so awkward...
 

I just need to get something out... I'm at school in a very male-dominated field of study, and there's only 3 girls in my class including me. One is older and pregnant and she spends all her time at home with her boyfriend. The other I spend most of my time with. We met on our first day of classes 2 years ago and we spend just as much time in school as out. Last week she decided to tell me that she has secretly been sleeping with my roommate, and she thought she should tell me because I would figure it out anyway. My roommate is a guy in our class, and I am sworn to secrecy. Now she comes over and feels like she has to visit with me even though she just wants to run to my roommate's bedroom. She sleeps here every night. She gets up all hours to get a glass of water or whatever, waking my dog up, and making her bark because she's not used to people walking around the house at night, and therefore waking me up.
Obviously, her and my roommate don't get much sleep, and they complain all day about how tired they are, and miss class, and let me pick up their homework. Today she was telling me "it must be pretty weird to be in your position hey?" and I was pretty annoyed and I said "yeah, it's really weird." and she just laughed. I don't think I would have a problem with it if it wasn't happening in MY house EVERY night.
Tonight I thought things were different and she wanted to go to a movie with me. When the movie was over, at 11:30, when I should be in bed for a good night's sleep, she said "hey i'll see you in a couple minutes" and she giggled. Not 5 minutes after I walked in the door, she knocked, and I had to let her in so she could go do her thing with my roommate. Now I can HEAR them. I am so mad!

Hmm... that is awkward!! I hope things change SOON for you.
If you hear them, which must be aweful, just go bang on the door and tell them, you want to SLEEP!

Good luck, just keep smiling even though it's difficult :)

ewwwww.......! You can HEAR them?:eek: I would definitely talk to her and tell her you hear them doing the nasty and how uncomfortable it makes you. She should be embarrassed after you tell her but she sounds like a piece of work! Maybe you can talk to him about it since he's your roomate?

Start charging her rent - since it seems she's there every single night - maybe then she'd either be more respectful of you and your friendship or she'd stop hanging around there! I would definitely talk to her and your room mate. She's probably already told him you know about them but she wants you to maintain "secrecy" - bull!! Talk to them both, for your peace of mind.

yeah my roommate knows that I know about it, but he doesn't want me to let anyone else in the class know. We also aren't that close really, i don't feel comfortable around him because I know about his lifestyle and drug use and stuff. Basically, he does his thing and I do mine. They won't do it at her house because she also lives with a guy from our class, who isn't allowed to know about it. And my roommate is so antisocial, if someone called here for him and he's not here, there would be questions. My friend just always says she's visiting me. I guess I'll let her know today that my house isn't soundproof.
I don't understand how they can do this every night! School right now is my life, and I work my ass off all week so that I can have my weekends with my boyfriend. If I was dating a guy who needed to keep me awake every night, it would be over in an instant! But I guess we all have different priorities...

Wow that sounds pretty uncomfortable and it doesn't sound like if you talk to them, they will take you seriously. I guess all you can do at this point is hope that they break up soon so you can finally get some sleep!! Sorry I can't be of more help but try to hang in there and in the meantime, get some ear plugs and try to make the best of it.

I wouldnt be very happy either! I think you should just tell her that you dont want to hear them in the bedroom and maybe they will get the clue! I also think that you should let her know that you are going to start charging her rent if she is going to be staying there every night!

I would also charge her rent! If they got a motel room it would cost them..why should your place be free? Maybe that would end it. hopefully

Definitely start charging her. I would also talk with them both. If your roomy doesn't agree with you, then send him packing. You'd probably be able to find a more suitable roommate. Good luck to you...don't let them take advantage of you.

Well, I talked to one of them. I felt so weird today even LOOKING at them. My friend was sitting behind me in a class so i got a little piece of paper and wrote "Turns out my house isn't soundproof AT ALL" and she apologized and said it's because my roommate turned his music off... but it's not like I would sleep any better with music blasting. She said it'll never happen again and then laughed when I read it because obviously it's not gonna stop. I guess she's starting to feel guilty because I told her I'm not going out with her tonight so I can get to sleep before she comes over, and she promised me nothing will happen tonight. It's taking a toll on our friendship though. This would be so much better if I didn't have a roommate!

I am sure she was embarrassed and was laughing in a nervous way. There is really no easy way out of this situation and I am afraid that the friendship might get affected as well. Hopefully when you freeze her out a little she will know she upset you and will try to be more considerate of you. Good luck to you.

Well.... she's not really the kind of girl to be nervous or embarassed about anything... After I started dating my current boyfriend, who she introduced me to, she had no problem telling me DETAILS about the one night they ended up together. It was so hard on me I almost broke up with him until he convinced me it was a huge mistake on his part. After I started hanging out with his friends more I found out she had taken advantage of almost ALL of them after they had too much to drink. Her life and her priorities are her business, but I don't think she realizes how it makes other people feel when she talks so openly. She's a good person inside, and she was a lot of fun before this whole episode started. But she will say things in front of 50 people that I wouldn't even think to myself.

That's sick! Some people are so rude and TRASHY!

I would just tell her how you feel if she has a problem with it then she should find somewhere else to do it. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Any chance that you can find another place to live or ask your roomie to leave?

I think she felt bad about it finally, she told me she would try to get him to go to her house tonight so i could get some sleep, but if he wouldn't then she'd be here again. I wish I could tell her to get her hormones in check! Moving out isn't an option for me or my roommate unfortunately. I first moved in with the help of my parents and their truck with all my furniture, and my roommate had to get some of our friends with trucks to help him move all his stuff. It's just a hassle when we're both only staying in this city until the middle of december when we both graduate. I guess I'll have to grumpily live with it until then.
Today after school my roommate fell fast asleep in his room downstairs because he didn't sleep last night, and obviously neither did I. It's a little childish of me but I let him know how it feels in a less disturbing way, I turned on the tv loudly and then kept heavily walking up and down the squeaky stairs to do laundry. It didn't take him long to wake up :)

:mad: :mad: :mad: apparently the whole plan of going to her house tonight didn't work out, and I had an awesome sleep for an hour until my little watchdog decided to let me know someone was entering the house by barking loud enough to wake up the neighborhood, and sure enough, there's her shoes at the front door and there's the sex noises coming from downstairs.:mad:

sorry guys, i have nobody else to talk to at this hour. I have to wake up for school in 2 and a half hours and I have slept a total of ONE hour tonight. I think I'm too upset to fall asleep again at all. So on 1-3 hours of sleep tonight I get to go to a full day of school including projects and assignments, and then get in a car with the person who is causing me not to sleep, and pretend to be all nice and normal while driving 2 hours to where her parents live and my boyfriend lives. I have to be there in time to watch my boyfriend play a volleyball game from the deck of a noisy bar, and then go straight to a giant loud "indoor beach party" that I look forward to every year and just spent $36 on a ticket for.
How can I have the energy to be a fun, happy girlfriend and not mope around and sleep all weekend? How am I going to drive two hours on so little sleep?
And in my crazy sleepy state I can't stop thinking about how she slept with my boyfriend. When I hear her down with my roommate, I can't stop picturing her with my boyfriend. She was so open with me about it, I unwillingly listened to her throw into regular conversations what position they were in, how long it lasted, how good it was for her... Okay now I'm bawling again.
It's not his fault, he didn't even know me then. He regrets it, he says it's the biggest mistake he's made, it meant nothing. He's so good to me, I don't want it to get between us, and I wish I could forget about it but I have this reminder EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. In one week she has went from being one of my closest friends to someone I never want to see again.
I'm rambling :(

Oh girl, i'm sorry i didnt know it was this bad!!

Speak to your BF about it this weekend, tell him how you feel and all that's bothering you.
The things your "friend" is doing to you, is not very nice of her!!
Quite honestly, i think your friend and room mate are disgusting!!

Have a safe drive, take your time, and when you get there, go have a nice long hot bubble bath.

Thanks for the reply. I'm still up, and showered, and soon to get ready for school. She always manages to leave in the morning without having to confront me, so I hope this morning she feels bad when she sees the giant bags under my red eyes and knows I might not make it to see my boyfriend tonight, cutting me down to only seeing him one day for the next two weeks.
I have talked to my boyfriend about her, and what happened between them isn't something he wants to remember either, and he feels bad when I dwell on it. We didn't even know each other then, and he was pretty drunk on new years eve, and rebounding from a girl who cheated on him for two years. My friend I guess just tries to make it seem like it was way more.
And I'm going to have to agree with the disgusting part. I can't stand people who just have sex for fun and have no attachment to each other. I hate that they assume that just because I know about them, it's okay for them to do it every night and not worry about being discreet at all.

if she is messing up your sleep and you can't do well in school pootie on her....sounds like she is being an inconsiderate bitch. personally i would record them going at it and play it real loud in class and embarrass the s*** out of her.....maybe she'll learn and sweetheart don't fret over what your boyfriend did with her in the past. he is with you now and tht is obviously where he wants to be so just let it slide...hopefully you will have a good night's sleep tonight and maybe you and your man ought to howl and moan all night in her damn ear so she gets the damn point-plus more love for you to help you go to sleep!!!:D

Definatly don't allow yourself to dwell on the past, it's quite obvious that sleeping around is no big deal for her!
She probably makes it sound to you that it was a lot more, because that's what she wished it was!!

You have him now, and he's yours for good ;)

You guys have made me feel so much better. Hopefully next week will be a different story. When she got up this morning she seemed really concerned and I told her the only hour of sleep I got all night was before she got here, and she wouldn't stop apologizing. She said she told my roommate to go to her house but he kept saying no, they'll be quiet here, and she told him she promised me she wouldn't come. But he won out because her car was only parked a block from here and she told him she knew I was gonna kill her. I guess that shows she understands it bothers me, but maybe just doesn't care as much as she cares about getting laid.
I went to first class today and another friend turned around and told me "You look TERRIBLE." so I told him I only had one hour of sleep. I asked why and the girl was like "Oh her dog kept her up all night"
After first class there was no point in being there, I didn't understand a thing that was going on, so I told her I was going home to sleep and she was like "I'll get your notes for you, it's the least i can do"... but she left right after I did.
I did catch up on 6 hours of sleep though, and I'm gonna go put something cold on my eyes so the puffiness goes down, and now that i'm in a better mood, hopefully i'll look better and feel better for the rest of the weekend!

Good for you!!!
Now if they start this crap again next week, tell him & her to go to HER house, they can wake the neighbours up there as far as you are concerned, but you need your sleep ;)

Finally I got through! My friend and I spent some time together this weekend and she would not stop apologizing and begging me not to be mad at her, saying she would do anything. So I said okay, thinking I'll just see how this goes. Last night my roommate slept here, and she didn't come over. She told me today that he was begging her yesterday to come over and she told him "If you want anything from me, you can come here. I promised Lindsey I wouldn't go there anymore, and she might be just a roommate to you, but she's the only girlfriend I have here and I don't want to mess that up!"
I also let her know how much it hurt me when she used to talk about being with my boyfriend, and she apologized for that, too. She said she's so happy for us, and she's glad that she was part of bringing us together. If she knew the future at the time she was with him, she said she wouldn't have touched him.
Soooo I guess she's a better friend than I gave her credit for last week. I guess I'm kind of happy to have her back :o

I'm so happy to hear that she is finally respecting your feelings. She honestly probably just didn't know how you felt about the situation until you spoke with her about it. Now that she knows that you were upset, she is trying to correct her wrongdoings. Hope things continue to get better. ;)

I'm so glad things are working out. COMMUNICATION is the key to almost any disagreement. If thinks can't get worked out, at least all the cards were on the table.

Me again! I thought the whole situation was better, but it's not. She said she was going to not come over all last week, but that only lasted monday, tuesday, and wednesday. My roommate will NOT sleep at her house, and apparently she will not go without sex. At least I had the weekend here alone to catch up on sleep. Last night I was just about to go to bed when I heard someone trying to turn the doorknob on my front door! It was locked, so then they knocked. I answered and it was her again. She came in and plopped down on a chair and made some small talk, and then went straight downstairs. So instead of going to bed, I had to sit up for a couple hours with the tv turned up loud so I couldn't hear anything. I woke up early and went to morning classes, and now I'm home for lunch and my roommate STILL isn't awake. He's so behind but he's going to ask for my notes and everything to catch up, and I'm too nice to say no :( I think I have to have a nap now so I can be awake for the afternoon.

Just a thought maybe you should change the lock on your doors. But then she would just stand out banging on the door wanting in. Sorry bad idea.
I feel for you. But if your losing so much sleep you really do need to do something. It's not healthy for you to go without sleep.
2tiredmom

I'd threaten to tell everyone in class what's going on if they don't knock it off. They are not respecting you as a friend so why should you have to respect them.

Plus why don't they want people to know anyway. When I was dating I refused to date anyone that wanted our relationship kept a secret.

I think my roommate wants it a secret more than the girl does. They said they don't want anyone to make a big deal out of it, but I don't know that anyone would. Well, i take that back. It's a class of adults that act 13. They think it's hilarious to sit there and fart all class! To the extent that last week they ended up making the third girl in our class, who is pregnant, run to the bathroom and throw up. They thought it was the funniest thing in the world! I can't wait to get my diploma and get out of there.
Anyways, the girl who's "secretly dating" my roommate has a bit of a reputation. She has totally built it up herself though. Today in class she was telling the guys sitting around her that she'll lift up her shirt for any guy or girl offering to buy her a shot. Lately she's been mentioning him a lot around other people and hinting that they're together, but not when he's around. I think she wants people to know but it's an embarassment to him.

Why in the world would she say that about lifting her shirt? She really isn't impressing anyone!! She should be embarassed to show her face!

She told me today that on the weekend her dad told her she's insecure. She asked why and he wouldn't answer. I think that's part of her problem though, why she's always so OUT THERE. I think she feels like sex is all she has to offer. It's all she talks about. It's the only way she tries to meet guys.

Too bad....too many diseases!!! Your roommate better be careful, if she does more than talk.:eek:

Oh I've talked to her about that! And at least they're being careful, because I know she does more than just talk! She's younger than me, and when we met she was so innocent! Then she started getting really close to another girl who just got out of a 7 year relationship and she went a little crazy and was a big influence on my friend :( Hopefully she'll realize soon that she needs more than sex to feel good about herself.

Hopefully.........but some never learn!!!

:mad: I can't believe this has not f-ing stopped yet!!!!!!!!!! My roommate wasn't here last night but I was so stressed out over my lack of tuition money situation that I hardly slept at all. I had just nicely gotten to sleep tonight when they burst into the house and banged stuff around in the kitchen (my bedroom is right off the kitchen), made my dog go crazy, and then ran downstairs to talk really loud and laugh and have sex. I'm so upset I can't stop shaking. I'm going to have a fit tomorrow.

Ahhhhh you gotta be kiddin... look at the time, you should be sleeping girl.
How are you going to be able to get through your day school tomorrow :eek:
This is not fair:thumbdwn:
Maybe it's time you walked into their room and tell them to get out!!!!
How inconsidered (sp) of them!!!!!

I know I should be in bed, and they're done making noise now, but I get so stressed out that I just can't get back to sleep all night. I'm talking to my cousin right now who is also awake with her baby. She works in the medical field and she told me I should look into getting some anti-anxiety pills for times like this so I can relax. I think I should just tell them if they're gonna come in at all hours of the night, go stay at HER house and see how her three roommates like that! I'm sure medication would work but I hate taking anything when I don't HAVE to, and why should I spend money for sleep to accomodate them??

Lindsey, you CAN'T go on like this!! Sooner or later it's going to get the better of you.
I don't see why you should be on any meds so they can barge into your house at any hour and wake you up! Tell me, how do those 2 get through the day with so little sleep?
Tell your room mate straight, if he's not going to stop this crap, you are forced to look for another room mate!!