Marriage Counseling?

How many of yall went to a marriage counselor before you married your hubby? I think its a great idea and have even heard of some churches not marrying couples unless they went to one. Did it help?? Do you wish you would have gone to one if you didnt? DO SHARE!

[Janet]

I wish we would have had it offered, but we didn't. We really didn't discuss money and things really important and we should have!!!!!

[RLC12345678]

Yes! My hubby and I went to pre-marital counseling before we were married. Our church would not marry us unless we did. I am SO glad that we did it! It was actually fun for both of us! We actually looked forward to going. At the very first session, we each took a separate personality test that asked us questions about how we grew up, how we would handle certain situations, etc. etc. The test was sent off and our preacher received a report back and our counseling sessions were based on that report. There were certain areas that we were VERY campatible in, and other areas that we were not so compatible in and those areas were the ones that our counseling sessions were based on. We talked about money, careers, children, conflict resolution, our expectations, our fears, everything! It was a very rewarding experience. I wouldn't mind going back and doing something like that again after we've been married for several years.

Oh yeah, after all of our conseling sessions were over, our preacher looked at my hubby and me and told us that we were "suspiciously well-suited for each other and if anyone can make a marriage work, it would be us." I thought that was a great compliment.

[Taurus Babe]

Awww! That's great! I think it's a great thing to go through before you marry. I
m not married but I think I'll do it before I get married.

[Necee419]

My husband and I plan to marry through the church next year and we are required to attend what are called "pre-cana" classes. We are Catholic and it is mandatory for us to attend these before we can validate our civil marriage through the church. I have heard from other couples that they are rather fun and very informative. Even though we are already married, I still think we will benefit from them. Our church also offers couples retreats and I hear they are very positive experiences for couples. We are scheduled to attend these classes in November and I will be sure to post on here to let you all know how they went.

[RLC12345678]

Originally Posted by Necee419

My husband and I plan to marry through the church next year and we are required to attend what are called "pre-cana" classes. We are Catholic and it is mandatory for us to attend these before we can validate our civil marriage through the church. I have heard from other couples that they are rather fun and very informative. Even though we are already married, I still think we will benefit from them. Our church also offers couples retreats and I hear they are very positive experiences for couples. We are scheduled to attend these classes in November and I will be sure to post on here to let you all know how they went.

We have friends that are Catholic and went on the couples retreat and said it was definately a positive experience.

[BabyNicole]

Originally Posted by Gutu28

How many of yall went to a marriage counselor before you married your hubby? I think its a great idea and have even heard of some churches not marrying couples unless they went to one. Did it help?? Do you wish you would have gone to one if you didnt? DO SHARE!

Well, I know in the Catholic church they have Pre-Cana...which is sorta like counseling/getting to know your spouse better before you marry him/her. But, now, this is my own opinion, but if you need to seek professional counseling before you are married, why is someone getting married in the first place if there are already big problems? You know what I mean?

[Ponyup]

Originally Posted by BabyNicole

Well, I know in the Catholic church they have Pre-Cana...which is sorta like counseling/getting to know your spouse better before you marry him/her. But, now, this is my own opinion, but if you need to seek professional counseling before you are married, why is someone getting married in the first place if there are already big problems? You know what I mean?

That's not really true. All marriages have problems. There are big issue items that you may or may not have discussed before hand because for most people they do not come up in casual conversation;such as, kids, finances, moves, in-laws, I don't know what else, but you get my point. There are a lot of touchy issues that you may or may not deal with without help. Just because you have met & are marring "the one" doesn't mean that their aren't going to be some disagreements & problems. I think you maybe misunderstand what pre-marriage counseling is, you don't go because you have problems, you go to try & pinpiont what your problem areas might be & how to deal with them.

[BabyNicole]

Originally Posted by Ponyup

That's not really true. All marriages have problems. There are big issue items that you may or may not have discussed before hand because for most people they do not come up in casual conversation;such as, kids, finances, moves, in-laws, I don't know what else, but you get my point. There are a lot of touchy issues that you may or may not deal with without help. Just because you have met & are marring "the one" doesn't mean that their aren't going to be some disagreements & problems. I think you maybe misunderstand what pre-marriage counseling is, you don't go because you have problems, you go to try & pinpiont what your problem areas might be & how to deal with them.

It doesn't have to be "true" or "false." It is my opinion. If people haven't discussed those "big" issues before they were married, they may not have been together for long enough to get to those conversations. People jump into marriage now adays, that's why things don't work out. People don't take time for courting anymore. These items should be discussed before hand, and not in casual conversation. In a "come to Jesus" meeting. People nowadays meet, fall in "lust", move in together, have sex, and get married...all before really getting to know each other. How do I know? Been there, done that, and I had those conversatoins first!!! I almost got married too fast too...now I'm glad I didn't. I've realized that there are many things to discuss before you get married. And maybe a counselor can help, but for what? If you're marrying this person you should agree on most things, and if not be able to work them out yourselves. That's what marriage is, compromising. If you need an outside opinion on how to compromise with each other because you want 4 kids and he wants 1, there's gonna be a big problem. If I had to go to a counselor before getting married, I wouldn't marry the man!!! Now, if you're married 10, 20 years and you've both "changed," maybe there could be things to work out. But going beforehand is not something I can see myself doing.

Now, don't think that I'm against counseling, cuz I've been to one before (by myself). It's just, I don't believe a marriage should start out with counseling before the wedding even begins. JMHO.

[Janet]

Okay since we are giving opinions, this is just mine, so please take it for what it is worth...

As in a lot of relationships one may be a little timid to bring up such topics. I know I was. Pre-marital counceling IMO should be mandatory. If it was, then maybe those who would normally "jump" into marriage would think twice, not always I'm sure, but some.

Whether the counceling is done with your Clergyman, Phsycologist, or Marriage councelor I think, IMO, it would help bring out the issues there might be problems with in the future and give tools to help conquer those issues.

Quite a few years ago, I went to talk with a Phsycologist. I was afraid, for some reason to tell my husband. He and I were talking about some of the couples we knew who were seeing "shrinks" and he told me...."man, everyone is going crazy", well I told the shrink what he said and she told me "it's the crazy ones who don't come for help."

I whole heartedly support counceling, because even those couples who are so "in love", are not going to see eye to eye on everything.

There...that's just my opinion..

The reason I like pre-marital counseling is because they help you find ways to keep a marriage working. Now..I am not married, but I am in a serious relationship and I do think it's important for me to know of different ways of communication, compromise, encouragement, etc. I don't think they're telling you how to be married, but they bring out things in each person that you might now have thought about before.

I dont know if anyone has ever read/heard of the book "The 5 love languages" but it bring out points about people that I would have never thought of. It states that everyone has and responds to a certain "love language" whether it be verbal, or performing acitons, etc. Maybe yall should just google it cause I dont think Im explaining it very well.. haha

Anyways, now Im rambling..

[Passionfruition]

Originally Posted by Gutu28

How many of yall went to a marriage counselor before you married your hubby? I think its a great idea and have even heard of some churches not marrying couples unless they went to one. Did it help?? Do you wish you would have gone to one if you didnt? DO SHARE!

We went to a little bit of premarital counseling, yes, and it was really fun. It sparked some fun conversations and boosted our confidence that we were making the right decision! We also like going to marriage conferences once a year or so! This year we went to one where the speaker was Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages! (He is such a great speaker!)

[AngieDoogles]

My hubby and I went to pre-marital counseling because it saved us quite a bit of money on our marriage license. We've been married for three years now. We didn't find it helpful at all, but the "counselor" wasn't that great. It was really boring and all of the questions we were asked, we had already discussed in great detail with each other in private. What helped us more than the counseling was the fact that we knew each other very well. We went through "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman together and discussed what made us feel most loved and what would be the best way to show our love to each other. Of course, we had also discussed all of the "big" questions that are imperative to know before marriage. I think those early conversations have really guided our marriage a lot during the the past three years. Because of the understanding we had with each other about what we wanted from our marriage and what to do to make each other feel loved and how we would handle disagreements, I feel that we have a very happy and healthy marriage that continues to get better and better.

That's just my experience with it. I'm sure pre-marital counseling is very beneficial to some, or even most, couples, but it's important to have the right counselor. That probably would've made a huge difference in our experience.

[Janet]

I started dating my husband when he was 19 and I was 16. We married 3 years later...a little young for me, I think. We didn't really discuss things like finances. I didn't realize my soon to be husband was such a money freak. My Mom handled the finances and I just assumed it was the wife's responsibility.

I can remember when I worked in a store after we were married, I would put a $10.00 purse in lay-away. He only gave me so much money a week and that was it. All of this should have been discussed, but we didn't for some reason. I don't know why, maybe because we were so young.

We separated for a few months and when I came back, I came back older and wiser and now I handle all the finances, but unlike he did, I keep him informed very clearly what is coming due and what is in our checking and savings.

He is still a money freak and will put money back so he can have his own little stash. Don't know where it comes from, but as long as I can pay the bills and have money in the bank, I guess it's okay.

There are so many things we didn't discuss before marrying and I really think, if we had, we wouldn't have married....or at least we would have waited much longer. Who knows what would have happened. I just always encourage those getting married to get pre-marital counceling or at least make sure they talk about everything.

My niece is getting married and won't do counceling. She is very VERY heavy and I think she is afraid things will come out and he will leave..(knowing what I know about her, I would) and she wouldn't be able to find someone else. I know, after many times together with them...this marriage will not last.

[Chandra Amaya]

We did attend martial counseling. It was by a wonderful man who was going to perform our big ceremony for us. We became very close to him. He felt like a grandfather & guiding light to us both. He said that he felt very close to us as well because his son had been murdered just before meeting us. He had lost touch with his spirituality and we gave him a reason to find it again. This is one reason we have trouble bringing ourselves to have our big ceremony. We lost Dillard in August of 04. He was a wonderful man who held on to life long enough to get his son's autospy report & give him a proper burial. 3 weeks after doing so Dilly passed away. He had a shop in a city near us. When you walk into it you can still feel his presence. We still keep in touch with his wife who is a wonderful lady. She sent our daughter a ring when she was born & said it was a gift from her & Dilly. We haven't made it out to see her in a couple of months. I'm glad I saw this thread. I am now making plans to go for a visit next week.