My Grandma

[Lindsey]

As I mentioned before, my grandma's husband passed away about a month ago. They had been married about 15 years. For the past 5 years, he has been in a home due to his Alzheimer's, and my grandma had to sell their cabin in order to pay for it. His family didn't offer to pay for ANYTHING, and my grandma could count on one hand the number of times they went to visit him in those 5 years.

Scott and I stayed at my grandma's house on Saturday night because we were in town for a Halloween party. We visited with her for about an hour before we left, and she didn't mention anything wrong. But when we woke up on Sunday morning, my uncle had just showed up and we found out that her late husband's family was coming to take away half of their stuff. Anything he owned before they were married, they wanted.

We took my grandma out for breakfast so she wouldn't have to be there when they came, and my uncle stayed back to pack up their truck with things. When my grandma married her husband, they had a garage sale and sold a lot of her things because they had doubles bringing two households together. Nobody thought this would be a problem. But they asked for everything... sets of plates, pots and pans, grandfather clock, every tool in the garage... When he was moving in with her, he was ready to throw out an old table that was in a terrible state and missing legs... My grandma said bring it anyway and we'll see what we can do. They spent weeks and weeks and got this table looking beautiful together and even got legs made to match the old existing ones. Until Sunday, it was my grandma's dining room table, big enough for all the company to sit around and eat and play cards. They took it.

When my grandma sold the cabin (across the alley from our cabin), she gave my dad their old boat that barely ran. My dad fixed it up, got the motor working again, cleaned it completely, and we've been using it for the past 5 years. His family called my dad on Friday to say they're going to the lake next weekend to take the boat. My uncle got a rifle from my grandma when her husband went into a home. My dad and my uncle got him into hunting and took him hunting for the first time and he just loved it! His family has nothing to do with hunting. But they called my uncle and wanted the rifle. He gave my brother another rifle of his for his high school grad, but so far they haven't asked for it, and my family has already said, no way are they getting that. It was a gift.

I am just so angry that they're acting this way! My grandma loved him and took care of him for so long and they're treating her this way! She was obviously upset on Sunday but held it together. She told us that it would have been her 60th wedding anniversary with my grandpa that day, if he were still alive. Happy anniversary, having half your house hauled away I know that my grandpa and her second husband are both looking down on this and they would both be upset she is being treated like this. Her second husband's daughter had the nerve to tell my uncle that when my grandma passes away they'll be back again to split things up! My uncle said "You don't know how wills work, do you?"

My grandma is going on a trip to the states later this month with her sister, and when she returns she is going through the process to change her last name back to our last name, and she will be done with their family forever.

[Janet]

That must be allowed where you live, but it's not here unless there was something in writing. Me......I'd have them charged with theft and haul their stingy a$$es to jail. Greedy people make me ill and to do that to his wife.

[Lindsey]

It's not allowed, he had a will, but my grandma just doesn't want to fight. She just wants to be done with it. They can have what they want and she will move on with her life and be completely out of their lives. They always were like this and didn't have a thing to do with my grandma and their father unless they needed something. I believe in karma, and my grandma is a good person and she doesn't feel this is worth fighting over. It just sucks that they had to act like that in the first place.

[DianaB]

Your poor Grandma!!! They're treating her so awful!! To go in and take stuff while she's still living and using it........that's awful!!! They are very uncaring and greedy.

I have a step-father and he has 5 grown kids and I've wondered how things will go if he should die because my Mom lives in his house......but she's put a lot of money in it and it looks so nice now compared to how it did when she first moved in. Alot of the furniture is my Mom's and she had it before she married him. If the tables were turned and my Mom passed away I would leave things as they are and get what we want later......either when my step-Dad was ready or when he passes. I don't know exactly what we'll get into in the future with this. Do you split things in two?.....or do you divide evenly between all of the kids.....which would be 7 of us? My Mom has worked full time and my step-Dad only works one or two days a week. I don't know.....I guess that we'll see. I need to have a LONG talk with my Mom about this.

[Lindsey]

That's a good idea Diana. Is your mom close to his side of the family too? That would make things easier I think. I think the best thing to do would be to have it all out on the table with EVERYONE involved beforehand. He never got that chance because of his Alzheimers... he didn't even know his kids, or my grandma, anymore. He didn't know what he had. Nobody knew it would come down to this. But his family never wanted anything to do with our family. My dad and his brothers seemed more like sons to him, and spent much more time with him and showed more interest in him than any of his kids did.

My dad went out to the cabin this weekend and pulled the boat out of the garage (He had just completely vacuumed and cleaned it out three weeks ago to store it for winter), and he took the motor apart. He threw in the old gas line and took out everything else he had spent time and money on replacing. They can get it in the same condition my dad got it in. I don't think my grandma's husband ever took his family or grandkids out in that boat, but we went so many times fishing with him when we'd go camping together when I was young, before we had cabins. And now that it's up and running again, my dad uses it in the summer probably 2 or 3 times a week! They have never shown interest in it before. But I guess now they can sell it and make a buck

[gja1000]

Oh Lindsay, I'm so sorry for your Grandma. I do understand that she just wants this over and done with, but it just isn't right, it just isn't. It makes me so sad, how can people be so heartless, I just don't understand.

I hope she can move on with her life and be happy again, it may take some time, but I hope she can. You certainly must be a light in her life! She's lucky to have you and you to have her!

[JJJ]

How sad, people can be so cruel

[judy]

What rock did these people crawl out from under? Wow! Karma will get them, and soon, I hope!

Your grandma wants to let it go, and she is probably right. It's her life and she doesn't need to spend it in the company of such awful people. She can just buy new pots and dishes, if she can afford it. If not, I'm sure your family will find a way to make her comfortable.

It is very important when there are two families involved, to get everything in writing.

My step-sister and I sat down with our parents years ago and asked them to please write a will. It was very difficult to bring this up, but they traveled and flew a lot, and we did not want any arguments over their possessions.

In the end, they each left their children whatever they had come into the marriage with, and split the condo in Florida 1/2 to me, and the other 1/2 to her three kids.
My father had invested his money, unknown to me. She was great at making money in the stock market in those days, and had helped him to grow his income to an unbelievable amount! I had no idea of this, and I went down to Florida to the lawyer with my step-mother. I got his life insurance, some other stuff, and so much money from his investments, I almost fell off the chair! She was so happy for me. We really had a good relationship then!

I went from having nothing to having a nice amount of money all of a sudden!
I got some valuable possessions of his from WWII also. She kept a couple of things, but he was very happy with her, so I have never brought it up. Since she was still living there, she kept everything in the house. I would assume that her children did something with them when she moved to the home she is now living in. I don't really care. I got my half of the condo sale, which allowed me to fix this house up. I don't see or speak to them anymore because of totally different things.

If you don't have these arrangements with your parents, I would say it is a very good idea to ask them to please put it all in writing. There was just no problem when the time came for my family.

I also MUST do a living will for Jessie. I am 63, and it will be a good thing to have done it. I found a "green" cemetery, and finally know where and how I want to be buried. I will prepay it too. It's much less expensive than a regular burial too. It is exactly how I want to be buried, so I feel glad that I have found it. I would recommend doing a Living Will for your children at some point too.

[Lindsey]

Judy, I'm so glad you had that kind of relationship with your step-mother when your father passed! My parents have a will, and they redid them last year. My dad asked me while we were out fishing one day if I would be the executor, since I'm better at that kind of thing than my brother is. I said I would for sure. He said the last ones they had made up still listed my grandma and grandpa to take my brother and I in if anything happened to them... my grandpa passed away 17 years ago!

My grandma had ordered a new clock and dining room table and while my dad was in this week we went to pick them up. Only the stand at the bottom of the dining room table had come in So we went to look at some stores and my grandma said if it didn't come in the next day she would send everything back and just buy a table somewhere else. In her words: "I'm too old to be patient!"

She was also looking for some bowls for the kitchen because all the bowls in her house were from her husband. She had taken all of hers out to the cabin and just left them there when she sold it. She didn't find any that day but I'm sure she will.

The boat is being picked up today or tomorrow, I'm not sure which. So my dad also ordered a new motor for our old boat that doesn't run so we won't be out of a boat for a year. I didn't know a motor would be so expensive But at least we'll have a reliable motor and it has enough power for tubing, wakeboarding, etc.

Life is going to be normal again! This was just a bump in the road.