[Janet]

Thank you everyone. You're right Betsi...this has been the worst day ever. I mean, it hurt when I lost Dad and I think of him everyday in someway, but I was only 19 years old. I've had my Mom my whole life. The flowers you all send were beautiful and meant the world to me knowing you all were with me.

I don't know if it was the heat (I think we broke a 1913 record) or what but when you think there should be closeness with my brothers, there wasn't. Today Brad couldn't get away from the church fast enough so he could start his Canada fishing trip, he left this afternoon. My older brother...not sure what hit him but he yelled at me in the church. I was so embarassed and hurt. Since I'm the one in charge of things (Mom's wishes) arrangements were made to have all the florals brought to my house and then they could just pick them up. Without me knowing, my older brother said they were going to bring them to the church. Well we were all getting ready to leave so I called the funeral home and they said they were bringing them to my house. I explained that my brother thought they were coming to the church, she said no. I didn't want to inconvience them so I said that would be fine...the original plan. Right when I said that, my brother then said we can just go back to the funeral home and pick them up. I told the lady on the phone that "wait...plans are changing again" and then told her we could just come and pick them up. My brother then yelled and told me to take them all home and keep them. I just walked out to my car and we left. We went to the funeral home, gathered the florals that were sent for the three of us. My younger brother was there and picked up those left for him. I really don't know if my older brother ever showed up or not to get those meant for his family.

I know events like this are stressful, but I didn't think the rudeness would start so quickly. It makes this horrible event even worse.

After talking with Rick, I've decided that I'm not going to concentrate on them one more minute. I am not going to let them get to me for any reason. Mom trusted me to see that her wishes were carried out and that is exactly what I'm going to do. I've decided that I'm going to act like an adult whether they do or not. I'm just not going to let them control my feelings or emotions any longer.

Mom looked absolutely beautiful and it really helped seeing her that way. I knew she was no longer suffering and it gave me some peace. I miss her so much and it's okay...so am I.