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04-02-2008, 09:03 PM

Ok, I'm going to give my 2 cents here. I don't know what the other topic was that got out of hand, I've been busy and haven't been on much. Please understand that I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone or their personal beliefs. I simply want to offer my view, which is much much different than anyone here.

A while back, there was a topic about what your religious beliefs were. I hesitated in responding because I could tell that my beliefs are WAY different than anyone here. When I did respond, I kept my response muted. But here goes. I used to be a "Christian". I went to church [willingly] for 7 years of my life. I was "born again". I taught Sunday school, tithed, I even taught at a Christian School. I read my Bible every night. I said my prayers. I would bend over backwards to help anyone that needed, even if I didn't like them. I tried my hardest to live how "God" wanted me to. What I got in return? A big ole' knife in my back! I was playing mom to my friends two kids who were 6 weeks and 6 years at the time. Some chicks FIL was in the hospital and she was alone. I gathered up the kids at 9 at night and went on my way to be with the chick (whom I personally couldn't stand). I did stuff like that all the time. A few weeks later, I was in the hospital having emergency surgery on Easter. Of all the people at my church of over a thousand people, many of whom I helped [I had been there since there was 11 people in the church], can you guess how many of them showed up to be with me when I was scared out of my mind? How many of them called to see how I was doing after I got out? Did I need anything? NOT A SINGLE ONE. I find that disgusting. And that's just my issues with "people". I also have issues with "God". If there even is a god, he has totally let me down, many times. Not on little things. The first I can remember is when I was a teenager. My Bassett Hound {who was supposed to be fixed} suddenly had 13 puppies. She killed 6 the first night, but I had taken a liking to the runt who wasn't eating. I called my best friend over to spend the night and made her pray that Rumbo would be okay. I prayed too. I woke up the next morning to a dead Rumbo. A few years later, my other best friend, Jerimee, was making some not so good choices. I prayed that "God" would help him make better choices and straighten out. Jerimee was then killed in a car accident. So, if I ever say that I will pray for you...don't be flattered, its a curse. Those are only a few of my experiences. Seven years ago, I quit. I decided that this church crap wasn't for me. I'm not a hypocrite and I didn't fit in with the rest of the church. I finished out my commitment to my Sunday School class, then told them I wouldn't be coming to church anymore. If the knives in my back weren't bad enough already, I found it even more insulting that since I left the church that I had been involved with since it first started, that I thought I made some good friends at...not once has a single person ever even bothered to call to see if I'm still alive. I think that just confirms my decision to get the hell out of there.

So that's part of my background. I went through a period of totally hating God and anyone that claimed to be a Christian. I have since gotten over that. I am a good person, better than most Christians I know. I'm not fake. I do good things for others because I truly want to, and not because I want someone to see that I contributed to the tithe bucket. I do things for others that no one ever sees or even knows about. I don't care...I'm not looking for recognition. I'm happier that way. My parents still beg me to go back to church, offering to buy me things if I will. It doesn't seem to bother them when I say that my seven years of church were the most depressing seven years of my life. I seriously wanted to kill myself. I live my life how I see fit. I'm honest, hardworking, I have integrity, respectful (except in Costco, Walmart or parking lots)...I live my life how I THOUGHT Christians were supposed to live. But I also do things that are big "No-no's" according to some...I see nothing wrong with sex before marriage, and I enjoy it, I will drink on occasion, sometimes to the point of getting fall out drunk, I enjoy that too. I don't do either in excess. There's probably other things I do too, but never in excess. That's just me. I can't blame or credit "God" for who I have made myself. I don't know if there is a god or not, but if there is, then I think he's an asshole. While the Bible may claim that God is LOVE, I have only felt the opposite. There are a few people in this world that I truly love...I would never kill their best friend. I wouldn't kill their puppy. Some say that there is a reason for everything...in the 16 years since Rumbo died, the 9 years since Jerimee was killed, I have yet to see any "good" come from their deaths...unless you count that I refuse to pray for anyone that I love in fear that this "God" will kill them off too. So basically, I am who I am. I am not anything religious. Gwen shared a "religion" quiz on a different forum a couple weeks ago. I found myself not able to answer the questions. I would go through the questions and started asking myself "wait, am I answering this way because that is what I was taught growing up, or is that what I truly believe and feel?" I came to the conclusion that I'm just not a religious person. Religion and spiritual beliefs do not shape or define who I am. I'm okay with that. Others choose to be religious...and until they either shove that down my throat and/or screw me over, then I'm fine with their beliefs and don't care what they are. Your religion doesn't define who or what you are to me, your actions do.

So, back to why I even wrote this long post. Again, my intention is not to offend. But, someone said that you are accepting of each others beliefs and can still be friendly to one another despite your differences. That's great! But that is not what I felt back in the religious thread. I stated a very muted opinion, something to the effect that I felt God hated me, if he is even real. None of you knew my background or what had happened in my life that would make me feel that way. I was not looking for a pity party, I was simply stating my beliefs, so as to say that I am not a fan of religion. I read all your replies to the original question, and even though I thought some of your beliefs were totally dumb, I kept my mouth shut, as I knew my thoughts would hurt your feelings. You believe the way you do, and I am not looking to change your religious beliefs, and I would have appreciated the same respect. In response to MY beliefs though, I got replies like "Oh, no, God doesn't hate you" and "oh, Jesus loves you!" and crap like that. I actually find people telling me that Jesus or God or whoever loves me, I find that as a huge insult, especially after I just made it clear that me and the man upstairs, if there is one, are not on good terms. I can't recall a time when I felt "God's" love, but some of you just assumed that "God loves me" and that I was obviously mistaken in my views and/or beliefs, not even knowing where my stance came from. Because you believe that god loves everyone, you felt like I should agree. I don't. But I'm past the point where I care about a god. I guess what I am trying to say is that when you have a group with differing opinions, you should think before you speak about it. Think about how someone would take your comment, and if the resulting feelings are worth even making the statement. Someone talked in depth about their religious beliefs and I thought they were nuts and cultish....but I thought about what that person would feel if I said that I think they are stupid for falling for that crap? There was no point, so I kept my fingers folded. Others didn't bother to think, and ended up being insulting, even if your intentions were "good". Its old common sense, think before you speak and if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

I shall now accept my banishment for being different.

04-02-2008, 09:03 PM	#15
HeatherMaran Guest Posts: n/a	Ok, I'm going to give my 2 cents here. I don't know what the other topic was that got out of hand, I've been busy and haven't been on much. Please understand that I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone or their personal beliefs. I simply want to offer my view, which is much much different than anyone here. A while back, there was a topic about what your religious beliefs were. I hesitated in responding because I could tell that my beliefs are WAY different than anyone here. When I did respond, I kept my response muted. But here goes. I used to be a "Christian". I went to church [willingly] for 7 years of my life. I was "born again". I taught Sunday school, tithed, I even taught at a Christian School. I read my Bible every night. I said my prayers. I would bend over backwards to help anyone that needed, even if I didn't like them. I tried my hardest to live how "God" wanted me to. What I got in return? A big ole' knife in my back! I was playing mom to my friends two kids who were 6 weeks and 6 years at the time. Some chicks FIL was in the hospital and she was alone. I gathered up the kids at 9 at night and went on my way to be with the chick (whom I personally couldn't stand). I did stuff like that all the time. A few weeks later, I was in the hospital having emergency surgery on Easter. Of all the people at my church of over a thousand people, many of whom I helped [I had been there since there was 11 people in the church], can you guess how many of them showed up to be with me when I was scared out of my mind? How many of them called to see how I was doing after I got out? Did I need anything? NOT A SINGLE ONE. I find that disgusting. And that's just my issues with "people". I also have issues with "God". If there even is a god, he has totally let me down, many times. Not on little things. The first I can remember is when I was a teenager. My Bassett Hound {who was supposed to be fixed} suddenly had 13 puppies. She killed 6 the first night, but I had taken a liking to the runt who wasn't eating. I called my best friend over to spend the night and made her pray that Rumbo would be okay. I prayed too. I woke up the next morning to a dead Rumbo. A few years later, my other best friend, Jerimee, was making some not so good choices. I prayed that "God" would help him make better choices and straighten out. Jerimee was then killed in a car accident. So, if I ever say that I will pray for you...don't be flattered, its a curse. Those are only a few of my experiences. Seven years ago, I quit. I decided that this church crap wasn't for me. I'm not a hypocrite and I didn't fit in with the rest of the church. I finished out my commitment to my Sunday School class, then told them I wouldn't be coming to church anymore. If the knives in my back weren't bad enough already, I found it even more insulting that since I left the church that I had been involved with since it first started, that I thought I made some good friends at...not once has a single person ever even bothered to call to see if I'm still alive. I think that just confirms my decision to get the hell out of there. So that's part of my background. I went through a period of totally hating God and anyone that claimed to be a Christian. I have since gotten over that. I am a good person, better than most Christians I know. I'm not fake. I do good things for others because I truly want to, and not because I want someone to see that I contributed to the tithe bucket. I do things for others that no one ever sees or even knows about. I don't care...I'm not looking for recognition. I'm happier that way. My parents still beg me to go back to church, offering to buy me things if I will. It doesn't seem to bother them when I say that my seven years of church were the most depressing seven years of my life. I seriously wanted to kill myself. I live my life how I see fit. I'm honest, hardworking, I have integrity, respectful (except in Costco, Walmart or parking lots)...I live my life how I THOUGHT Christians were supposed to live. But I also do things that are big "No-no's" according to some...I see nothing wrong with sex before marriage, and I enjoy it, I will drink on occasion, sometimes to the point of getting fall out drunk, I enjoy that too. I don't do either in excess. There's probably other things I do too, but never in excess. That's just me. I can't blame or credit "God" for who I have made myself. I don't know if there is a god or not, but if there is, then I think he's an asshole. While the Bible may claim that God is LOVE, I have only felt the opposite. There are a few people in this world that I truly love...I would never kill their best friend. I wouldn't kill their puppy. Some say that there is a reason for everything...in the 16 years since Rumbo died, the 9 years since Jerimee was killed, I have yet to see any "good" come from their deaths...unless you count that I refuse to pray for anyone that I love in fear that this "God" will kill them off too. So basically, I am who I am. I am not anything religious. Gwen shared a "religion" quiz on a different forum a couple weeks ago. I found myself not able to answer the questions. I would go through the questions and started asking myself "wait, am I answering this way because that is what I was taught growing up, or is that what I truly believe and feel?" I came to the conclusion that I'm just not a religious person. Religion and spiritual beliefs do not shape or define who I am. I'm okay with that. Others choose to be religious...and until they either shove that down my throat and/or screw me over, then I'm fine with their beliefs and don't care what they are. Your religion doesn't define who or what you are to me, your actions do. So, back to why I even wrote this long post. Again, my intention is not to offend. But, someone said that you are accepting of each others beliefs and can still be friendly to one another despite your differences. That's great! But that is not what I felt back in the religious thread. I stated a very muted opinion, something to the effect that I felt God hated me, if he is even real. None of you knew my background or what had happened in my life that would make me feel that way. I was not looking for a pity party, I was simply stating my beliefs, so as to say that I am not a fan of religion. I read all your replies to the original question, and even though I thought some of your beliefs were totally dumb, I kept my mouth shut, as I knew my thoughts would hurt your feelings. You believe the way you do, and I am not looking to change your religious beliefs, and I would have appreciated the same respect. In response to MY beliefs though, I got replies like "Oh, no, God doesn't hate you" and "oh, Jesus loves you!" and crap like that. I actually find people telling me that Jesus or God or whoever loves me, I find that as a huge insult, especially after I just made it clear that me and the man upstairs, if there is one, are not on good terms. I can't recall a time when I felt "God's" love, but some of you just assumed that "God loves me" and that I was obviously mistaken in my views and/or beliefs, not even knowing where my stance came from. Because you believe that god loves everyone, you felt like I should agree. I don't. But I'm past the point where I care about a god. I guess what I am trying to say is that when you have a group with differing opinions, you should think before you speak about it. Think about how someone would take your comment, and if the resulting feelings are worth even making the statement. Someone talked in depth about their religious beliefs and I thought they were nuts and cultish....but I thought about what that person would feel if I said that I think they are stupid for falling for that crap? There was no point, so I kept my fingers folded. Others didn't bother to think, and ended up being insulting, even if your intentions were "good". Its old common sense, think before you speak and if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I shall now accept my banishment for being different.