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Originally Posted by magnolia
I'm so sorry to read of the problems you're having with your in-laws. Evidently, they aren't seeing the fact that it's not YOU but both you and your husband who don't make these trips but they are blaming you for his not going. As we get older in life and have our own families, we want to spend the holidays with them.
As a child, we were always at my grandparents for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We'd get up on Christmas morning, see what Santa brought us and while we were playing with our new toys, my dad was loading the car and my mom was taking down the christmas tree. Then, when all that was done, it was time to go. My brother and sisters could pick one new toy (and nothing big) to take with us, the rest had to stay behind until we returned a week later!!! As much as I enjoyed seeing my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousings, to a child leaving behind new toys was upsetting. As I got older, I vowed I would never do that to any children I may have.....and so far, I held true to that! We spend either the week-end before Christmas or after the new year with my in-laws but Christmas is spent at home. As for Thanksgiving, we've been with my mother-in-law once in the 14 years we've been living where we are now and it was a nightmare!! She wanted ALL of her family to stay with her!! There were 8 adults, not counting her, and at that time, 6 grandkids - in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath house!! I think NOT! And she had the nerve to get mad at all of us because we had gotten hotel rooms!! There was no way we were all going to be comfortable in that situation.
I know it upsets you and bothers you but try not to let it. After all this time, the family is going to say what they want about the absence of you and your husband at get-togethers. You are spending time with your own family, making lasting memories with them - that's reason enough to smile  |
Your post sounded so much like my family. Hubby's side never made any demands. His Dad and StepMom left it up to the kids when to come for the holidays. They always had Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Day and if the kids could come, fine, if not fine. We never had the gossipy rude remarks with hubby's side either. His sister is really the only one I don't care for and she feels the same about me, but we get along. I enjoyed the holidays with hubby's side much more than with mine. There was no drama or competition among anyone.
Now my side of the family...totally different. My mother (please know I do love my Mom) is the most selfish, self centered person I have ever met. She has to have things her way and pouts and carrys on like a 3 year old. No, it's not her age (83) she has always been this way. I use to get so sick on the holidays, but it was just nerves. She threw an absolute fit when my son was born and we decided to stay home Christmas morning, even though we opened presents on Christmas eve at her house. She doesn't like change and last year when I prepared the Thanksgiving meal at our house for his side, she was not happy. Even though she knew there was no one on his side that could. His father had just passed, step mom in nursing home and no one else had the room. She's not liking it this year either. Holidays have never been a "good" think for me, but I try my best to make my son's holidays the most memorable that I can. Okay, I guess that's enough about me........