complain about that!" Hours are very flexible after the probation period is over. I could work any hours I want as long as I got in 40 hours a week. Also, after a certain number of years I could request to work from home. I could be home with my kids all day, or I could decide to move to a small town to raise my family, and still have a job with the company.

My position would be lead civil designer, so I would be responsible for the whole civil aspects of a project from start to finish. Junior people around the world would be working under me, and I'd be in charge of making sure everything gets done on time and on budget. I would actually be designing my own stuff, and engineers would just be doing calculations. I would come up with everything myself. That's something I haven't been able to do here, although I constantly ask for that kind of experience.

The downside is that I will NOT be getting a raise. Scott is at the top of his pay bracket there, which is 3% higher than my current salary. Where I am now, my minimum raise in January will be 3% (if not more). Since I've been here, I've never gotten the minimum raise. My first year was 20% and last year was 10%.

So my choices are:
Stay where I am, possibly make a lot more money with a lot less stress. I have seniority and can take time off anytime I want. Nobody cares if I'm a few minutes late in the morning or leave a few minutes early if I have something to do. When I'm not busy I can be online, on 4WT, on Facebook, as long as I'm available if work is needing to be done. And I'm never expected to leave town for work. BUT I'm pretty much as far up the ladder as I can go in this company.

OR

Go to the other job, gain a lot of experience and knowledge, with opportunities to move without having to find a new job, but don't make as much money. Stricter rules and regulations. MUCH bigger workload and more stress. I would be required to travel up to northern mines for 3 days at a time maximum to stay in a camp. But the benefits are a bit better, and it's got the cool vibe of being right downtown in a high-rise building. I'd have to take the bus to work, but it's cheaper than starting my car every day (especially in winter!).


What to do, what to do...

An offer is coming in the mail and he said it's as simple as saying yes or no to him.

[Blueyes]

Wow Lindsey, you have a lot to think about! Big decision!!

[Lindsey]

I'm kind of leaning more one way but I want to talk with Scott and my parents tonight about it!

[Marilyn]

We can't make this decision for you. Think it through carefully, as you are, and will be so hoping that you make the right decision whichever it is. Isn't it nice to feel wanted though, especially in this economy. That must be an ego boost for you.

Go girl!!!

[Lindsey]

After talking it over with both Scott and my parents last night, I think I've decided to stay put. The experience and benefits would be great at the other place, but I would lose so much freedom, and the biggest thing it comes down to is that I'd be working with Scott again. It has been great to be able to go home and be just US instead of still being coworkers. If the salary was better, I think I'd definitely jump to the other place, but what's the point of taking on so much more responsibility and stress for the same amount of money? And also I think I'd feel less important there... Here I am a big part of our small company, and there I'd just be a number in a company that employs thousands of people.

[Blueyes]

I think you have made the best decision! You're a smart cookie, Lindsey!!

[Lindsey]

Aww thanks Betsi! Scott is a little unsure of his new job there too. He says it's okay, he can do the work, but he gets SO BORED. He complains that nobody makes conversation or really talks at all. He emails me every once in awhile for conversation. I think I've kind of been spoiled at this company because I can basically do what I want :D I'm slightly too A.D.D. and I don't think I could last a full day without any distractions! I couldn't stare at one project and work on it all day because I would get too frustrated. Every once in awhile I need a trip to 4WT or facebook or hotmail or something so I can go back to the job a few minutes later with a fresh mind!

[DianaB]

Lindsey, I didn't realize that all of this was going on!! I haven't kept up with all the posts on here. Wow!! You do have some important decisions to make!! I'm glad that you've talked this over with your parents and Scott. Less stress is definitely an important factor. Keep us informed. Hugs!!

[Lindsey]

Thanks Diana!
Another factor Scott and I discussed last night was that we'd have the same job and although we wouldn't always be on the same projects, I think it would still put some competition in our relationship. His boss said he wanted to start us at the same salary, but after a year we would both get raises based on our performance. If one of us got a better raise than the other, we'd be wondering why the other person did better and I think it could lead to some resentment. I really don't think I can work with him again. We did okay here together for a year, but we weren't ALWAYS together. He would be out of town sometimes on jobs, or he'd be helping out in the lab, or he'd be home on banked time. But even the little we were together, we still had some problems from it.

[DianaB]

It sounds like you've really thought things through. I think that you've got a keeper in Scott so protecting your relationship is a good idea.

[gja1000]

Gosh Lindsay! I don't know how I missed this!!!

I can tell you one thing, I have worked for 30 years in a career that I have loved every minute of. It DID NOT pay me what I could have earned in a different type of position. For example, hospital administration pays MUCH MUCH better - but it is SO SO SO stressful and the hours a very very long and tedious. I wouldn't trade my lower paying job for any type of hospital administration job - not for all the tea in China! There is a lot to be said for sanity and peace!

You have carefully considered everything, by the sounds of it and you have made a good decision. Good luck!

[Lindsey]

Gayle, I feel the same way. I would much rather be less stressed. I don't handle stress very well at all.

When I was working in the lab at this company, the job was quite easy but I never knew if I would get a lunch break that day, or what time I would get home at night, or if somebody would call me to be out on site before I even got out of bed in the morning. On top of that, there were quite a few men on the construction sites who didn't like having a woman telling them their materials weren't passing, and then there were others who really liked having a woman on site. There's no worse feeling than getting and education and working really hard at your job and coming on site for an older man to call you "baby" instead of using your name :mad: I was living with my grandma for that 8 months, and she fed me more than I've ever eaten, yet I still managed to drop about 30 lbs, handfuls of hair fell out in the shower, and my friends and coworkers started telling me how awful I looked.

Sometimes I feel that I'm not working to my potential because I'm just using a small amount of the knowledge I got from college. On the other hand, I've taken that knowledge and really expanded it with the extra courses I've taken since being out of school. Maybe it's better to be REALLY GOOD at one thing, than just kind of good at everything else.

[judy]

Reaching your potential is not always work related, I think. Actually, it has taken me many years of just living to feel that I have reached my potential in some areas, and haven't in others. But, I'm not dead yet! There's always something new to conquer. I think it's more a cumulative thing than just work.

Anyway, my father taught me that you should love what you do. If you don't, then pursue something that you do love. Money is important, but since you spend so much time at your job, enjoying your work is also very, very important.

It sounds like you made a good choice Linds.

[Lindsey]

Reaching your potential is not always work related, I think.

Thanks for that, Judy. I am content at my job. The money is enough, I can support myself, pay a mortgage, and have enough left over for travel and fun. It's not usually very stressful. I would rather work to live than live to work. I like that I have my stress-free spare time to work on being a good girlfriend, a good friend, a good daughter, a good "aunt" to adorable little girls, and a good "mommy" to Layla :) In a few years I would love to be married, I would love to have kids, and when that point comes work won't be the most important thing in my life anyway.

I sent a professionally written email to the recruitment guy with a cc to Scott's boss, saying I thanked them for considering my application but at this point I have decided to stay where I am. I let them know I would be open to future possibilities.

This morning I had received an email from the boss. Instead of the dear blah blah, regards blah blah , professional email I had written, I got a salutation of "Morning" followed by a paragraph of how unfortunate my decision is and he thought they offered me more experience than I could get here, and an abrupt ending of "May I ask what was the deciding factor?" The end.

I am not quite sure what to say, although I think I should reply. It really isn't anyone's business what the deciding factor was because the fact is I'm not going to take it. He let me know that I would just have to give him a simple yes or no with the offer, but I think at that time he was sure my answer would be "yes"

[judy]

They really wanted you! I think a very professional reason, like how you are working on several projects that you cannot leave in the middle, would be good.

I did that once, and ended up being pursued for a year, and working for a principal years ago. She loved that I was so dedicated, and it turned out to be my favorite teaching experience. I wasn't ready when she wanted me at first.

[Lindsey]

Unfortunately, Scott has already let him know that we are VERY slow here. I have barely done any work in the past month. But, Scott also let him know I don't want to screw over the company without anyone here to replace me, because I'm the only one left with any knowledge of this program. He brought that up in the interview by saying "You can be loyal but it won't get you very far"

A friend of mine who works there started talking to me on Facebook Monday morning before I had emailed him back with my reasons. I hadn't talked to her in about a year. She said she heard I didn't take the job and wondered if it just wasn't what I was looking for. I was honest with her and said Scott and I weighed the pros and cons and decided it wasn't worth risking our relationship at this time. She asked why I even applied then and I explained that I didn't try to apply after Scott got the job, and that their boss insisted on seeing me even after Scott told him I wasn't interested. She didn't know that. I asked her how she liked it there and she said "Could be better, but could be worse too I guess" and after our short chat, she had to get back to work.

So then Scott got an email from his boss saying he knows I didn't want the job now and that he wishes I would have started there but I told this girl that I wasn't interested in the first place... which makes me think maybe he put her up to talking to me :( In the interview when he mentioned her name I was surprised and told him that I knew that girl and was friends with her since we went to college together. So it makes me a little upset that not only did he use a personal relationship of mine to get information, he also ran to Scott to let him know how disappointed he was :mad: It just seems to be a very unprofessional way of handling it.

So since I knew he already knew the real reason, I basically said that my decision had nothing to do with the company, the amount of experience I'd gain, or the salary, but I decided to keep my best personal interests in mind. I said that Scott and I talked it over and decided it would be best to keep our personal and professional lives separate. I told him it's a great company and it would have been a great opportunity but at this time I don't think it's the best decision for my life.

He replied "Understandable. If you change your mind, let me know"