My girl

[judy]

Jessie called me early in the week with the news that she is pregnant. Then she started bleeding Monday, right after she went for a pregnancy test, and bled all day Tuesday. I think her test came back negative, but that kind of got lost in the worry about the bleeding. She took several home tests (she was really late and had blue milk glands). Some were negative and some were positive. I would say that she probably was in a very early pregnancy and that she had an early miscarriage. She is going to the doctor on Monday and we will see.

I didn't know they were trying. They had been, but they stopped a while ago. She had decided that she really couldn't start all over with an infant. My worry is that pregnancy can bring on a flareup of MS. If she was 100% healthy, have 20 kids! I worry about her though, and about her 3 children. They really need her, and an MS flare up, which can lead to terrible physical damage, along with an infant, would be devastating to the family. Mackenzie would really fall apart! But, she is going to keep trying until October. They feel that 6 months is long enough to try, and then it becomes more of a job than a pleasure to try to become pregnant.

My SIL immediately asked me if I'm ready to pitch in and help 100%. I said yes, but was annoyed, as usual, with him. Of course I will help, but I always feel that no matter what I do, there is never enough for him! I am trying to create a life for myself, and unless it is necessary, I will not be around 100% of the time!
It's not like he is away at work all day!

So, between worrying about Jessie's health, and about him expecting me to give all of my time, even if Jessie is perfectly fine, I am very hesitant about loving this idea. Of course, a grandchild is a blessing, so it would also be wonderful.

My response to all of this is "That's wonderful!" That was my response when she told me last time that she had decided not to have another baby, and when they decided to breed the dogs, had 5 litters in one year, bought a snowmobile and a hot tub, etc., etc., etc. I always am supportive when they come up with something. No matter how I really feel, I finds it best to be behind them. Why start an argument? My feelings usually change over time, or I end up not worrying or even caring about a lot of things they do.

I also feel that if Jessie wants another child, God bless her! I want her to have everything that she wants in her life. The fact that she has MS adds to that I think. It really puts a whole new perspective on a lot of things.

[DIANE W]

Hi Judy..... wow what news, I so understand how you are feeling I would be just the same.

I always take the sensible route though - maybe I am wrong in doing so? other people dont always live the sensible way and seem to do very well in life. I guess i am a typical Libran and always try to balance things out.

Judy i think you are doing the right thing in keeping your real feelings and opinions to yourself... and just agreeing.

Me on the other hand i really need to work on this, I always have to tell people what i think and give my opinions on things..... sometimes i wish i could just keep quiet (I do try... but then out it all comes). I wouldnt hurt anyone for the world, and am very diplomatic, but i just have to give my opinion and show another angle on things.

When your children are involved too it is very hard, as whatever age i think we still feel we know whats best for them, and dont like seeing them making any mistakes - it is very hard.

I think you are handling things really well, as for being there 100%, I think your son in law is asking an awful lot of you, of course you will be there for your family, and love and support them when needed, but you have a life as well.

I hope everything works out for all of you.

[Janet]

Judy...I think you are doing the right thing by just being supportive whether you are or not. Considering the history...it's better not to start an argument. A baby really is wonderful news, but with her health...I'd worry too. I'm sure if it's meant to be...it will happen.

I really hope your SIL doesn't expect you to be there 100%...that's ridiculous. He's still not working full time is he? You are so good to him and it's understandable. Personally...I don't think he'd like me as a MIL....LOL.

[gja1000]

Judy (big sigh), I would be saying the exact same things as you are, but inside I'd be thinking - OMG! What is wrong with you people!!!

I always take the safest route - I'm not much of a risk-taker. So, I only had one child because I was worried that I couldn't afford two, and I had/have a great career. I can't imagine having MS and thinking about having another child, especially when I have 3 already and ESPECIALLY when my husband does not have a job. That just blows my mind, really it does, I can't imagine having only one income, and thinking in any way shape or form about having another baby, especially in light of having MS. I would be thinking what if something happens to me and I can't work, ever again, what will happen to my family. I would be terrified of that. But like I said, I'm not much of a risk-taker.

Judy, I wish you and them the best - I guess that's all you can do.

[Gina]

Judy I believe you are doing the right thing by not voicing your opionions .. That is a tough one though.. I am not a meddlesome person but this would be hard to do being your daughter has three healthy children and is doing great with her health.. Why rock the boat... but mum is the word . Your SIL should not expect you to be at their beck in call , you have your own life to live and deserve to find some happiness. I wish them the best in whatever they decide..

[Marilyn]

Judy, I think you are doing a great job. It's hard to keep mum, but given the circumstances, it's the best option. I wouldn't worry about a hypothetical commitment and his expectation that you be there 100%. What happens happens, and it will all workout if or when it does. One day at a time.....

[judy]

She went to the doctor today who has a wait and see attitude. She may still be pregnant. He is going to do a sonogram on Friday. She does plan to keep trying, so I will have to slowly prepare myself for this.

Jess and I didn't talk for 3 years, and I learned that being supportive is the way it has to be for our relationship. I do agree with you though, Gayle. I would like to say OMG! What is wrong with you people!!! I am convinced that they both are crazy. It seems to work for them though, so who knows?

I also agree with you, Marilyn. Whatever will happen will happen, and it will all work out for the best.

[gja1000]

I know about your rift, and I know that keeping quiet and being supportive is the only way now. That's exactly what I'd be doing, but still.......that's not what I'd be thinking inside.

Also, I know I would have handled your sil 100% statement, just like you did. But inside I would have been thinking that there's no way in HE!! that I'd be able to be 100% supportive. Again, I'd just have to take that one day by day.

You'll do fine - you always do. You have such a good attitude about all of this. You can't change a thing that they may do, so just try to be as supportive as you can and go with the flow - which you are already doing.

I like Diane's signature line, I can't remember exactly, but it's something like, live for today and tomorrow will take care of itself. BUT, I'm a supreme planner and so I would still be thinking OMG! What are you people thinking!!! :rolleyes:

[judy]

Yeah....it's not easy to keep my mouth shut! I do fine with my daughter, but with my SIL, not so much!


Well, no matter what I say to him, there is no way I'll be available 100% of the time! My grandmother used to tell my aunt that the best way to be happy is to"wiggle through each day." I used to get annoyed at this, thinking that I should be able to just be myself and everything will fall into place around me. I have learned that it just doesn't work that way with everyone.

Wouldn't it be nicer though?;)

[Marilyn]

Judy, I like what you grandmother said. Actually, with all the plans we try to follow, in actuality, most days we just wiggle through. There is actually comfort in realizing this. Wish you the best in this situation. I do wonder though, what are they thinking???

[DianaB]

Sometimes it's so hard to figure our kids out. Maybe you could take your daughter out to eat alone and bring up your concerns about her health. Let her know that you love her and would love to have another grandchild but.........I hope that it all works out for the best. Hugs, Judy.

[paula1961]

I certainly hope that everything works out for the best for Jessie. I completely understand your concern Judy. If only we could make our children understand that we only want what is best for them.<<<<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>>>

[Janet]

Our kids just don't realize we are not trying to tell them what to do...we just want them to think about all their options. We have more life experiences and even though we don't know everything, perhaps if they would listen without getting defensive, we just might mention something they've overlooked.

You are such a good person and MIL Judy. Your SIL doesn't realize this. Just like the others have said, take one day at a time. I do hope everything works out perfect for everyone.

[judy]

I just hope that this planned pregnancy doesn't happen. If it does, I will do whatever has to be done, and I will adore the baby.

It's in God's hands now.

[judy]

Jessie went for a sonogram and she is not pregnant. She had some blood tests, so she will know where she stands as far as having a baby goes. So far, so good. She was sad.

[Blueyes]

I'm sorry she was sad. I wonder if the doctor would tell her no more kids?

[judy]

Oh definitely! Her doctor in NY, when her MS was bad, told her he would not deliver her if she got pregnant. They were very close, and he thought that would set her straight. The doctor she just saw up here cautioned her against it, but he would take her on as a patient. Her symptoms are much different now, but he still lectured her on the possibilities.

I have talked to her about it too, but to no avail. So, I am hoping that she cannot conceive. I feel terrible wishing this for her, when I know that she does want another child.

God will take care of it, I'm sure, for the best outcome.

[Janet]

Judy, I'm so sorry I haven't been here much and didn't see your post about Jessie not being pregnant. I know it's a blessing for her health, but I can feel the hurt Jessie must feel. I think silently wishing for her not to be able to conceive is okay...no one else has to know. She's your daughter...you love her.