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Funny Quote for the Day.
~~New Daily Thread~~ :cat:
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal", "Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment. - George Carlin |
XD I love it!
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Teeheehee good one!
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I've never thought about it but I guess that the Ten Commandments would really step on their toes!!!!!
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Quote~Thursday~ May 1st
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
- Jack Benny :cat: |
I used to love Jack Benny....I could hear him saying that in my head! Very funny!
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Friday~May 2nd~Funny Quote
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions. -- Elayne Boosler |
Saturday~May 3rd~Quote of the Day
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. - Henry Kissinger |
These quotes have been so cute, funny, and true!!!...LOL
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Sunday~May 4th~ Quote of the Day
It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause. Jack Benny |
Those are great Kat! Thanks for making my day brighter...every day! :)
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I'm really liking these quotes Kat. Can there be anyone wiser than Jack Benny?...:D
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Great quotes - keep them coming!
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I know...lol...that's what I thought. Check him out Traci...you're gonna like him! |
Monday~ May 5th~Quotes
Today's Sale, You get 3 for the price of one..:D "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -Groucho Marx “The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson |
Cute, Kat!!!
The second one, my husband's done and no, he doesn't forget anymore!!!!! And I think that he already lives by number 3!!!! |
Cheerfulness is contagious, but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a "carrier."
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As it should be Diana. ;) Quote:
I finally figured out how to multiquote. :excited: |
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You sure did!!! Congratulations...you didn't even need me....Attachment 3223 |
~Tuesday~May 6th~Quote~
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get use to the idea." Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) |
hee hee I love it!
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Its not Friday yet! Now you have to come up with another one
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O.K. Michelle it's Friday now, how's this just for you???
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." ~ Jimmy Durante ~ "Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day." ~ Mickey Rooney ~ "In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues." ~ Helen Rowland ~ "My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact." ~ Roseanne Barr ~ |
Those were funny Kat!!
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~Saturday~May 10th~Quotes
Roseanne Barr Quotes: A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego. As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job. Excuse the mess but we live here. Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them. I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life. I was completely nuts for most of my life. It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest. The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect. Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with. |
Roseanne is one of my favorites. I still love watching her reruns.
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Me too! My daughter and I love to watch the old reruns and we just howl with laughter!
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~HAPPY MOTHERS DAY~SUNDAY~ MAY 11~:)
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing. More funny Kin Hubbard quotes ***You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom. More funny Captain Penny's Law quotes ***Only mothers can think of the future-because they give birth to it in their children. More funny Maxim Gorky quotes ***My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh. More funny Bob Monkhouse quotes ***My mom was a garage sale person, save money. Come on in to the garage sale, you might find a shirt. She'd get in that garage sale and point stuff out to you. There's a good fork for a nickel. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's a little high. If it were three cents I'd snap it up. More funny Louie Anderson quotes ***If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? More funny Milton Berle quotes *** A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. Peter De Vries It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. Phyllis Diller Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that. Golda Meir All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. Oscar Wilde, "The Importance of Being Earnest" When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. Sophia Loren, "Women and Beauty" Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. Aristotle A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. Irish Proverb God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. Jewish Proverb You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back. William D. Tammeus Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it. Haim Ginott |
Famous Quotes by Women
~Monday~May 12th~Funny Quotes~
"I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names." Zsa Zsa Gabor "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" Linda Ellerbee "In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." Margaret Thatcher "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." Katharine Hepburn "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." Elaine Boosler "I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." Marie Corelli "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." Gilda Radner "Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." Hedy Lamarr "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." Marion Pearson "I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." Zsa Zsa Gabor |
very funny! I love your new avatar!
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I loved them, Kat!!!!
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Funny Quotes
~Tuesday~May 13th~Funny Quote
1. Melanie Griffith There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. 2. Anonymous Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. 3. Woody Allen I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. 4. Woody Allen The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty. 5. Freud The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?" 6. Samuel Johnson Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. 7. Woody Allen To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. 8. Agatha Christie An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. 9. Albert Einstein Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. |
If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere.
I'm very definitely a woman and I enjoy it. I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it. I'm trying to find myself as a person, sometimes that's not easy to do. Millions of people live their entire lives without finding themselves. But it is something I must do. The best way for me to find myself as a person is to prove to myself that I am an actress. I am trying to prove to myself that I am a person. Then may be I'll convince myself that I'm an actress. People respect you because they feel you've survived hard times and endured, and although you've become famous, you haven't become phony Creativity has got to start with humanity and when you're a human being, you feel, you suffer. A career is wonderful thing, but you can't snuggle up to it on a cold night. A career is born in public -- talent in privacy. Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him. I've been on a calendar, but never on time. All by Marilyn Monroe |
Quotes by Woman
~Wednesday~May 14th~Quotes
Nancy Reagan, political activist A woman is like a tea bag. She only knows her strength when put in hot water. Aristotle, philosopher If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. James Thurber, American humorist I hate women because they always know where things are. Malcolm de Chazal, Mauritian writer A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking. Jules Michelet, French historian Woman is a miracle of divine contradictions. Freya Stark, author The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised. Gloria Steinem, American feminist Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. |
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