Time for the Nitty Gritty...

[Kimberley]

Would you women say your sex life is...

[Amber_lv]

right now my hubby is a truck driver so no sex for me LOL

[Kimberley]

right now my hubby is a truck driver so no sex for me LOL

OMG! I feel for ya!

[Amber_lv]

lo it's not really that bad after i had my baby my sex drive is like zilch anyway so it's easier not to have to tell my hubby no lol

[Shannon]

When I met my bf, hate the term fiance, we had sex like rabbits. I did not think it was physically possible to have sex as often as we did. Needless to say, since we moved in together, the frequency has waned. The quality is still there though. He travels quite a bit for business, so we usually only see eachother on weekends. It is always fantastic and I have yet to be disappointed after 3 years and a couple of months.

[Khristine]

i just had to say great LOL..

Just like shannon, when my boyfriend and i (now fiance) .. started dating 6 years and 2 months ago (today's our monthiversary lol).. we used to bone like rabbits.. lol..

over the years it has gone down from 2 or 3 times a day when we first started dating to 3 -5 times a week through the years.. then when i got pregnant our sex drive fired up again lol..

and after the baby and its been 2 months.. i must say our sex life is still wonderful! we even had a scare and thought i was pregnant again :eek: thank goodness im not :) i guess i can say im very lucky.

[Pink Cupcakes]

Well my vote went to what sex life :( And it totally freaking sucks to be honest lol. Also since I'm still being honest I will say that I don't, and never really have had a huge sex drive or anything, but geez, we all need it sometimes right! Lord. lol. Anyway it used to be great with a capital G, but ever since my husband started his antidepressant crap -which I know he needs but it's just frustrating!- our sex life has gone totally down the tube. I'm talking we have sex like maybe once every 3 months, if that. So thats equivalent to maybe 4 times a year OMG. I'm not kidding you guys it is getting really bad. I'm so glad this poll was here because I was going to ask if any of you have gone though this before? With either you or your partner being on medications that have decreased either of your sex drives? I don't know what the hell to do anymore. I have pretty much just given up :( If someone has any advice please do tell!

[Shannon]

Well my vote went to what sex life :( And it totally freaking sucks to be honest lol. Also since I'm still being honest I will say that I don't, and never really have had a huge sex drive or anything, but geez, we all need it sometimes right! Lord. lol. Anyway it used to be great with a capital G, but ever since my husband started his antidepressant crap -which I know he needs but it's just frustrating!- our sex life has gone totally down the tube. I'm talking we have sex like maybe once every 3 months, if that. So thats equivalent to maybe 4 times a year OMG. I'm not kidding you guys it is getting really bad. I'm so glad this poll was here because I was going to ask if any of you have gone though this before? With either you or your partner being on medications that have decreased either of your sex drives? I don't know what the hell to do anymore. I have pretty much just given up :( If someone has any advice please do tell!

I'm not even going to tell you who I know has this porblem because it grosses me out to have to know this. Anyway it's my parents. I like to think that they only had sex 3 times since I have two siblings, but I guess I am wrong. Anyway, my dad suffers form pretty debilitating depression. He has been on Paxil for years. Well apparently, the no sex thing bothered my mother enough to do something about it. My Dad takes testerone to counteract the effects of Paxil. Maybe your husband can try this. I hope this helps. I'm going to go vomit.:eek:

[EvilWeeLover]

Hi there. This is my first post here! Thanks to yorkietalk.com for giving me this lovely new forum!

In my relationship (which has just ended) the sex was not particularly great. It was ALL he wasn't interested in. No conversation, No cuddling or anything like that just straight for the goods, as it were! BLECH!

All I can say is thank goodness it's all over!

[Janet]

If we're all being honest here...then I will have to say I HATE IT!! Maybe it would be good with someone else, but not with my husband. Please don't think that's bad. We started dating when I was 15 (51 now) and after all these years, I'm just not interested. He use to try to wake me at 3 or 4 in the morning, I had a full time job, so I stopped that real guick. There have been others reasons for my desire declining for him. Now it's just that I have to do most everything and well, to me it was just another job that had to be done. It's been years and I mean years and I don't miss it at all.

Guess I need to start another thread..after posting above, I feel I need to vent some...I just don't want to sound awful, it's just how I feel. Maybe I need to wait.

[Ponyup]

My husband & I's sex life has actually been good lately. twice already this week & I just ended my monthly visitor on tues. so things are going well.

The problem I have with my hubby is I think I see him too often. When we were dating we were long distance & only saw each other on the weekends. Needless to say most of the weekends were spent in bed.

The one big problem is that my husband is not a very physical person like most men. you know how most men think with or on behalf of their male part 95% of the time or more well my husband uses his actual brain 95% of the time. This is why I fell for him. I have a body most men find desirable & most of my relationships were more physically than mental more times than not. I was so excited to find a man that enjoyed spending time with me & not just in bed. However, now that I know he loves me for my mind I wish he would be more about my body more often, but I know you can't have it both ways.

Also he was not terribly experienced when we met & wasn't really into learning. However, he did fit me perfectly if you know what I mean. I tried to teach him, but I didn't really know what i was doing either. I was used to more experienced men & when they'd do something I liked I'd let them know & then they'd do it again.

However, lately he's either learned what to do as far as foreplay goes or I've lowered my expectations, but things have been really good lately & really enjoyable. Don't ask me what's changed, I don't know, but I do like it.

Sorry so long & so detailed I really enjoy talking about sex. Again don't know why.

[hle_625]

Me and my hubby have been together for over 5 years. And our sex life is still awesome! We have sex alot! We were each others first so it makes it more special to me. I feel for you guys that dont have sex very often, I dont know how you do it, I love sex! LOL

[ginab]

holy crap, did you say sex!!!! non friggin stop, i have to run away from him..
he is just a horny son of a gun,, anytime, anywhere, anyplace... he is just nuts..
you ever heard of too much., well thats me...ouch i tellya.... i beg him
PLEASE leave me alone tonight....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.. sometimes i just cant.

[ice queen]

Well my vote went to what sex life :( And it totally freaking sucks to be honest lol. Also since I'm still being honest I will say that I don't, and never really have had a huge sex drive or anything, but geez, we all need it sometimes right! Lord. lol. Anyway it used to be great with a capital G, but ever since my husband started his antidepressant crap -which I know he needs but it's just frustrating!- our sex life has gone totally down the tube. I'm talking we have sex like maybe once every 3 months, if that. So thats equivalent to maybe 4 times a year OMG. I'm not kidding you guys it is getting really bad. I'm so glad this poll was here because I was going to ask if any of you have gone though this before? With either you or your partner being on medications that have decreased either of your sex drives? I don't know what the hell to do anymore. I have pretty much just given up :( If someone has any advice please do tell!
After my husband came back from iraq he was very traumatized-there are some things he can't even talk to me about that happened over there-well they put him on Paxil and our sex life was GONE!!! so i know how it messes with your self-esteem...after awhile i realized that it was better to just hold each other and have foreplay for a long time because there are things he can do to make you you-know without actual intercourse....plus you can always throw some "toys" in there. if he is not interested in that kind of thing call his doctor and see if there is some other type of medication he can take that won't affect your sex life-is he having trouble with his manliness staying up or just no interest at all no matter what you do? if it's the man thing you can have his doc put him on cialis or viagra. good luck sweetie pie:D

[ice queen]

holy crap, did you say sex!!!! non friggin stop, i have to run away from him..
he is just a horny son of a gun,, anytime, anywhere, anyplace... he is just nuts..
you ever heard of too much., well thats me...ouch i tellya.... i beg him
PLEASE leave me alone tonight....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.. sometimes i just cant.
OUCHIE!!!!i have been there before...i tell him it's too sore and he's gonna have to kiss it better!!!:D :D :D guess you gave him a taste of something he likes!!!

[ice queen]

right now my hubby is a truck driver so no sex for me LOL
Girl....you better buy you some "toys" my husband works offshore for weeks at a time plus he was in n.o. for hurricane katrina for a year (national guard) so i needed something to take the edge off!!!:D :p :D

[Kimberley]

If we're all being honest here...then I will have to say I HATE IT!! Maybe it would be good with someone else, but not with my husband. Please don't think that's bad. We started dating when I was 15 (51 now) and after all these years, I'm just not interested. He use to try to wake me at 3 or 4 in the morning, I had a full time job, so I stopped that real guick. There have been others reasons for my desire declining for him. Now it's just that I have to do most everything and well, to me it was just another job that had to be done. It's been years and I mean years and I don't miss it at all.

Guess I need to start another thread..after posting above, I feel I need to vent some...I just don't want to sound awful, it's just how I feel. Maybe I need to wait.

WOWSERS! LOL! I won't say that I hate it but in all honesty, I only get in the mood maybe once a month. We actually only have sex about twice a month so it's not that bad.

[Kristy]

I would have sex 30 times a week if it were at all possible, but it's been about 3x a week. Not bad.

[Mandy]

I would have sex 30 times a week if it were at all possible, but it's been about 3x a week. Not bad.


30x a week??? Good God could you still walk after?? :eek:

[Pink Cupcakes]

My husband is on 20MG of Lexapro. He has been on Paxil before and some other ones too but they just didn't help with his anxiety/depression. Lexapro is the only thing that has helped him so far and he has been on it for probably going on about 3 years, maybe more who knows. He doesn't have any problem what so ever with his uhhh manhood staying up lmao however he just totally has no sex drive what so ever. Like I said in the last post I made, he will get interested about once every 3 months. Which is pretty pathetic considering that we are still young. It pisses me off though because we can only have sex when he wants to, how come it can never be when I want it? And when he wants sex, he wants sex, and he expects it right then and there. Total opposite for me though. I don't get it at all when I want it, it's only on his time. I know that his no sex drive is something that he can't help, it's the medication thats doing it. But I have tried to talk to him about going to the doctor and getting something to help him overcome this problem and he refuses to go so what can I do :( I guess he is just embarrassed. It's embarrassing for me though, because everyone I know ask us when we are going to have a baby because they know I want one. Well I have just been telling them, I don't know- I just haven't been able to get pregnant yet- don't really know whats wrong. Well then they all tell me that I should go to the doctor and get checked out to see whats going on with me, when in all actuality I know exactly whats wrong. Ya can't get pregnant if ya don't have sex! :( I just don't want to go around telling everyone, oh yeah I'm not pregnant because my husband and I never have sex, ya know? There was a point where my husband and I had talked and decided that we really did want to try to start having a baby, because for a while he said that he was just too scared and wasn't ready to become a father. Well after we had that discussion and decided that we were going to start trying- and this was over a year ago- I started keeping up with everything as far as my most fertile days go. Well I would let him know when we needed to try and the first couple times it was fine, and then he started acting like it was such a chore to him. OMG I cannot even tell you how humiliating that was for me. I felt like I was being like guy and begging him to have sex. I would cry and cry for hours. Sometimes I would feel hurt and other times I would just be so damn mad about the whole thing. It's like he promised me that we would start trying, and then he acted like I was just bothering him and I was just in his way so to speak. When I would cry he would comfort me, ask me whats wrong and all that, and when I would tell him he would say I told you we are going to start trying and I told you that we will have a baby. Well answer me this- how in the hell am I ever going to get pregnant if we don't have sex! I would just get so frustrated. It was just think he was saying one thing to get me to calm down and completely doing another. Finally I just gave up. I feel as though we are never going to have children. That's honestly what I believe and it makes me sick. He knew when we first started dating that having kids was very important to me and that it was the one thing I wanted most out of life. I made that very clear to him from the get go. I wouldn't have married someone who did not want kids. I don't want to have my first child when I'm over 30. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but my parents had kids really late in life and I just prefer to have them earlier in life. Especially my first. I don't know, just talking about all this makes me sick. And it makes me even more angry at him for not wanting to do something about it. I just wanna tell him how stupid he sounds when he goes around telling everyone that we are going to have kids because in the back of my mind I'm thinking- no we're not. It isn't possible with hardly any sex life at all. I don't know I am at a complete loss. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it and realize that I will probably never because a mother like I had always dreamed of. And I'm sorry but it's his fault for taking that dream away from me. I'm just so angry..

Omg I just realized how long that was- sorry :( I just had to vent..

[Mandy]

That's ok girl, vent away!! We are all here to listen to each other ;)

[Tiger Lily]

Mine is just about non existing in my opinion. In my fiance's opinion.....I just want it more than most people. I tell him that this is probably true, however, I definately don't get it even as much as the average person.

We've been together for 5 years.....but honestly, we've never had a hoppin sex life since day one. He has always said that he's just not interested in it that much. If everything else with him wasn't so good....I'd be gone.

I will admit that I get really frustrated trying to understand his lack of interest. We both work out regularly & are healthy & the sex is great when we do have it! I am definately the man though.....I always instigate it!!

[ice queen]

oh boy....poor baby!!! IMO it sounds like he is being selfish and using the meds as his excuse to not give you what you want...sex or a baby....i guess you could just wait till he's asleep and just help yourself!!!:p Seriously maybe you should just sit down with him and tell him that you REALLY want to have a child. I know you probably already have but maybe you should give him an ultimatum....a fullfilling sex life for both of you and a child or children also....if he can't fill that position maybe he isn't the man you thought he was and you don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what if??? You sound like a very sweet person and i think you would make a wonderful mother esp. in dealing with tough situatuions like you are now with your man. If he still is being hard-headed about it...go get a.i.-you won't be cheating on him or adopt. i get upset for you when I think that when he wants it, you are supposed to just lay down and spread 'em but when you want it he acts like you are wanting a damn kidney or something! men!!!::rolleyes:

[RLC12345678]

It seems like hubby and I are rarely on the same "wavelength." Whenever he's in the mood, I'm not. But when I'm in the mood, he's not. We both work full-time, so it's hard to get in the mood at the same time because usually one of us is just too tired. I will have to say more often than not, it is my hubby that wants it and I'm not in the mood than vice versa. It is definately something I really need to work on because the sex is GREAT and I would LIKE to have sex more, but I'm usually just too tired to get in the mood. :( Now we are having sex about once a week or 3 times a month at least.

[blowry]

Well my vote went to what sex life :( And it totally freaking sucks to be honest lol. Also since I'm still being honest I will say that I don't, and never really have had a huge sex drive or anything, but geez, we all need it sometimes right! Lord. lol. Anyway it used to be great with a capital G, but ever since my husband started his antidepressant crap -which I know he needs but it's just frustrating!- our sex life has gone totally down the tube. I'm talking we have sex like maybe once every 3 months, if that. So thats equivalent to maybe 4 times a year OMG. I'm not kidding you guys it is getting really bad. I'm so glad this poll was here because I was going to ask if any of you have gone though this before? With either you or your partner being on medications that have decreased either of your sex drives? I don't know what the hell to do anymore. I have pretty much just given up :( If someone has any advice please do tell!

My husband (2nd marriage, married 7 yrs in Nov) never had a HUGE sex drive...I did. He works his butt off and he is on anti aniexty drugs which react the same as antidepressants. Like you I only get it MAYBE once a month. I really enjoy sex and do miss it. I told my husband the other day that he will have you clean out the cob webs before we do anything.!

[Kimberley]

I would have sex 30 times a week if it were at all possible, but it's been about 3x a week. Not bad.

HOLY MOSES!:eek: YOU GO, GIRL!!!!!:D :D :D

[Marilyn]

Pink Cupcakes - Sweetie, if at all possible, you need to talk to a counselor. Perhaps you can get your hubby to go with you. If you are a Christian, a Christian counselor would be most appropriate. Your body is not your own, it is his and his is yours. It's just not right for either of you to suffer so. If he loves you like he should, he cannot be happy with the current situation. Perhaps if you can work through this, he won't need so much medication. Also, if you can work through this together, you marriage can be much stronger.

I wouldn't have children until your marriage improves. Children will just put more strain on your relationship. I had my first when I was 31 due to infertility issues. This was probably a good thing. We were much more mature, and more able to handle the challenges and finanical requirements of parenthood.

Wishing you the very, very best!!
Marilyn

[Amber_lv]

Ok first off since we are being honest i guess I'll add a little more to my story... Well when me and my hubby first met i was a total and complete nympho(i'm not kidding) I wanted sex all the time we would get finished and he would roll over and i would want it again at least 3 times a night every night(I'm really not kidding) and this went on for about 3 years well my hubby was almost killed in a ATV accident and he was on oxicotton and lortabs for ever well he got addicted to them and the doctor just kept prescribing them to him (he was on them for over a year:eek: ) He didn't want anything to do with me during this time he had no sex drive at all (because of the pills) and i felt so inadequate it gave me very low self esteem and it was horrible! Well this helped kill my sex drive and after he got off the pills he started to want sex more well we decided to have another baby so we had sex like rabbits and i got pregnant well...... I do not do well in pregnancy my baby took everything from me and my hormones were shot i hated my husband while i was pregnant and we almost got a divorce because of it he slept on the couch for 9 months i wouldn't even kiss him ( i feel really bad but it wasn't my fault i couldn't help it) Well i had the baby after bed rest and preterm labor and a hard labor he was 3 1/2 weeks early i went into a severe post pardom depression which i still haven't fully recovered from but my point is i have no sex drive at all and he is now like a freaking animal all he thinks about is sex(and i mean 24-7) I can't even hug him without him trying to throw me down and do me right there!! It is a lot easier now that he is on the road but i still have times i don't want sex and we fight severely about it if i say no. I know he loves me and he has needs but it's hard to force yourself when you don't want it. I really do miss my sex life and wish i could be the way i used to be but right now i don't think it will happen and I'm ok with it but my hubby hates it! To pink i hope maybe you can talk to him and seek counseling together and maybe try the testosterone pills for him i am in counseling now trying to work on this myself so good luck and don't lose hope we are here for you.

[Paulina]

Cymbalta is a new anti-depressant/anti-anxiety drug. It is excellent and here is the best thing...it does not decrease the sex drive. Paxil (I was on it for years) will eliminate the desire for sex completely and will make it very hard to orgasm. Physicians who have not had personal experience with anti-depressants do not explain to patients how severe the change in sex will be on Paxil, Lexapro, Prozak etc. Cymbalta has none of those side effects. My husband is a psychologist so when he first learned about Cymbalta he told me. My physcian immediately switched me from Paxil to Cymbalta. Thank goodness!
Another thing. My husband is 60 and had decreased sex drive. We just got married 3 years ago. He figured that it was just something that he would have to accept as part of aging.Since I am a nurse, I suggested that he have his testosterone level checked. Bingo! It was low. He now uses testosterone cream once a day. The difference has been remarkable. Even he cannot believe how much different he feels and not just sexually. He also has more energy and interest in his hobbies again. Hope this helps some sex lives!

[Miniflash]

Like it or not Sex is the key for men anyways and Guess who holds that key???? WE DO So ladies listen up ..if your relationship suffers from good or bad Sex ..know you have the /////key ~~~~~Learn to work it !:D :D

[Kimberley]

Like it or not Sex is the key for men anyways and Guess who holds that key???? WE DO So ladies listen up ..if your relationship suffers from good or bad Sex ..know you have the /////key ~~~~~Learn to work it !:D :D

HAHA! That's funny!!!!:D

[khardy57]

My husband died nearly a year ago. What is sex?

[Kimberley]

My husband died nearly a year ago. What is sex?

OMG! I am so sorry! :(

[RLC12345678]

My husband died nearly a year ago. What is sex?

I'm so sorry to hear this. :( Sex is obviously something we take for granted. :(

[Kimberley]

I'm so sorry to hear this. :( Sex is obviously something we take for granted. :(

you are so right!:(

[khardy57]

I didn't mean to rain on anybody's parade, but the thought of being close to anyone other than my husband makes me sick to my stomach. I guess I'll live vicariously thru you guys!

[Gina]

My husband died nearly a year ago. What is sex?


I am so sorry to hear this...My condolences.

[Tink]

About 6 yrs ago I ordered Viagra online for my hubby thinkng it might help his "problem" and impress upon him that I was still interested. I got only 6 tablets to see if they would work before I ordered more. He tried them, they worked great and he never even finished using those 6. It's been a LONG dry spell and if I mention it, he gives me a dozen reasons about why it's dangerous for him to use the pills. (he sounds like he's reading it off the pamphlet that comes from the pharmacy even though he is perfectly healthy and had NO side affects when he used them.)

He rarely hugs me, maybe kisses me goodbye when he leaves each Sunday for work and doesn't want to discuss that I might have needs even if he doesn't. All intimacy between us is gone, so I just absorb myself in the kids, grandkids, the house, my job, etc. I seriously don't tell anyone this, but since you asked... :secret: I miss that aspect of life, but not enough to leave him over it, and he's made it clear he's not going to change.

[Gina]

About 6 yrs ago I ordered Viagra online for my hubby thinkng it might help his "problem" and impress upon him that I was still interested. I got only 6 tablets to see if they would work before I ordered more. He tried them, they worked great and he never even finished using those 6. It's been a LONG dry spell and if I mention it, he gives me a dozen reasons about why it's dangerous for him to use the pills. (he sounds like he's reading it off the pamphlet that comes from the pharmacy even though he is perfectly healthy and had NO side affects when he used them.)

He rarely hugs me, maybe kisses me goodbye when he leaves each Sunday for work and doesn't want to discuss that I might have needs even if he doesn't. All intimacy between us is gone, so I just absorb myself in the kids, grandkids, the house, my job, etc. I seriously don't tell anyone this, but since you asked... :secret: I miss that aspect of life, but not enough to leave him over it, and he's made it clear he's not going to change.


May I put my two cents in. I don't think that he is fair to you. You are still a young woman who has needs and wants. He is being very selfish, like you said its not that he is unhealthy. You are filling your void in your children, grandkids etc. which is a good thing , but you should be number one now. I am not a therapist, but maybe going to a marriage counseler would help. We all need to feel wanted and loved. If you can accept it then you have made your choice and who is anyone to say differently. As long as your happy within...Is he good to you in other ways? Sex usually dwindles as you get older but much older.

[BabyNicole]

The only person I have sex with right now is myself (no man in my life)! LOLOL Just bust out with the toys and extra batteries, and I'm satisfied. :D

Now for my public service announcement :p : If you've never tried a vibrator, go out and get one NOW!!!!!!!!! I don't have an orgasm from just sex, never have (I'm going on 30). But, if you have a man who's comfortable with it, he'll "let" you use it during sex. Man is that 100% better! :p

[rivermom]

My husband died nearly a year ago. What is sex?

I am so sorry. :(