[Janet]

Tink, you help in so many different ways, more than you know. I honestly don't think I can do what you've suggested. I have felt this way for so long. It's so hard for people to understand only because I post bits and pieces, but I don't things will ever change.

We can't talk about issues because every discussion ends up with us angry. He's not willing to really listen. He is really very selfish especially when it comes to money..so much so that he hides it in coffee cans in the ground behind his garage. I know it's there, who is he fooling? I have never EVER spent money without talking with him about it (for large expenses.) So why is he hiding it? That's just part of it.

I'm angry that when we were trying to have children he assumed it was my fault. I took the blame, but it was his fault. He never thinks anything is his fault. I should have left then, but then I wouldn't have my wonderful son.

The making the bed thing...that's just another of a long, long list. He thinks just because he may do something around the house, that I'm suppose to applaud him, stand and clap at his accomplishment, but he is unwilling to do the same to me. I use to thank him and tell him how much I appreciated it, but when I asked why he never did the same do me...he said he figured that's what I was suppose to do.

I'm not happy and I'm crying as I write this. I don't love him, I care for him, but that's it. Once my son is on his own, then I will be too, hopefully. My life has not been EVEN close to what I had wished and dreamed of. Seems like such a wasted life. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy, but I guess I'll take the blame for that too. I should have left along time ago, but now I feel stuck, at least for a few more years.

My son and my Yorkies bring me so much joy and with them, I'll be able to get through until I can leave. I guess I really shouldn't have written so much about me personally. I hope you all can forgive me. I won't be posting anymore about my miserable marriage. It just brings up years and years of things I've tried to put out of my mind.

I'm sorry.