[Tink]

Brenda, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have had years of experience with a bipolar family member, so have some idea what you're living with. Many bi-polars choose not to take their meds because when they're MANIC, they feel WONDERFUL! They feel like they just won the lottery, they're indestructible and walking on air. What they don't realize is that they take risks that destroy the lives of those who love them in the mean time.

When they're Depressed, they're too low to care if they take meds. They'd just as soon die as to have to wake up another morning. Getting out of bed requires too much effort. They cycle between these 2 extremes with little or no even ground in between. Some cycle rapidly, others much more slowly. Most do have a rhythm that you can almost come to expect after a while. Either way, they're not someone you can count on to be there for you. They aren't healthy, so can't participate in healthy relationships.

What this does to those who love them is horrific. Sadly, there's nothing you can do to make him take care of his problem. He's not being rational. It's not his fault he has this problem, but it IS his responsibility to do something about it. Whether he is capable of doing it is up to him. All you can do is to take care of yourself and decide where to draw the line. Either you can live with things the way they are or you can't. If you can't, it's totally understandable to me. I really don't believe I could.

You might give him an ultimatum of going back on meds or you're done, but if you do, you have to be prepared for him to refuse. If he's not accountable to anyone, he doesn't have to deal with this... and that's how many choose to live. It's almost easier for a bi-polar NOT to be married, as that frees them up to live their extreme moods in their own twisted way.

I'll keep you in my prayers. I truly hope he decides to get help and you can find some balance in your marriage.