paula1961
02-20-2010, 10:03 AM
>
>DISNEYLAND
>
>Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the
>Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They
>started crying and turned around and went home.
>
>FLORIDA OR MOON
>
>Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and
>one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...
>Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says
>'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
>
>CAR TROUBLE
>
>A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
>it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling
>smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in
>the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
>
>SPEEDING TICKET
>
>A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
>nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish
>you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away
>my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
>
>RIVER WALK
>
>There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
>another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can
>I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then
>down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
>
>AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
>
>A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that
>her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the
>doctor.. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left
>shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even
>more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her
>ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The
>doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she
>said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said,
>'Your finger is broken.'
>
>KNITTING
>
>A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
>Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
>the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his
>flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
>turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde
>yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
>
>BLONDE ON THE SUN
>
>A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
>Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We
>were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going
>to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at
>each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you
>idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde
>replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
>
>IN A VACUUM
>
>A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn.
>She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question
>was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you
>hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
>
>FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
>
>A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new
>dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by
>saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend
>said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs likethat?'
>'HELLLOOOOOOO.......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
>DISNEYLAND
>
>Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the
>Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They
>started crying and turned around and went home.
>
>FLORIDA OR MOON
>
>Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and
>one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...
>Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says
>'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
>
>CAR TROUBLE
>
>A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
>it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling
>smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in
>the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
>
>SPEEDING TICKET
>
>A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
>nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish
>you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away
>my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
>
>RIVER WALK
>
>There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
>another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can
>I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then
>down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
>
>AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
>
>A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that
>her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the
>doctor.. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left
>shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even
>more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her
>ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The
>doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she
>said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said,
>'Your finger is broken.'
>
>KNITTING
>
>A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
>Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
>the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his
>flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
>turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde
>yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
>
>BLONDE ON THE SUN
>
>A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
>Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We
>were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going
>to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at
>each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you
>idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde
>replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
>
>IN A VACUUM
>
>A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn.
>She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question
>was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you
>hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
>
>FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
>
>A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new
>dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by
>saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend
>said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs likethat?'
>'HELLLOOOOOOO.......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!