[Janet]

Today has been a horrible day. Didn't do much because the PT came for Mom. Mom was weak when he got here and didn't want to do anything, he showed very little compassion and it made me a bit angry. Mom got through the exercises, but it wore her out and made it hard for her to catch her breath. After being on the meds to raise her BP...after the exercises it was still only 109/55.

She ate very little for lunch. My niece came out to bring Mom a small lap quilt she had someone make for her. It is so pretty and Mom really loves it. We then started talking about her shower and that she was going to have it remodeled. I showed her a shower stall that I had seen and thought of her. It wouldn't work for her bathroom she said. I asked her if she really needed to remodel the shower because of a leak.....that her Mom and Dad said it was because she gets out and shakes her hair and water everywhere. Well....I stuck my foot in my mouth again! I asked her to tell me more about her ideas and she said "no" that she had to go. She hugged Mom and left. I was following her out the door to ask what was wrong and that we should talk and she said she didn't want to talk....got in her car and left. This niece is in her 30's.....35 I think.

It had me so upset all evening and the tear just fell. My eyes still feel very swollen from crying so hard and for so long. Rick came home and just as he did I heard Mom yelling for me. It made me a bit angry because she is always yelling for me and I said "quit your damn yelling, I'm coming". Well....she got out of bed to get on the commode and her feet slipped out from under her. I yelled for Rick to come help me get Mom off the floor. He comes in and gets on his knees!!!!! I said "what the sam h-ll are you doing? You can't pick someone up on your knees". Rick always makes a bad situation worse because he has no common sense.

I got Mom on to the commode but by then it was too late. She was on the commode and also throwing up in the waste basket. So not only did I have a crap mess on the floor, her and the commode, I had to clean up vomit as well.

When I got it all cleaned up and I went to the kitchen, Rick decided to tell me he was tired of getting yelled at all the time. I told him I was tired of yelling at him for no common sense and since he was unhappy and I was unhappy we should just get the marriage overwith. I really don't remember much what was said after that because I zoned out. He did say he wanted to make it work. I told him I didn't know if it was possible and he started in saying there was too many 'things' in the house meaning Mom, that we had no privacy. I didn't know we needed privacy!

I just know when my brother Jerry and his wife come out tomorrow to give Mom her Epogen shot that something will be probably said about Dusti (my niece, their daughter). I told Mom it seems I'm alienating everyone and if she wanted to see people she should go live somewhere else. I'm so tired. Tired of all the drama, the work and life period! I honestly don't know if I want to wake up in the morning. It's all just too hard. I'm so unhappy!