What can I do? Advice please!!!

[Lissa]

This is my boyfriend:

FirefighterGarrett-SeniorYear052.jpg

I've posted pictures of him before, and I tend to talk about him a lot (I can't help it, I love him), but there's this thing. How old do you think he is? Here's another picture:

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Most people put him in the 25-30 range, some even higher. But how old do you think he is? Would you believe me if I told you he's only nineteen? He says that it doesn't bother him, but I know it does, especially when people obviously older than him call him "Sir" and when people mistake him for his dad or his dad's brother. He's been dealing with this long before he met me, he was asked if he was registered to vote when he was 13 and one of his little sister's friends asked if he was her dad, but I know it still bothers him.

Thought it does make for some interesting conversations. Recently we were in Mississippi with a college group from our church, and the preacher at the congregation we were helping, seeing as he looks so old and I'm with him, asked when we got married. Just about everyone froze. It was kinda funny, but pretty awkward. And when I helped with a fund raiser for the fire department he works at everyone thought I was his wife, again cause he looks old enough that they all assumed he was married.

And it really doesn't help that premature baldness runs in his family and he got the gene too.

When he tells me a new story about people mistaking his age I tell him that it doesn't bother me and that I love him. But is there anything else I could do to make him less worried? I feel so helpless since that's all it seems that I can do.

[toodles]

i say that it doesn't matter how old he "looks" to everyone else....if you love him, that is all that should matter to him. because in the end, it is your faith and love for each other that gets you through hard times in life. sounds like you really care about him...just keep reassuring him that you care so much about him and that you think he is "perfect".

good luck

[AngieDoogles]

I think the uniform and his experience (didn't you say he's been with the fire dept. for a long time?) probably makes people assume he is older and in that case, I would take it as a compliment. He is respected. Sounds like you have a great guy and I hope that he doesn't let this get him down.

[Lissa]

He's been with the fire dept for 3 yrs, but he knows a lot more than many of his peers about it all because his dad became a firefighter just after he was born and is a Shift Commander in Austin, TX, which basically means he's in charge of AFD every three days...

I don't think it would bother him all that much if it didn't happen so often, but just tonight in his Fire Science class he said he got in the fire dept when he was 16 and they were like, Oh so you've been doing this for about 10 years already? It's like every other day he's got a new story about people being shocked that he's a lot younger than he looks.

I don't have a problem with it, it actually makes me feel better cause I'm actually older than him and for some reason I'm a tad self conscious about that. But it happens so often and when people think he's so much older than he is, it's like he's afraid people will think he's in his 40s when he hits 25, and it bothers him, and I wish I could do more than just say I love him and that even though so many other people think it I don't think he looks that old.

[Marilyn]

Melissa, I don't think he looks that old. People are so superficial when they look at someone. He has a receding hairline and his beard is darker and heavier than most people his age. Those are the features that give people the perception that he is older than he is. If you really look at him, he looks his age. When he smiles his boyish smile, he looks very young, and his skin looks young.

I don't think he'll look 40 when he's 26 or something. He'll probably catch up with his perceved age and move on from there.

It's a shame that this is happening to him and that is bothers him so much. He's such a sweet young man. Hope you can help encourage him.

[Forgivenmom5]

People can be so cruel without even meaning to. Since I had my youngest daughter so late in life i have been mistaken for her grandmother a couple of times. My main concern was whether it bothered her. This may be a lot of your boyfriends concerns. I know you have let him know how you feel but just keep making sure he knows that. Sounds like he is a special young man and that is what matters.