How forgiving are you?

[Kimberley]

If you found out your significant other was having an affair, would you forgive him/her?

My FIL cheated on his wife bringing home a couple of STDs that were curable. MIL forgave him COMPLETELY...even though he treats her like crap.

Would you be as forgiving?

I don't know that I could. But, with having 2 kids and being already divorced once, I think that I would be able to look past it.....:confused:

[Shannon]

I don't ever want to get divorced, but I do have a cheat or beat clause. If my significant other did either, I would leave without thinking twice. I think that trust is the most important thing in a marriage and if I did not trust some one, I couldn't stay.

The funny thing is, most people are probably good at forgiving, it's the forgetting that is hard. I would probably make the other persons life miserable if I stayed. I would always think that he was still cheating on me.

I don't ever want to be in this situation, but if I was, I would walk.

[magnolia]

Like Shannon, I've never been in that situation so not sure what I would do. I know I love him and I have forgiven him for many, many things - just as he's forgiven me - but not for this. I honestly don't know what I would do - and hope to never have to find out. But it is a good question Kimberly.

[ice queen]

My hubby cheated on me on the same day I got our marriage license! I was 7 months pregnant and we were living together at the time....he told me the very next day what he had done (he was drunk when he erred) and he felt so bad about what he had done. I told him to carry his sorry no good ass but we ended up getting married anyway. It hurt more than anything and it's been 8 years and I've just now gotten to where I can think about it without wanting to kill him. He went to Iraq for over a year and I told him that I trusted him but if he did cheat on me not to ever tell me about it and he said since he did it once if I ever wanted to be with somebody I could cheat on him twice to make up for it. As for the fil bringing home std's your mil is SO lucky she didn't end up with herpes, or even worse AIDs. That part I could never forgive and I would value my life more than having a man in my life that treated me like shit. My ex step-dad cheated on my mom and brought home an std and she literally beat the shit out of him and the girl he got it from and kicked him out to the curb even though they had been together for almost twenty years. He treated her bad too and cheated on her all the time and she it wasn't worth being treated like that for the rest of her life and she took care of herself before she met him and she can take better care of herself after he's gone. so good luck to your mil and IMO she needs to kick him in his nads and stick her other foot up his ass....sorry for the foul language when i get upset i cuss.:rolleyes:

[Kimberley]

My hubby cheated on me on the same day I got our marriage license! I was 7 months pregnant and we were living together at the time....he told me the very next day what he had done (he was drunk when he erred) and he felt so bad about what he had done. I told him to carry his sorry no good ass but we ended up getting married anyway. It hurt more than anything and it's been 8 years and I've just now gotten to where I can think about it without wanting to kill him. He went to Iraq for over a year and I told him that I trusted him but if he did cheat on me not to ever tell me about it and he said since he did it once if I ever wanted to be with somebody I could cheat on him twice to make up for it. As for the fil bringing home std's your mil is SO lucky she didn't end up with herpes, or even worse AIDs. That part I could never forgive and I would value my life more than having a man in my life that treated me like shit. My ex step-dad cheated on my mom and brought home an std and she literally beat the shit out of him and the girl he got it from and kicked him out to the curb even though they had been together for almost twenty years. He treated her bad too and cheated on her all the time and she it wasn't worth being treated like that for the rest of her life and she took care of herself before she met him and she can take better care of herself after he's gone. so good luck to your mil and IMO she needs to kick him in his nads and stick her other foot up his ass....sorry for the foul language when i get upset i cuss.:rolleyes:

HAHA! I hear ya with the language part. I totally agree! They've been married over 35 years and if he says jump, she jumps...literally. It sickens me...that's why I don't go over there much anymore.

[Amber_lv]

I personally have never had this happen but if my husband was to ever cheat on me it would be over my biggest fear would be for him to bring home an STD like aids and then what would my poor children do if we both died from his stupidity? To me that is unforgivable it makes me sick when women forgive these low life good for nothing pieces of sh@t it just gives them permission to keep doing it. I don't want to offend anyone by saying that but it's the truth to the woman who said she told her husband not to tell her if he did it again what would you do if he brought you home something deadly and you didn't even know till it was to late for you? I'm not in your situation and i don't want to offend you but you kinda gave him a license to cheat on you like what you don't know won't hurt you but it possibly could. Like the woman who are beat and abused they say he was sorry he didn't mean to and he'll never do it again but they always do and look how many end up dead from it. I'm sorry it's just a touchy subject for me my aunt was beaten by her husband for years and he raped her when he wanted sex she was in denial for years until he threw he out for a stripper ,he met at the bar. My sister also had a very controlling boyfriend and he hit her to and i threatened that POS within an inch of his life if he ever touched her again. We finally conviced her to leave him and she is married to a wonderful man now but she is scarred from her experience. I have had several friends that have been cheated on and i had one friend who was pregnant as her husband was cheating on her for the umpteenth time and he gave her an STD as well. We as women need to stand up for ourselves and show that we will not tolerate any of this behavior!!!! Sorry i will get off my soap box now i really hope i haven't offended anyone.

[ice queen]

I personally have never had this happen but if my husband was to ever cheat on me it would be over my biggest fear would be for him to bring home an STD like aids and then what would my poor children do if we both died from his stupidity? To me that is unforgivable it makes me sick when women forgive these low life good for nothing pieces of sh@t it just gives them permission to keep doing it. I don't want to offend anyone by saying that but it's the truth to the woman who said she told her husband not to tell her if he did it again what would you do if he brought you home something deadly and you didn't even know till it was to late for you? I'm not in your situation and i don't want to offend you but you kinda gave him a license to cheat on you like what you don't know won't hurt you but it possibly could. Like the woman who are beat and abused they say he was sorry he didn't mean to and he'll never do it again but they always do and look how many end up dead from it. I'm sorry it's just a touchy subject for me my aunt was beaten by her husband for years and he raped her when he wanted sex she was in denial for years until he threw he out for a stripper ,he met at the bar. My sister also had a very controlling boyfriend and he hit her to and i threatened that POS within an inch of his life if he ever touched her again. We finally conviced her to leave him and she is married to a wonderful man now but she is scarred from her experience. I have had several friends that have been cheated on and i had one friend who was pregnant as her husband was cheating on her for the umpteenth time and he gave her an STD as well. We as women need to stand up for ourselves and show that we will not tolerate any of this behavior!!!! Sorry i will get off my soap box now i really hope i haven't offended anyone.
Don't worry you haven't offended me..i do agree with alot of the things you said. and as for cheating on me iraq i know he didn't because for some reason i am blessed (or am i) with the ability to catch people in a lie just from looking in their eyes or at least my family and close friends. i just knew in my heart of hearts that if he cheated on me and told me it would kill me emotionally so i thought at the time that was the only way to spare myself from reliving that pain again. plus in the military the test you for so much stuff overseas before you get there while you are there and before you are even allowed to come back in the states, then when you are home they test you again. he knows that i will kill him and the bitch he was with if he ever did it again...plus my mom and mil said to his face they would both shoot him between the eyes if they found out he was cheating on the mother of his babies so i think he is scared shitless as it is. he still apologizes for cheating on me so long ago but like i tell him saying i'm sorry doesn't take away the pain in my heart. and as for the sorry sob's that beat their women...it will all come back and bite them in the ass.... ever heard of karma? i have a friend who just went through a traumatic experience with her husband and she said that's enough i'm filing for divorce....she said she could deal with him treating her bad but when it came to the safety of her children she wanted him out so she called the cops-there was a shootout but they got him and she has a restraining order and is already filing for divorce.

[ice queen]

Amber luv....i hope your tooth is feeling better and you at least went to the er or saw another dentist...you might need to get your friend to fly up there and place a double can of whoop azz on both those ding-ass dentists the one that messed up your mouth and the smart-ass on call dentist.:D i know at the er they will at least give you a shot or something to help the pain...take ibuprofen my ass....gets me all het up and wanting to kick some ass!!! i'm sure if you give your mom pouty-face she will let you stay over there all you want and let you sleep your pain away so she can love on her new grandbaby:p plus you can stay away from your mil who's been a turd!!!i'm sure her nagging wouldn't help your poor toofie feel any better....

[butterfly]

I would never stay with any man that cheated on me. JMO I've forgiven enough other crap to let that slide.

[Lindsey]

Well, I haven't been married but I know how it feels to be cheated on... by every guy I've dated. The first guy I ever slept with, I dated for three years. I waited two years before I gave in and slept with him. I knew he had been going on dates and kissing other girls and stuff, but he always cried and apologized and I always took him back. So I slept with him, and we broke up a year later, and I found out that I probably wasn't his first... he was sleeping with another girl for the whole year. Needless to say I got very depressed and had low self esteem for a few years (and I'm only 22 now).
I was with another guy for two years and I thought he was amazing but I would always find other girls underwear and socks and random clothing in his bedroom, but i stuck around and half the time didn't even say anything. There were 3 or 4 guys around these relationships too, who all cheated, and they were the ones to dump me.
I basically said screw it, love doesn't exist, and any guy I marry is going to cheat on me so I would like to get married just to have kids, and then get divorced because i'm happier alone.
.... Until I met a guy who treats me like a princess, and makes me believe i'm worth more than I ever thought. I feel strong enough now that if I ever get cheated on again, I'm going to be the one to end it.

[Shannon]

Lindsey, I am so glad that you finally found a KEEPER.:)

[Pink Cupcakes]

To be completely honest I have never been put in this situation, except in my past when a boyfriend of almost 1 year cheated on me, and it broke my heart. Only it was alot easier because we weren't married. As soon as I found out, it was over. I broke up with him right away. I am worth more than that. Some people are forgiving on these types of things, my best friend being one of them, her husband has cheated on her a million times, including with her own sister (yeah..I know). But I personally couldn't forgive something like this. I have thought long and hard about this before and I honestly do not think that I would be able to stay. One of the main reasons being that I know in my heart of hearts that I personally would never be able to trust him again, ever. Once someone breaks my trust, it is pretty much broken. That's it. I know we are supposed to forgive, but I'm sorry, that just isn't in me when it comes to something like this.

[Shannon]

We have some Kick Ass Women on here. Not to mention eloquent ones too!

[Cribal]

I will FORGIVE just about anything, but I NEVER fORGET ANYTHING!!!

The couple things that I will say forsure that I would never forgive would be Abuse (of anykind:verbal or physical) and cheating.

I know part of this topic wasn't abuse but someone brought it up so.... : I would pitty the man that would ever put a hand on me. I'm not trying to say that I'm this really strong person that could beat up men but if a guy hits me and if I don't believe my fist will do enough damage back then my but is going for a base ball bat or something that would probly end up putting me in jail.

Now I do have to say that I don't believe in a female being able to go crazy and hitting a guy and him not do something back. This situation I was talking about above was if a man hit a woman without her hitting him first. I believe that if I have enough balls to him a man then I shouldn't get mad if he hits me back. Please nobody be mad at me for saying this but that's just how I feel.

As for the cheating thing. There is NO WAY I would ever take back a cheater. I believe once a cheater, always a cheater.

Crystal

[hle_625]

I honestly dont know what I would do if my hubby cheated on me! I dont think I could ever leave him, Ive been with him since I was 15 and I love him more than anything in this world! I know I would be extremely hurt but I honestly dont know if I could leave him for it! I think it would make for an extremely hard marriage but I cant imagine my life without him :(

[ginab]

my theory is, if they love you they wouldnt do it.. i dont care how drunk you are.
its done goodbye.,,, see ya later...

[Mandy]

I think once that trust is gone, it'll be hard to get back!! Like they say "once a cheater, always a cheater" :confused:

[Ponyup]

A one time mistake is one thing, it would be hard to get over & it would put a strain, but I would probably try to work through it. An affair is a completely different thing. It's not just sex usually there is emotion involved in an affair & lots of lying. I would have to say an affair would mean the end.

[rivermom]

I don't ever have to question my husband and I am very thankful for that part of peace that remains within my heart.

Him and I have been married before and both of us cheated with our spouses for various reasons. We've been down that road so with the marriage we have now we both have such an understanding as to what all is involved physically and emotionally playing that "cheating game". It takes its toll and it's never a positive experience.

I don't agree with the slogan "once a cheater always a cheater" as I am living proof it doesn't hold up.

I can't really imagine having to forgive my husband for cheating because I haven't had to even place that thought in my mind. So, this is a question I am unable to answer. ;)

[Kimberley]

I would never stay with any man that cheated on me. JMO I've forgiven enough other crap to let that slide.

hmmm...you got a point there!

[RLC12345678]

I've already told my hubby that if he ever cheats on me, I'm divorcing him and taking all of his money with me! ;) I won't think twice about doing it either.

[Khristine]

I honestly dont know what I would do if my hubby cheated on me! I dont think I could ever leave him, Ive been with him since I was 15 and I love him more than anything in this world! I know I would be extremely hurt but I honestly dont know if I could leave him for it! I think it would make for an extremely hard marriage but I cant imagine my life without him :(


i feel the same way.. i've been with him since i was 14.. and have gone through SO much with him.. he's my rock my bestfriend my everything.. i'd be SO extremely hurt if my boyfriend ever cheated on me..

but i do believe that he would end it with me instead of cheating on me... hes a great man :)

[ice queen]

girl what you doing up this late???:p

[Khristine]

girl what you doing up this late???:p


lol it was only midnight where i was :) My daughter and I were waiting for my BF to come home from work to pick us up at my parents house since we stay there during the night while hes at work...

i had just finished watching Veronica Mars the complete season 1 lol ;)

[ice queen]

i've watched a few of those shows they are pretty cool....but between hubby wanting to watch the nerd channels (discovery channel or history channel) and the kids fighting over cartoon network...poor little mommy doesn't get to watch to much...although they know when the closer and sex in the city come on they better get out my face...haha!!!;)

[khardy57]

My first husband will tell you that I don't forgive, I get even! When I divorced him I didn't leave him a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out. I fully believe that the first time a man cheats is the hardest time. That's when he has to deal with his conscience. After that, it's all downhill.