I think it's over.

[Lindsey]

I don't know where to start. Last weekend I went home to visit my parents for the first time in months. I was on the computer, showing them on Google Earth all the places I want to travel, the places I am travelling (Mexico and NYC next year) and I decided I'm really really sick of where I live and it was always my dream to move places and travel around. It still is my dream. I decided I'm going to do it. I'm staying here for another year, and then I'm gone.
I got back here on Sunday night and called Kyle. He was in a bad mood and didn't want to see me. I felt like it was all my fault and I begged for him to come over. Finally, he did. I answered the door holding my dog, and he didn't even say hello, just walked right past me and up the stairs. Later he said he didn't want to hug me when I was holding "that" I told him I've decided to follow my dreams and go places, and he freaked out and asked what's the point of even dating then, because I know he won't ever leave his friends and family here.
We haven't seen each other all week, and we've barely talked. We just fight when we do. He says "Go then, be with your dog and meet some random guy and get married" And I'm SO sick of him not putting up with my dog. Last night I said "We're a package, if you want me, you need to want her"
This morning I emailed him and asked if we're still on for supper tomorrow night. He said "I don't think so, they won't let your dog into Red Lobster." and I ignored it. My roommate was getting on my nerves later and I asked him if we could go out tonight, and he said "I'm busy, go take your dog out somewhere" so I snapped and said "If you have anything else to say, keep it to yourself because I'm done."
We haven't spoken since.
I cried a little at work. I cried all the way home in my car. I've been sitting in my room now for 3 hours crying.
I'm sick of relationships. I'm sick of having nowhere to turn. I'm sick of my roommate being home and knowing what's going on and not even caring enough to knock on my door to see if I'm doing okay. I wish I could move tomorrow.

[Tink]

{{{Lindsey}}}
I'm sorry you're so unhappy. You're right though... if he can't accept your pet, he's not the guy for you. If a dog bothers him so badly can you imagine how he'd react if something really big got in the way? You deserve better... and it will come along when you least expect it.

[Lindsey]

I know inside that this relationship isn't going to last forever. I just always want to hold out for a little longer. But it's not fair to Layla to be scared of him, and it's not fair to me to feel controlled. I miss making decisions on my own without thinking about how he's going to react. I've had the chance to travel since I was 15 and had all my papers and medical stuff filled out to become an exchange student. My boyfriend didn't want me to go, so I didn't. I went to the university in the city where my boyfriend lived. I moved back here for a boyfriend, when I planned on moving to Arizona after graduating college in December. I'm 23 years old and I have so many regrets about not seeing the world yet. I'm not going to stay here just for another guy. I'm not married and I don't have children, this is MY TIME. I know I have to do what I want to do. Today he said "You would rather be with your dog than me" and yeah, I would.

[rivermom]

What's stopping you then? Go for it girl, just you and Layla. You said yourself this is your time. You are not married, you have no children, and most of all you said this has always been a dream of yours and were going to do it in a year.

It doesn't work when we depend on others for our happiness. As they say if we do that then we allow ourselves to depend on others for our unhappiness too.

This is your life. Only you know what's best for you.

[Lindsey]

I miss him.

[Tink]

Lindsey, you miss what you HOPED he meant to you... not who/what he really is.
You wouldn't miss the criticism or the jealousy of your dog. You wouldn't miss the moodiness and negativity he brought with him. Sometimes we miss the dreams when they fade... but you can't live with a dream when he keeps slapping you awake with negativity.

Go where you want to go and when the time is right someone will find you there... or will follow you there... it's someone who shares YOUR dreams that will make you happiest anyway.