What's the right age?

[Tink]

I have 3 adult children. The oldest is married and has been out of our home for quite some time. The younger 2 are 18 and 20, and still live at home with their dad and I. Both work at low paying jobs and right now, neither is in school. They pay no rent, utilities, or food expenses while here.

What age do YOU think is reasonable for them to move out?
Do you think they should be paying rent?
Should they be chipping in on expenses?
What chores if any should they be helping with?

[Mandy]

Hmm... i replied to your other thread before i read this one.

Household chores: Definatly need to help you out with whatever you expect from them!

Chipping in on expenses/pay rent: This is what i would do, let them "pay" an amount of money which you could bank and save for them without them knowing about. When they move out and start their own home, at least they will have something to start with.

Reasonable age to move out: I don't know, i tell my son he can live at home till he's 40 LOL...

[RLC12345678]

I think 18 is a reasonable age for them to move out. I would sit down and talk to both of them and ask them what their goals for the future and future plans are. Once they tell you, then you can help them put their plan into action. I guess based on their expectations for the future, then you can decide when they should be moving out.

But they should DEFINATELY be chipping in somehow. If not rent and utilities, then definately CHORES! You should not be doing ANY chores if your adult children are living with you and not paying rent. They should be doing ALL the chores. They should definately be earning their keep. Hey, maybe if they have enough chores, then that will entice them to move out. ;) Also, maybe they should have rules, like a curfew, etc. Tell them that as long as they are living with you, they will have to abide by the rules of your home. I mean, why on earth would they WANT to move out on their own if they are living with you for FREE, eating for FREE, and having all the freedom they would have if they were living on their own?! You need to give them a reason to want to move out and get their own place. Rules and chores are a good way to do this.

[khardy57]

I think 18 is a reasonable age for them to move out. I would sit down and talk to both of them and ask them what their goals for the future and future plans are. Once they tell you, then you can help them put their plan into action. I guess based on their expectations for the future, then you can decide when they should be moving out.

But they should DEFINATELY be chipping in somehow. If not rent and utilities, then definately CHORES! You should not be doing ANY chores if your adult children are living with you and not paying rent. They should be doing ALL the chores. They should definately be earning their keep. Hey, maybe if they have enough chores, then that will entice them to move out. ;) Also, maybe they should have rules, like a curfew, etc. Tell them that as long as they are living with you, they will have to abide by the rules of your home. I mean, why on earth would they WANT to move out on their own if they are living with you for FREE, eating for FREE, and having all the freedom they would have if they were living on their own?! You need to give them a reason to want to move out and get their own place. Rules and chores are a good way to do this.

This is exactly how I feel about it! My 27 year old is living with me since my husband died and he pays rent and helps out around the house. He also respects my rules while he's here.

[Gutu28]

I moved out at 19 when I went to school. My mom hated it and the only reason I was "allowed" to go was because I couldnt commute because it was too far. Haha..needess to say, my parents would NEVER have accepted money from me for rent or food. However, I always helped out in non-monatary ways, such as laundry, dishes, etc. I also didn't have the freedom I have now that I live on my own. But to each his own..

[Lindsey]

When I was 18 I couldn't WAIT to move out. With my parents, I had to follow their rules, be home when they said, eat what they wanted for meals, and helped with cleaning. I've always felt a little older than I am though, and I was excited to be paying rent and bills, buying my own groceries (whatever I wanted), planning my own meals, and staying out as late as I wanted. Oh and having my boyfriend spend the night!
Some people though are more attached to their parents than I was. I think 18 is a good age for them to move out and see what living in the real world is like, while still being young enough to fall back on their parents if it's needed.

[Janet]

I really don't know what a "good" age is... I would think if they were in college they could still have their room at home, but when home, help out with daily chores.

If they were not going to college then as soon as they graduated high school, if they were to stay home, rent, groceries and chores, at 20 they should be out on their own. It also depends on their maturity level. So much to consider!!

[RLC12345678]

I really don't know what a "good" age is... I would think if they were in college they could still have their room at home, but when home, help out with daily chores.

If they were not going to college then as soon as they graduated high school, if they were to stay home, rent, groceries and chores, at 20 they should be out on their own. It also depends on their maturity level. So much to consider!!


I agree!!!!!!!! I think after high school is the perfect age for them to start being self-sufficient. If they are not off at college and they are still living at home, then I think they should definately be helping out financially as well as with the responsibilites of the household.

[Janet]

I agree!!!!!!!! I think after high school is the perfect age for them to start being self-sufficient. If they are not off at college and they are still living at home, then I think they should definately be helping out financially as well as with the responsibilites of the household.


Rebecca....were we separated at birth??????? LOLOL That would have been great....I would be so much younger....LMAO!

[Gina]

Hummm lets see here... I have two children 19 yrs and 21 yrs old. They are both in college full time. My daughter dorms at the school , comes home maybe twice a mt. on weekends. My son lives home and lives the life of Riley lol. is a student at a local college. I am an italian mother I guess....lol I don't tell my son to ever leave, but I do tell him this summer he has to apply to a job in city for he has yr. left of school. Due to his playing baseball and then dropping it, he has classes to make up. They both work odd jobs to make extra money, now my daughter can't she has many science classes and I want her studying and passing.. On breaks and summer vacation she always works. When they are finished with school, I will take money from them, but I know me I will save it for them , for when they go out on their own.

[2tiredmom]

Not all situations are the same. Like for example me. My oldest was suppose to graduate college this spring. She ended up pregnant. So now she is taking 1 semester and wants to go back and finish next summer. She will be living here with me and her stepdad. She is 22. That is fine with me. She will need the help and I'd rather have her here than have to worry about her and the baby somewhere else. She will help around the house. I also have a son thats in college thats 19. He comes home every once in a while. In the summer he works. But he keeps that money for college which is fine. He also helps around the house and outside. Then I also have a 15 year old. So it works out for us right now this way. I love my kids and want them all to be independent. But I also want them to know that if they need us we are here for them. So many different situations.

[Emmsmom]

I don't know that there is a "right" age either. I do think that they should be helping out. Asking them to help clean or do their own laundry isn't going to hurt. Also asking them to help with a few bills wouldn't hurt either since they are both working. As much as you have been through with the both of them it is the least they can do. You have gone above and beyond for your DD on several occasions. So I don't think it would be harsh to ask for some help.

[Janet]

I also wanted to add that I think all kids should be taught to be self-sufficient. I know it probably sounds as if I'm bragging, but I'm not. I just felt it was important to teach my son. He's 15 and can do his own laundry, cook a meal, bake, balance his checkbook. Yes at 15 he has a checkbook, but he's been "working" since he was 12 years old. He started by going out in the fields and gathering corn that the combines missed. He use to shell it using an antique corn sheller, but then the grain elevator said it didn't need to be done. So his father drove him to the elevator to turn in his corn and they would pay him. His first fall season earned him over $300.00.

Heaven forbid, the good Lord would take me from him at this age, but if he so chose to do so, my son will be able to do well. He has all the basics, is kind, sensitive and also strong willed.

He does have a good work ethic and knows if he wants a car..he has to pay for it and all that goes along with it. He's ready..at least he says he is.

If he chooses to live at home for awhile after he graduates we will be thrilled to let him stay, but he will have chores or duties to perform here at home, just as he would if he was to live on his own. I pray that I have prepared him enough, but he's only 15 so hopefully we can instill even more within the next few years.

[RLC12345678]

I also wanted to add that I think all kids should be taught to be self-sufficient. I know it probably sounds as if I'm bragging, but I'm not. I just felt it was important to teach my son. He's 15 and can do his own laundry, cook a meal, bake, balance his checkbook. Yes at 15 he has a checkbook, but he's been "working" since he was 12 years old. He started by going out in the fields and gathering corn that the combines missed. He use to shell it using an antique corn sheller, but then the grain elevator said it didn't need to be done. So his father drove him to the elevator to turn in his corn and they would pay him. His first fall season earned him over $300.00.

Heaven forbid, the good Lord would take me from him at this age, but if he so chose to do so, my son will be able to do well. He has all the basics, is kind, sensitive and also strong willed.

He does have a good work ethic and knows if he wants a car..he has to pay for it and all that goes along with it. He's ready..at least he says he is.

If he chooses to live at home for awhile after he graduates we will be thrilled to let him stay, but he will have chores or duties to perform here at home, just as he would if he was to live on his own. I pray that I have prepared him enough, but he's only 15 so hopefully we can instill even more within the next few years.


Janet, I do believe we were separated at birth!!!!! :p :p :p My parents taught me the same thing. I got a checkbook at 15, I've had a job since I was 15, I have been doing my own laundry ever since I can remember, I've always helped my mom cook, and my parents never did the dishes (that was always me and my sisters' responsibility), and when I turned 16, I was given a lot of freedom to make decisions on my own. I could not WAIT to be out on my own. I am very mature in that respect. My parents always emphasized that I needed to be able to take care of myself and be independant and not ever have to rely on ANYONE for ANYTHING, not them (my parents) or a man.

[Janet]

Janet, I do believe we were separated at birth!!!!! :p :p :p My parents taught me the same thing. I got a checkbook at 15, I've had a job since I was 15, I have been doing my own laundry ever since I can remember, I've always helped my mom cook, and my parents never did the dishes (that was always me and my sisters' responsibility), and when I turned 16, I was given a lot of freedom to make decisions on my own. I could not WAIT to be out on my own. I am very mature in that respect. My parents always emphasized that I needed to be able to take care of myself and be independant and not ever have to rely on ANYONE for ANYTHING, not them (my parents) or a man.

Sounds like your parents did a great job. From all your posts, here and at YT, I would be proud to call you my daughter.

[Cribal]

I think if their out of school then they should be out of the house or helping paying for things. At 16 I had a job, checking acct, I was paying for my first car and paying for my own car ins. I'm glad that my mom taught me how to keep up with bills and manage my money. I admit I did get my first credit card at 18 and went crazy but I never missed a payment b/c my mom also made sure I knew never to mess up my credit. Now I've paid for two cars, I'm paying on a mortgage on a house, married and I think doing quite well for myself.

Now my best friend Lindsey is another story. She is my age (almost 25) and still living with her parents and still working a part time job. She has never had a bill in her life except her cell phone bill. Her parents treat her and her brother (still living at home and working at a pizza place at the age of 28) like their still kids. They have no responsibility at all. And it would be different if they were saving up money to move out or something but neither one of them even have a checking acct. They have no savings even though they have NO BILLS. I don't know if they will ever move out of their house. Me and Lindsey's plans since we were kids was to move out together when we were 18. I moved out at 18 and she's still never left...LOL

So be careful. If you don't have them making some kind of effort to move out or be on their own then you could end up having them until their 28 too...LOL

Sorry this was so long

[Tink]

OMG Crystal, I couldn't handle that! THIS is driving me bonkers and they're 18 and 20. LOL

My kids have done their own laundry since they were 12. They might not like doing it, but if they want clean clothes, they get it done.

Both of my older 2 are good enough cooks that they've cooked in restaurants (one in a city cafe and bar and grill, the other in a steak house) and the youngest can cook enough to keep herself fed if she absolutely has to. ;) She's just not as good at it as the other 2.

It's not a matter of them not knowing how to do things... they simply try to get away with not having to do any more than they have to. :(

I keep telling hubby that there's no reason for them to ever move out if they're TOO comfortable here. For example, Katie moved out for a few weeks and moved back home. When she moved back, she left her bed behind. NOW she expects US to buy her a new one. I refuse! Hubby was all ready to do it and I won't let him.
If she wants a bed, she can buy it! Right now she's sleeping on the sofa, which I don't like. I want her sleeping in her bedroom, but she rarely makes it that far.

[Kimberly7]

I think 18 is a reasonable age for them to move out. I would sit down and talk to both of them and ask them what their goals for the future and future plans are. Once they tell you, then you can help them put their plan into action. I guess based on their expectations for the future, then you can decide when they should be moving out.

But they should DEFINATELY be chipping in somehow. If not rent and utilities, then definately CHORES! You should not be doing ANY chores if your adult children are living with you and not paying rent. They should be doing ALL the chores. They should definately be earning their keep. Hey, maybe if they have enough chores, then that will entice them to move out. ;) Also, maybe they should have rules, like a curfew, etc. Tell them that as long as they are living with you, they will have to abide by the rules of your home. I mean, why on earth would they WANT to move out on their own if they are living with you for FREE, eating for FREE, and having all the freedom they would have if they were living on their own?! You need to give them a reason to want to move out and get their own place. Rules and chores are a good way to do this.

I have to agree. I have a 20 year old in college and we pay for most everything for her but she works too.

I have a 19 year old who is still at home but in school fulltime. She does a lot of the chores.

[Abigailsaunt5]

I have 3 adult children. The oldest is married and has been out of our home for quite some time. The younger 2 are 18 and 20, and still live at home with their dad and I. Both work at low paying jobs and right now, neither is in school. They pay no rent, utilities, or food expenses while here.

What age do YOU think is reasonable for them to move out?
Do you think they should be paying rent?
Should they be chipping in on expenses?
What chores if any should they be helping with?

When my children were living at home, out of school and had a job, they paid rent. Not alot, but something. They also had their normal chores to do as well. I would think by the age of no later than 25, they should be more than ready to move out.

[janc]

My kids had to pay rent weekly and my husband got our son up at 7 on Sat. morning to help him outside. He also cut grass (2 acres, riding lawn mower). He wasn't always happy but cheered up after about an hour. He has always thanked us for everything we did for him and never griped about the rent. He did move out when he was 19. Our daughter went into the Army at 18 and is 28 and in Iraq for the second time. She also tells us what awesome parents we are and were.
My husband's brother never grew up. He still lives with his parents and he is 56 and just had bypass. He has no life except when he comes to our house. His mother still tells him to set the table. My kids stand on their own. Scott is married and father of one. Liz is divorced and mother of 2.
My older daughter was a hell on wheels. At 16 she was given the 3 choices. She chose to live with her father in AZ. We lived in FL at the time. 3 months later she arrived back in town compliments of the state. Her father had thrown her out. I refused to take her back (drug dealers etc. invited to my house by her, many other things) and she is now 34, living with her significant other of 17 years, and has 2 children ages 13 boy and 8 girl. She is TOUGH on them. They behave well and love her very much. She calls me at least twice a week. I guess we did something right although I didn't think so at the time.

[Miss_Sara]

I think it really depends
like if they were in community college, I'd say they could stay until they were done witht hat school (so 2 more years)
but if they weren't doing anything
I would say they better leave. Unless they're doing a year off thing, or have kids, or any other special circumstance.

It really depends ont he kind of people you are, and the kind of people they are.

If they have their life on track, are in college, have a job, etc. but haven't moved out yet, it's likely they're saving up for it...

I say don't charge them, I think that would really hurt them, unless they're in their 20s (meaning, OVER the age of 20) and not planning to leave. But they should be helping out around the house. Definitly

[Fairydust125]

I think 18-19 is a good age cause that is usually when they go off to college. It's easier to do it that way by dorming because then you become independent and you have an excuse for it.

[Lissa]

There's no flat age to kick someone out, I'd say out by 28 at the latest, but it really depends on the person.

I moved out this past August and am living in a dorm (I'm turning 20 next month). My parents pay my tuition cause I don't qualify for financial aid, and they also pay my room and board. They won't let me get a job so they give me $60 every two weeks to get by. I hate it. I would rather have a job and be working to take over my own expenses. Even if they don't like it I'm going to try to get a job when I get back to school. I'm planning on getting an apartment in July so I need to be saving up for that so the bills wont sneak up on me, I want enough money to have the rent and expenses covered for at least 4-5 months in case I hit a rough spot.

I'd encourage your kids to get better jobs and start saving up. Chances are they want to move out, I know my sister(21) wants to and is planning to in August or so. If you think they feel too comfortable you could always start to get a little annoying about doing chores to light a fire under their rears and get them wanting to move out. I'd say my parents do a good job with that :p