The kids just left.....

[judy]

I had the children here yesterday, for the day. Then, they decided to sleep over.

Then....Kassidy decided to go home, so Jess and Steve came and got her, but Mackenzie and Brandon wanted to stay. Usually, if one wants to leave, they all have to go home, but not this time.

Mackenzie spent the evening on fb, fighting with her friend. She isn't happy, and is, actually, having a lot of trouble socially. She has 2 best friends, and always feels left out. I think in those triangles, one of them always feels left out, but Jess told me that Mackenzie comes home from school crying every day. She isn't as mature as the other 2 girls. I think she should not be allowed on fb, or at least for so much time. Less time, less fighting, much less drama. I really have no advice for Jessie either. I think time will take care of this. I hope so!

Then Kassidy wanted her way with whatever she and Brandon were doing, and I yelled at her after she punched him. She started crying, and told me she hates me. I told her that I love her, but that she has to give Brandon the toy. She told me twice yesterday that she hates me because I wouldn't do whatever she wanted. I was glad to see her go home! She really can't sleep over for a while.
I'm not ready!! She seems to need her Mommy right now and I don't want to put her above the other two all of the time. She used to be better at staying here. She'll be back when she grows up a bit.

All in all, I am glad they went home, although Mackenzie and Brandon are very easy children with me. I think Mackenzie needs more of her own activities to build up her self esteem. She is happy here. Brandon is happy with is TV shows, potato chips, and a occasional video game, and a hug every hour or so.

I am going shopping!!!!

[gja1000]

WHEW! Judy I am tired just reading your post!!! I can't imagine having 3 grandkids at once - I've only had one at a time (well, I only have 2 and 1 of them is just barely 3). I don't think I could handle 3 at a time!!!

Re: Mackenzie - it is really tough on kids, girls I think even moreso. They can be so MEAN. My daughter who is a 5th grade teacher says girls that age are just AWFUL to each other.

And a triangle is the worst. Brooke says she will NEVER let 2 girls come over to spend the night with Abigail because 1 of them will be crying before night is over because she will be the "odd man out".

I've watched Abigail and her circle of friends - it is so interesting. She'll have a BEST BEST BEST friend for several months, and then all of a sudden, that friend and she are at WAR and she has another best friend.

Now that she is 13, and has been in this location (neighborhood) for 3 years now, it is better in that she has a wider circle of friends. She also participates in athletics which widens her circle of friends and that helps to, I think. She has settled on a BEST friend who doesn't live in her neighborhood nor goes to her school. That eliminates a lot of drama and they have remained best friends for over a year now.

I spent my childhood being the odd man out. Well, I did have one good friend who always stuck by me, but there were 4 other girls in my class and one of them spent our entire childhood trying to get everyone else to be mad at me. It was miserable at times. So, I understand Mackenzie's plight. I think it is worse in a small town too - but then the benefits of living in a small town do outweigh (IMHO) that problem.

When Abigail was having friend problems, I would just listen, give her support, take her places, made her feel special, etc etc, the normal "grandma" things. It's tough - I just don't understand why kids are so mean to each other. I've never "studied" children, so I don't have a clue - but it is certainly distressing to see it happen.

[Janet]

Judy....you are one brave woman. Kassidy sure sounds like a handful, don't blame you at all wanting to wait until she gets out of the phase.

I recently had to deal with two girls on my bus route. One was going home crying every day after school. The other girl was telling her that her hair was real ugly and she should cut it off. Also said her clothes looked like they were old clothes and she should wear something better. Both girls ride my bus.....one is the daughter of a Jr. High teacher. The sad part......they are both in kindergarten. I find it's starting earlier and earlier. These kids need more instruction time from thier parents or from someone who knows the correct behavior. Makes me really sad.

I'm really glad Mackenzie has you Judy.

[DianaB]

You had a tough evening!!! The drama that girls deal with is very difficult and having a group of three.........not good. It's hard to watch our kids and grandchildren deal with all of these things. Try to give the kids your helpful advice or just listen to their problems......then let them know that you're sorry and tell them how special they are and how much you love them. I try to always let my grandchildren leave happy that Grandma's on their side and that she loves them very much.......and I can go punch out any kids lights for them!!!!! You're a wonderful Grandmother!!!!

[paula1961]

Wow Judy!! I know how it feels to have 3 at the same time!! Let's just say.... it can be a real pain!! Two of mine are 7 and 9 (boy and girl), sometimes they get into fights over toys and such, but when they punch each other, I yell too!! The "I hate you" thing is just another stage they go through. Don't sweat it!

Hopefully MacKenzie's drama with her friends will work itself out soon.
I agree with Gayle, just try to make her feel special.

Have fun shopping!! You deserve it:)

[judy]

Thanks for all of your good advice. I really am heartbroken for Mackenzie. I'm sure you all know how it feels when one of your own is hurting. I do think that Mackenzie needs more of her own activities. I love your Abigail's solution, Gayle. A friend from another school is a great idea. I leave Mackenzie a loving message on fb every day, and we chat a lot at night. I am glad to see that she has not been on fb today. I do not like it for kids her age.

Love does not come without great cost, and I know that feeling your loved one's pain is such a big part of it, but I hate it!!! Who doesn't?

Thanks for all of your words. They really help, especially reminding me that this happens all of the time.

I will beat up that mean girl for you Gayle!

[gja1000]

I will beat up that mean girl for you Gayle!

And I would let you, Judy! :D She was just a wench! But as a grownup now, she's OK - we even talk some on FB and she seems like she mellowed into a nice adult. But there will always be those childhood memories of her meanness!

So, if she ever starts up again Judy, I'll be sure to let you know!