Sister-in-law

[Janet]

I don't remember if I've mentioned my husbands sister very much here. We don't get along that well, so usually there is not much to talk about. Stephanie has done quite well for herself, I guess. She knew early on what she wanted and would settle for. Growing up, my husbands family owned and operated a Floral Shop. Everyone in town knew them and they were well liked, especially my FIL. He was such a character.

Since most of their lives revolved around the business, getting the bouquets made and delivered, there wasn't much time for anything else. Especially keeping the house cleaned and things fixed. So Steph always wanted more.

She became quite fixated on money and "believes" herself now to be a "perfect" Christian (if there is such a person.) She wouldn't marry unless the guy could provide a certain size karat diamond ring. She got what she wanted. Her husband is a fund raiser for a hospital and she started a business and together they make over 500,000 a year. They have two sons 12 and 14. Because of Steph's actions, most of us finding it disgusting for this "perfect" Christian. It is mostly just for show and she does show it while out in a crowd. She very judgemental, likes to flaunt what they do, where they go, what they can buy and have bought.

This was my in-laws second marriage. They married in '65 and worked hard to blend their families. The first few years were a struggle, but it soon all came together. Stephanie had never accepted Vivian as her mother (Steph was 5 when her mother was killed in a car/train accident.). She was nice to Vivian, but never let her get close. Any way...like I said, she can say some pretty off the wall things and did so at the funeral home. She was up by the casket with her step-sister and when introducing herself, would say "I'm Dick and Marilyn's daughter." It hurt my other sister-in-law very much, because Vivian was a good mother to Stephanie. Even in death, she couldn't accept her. Vivian has been her mother since the age of 5 and she's 48 years old now. She even went so far to say that she knows how Diane feels, because she lost "her" mother too.

My husband was hurt by something Stephanie said also. He loved his step-mother very much. I've mentioned how he visited every Tues. and Friday since she entered the nursing home. When Vivian passed that Thursday morning, my husband called to let Stephanie know (she lives i New Jersey.) She told him it was good that he could be there for Diane and David. My husband wasn't there for them....they were there together for their mother and for some unknown reason, Stephanie can't or won't see this.

I really don't need advice or anything, I just wanted to vent a little bit. I'm always afraid if I bottle things up, I'll explode and this is not the time, so soon after Vivian's passing. There will come a time in the future, that things will probably come up, but now is not the time.

[rivermom]

I guess maybe all of us have a family member that tends to get under our skin. I know I sure do.

This is why many of us are here at this forum Janet ~ so we can vent. Glad you feel free to do so. I sure know when my "venting time" comes around I'll be logging on and typing away.

I am the same way ~ If I don't get certain things out that bother me I might explode!

[Gina]

Originally Posted by rivermom

I guess maybe all of us have a family member that tends to get under our skin. I know I sure do.

This is why many of us are here at this forum Janet ~ so we can vent. Glad you feel free to do so. I sure know when my "venting time" comes around I'll be logging on and typing away.

I am the same way ~ If I don't get certain things out that bother me I might explode!

You can count me in to... I have some beauties lol

[DianaB]

Some people are so insensitive and your SIL certainly fits into the catagory. You would think that she would have some feelings about the woman who raised her since she was 5 but it doesn't sound like it. I'm sure that your MIL tried her best to be a good mother to Stephanie but it sounds like none of it was ever appreciated.

I'm glad that you came here to vent. You know that we're here for you anytime.

[Tink]

Most often when people are that insensitive, it's a result of something that's damaged them at an earlier time. Maybe she never learned to accept the loss of her own mother and felt disloyal about allowing herself to bond to another one? It's hard to say what motivates people, but now that Vivian is gone, it seems there's not much to be gained by opening that can of worms. The chance for her to show her appreciation has passed with this woman who sounds like she was a very dear lady.

[khardy57]

Originally Posted by Tink

Most often when people are that insensitive, it's a result of something that's damaged them at an earlier time. Maybe she never learned to accept the loss of her own mother and felt disloyal about allowing herself to bond to another one? It's hard to say what motivates people, but now that Vivian is gone, it seems there's not much to be gained by opening that can of worms. The chance for her to show her appreciation has passed with this woman who sounds like she was a very dear lady.

Very well said!

[Tink]

Janet, I hope my previous post didn't sound harsh or as if I don't believe you all have just cause to be offended. I didn't mean that at all. I have family who I would also love to shake some sense into! I would gladly do it if I thought it would do any good. But often all it does is widen the gap, and that's really not helping anyone.

HUGS
I sincerely hope I didn't offend you. I realize your intent was to vent... and you're certainly entitled to do so. It's sad that your SIL couldn't feel part of the family like the others did. It sounds like she's the one who really missed out.

[Janet]

Most often when people are that insensitive, it's a result of something that's damaged them at an earlier time. Maybe she never learned to accept the loss of her own mother and felt disloyal about allowing herself to bond to another one? It's hard to say what motivates people, but now that Vivian is gone, it seems there's not much to be gained by opening that can of worms. The chance for her to show her appreciation has passed with this woman who sounds like she was a very dear lady.

Janet, I hope my previous post didn't sound harsh or as if I don't believe you all have just cause to be offended. I didn't mean that at all. I have family who I would also love to shake some sense into! I would gladly do it if I thought it would do any good. But often all it does is widen the gap, and that's really not helping anyone.

HUGS
I sincerely hope I didn't offend you. I realize your intent was to vent... and you're certainly entitled to do so. It's sad that your SIL couldn't feel part of the family like the others did. It sounds like she's the one who really missed out.

No Tink, bless your heart...you didn't offend me at all. You're right!!! When Stephanie was 5 and her mother passed, her Dad started dating Vivian. She started to call her Mommy and her maternal grandmother told her not to. So I think that was the beginning of when Stephanie thought she wasn't suppose to accept her. BUT....as she grew up, she could make her own choices. Vivian was a good mother to all three of Dick's kids, Stephanie was the only one who kept her distance. It's strange, because I would have thought it would have been my husband or his older brother since the knew their mother much better than Stephanie did. All I can say is, it is her loss, she should have followed her older brothers example.