Aww Shada, sometimes we wish that we could re write history. But in reality we know that we can't. I am so sorry for your losses. In life I believe we are destined, what is meant to be will be. You , had no control over losing your children. Your marriage suffered, I don't know all the details to come to a conclusion.
We are probably the same age for I am married 26 yrs. myself. Shada no one is perfectly happy in this world. Please don't dwell on the past , even though it is easier said than done. Things happened for a reason. Thank God you didn't have cancer, if this is what I understood correctly. You were given a chance at life..
Today is not a happy day for you and the pain will always be there, especially on the precise date. Keep yourself busy, I don't know if you are in a relationship or not. Don't dwell on what could have been, go out and do something to fulfill your emptiness. There are so many ways to give love, whether it be volunteering in a hospital to children who are sick, if you love animals taking in a rescue...etc. Foster a child if you can, the list can be endless.
Shada you need a group hug
we are all here for you...