Not good!

[judy]

I have been in the house since last Tuesday, so I may be having a case of cabin fever, but I am just unhappy about several things right now. It is definitely time for some changes.

I have been calling my dentist for 2 months now, and still do not have an appointment to go down to the city to see him. I need new implants on the bottom left, and they need about 4 months to heal before they can measure and make up the permanent teeth. I have been wearing the same provisional bridge as my front uppers for about 2 years now. It's a good thing I went online and bought dental cement, because they come loose and I have to reglue them every couple of weeks since the summer. I spoke to my dentist about 2 weeks ago, and he is going to make an appointment. I am still waiting! I left him a nasty message today on his cell phone, which ALWAYS goes to voicemail. I told him that this is ridiculous, that I have been calling for 2 months and that I must have this surgery done. I will call NYU again until I leave him the same message or get him on the phone. They also go to voicemail unless I get them at 10 AM.

I keep trying to get in touch with my mechanic since Friday. I left a message and I spoke to the boss, who is going to call me back. (when????) I need a car! I also want to speak to him about finding me another car. Let's go already! Call me back!!!!

I have been in the house since last Tuesday, and Jessie has not made it over here yet! I am out of bread, toilet paper (still have paper towels!), and need to get my mail. I have not said anything to be honest, so it's not like she knows I need her. I am concerned about her blood pressure and she is going for a sonogram for the uterine fibroids they found. She said she is coming over afterwards to take me to go get a car rental. I guess I should not be annoyed with her, but I am! She wanted me to move up here, and although she is trying to take it easy because she is worried abiut her blood pressure, whenever her husband wants her to go on any of his stupid errands, she manages to go! She could have just offered to come visit at least.

I do not feel well, although I can't imagine how I caught a stomach thing, since I haven't even been out! I also have been getting weird "buzzing" in my neck, head and arms. I have pinched nerves in my neck, and it has gotten pretty bad over the past couple of weeks. I go to a chiropractor once a month, but I really have to take control of this and decide whether or not to seek another type of treatment.

I have mentioned before that depression runs in my family, and I have gone on and off of antidepressants throughout my adult life. When Jessie got sick, about 5 years ago, I went back on antidepressants, and have been taking two different ones for the past 3 years or so. After all these years, I have learned that antidepressants can be tricky. They certainly help me, and I am not depressed, but they also cut me off from some of my feelings. I have been realizing lately that I am not happy with certain things, and need to just be unhappy or whatever about these things so that I can deal with them. For example, I have not yet made any good friends up here, and I would like to. Even though Jessie and I are very close, she cannot fill that role. She is a young woman with 3 children, a husband, and not at all in the same place I am in, so to expect her to fill that gap is not realistic. I do share so much with her, but I need my own friends. I also need to figure out whether or not I really want a man iin my life, so I know where I am headed. I am a firm believer in the philosophy that you get back what you put out there, and if I do want somebody to share my life with, I need to be sure so that I am putting out the right energy. I also have done no volunteer work, nor have bothered to give to others, and I am not happy with that. After being a teacher for so long, I am used to giving to others, and I know that is so important for everyone to do.
I have been cutting down on one of the antidepressants, and am reacting to that. I have cried more times this past week than in the past year! This is fine, since I think "you have to feel it to heal it," and some of it is probably a reaction to cutting back on the medication. I am going to make an appointment with a counselor nearby because I do want somebody to talk these things through with. Of course I need a car to get there!

I think that about covers it! The fact that I can write all of these things down and know that I have you to share them with is so good! I feel better already!

[paula1961]

Judy I am so sorry that you have so much going on right now. Hopefully you'll have a car before the day is over. You would probably feel much better if you could get out of the house for a while. You've been inside since Tuesday? You probably do have cabin fever!

Hopefully Jessie will come over and get you to where you need to go today.
Hopefully your dentist and mechanic will call you! That is aggravating when people don't return your calls.

I'm glad you feel some better. Hope you have a good day!~Hugs to you~

[Janet]

Judy...I don't want you to cry...but it is sort of theraputic. I just wish I was there to cry with you. Not having a car can be so depressing in itself. I don't mind staying home, but to be STUCK at home totally sucks!!

I also find it so upsetting to not have my calls returned. Do they want your business or not! I think it's terribly rude!

I kind of feel like a Jessie right now. I know you are always there for people, but maybe it's because she knows how independent you are. I'm finding it hard to make phone calls and to be 'of service' to others because I'm so busy with my Mom. Maybe she just feels extra busy because of marriage, kids, health and dogs. I don't know the answer to that one. Could be just so many things. She loves you and you know she is glad to have you close. Sometimes...life just gets in the way.

I take Prozac and at times Xanax...so I know a bit about depression. It does help me some to find some sun coming through a window (since it's so cold out) and just sit there and soak it up. I know once you get your car it will help...to get outside.

I do hope once it warms up you will be able to find some new friends. I know you've put yourself out there joining a few things...maybe check out some more and even church. Let others know you are looking for friendship. You know you have us...anytime. Know that I value our friendship and I love you lots!!

[judy]

I love you Janet!!!

[judy]

I am getting my car on Wednesday!!!! Hurray!!!!

[gja1000]

Judy, I know that you know that writing is terribly therapeutic - so you've taken the first step by writing it all down.

I know you are feeling more out of sorts due to being "trapped" in the house all week, not even being able to enjoy getting out of doors or to the pool. When I am trapped at home, I just want to climb the walls, I don't do well at home all the time AT ALL!

Janet's suggestion of sitting in the sunlight is so spot on! I do think that Jessie should have known that you needed her - but maybe she just didn't "think". On the other hand, when you plan to be without a car is one thing, but to be without a car unexpectedly - surely you need some things and you would think she would know this!

I can see that you know that volunteering or getting involved with people/groups that need you or the things you know or can do, is the best way to meet people and make friends. It is hard to make friends as we get older - it really takes time and energy to make a new friend and as we get older we just are less inclined to put forth the effort to make a friend. It's one reason older people don't have very many friends, they don't make new ones and the old ones die or move away. My mom has lived with me for 8 years and she doesn't have one single friend down here. She goes to church and has people she "knows" there, but doesn't have a "friend".

It's hard, and lots has been happening lately - not to mention all the adrenaline that flowed through your body during and after the accident! You'll be OK, you know you'll be OK, and you know we love you! Wish we were closer and could sit around that fireplace and visit!

[judy]

Originally Posted by gja1000

Judy, I know that you know that writing is terribly therapeutic - so you've taken the first step by writing it all down.

I know you are feeling more out of sorts due to being "trapped" in the house all week, not even being able to enjoy getting out of doors or to the pool. When I am trapped at home, I just want to climb the walls, I don't do well at home all the time AT ALL!

Janet's suggestion of sitting in the sunlight is so spot on! I do think that Jessie should have known that you needed her - but maybe she just didn't "think". On the other hand, when you plan to be without a car is one thing, but to be without a car unexpectedly - surely you need some things and you would think she would know this!

I can see that you know that volunteering or getting involved with people/groups that need you or the things you know or can do, is the best way to meet people and make friends. It is hard to make friends as we get older - it really takes time and energy to make a new friend and as we get older we just are less inclined to put forth the effort to make a friend. It's one reason older people don't have very many friends, they don't make new ones and the old ones die or move away. My mom has lived with me for 8 years and she doesn't have one single friend down here. She goes to church and has people she "knows" there, but doesn't have a "friend".

It's hard, and lots has been happening lately - not to mention all the adrenaline that flowed through your body during and after the accident! You'll be OK, you know you'll be OK, and you know we love you! Wish we were closer and could sit around that fireplace and visit!

I sure wish we could sit around that fireplace too, and you all just reminded me that I do have friends. I have you all, which is amazing! To be able to sit down and type all of that out, feeling safe, and knowing that it will be taken seriously, and with respect, is really something! I also have a good friend from NYC who I share all of these things with, a cousin I can talk to, an Aunt I don't share my troubles with anymore, but who I love so much, and a few others who are close to me in different ways. I do need some people up here too. I understand about your Mom, Gayle. It really is more energy than I am used to spending!
That's one reason I cut back on the antidepressants. Necessity is the mother of invention (or energy).

As for Jessie, even though she is busy like you said, Janet, she could have sent Steve over here with some provisions! But, I do not want to get stuck in that loop. I cannot count on her for certain things, nor on him, and that's just the way it always was. I love her, I love him, and I sure love those children!!!

At least I will have my car on Wednesday. Yahoo!!!! And then, all of these things will fall into place, and then new things will come up.