Joke of the Day
 

~Thursday~May 1st~Todays Joke

Irish Humor

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”
:cat:

That was so cute!!!

Oh I loved it!

Cute!!!

*hides the Irish stuff all over her living room* That was great!

Friday~May 2nd~Joke


Reckon Mom is a Blonde?

When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled
through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed
send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it."
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom."
"Melvin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the convenience
store."

Saturday, May 3, 2008
 

Saturday~May3rd~Joke

Little Johnny at Sunday School
Upon picked him up after Sunday School, Little Johnny's mother asked him about the lessons that day. He replied with the expected recitation of the Bible stories that the teacher had read to the class, but were shocked when Johnny told them that the class had sung a hymn "about a constipated cross-eyed bear". Upset and angered by this, Little Johnny's father confronted the Sunday School teacher, demanding to know, "the meaning of this." "Oh no, Mr. Wilson," replied the teacher, " the hymn was called, 'The Consecrated Cross is Bare.'"

:sidesplit: Cute!! Cute!!!

The last one reminds me of something Amy did when she was little. One of the songs we sing at church ends with the phrase "on Calvary's Tree". Well, Amy sang it "on Sesame Street"!!!!! Kids can be so funny!!!

LOL! Great thread! Thanks Kat. :)

~Sunday~May 4th~Joke of the Day

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said, “Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are
going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing
whatever hymn that comes to your mind.”

The pastor shouted out “CROSS.” Immediately the congregation started
singing in unison, “THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.”

The pastor hollered out “GRACE.” The congregation began to sing
“AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.”

The pastor said “POWER” The congregation sang “THERE IS POWER
IN THE BLOOD.”

The Pastor said “SEX” The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone
was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other
afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, an 87-year-old
great-grandmother stood up and began to sing “PRECIOUS MEMORIES.”

They were all great! :thumbup:

I love these!!!!

~Monday~May 5th~Joke

A letter to Tide detergent

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! One evening about a month ago, while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem and how expensive the blouse was. Well, one thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse, as well.

I tried to get the stains out using the bargain brand detergent my cheap husband bought, but they just wouldn't come out. I went to the local convenience store and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the forensic DNA tests were all negative!

I thank you, once again, for a great product!

Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Sincerely,

Recently Widowed

[B]~Tuesday~May 6tWhat Does Love Mean???

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." ...Chris - age 7 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." ...Mary Ann - age 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." ...Lauren - age 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." ...Karen - age 7

Those are funny, Kat!! I especially liked the Tide detergent one!!! Very funny!!!