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Originally Posted by hle_625
This is a very touchy subject for me bc Im going through it right now but in a different way then you are explaining. (this could be long)
Ive been with my hubby for a total of 5 1/2 years and weve been married for a little over a year. Well last year around christmas time, my brother in law met this girl...my bil is 23 and she was 19 at the time. Well she had a little girl already that was 1 at the time but she is now 2. Well Amber (my bil's girlfriend) ended up getting pregnant just shortly after they started dating. Well me and my hubby dont have children yet (we are only 21) so this will be the first grandbaby on my husbands side of the family. Well I have noticed a HUGE change in my mother in law since she found out that she was going to be a grandma for the first time.
Let me go back to when Amber found out that she was first pregnant. They were at MY house and she told me that her and Kevin were goign to have a baby, and how she is soooo excited bc this will be the first grandbaby for his side of the family, and the first grandbaby is the most important  That really hurt my feelings bc here I've been with my hubby for this long and been a part of his family for this long and now this girl just steps in! Needless to say its been a LONG seven months (shes due in November) All I hear about is the baby this and the baby that. And everyone is buying all of this stuff for her bc she quit her job when she found out she was pregnant bc she wants to be a stay at home mom. And now my inlaws are constantly asking me and my hubby when we are going to give them a grandbaby! Its so frustrating....we are so young and have a very long time to think about babies!
Also last Sunday we were at my inlaws house and my mother in law bought them a stroller/carseat combo and they were putting it together. Well my mother in law told my brother in law that when they were done using it for their baby, to make sure to keep it so that I could have when I have a baby someday!!! I almost cried bc here she is spending 100's of dollars on the "first" grandbaby and she is already talking about giving me nothing but hand me downs. Dont get me wrong I dont think there is anything wrong with hand me downs I just think its unfair for her to be treating me like this when I dont even have kids yet.
Ok and one more thing....(sorry its so long I told you this was a touchy subject for me) When me and Adam got married his family did not give me one bridal shower or a bachelorette party or anything of that sort. And now they are giving Amber this really nice baby shower next weekend. My feelings are so hurt over this and I'm not going to the baby shower bc of this reason! I have cried and cried over this whole situation. Will you guys tell me if I am being selfish about all of this. Im really hurt about it all  |
Heather,
I have typed and erased 4 seperate times and I'm hoping this won't be #5! Do I think you're being selfish? No, I don't at all. You have had this baby "thrown" in your face since it was first announced she was pregnant - she's "bragged and boasted" about this being the first grandchild, in-laws are bending over backwards to help her and do things for her, while you are sitting on the sidelines watching. Have the tried to include you in anything during the pregnancy other than to ask when you were having one? Maybe if they had been more thoughtful and included you in things, you might not feel as you do right now. And maybe, just maybe, your heart is speaking to you that the relationship may not last another year or two despite the fact they will have a child to link them together for the rest of their lives. If they split, she'll take the child with her and could very possibly make it difficult for the father and the in-laws to see him/her. I'm just guessing and having rambling thoughts on the situation. I do not blame you at all for your feelings. As for hand-me-downs, no one wants ALL hand-me-downs with their first baby, whether it's the 2nd grandchild or the 10th - you do want some new things for the new baby! Even though I kept all of TJ's clothes in case we had another boy (which we did), I still bought new outfits and toys for Taylor. You deserve nothing less when the time comes that you and your husband decide to start a family. And the decision on when to start is between the two of you, no one else. Trust me - enjoy life together as husband and wife, do things the two of you want to do, go places together, or just enjoy being with one another before you have kids - kids are a life changing addition to the family and you need to enter that phase of your life ready and with no regrets for not having done things as a couple before the baby arrived.
Gosh, I hope this rambling I've done makes some sort of sense!!!!