So sad right now......

[DIANE W]

I have just managed to get online after a week of hell.

I am so very very sad right now, i dont know what to do with myself, I have always been very close to my Aunt and Uncle (they are really like Mum And Dad to me).

My Aunt died at 9pm last night and my uncle and i were with her in the hospital....it was such a peaceful passing - that i am very grateful for, but we are just shocked beyond belief it has happened.

She has had lots of medical problems in the passed, heart bypass surgery, problem with her kidneys, high blood pressure etc. Well she just got so bad that breathing was more and more difficult for her. We called an ambulance and she was taken to hospital 6 days ago, despite all their wonderful efforts, she just wasnt able to fight to overcome everything that was wrong with her body. Dr's told us kidney, respiratory and heart failure all contributed to her death.

They called us to the hospital yesterday at 3pm, almost immediatly the Dr asked to speak privately to us (I just knew it was bad news), she told us she was very ill and was dying, and that she had hours not days left.

She remained unconscious the whole time and peacefully stopped breathing at 9pm. I just cant take it in, that she has gone for ever. My uncle is sad that he never got to speak to her, he was too ill himself to visit her in the hospital, which he now deeply regrets. I went in every day and then visited him to tell him how she had been after each visit.

We talked to her, but i dont know if she could tell we were there with her, she didnt respond to touch, when i squeezed her hand.

But when she finally stopped breathing, i noticed a tear in the corner of her eye - do you think that means anything at all, or is it a natural occurance on passing?

Her poor husband is so upset too, they have been together for 63 years, she was 78 and he is 82 now. I do take comfort that they had those years of happiness, and it was so unusual, i think to have such a harmonious lovely marriage (they truely never had so much as a crossed word - they were so compatible, and each put the other first all the time).

I am off work now on compassionate leave so i can make all the arrangements, i have made a start, but it is the first time i have had this responsibility myself.

I know it will take time to grieve, but it is so hard to accept.

[Janet]

Diane.....please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of your aunt. My heart goes out to you and your uncle. Wish there was something I could do, but know that you and your family are in my prayers and I'm sending you a {{{{{HUG}}}}}

[JJJ]

My deepest condolenses to you and your family. I know how hard it is to lose a love one and then have to handle all the arrangements. Sending you lots of positive energy so you can be strong for those who need you.

[DianaB]

Diane, I'm so sorry to hear that you have lost someone so near and dear to you. You have my sympathy.

You were so fortunate that you were able to be with her at the end.......and yes, I believe that she knew that you were there. (My Grandmother, before she died, was in a coma but whenever family would enter the room her blood pressure would go up.) I would guess that the tear was her love for you and your uncle.

As for preparing for the funeral.......the funeral home will help you and your uncle with your decisions. That's what they're there for.

Wish that I was there to help or bring food.......Hugs Diane!!!!

[Lindsey]

I am so so so sorry Diane. You and your uncle and the rest of your family are in my prayers

[DIANE W]

Ahhhhh..... Thank you all so very much for your kind words, they really do help, and being able to come here and tell you all helps too.

Well i have had another busy day today...but at least things are coming together.

Diana you were right the funeral director's are going to do most of the organising, which is a big relief.
The funeral is going to be next Friday (15th), the only thing i am unhappy with is the funeral directors are so busy at the moment, they cant bring my Aunty into their chapel of rest until the day before the funeral - so we will only have 1 day to visit.
We can go whilst she is still at the hospital, but i dont want to see her there in a mortuary - as they dont have any chapel facilities at all.

My uncle seems to be bearing up really well, but i think when he is alone he will be suffering, he is not sleeping too well - I know all of this is to be expected.

So once again a big thank you to all of you for your kind words.

[Blueyes]

I'm so sorry about your loss Diane! I was with both of my parents and my mil when they died. It felt like such a privilege to me to hold their hand as they took their last breath. I know it's hard, but I'm so glad you were with her. It's a powerful thing.

You are probably moving in a fog. It sounds like it was so sudden, and a shock to everybody. I hope the week passes smoothly for you until her services. God bless you all.

[gja1000]

Oh Diane I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is so hard, but Betsi is right, it is such a privilege to be able to be with loved ones at the end of life.

[paula1961]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Aunt. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Diane. Sending love your way.

[Marilyn]

Diane, just wanted to also express sincerest condolences. It is very special that you could be there with her. I was with my mom until about an hour before she passed. My husband insisted that I go home for a while and shortly after I did, she passed. He was very sorry that he made me go, but she passed peacefully as well. Hope all the arrangements go smoothly!!

[judy]

Diane, I am so sorry for your loss and for your poor uncle. The funeral will take care of itself. That's when the hard part comes though. I will keep you in my heart as your are grieving, and your uncle too. It is good that you have each other right now.

[DIANE W]

Thank you all for your kind words.

Today has been another busy day, we have been to the bank to take care of finances, ordered the flowers, paid the funeral director bill, we had visitors call, and then i looked through his clothes to make sure everything is ready for the funeral on Friday. Now i am at home, really tired, cant go to sleep when i go to bed, then wake up early - not like me at all.

Oh well tomorrow is another day to deal with.......

[judy]

So sad Diane! One day at a time, dear friend.

[DIANE W]

I know Judy - thats all that we can do, one of the nice things going on is all the visitors and friends of both my Aunt and Uncle from years ago. We are having a nice time visiting with them and talking about old times and lovely memories we all have.

People are being just so very kind to us, it makes you realise how nice most people really are.

Thank you for thinking about us.

[JJJ]

I know it still must be hard but hopefully everything went well and the family is more at ease.

Big cyber hug.

[DianaB]

How are things going now, Diane?

[DIANE W]

Oh... thanks so much for thinking about me, we had the funeral on Friday, and it was a really lovely service, everyone attended that she would have wanted to be there.
It was an ordeal, but somehow enjoyable at the same time, a family friend said such a nice eulogy, it was so moving, another friend did a poem that was very appropriate, and we had some lovely hymns at church, i dont know if you are familiar with them. (1) - I watch the sunrise + (2) - Do not be afraid.

In the crematorium we had - The Way We Were (Barbara Strisand) and then Amazing Grace, as everyone was leaving.

We then went and had a little something to eat and drink, which was nice for my Uncle to get to speak to old friends and family he had not seen for a while.

So now we try to get used to her not being with us anymore, its very hard for him, but we talk and laugh a lot, and time is a good healer and will make life more bearable for us.

[Blueyes]

I'm glad it went as well as possible. Now comes the hard part.. adjusting to life without her. You have a wonder attitude that I know will help you and your Uncle a lot!

[DianaB]

I'm glad that everything went well. Your Uncle is very blessed to have you in his life. It will be hard for him to adjust to your Aunt not being there but, thankfully he has you!!

Personally I think that talking about her and laughing will help both of you to go through your loss. Hugs to you both!!!

[DIANE W]

Thanks again, I have been with him most of the day today, cleaning and shopping etc.

We are both ok.

[lynne b]

Diana, you have made it through the hard part, now you and your uncle are on your way to remembering all the good times with your aunt and adjusting to a new way of life without her, you are such a wonderful person to be there to help your uncle through this hard time. Prayers to you both.

[DIANE W]

Diana, you have made it through the hard part, now you and your uncle are on your way to remembering all the good times with your aunt and adjusting to a new way of life without her, you are such a wonderful person to be there to help your uncle through this hard time. Prayers to you both.


Thank you Lynne, I am just that sort of family orientated person, but even though there are other neices and nephews, I have always been extra close (more like a daughter), to my Aunt and Uncle.

He seems to be doing ok, suffering in his own way i think, but we do talk of her, and remember conversations etc. It does help, I am just taking one day and a time, i know time will help us.

[gja1000]

Yes, one day at a time makes it more bearable. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. You are such a special person!

[DIANE W]

Thank you Gayle.... It is good to be able to come here and chat, because to everyone i am the strong one, the one that holds everything together. Which i can do fine, but its nice to be able to come here and talk about how i feel.

Thanks everyone, you are all very special people, and its lovely to be a part of something so wonderful and supportive.

[judy]

It is hard to lose someone you love, especially when you are alone. You and your Uncle are so lucky to have each other.

I will keep you both in my heart and my prayers.

[DianaB]

You're right, Diane, we have a group of very special women!! I'm glad that you're part of our group and that you feel comfortable to come here and confide in us. We all need a place where we can share things!! I love this site and all of the women here.......and that includes YOU!!!

[DIANE W]

Thank you for saying that Diana - it means a lot.

[Janet]

I know as each day passes...it will become a little easier for you and your uncle. It will never be the same, but when you hold memories close...it will be more than bearable. Just take your time...everyone grieves in different ways and in the time it takes to start moving again.

I have always felt the hard part was after everyone goes back to their normal lives...you and your uncle will still be grieving. Don't be afraid to talk about your aunt, others may want to, but will be afraid it may upset you, it will help you and them to talk.

Like the others have said....I'm so glad you're a part of the wonderful women here. Whenever you need us...just let us know.

[DIANE W]

Thank you Janet, you are so kind.

I agree it will get a little easier, we do talk about her quite a lot, and i am not afraid to tell my uncle a funny story of one of our conversations or outings - and we do end up laughing.

I think you are right other people tend to not talk too much for fear of upsetting us, my Uncle said today he feels totally lost and said he still feels her presence in the home.

I explained it must be so much harder for him, because i can go home and it may sound silly but i sometimes can think she is still at home - only for a little while, then it comes back to me that she isnt.

But we do think about her all the time, and we have talked about her passing and agreed that if you have to go then the way she went was the best way - it was so peaceful and calm.

Thank you again everyone for your good wishes and thoughtful posts.

[gja1000]

my Uncle said today he feels totally lost and said he still feels her presence in the home.

I have no doubt that she is close and watching over him. Maybe she will be able to come to him in a dream at some point and tell him she is OK and he's going to be OK too. That often happens.

Maybe when he is feeling so lost and feeling her presence, he could sit quietly and think about his fondest memories or think about what she might be wanting him to do when he is feeling so lost. That might help bring him some peace. Those feelings are so normal, but they feel so abnormal.

[DIANE W]

Gayle you are so right in what you say, i totally agree.


Well today has been a very eventful day..... I had a phonecall this morning informing me that my Uncle had had a FALL:eek:

The carer had gone in at 8.10 and found him on the floor in the bedroom, luckily he had only been there about 10 minutes.

So he is now in hospital with a fractured pelvis, he is in a lot of pain, and on pain relief. They have told me he is likely to be in for some time as he will need to get his mobility back - I am relieved about this, because i dont think he could cope at home alone at the moment.

But oh my it just seems to be one thing after the other happening to me.....

It is also his 83rd Birthday tomorrow - I can think of better places to spend a birthday.

I should know more tomorrow, I think they are going to be sending him to a rehabilitation place, to get him more mobile, once they have his pain under control.

I am going to have some food and a glass or bottle of wine, and try to relax, after another stressful 8 hour hospital visit - didnt think i would be back there so soon after my Aunty.

[DianaB]

Oh my......that's too bad about your Uncle. Thank goodness he didn't lay on the floor for very long. At least he'll be in a good place and be taken well care of for awhile......hopefully long enough that you get a good rest before taking over again. Hugs!!

[judy]

Oh my! Poor man! Relax a bit while he is in the hospital so that you have energy for yourself. If you get used up, you won't be any help for him anyway.

I am so very sorry all this is happening to your family.

[DIANE W]

Thank you..... I have visited him today and he is ok, but still in a lot of pain, he was told that he has a chip in pelvis and hip bone????? But he is going to ask for another x-ray.

He had some physio today, but he is a little resistant to it as he is in such pain, he is on a quite mild painkiller as stronger ones are tending to make him sick. He feels he is getting pushed into the physio, and they dont appreciate the pain he is in, i told them he has a high pain tolererance level anyway, so if he is in pain then it is BAD. He told me it is worse than when he broke his hip 2 years ago, this is much worse.

He is also not got much of an appetite, i think with some rest and if the pain eases, he will get some mobility back, he wants to be back home, but does realise it is not practical. I hope the medics etc understand he is not just wanting a little recreational holiday in bed!!!!! I will make sure they do understand.....

[JJJ]

Oh my :(

So sorry to hear about your uncle. I hope he does rest so he can start moving soon.

Lots of hugs to you.