Hope It Doesn't Bore You
 

I truly hope I don't bore you when I write that I still miss my Mom. Yesterday was sort of a bad day for me. Oh I was still able to get done what needed done, but I kept thinking of Mom telling me how sorry she was when she would make a mess...not getting to the bathroom in time. I would always tell her it's okay....even if I had to shampoo the carpet. Don't know why I kept thinking of those different times, but they were hard to shake and I felt so sorry for her all over again.

While the guy was working in at Mom's, I was telling Jerry what I was thinking yesterday and he told me "you need to let it go." It's still too early for me to not think of Mom and really miss her. Even Rick said it was strange to come home from work and not find her sitting in the recliner. I'm glad my brothers are able to get on with life....but right now....my heart is still aching.

Oh my NO! It doesn't bore us at all - that's what friends are for to be here for you, whenever you need us, for whatever you need us! I can't imagine what it is like to miss my mom, and I'm sure I'll be on here too, when that day comes. I'm glad we are here for you to share you thoughts and feelings with! Love you, Janet!

We love you Janet, and always want to know what you think and feel!

I would be worried about you if you DIDN'T think about your mom every day. She has been your mom every day for your whole life, you can't just "let it go". MEN:eek: :rolleyes: My mom has been gone for 5 years, and I still think about her every single day. Most days now, the memories just make me smile...but I still have those days that I cry for her, and miss her so much I can barely stand it.

You are just beginning to realize that she is really gone. That's the hard part. You still have a year of those awful "firsts" to go through. You talk to us about your mom any time you want to. We'll be right here for you!!

Ditto what Betsi said. Keep talking and we'll lovingly listen.

:ghug:

You talk to us as often as you need to about your Mom!
Mom's are special. Mine can drive me crazy, but a life without her? Can't imagine.

So talk. We care about you... we have shared your loss, we will share your memories. We will share your tears. [HUGS]

Talk your heart out Janet. In my opinion he doesn't know how to respond to you. Maybe wording it differently might work. He might not want to cry in front of you. Men are Men :confused:

Yesterday Jerry and I took Mom's car back to a Toyota dealer. When Ricky and I went, we were going to have to pay them $1117.00 and they were pay the rest of the car off and then sell it. This time we (and we accepted) only had to pay $437.00.

I was very sad...this kind of stuff just makes my heart ache so much. While Jerry was taking the license plates off I started crying, I couldn't help it. It was just one more thing to confirm she's gone. Jerry just told me... "it's just a car Janet" and I told him I knew that, but it was Mom's first and only new car and she loved it so much. Then the subject was changed and he brought me home. As hard as it was....I'm glad it's over.

We know that it's hard, Janet, and we want you to let us know how you're feeling. Losing a parent is so hard. Your brothers weren't with your Mom every day......through good and bad.....so they don't understand how you feel. You'll have days like this one every once in a while......it's part of the grieving process. We love you!!! Hugs!!!!

Before I went on my afternoon route yesterday, I stopped at the mailbox and decided I'd just check the mail once I got to school. I won't do that anymore. There was a large sturdy envelope that I opened. There was a very nice book from local merchants called The Healing Heart. It has some articles in it to help deal with grief, a place to record 3 generations of family and it had Mom's name embossed on the front. I don't think the kids saw that I had been crying, because they didn't take long looks at me or anything. I think I covered it up pretty good.

From now on....all mail will be opened at home.

Oh Janet......Here's a big hug....:hug:

This is such a hard thing to go through, Janet. We are all here for you.

Just keep on feeling whatever you feel, and share it here. Ignore your brother, and anyone else who sticks their 2 cents in. They don't know what you feel like inside, and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I hope little by little you will start feeling better. Like everyone else said we are here for you. We understand and don't mind when you cry or have to repeat things to get off your chest.

I honestly and I mean honestly....I don't know what I would do without you all. At times I feel so bad for putting this all on you. It is so hard...harder than I ever imagined. I do come away from here feeling better...I know it will take time....most likely quite awhile. Thank you for letting me share these feelings of grief. I love you all so much.

I had to end a friendship years ago because she never shared her own feelings. I think real friends want to be there for each other, whether it's joy or pain. It connects us by our hearts, Janet.

Love and hugs to you.