[Tink]

I'm sorry Betty, I don't mean to make you feel I'm attacking you.
I don't often dwell on this because it's SO in the past... but if it might help you, let me tell you my experience.

I was married at age 18 to a man who was 21. We had a premature baby 6 months later. Before she was even born he began cheating on me. While I was pregnant he threw me around like a ragdoll and told me I was too ugly to be seen in public with, etc. He would go out on dates and come back home to tell me who he'd been with, where they'd gone, whether she put out and how I ranked in bed compared to her. So I really don't think anyone can claim to feel much more betrayed, abused and hurt than I was during that time.

I lived like that for 7 LONG years. I felt like I'd made my choice and was stuck with it.
The day I finally threw him out was the day he turned his anger and abuse on our daughter. He picked her up by her ankle, dangled her in the air with one hand and spanked her while yelling wildy. If ever I've wanted to kill someone, that was the time.

Abuse escalates. First you're being verbally abused, then slapped, then slugged and kicked. It doesn't get better or go away on it's own and it's one heck of a poor environment to raise children in. It really doesn't change anything that you were angry or hurt or that he's bigger or stronger and should be able to protect himself. When you love someone you simply don't treat them that way.

I've been with my current husband for 26 yrs and believe me there have been times we've both been very angry with each other. But neither of us has ever hit or pushed the other. It's simply not acceptable behavior and it's a springboard to much worse. It's as bad for you to be hitting him as it is for him to hit you. The bruises heal... the metal pain is much harder to see and heal.

ANYONE who cannot deal with their anger without turning physically or verbally abusive needs to find help for it. Gender and circumstances really aren't the issue. Lack of self control is.